fbi suspects i've been radicalized

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canyoneer: I only have canyoneyes for you

i just got back from a three week trip to a watch list country

customs officer was suspicious of me. handed me a skateboard and took me to a halfpipe for additional screening

# ? Jul 2, 2019 01:28

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# ? Apr 30, 2024 07:33

canyoneer: I only have canyoneyes for you

fbi agent on a stakeout watches me through binoculars stroll by the toaster on the way out of the house, smoothly grabbing the finished toast out of the air

"this is definitely our guy"

# ? Jul 2, 2019 01:29

canyoneer: I only have canyoneyes for you

subject was observed sneaking in late to work at 8:15.
when confronted by supervisor STANLEY JOHNSON, subject called him "stan, stan the man" and strolled by while making "air-drumming" motions with his fingers

# ? Jul 2, 2019 01:29

alnilam

so many young people trapped in totally uncool circumstances being lured in by the siren song of sick kickflips and gnarly endos... i feel bad for them really, it's a structural problem

# ? Jul 2, 2019 01:35

Slush Garbo: FALSE SLACK
is
BETTER
than
NO SLACK

under interrogation I eventually admit that I do own rolleeblades, and can do some jumps and stuff on them

the fbi starts laughing and let's me go

# ? Jul 2, 2019 02:15

FutonForensic

"i'm tellin you man, i dunno nuthin about no special shoes. these here are just regular sneakers"

The agent chuckles to himself. "Very well, you've been very cooperative; you're free to go. Oh--but one last question: do the words Chaos Control mean anything to you?"

suddenly my eyes roll back in my head, and I convulse violently. just as suddenly i return to perfect form as my sleeper training activates, and I calmly respond, "Why yes Agent Martinez. And for the record, these aren't 'just regular sneakers'--these are Soap shoes, a brand of shoes designed specifically for rail grinding that I purchased after playing the game Sonic Adventure 2: Battle"

# ? Jul 2, 2019 03:49

google THIS

Playing with my Donatello ninja turtle action figure for a while, then putting tape over my laptop camera and getting out my Michelangelo action figure.

# ? Jul 2, 2019 04:07

super sweet best pal

Wearing socks and sandals to throw them off.

# ? Jul 2, 2019 05:05

canyoneer: I only have canyoneyes for you

i swear, that button means "radians"
i don't know why i can remember that, but i don't even remember how to use a ti-83+

# ? Jul 2, 2019 06:24

Android Blues

canyoneer posted:

subject was observed sneaking in late to work at 8:15.
when confronted by supervisor STANLEY JOHNSON, subject called him "stan, stan the man" and strolled by while making "air-drumming" motions with his fingers

FutonForensic posted:

"i'm tellin you man, i dunno nuthin about no special shoes. these here are just regular sneakers"

The agent chuckles to himself. "Very well, you've been very cooperative; you're free to go. Oh--but one last question: do the words Chaos Control mean anything to you?"

suddenly my eyes roll back in my head, and I convulse violently. just as suddenly i return to perfect form as my sleeper training activates, and I calmly respond, "Why yes Agent Martinez. And for the record, these aren't 'just regular sneakers'--these are Soap shoes, a brand of shoes designed specifically for rail grinding that I purchased after playing the game Sonic Adventure 2: Battle"

# ? Jul 2, 2019 07:53

super sweet best pal

Boring documentaries on the TV to fool FBI listening van outside while I watch skate videos through a VPN.

# ? Jul 2, 2019 07:57

Mummy Napkin

running from the feds on my freestyle bmx.
paranoid that every can of Monster energy that keeps me going has been drugged
can't stop. gotta keep going.
why did i rig the x-games in the first place?

# ? Jul 2, 2019 13:48

alnilam

*fbi agent surveilling me thru binocs* initials are O. H... subject is eating an Oh Henry bar... freauently responds to surprise by saying "oh"... highly suspected member of the radical organization HYDROXYL

# ? Jul 2, 2019 13:52

alnilam

They bring me in for questioning and i respond to every question in the Negative. "You're free to go, sorry for the confusion sir."

# ? Jul 2, 2019 13:54

alnilam

You can receive jokes like these to your e mail inbox every day by writing to JustChemJokes@humor.net

# ? Jul 2, 2019 13:55

canyoneer: I only have canyoneyes for you

Mummy Napkin posted:

running from the feds on my freestyle bmx.
paranoid that every can of Monster energy that keeps me going has been drugged
can't stop. gotta keep going.
why did i rig the x-games in the first place?

drinking a monster tallboy out of a paper bag while in public to divert suspicion

# ? Jul 2, 2019 17:30

PHIZ KALIFA: #mood

alnilam posted:

*fbi agent surveilling me thru binocs* initials are O. H... subject is eating an Oh Henry bar... freauently responds to surprise by saying "oh"... highly suspected member of the radical organization HYDROXYL

disguising yourself as water by hiding out with a pessimistic hydrogen atom.

crimes

# ? Jul 2, 2019 19:14

PHIZ KALIFA: #mood

fbi leaving a trail of pizza rolls from my front door to a cage propped up via convenient stick.

crimes

# ? Jul 2, 2019 19:14

PHIZ KALIFA: #mood

sitting in Boring People Church secretly doing sick Tech Deck tricks with a board i fashioned out of stolen Host

crimes

# ? Jul 2, 2019 19:15

PHIZ KALIFA: #mood

"he's real if you believe in him" i whisper to my newly converted confidants, handing him a xeroxed copy of the Dr. McNinja page which first introduces King Radical

crimes

# ? Jul 2, 2019 19:16

The Klowner: by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

https://twitter.com/dril/status/344941923351527424?s=09

# ? Jul 4, 2019 16:15

Nosfereefer: IF YOU FIND THIS POSTER OUTSIDE BYOB, PLEASE RETURN THEM. WE ARE VERY WORRIED AND WE MISS THEM

growing up as a radical kid in the 90's was a harrowing experience

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

# ? Jul 4, 2019 21:31

Nosfereefer: IF YOU FIND THIS POSTER OUTSIDE BYOB, PLEASE RETURN THEM. WE ARE VERY WORRIED AND WE MISS THEM

that was before they declared "skating is not a crime"

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

# ? Jul 4, 2019 21:32

google THIS

"Religion of 'Peace out homie'" my rear end.

# ? Jul 4, 2019 21:45

Thekittymancer

I'm on the run from the FBI they saw me cracking open a cold monster it's a class A gnarlycotic

# ? Jul 12, 2019 22:46

Lil Swamp Booger Baby

Thekittymancer posted:

I'm on the run from the FBI they saw me cracking open a cold monster it's a class A gnarlycotic

I can't imagine what would have happened if it had been BAWLS energy drink you are a lucky ducky.

# ? Jul 13, 2019 00:29

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# ? Apr 30, 2024 07:33

Space Taxi

Geoffrey Phillips, accountant, age 51 with a wife and three kids, reads a cryptic ad in the classifieds selling a maroon-and-teal-striped BMX bike with freestyle pedals. He whips out a skate board hidden behind a false wall in his living room, and pulls off some sick moves as he skates down the street.

The radical sleeper agent has been activated.

# ? Jul 13, 2019 02:46

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