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I'm looking for feedback on the latest book I've written. I've taken on board a lot of the advice previously given and tried to rein in the wildly self-indulgent rambling (no effort writing) I went with on my previous story. I've still approached this story with ambition. It's about a difficult subject — mental health — that in its form does alter thought patterns. I've tried to give meaning to every sentence, with anything that hints at my previous issues being meaningfully pointed at the effects of the illness on thought.A Blurb posted:It’s been three weeks since Natalie wandered in league with the city, conquering her own fears and thoughts, righting all the wrongs inflicted on her and the world. It’s two weeks since she began attending the psychiatric day hospital after her latest psychotic episode. ‘Book' tracks Natalie’s life, starting with “in the home care” and daily trips to the hospital, progressing over the weeks, months and years recovering from a frightening bout of illness. https://docs.google.com/document/d/16jvC-DlaGeVnJ9WMc_DTHgL-5HCQs8dI0lB4Oyxsk7s/edit?usp=sharing The novel is about 50k words, so a relatively short read, but a length I feel is appropriate to the type of story told. This is a first draft, that I tried some larger editing on along the way, both off my own inspection and after critique on specific parts from others. Feedback is greatly appreciated. Mrenda fucked around with this message at 06:22 on Jun 19, 2020 |
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Jul 28, 2019 01:47
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| # ? Apr 28, 2024 19:59 |
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Will read later in the week, when I am less occupied. I just want to say for now that you're a cool person for posting this.
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Jul 28, 2019 22:42
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You're my only hope Sham bam bamina! With the lack of response I am, however, hoping I've transcended, "Terrible," and reached, "Mediocre, with some appeal to a small niche."
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Aug 2, 2019 20:38
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I saw this thread and hope to read it! I'll try to carve out some time this weekend.
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Aug 3, 2019 10:07
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Feedback threads are a bit of a notorious ghost town, you (and anyone else in a similar sitch) have my permission to pimp them in the creative chat/fiction advice threads.
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Aug 4, 2019 08:53
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I actually read a dozen pages or so when you first posted your story, but it was so far afield from what I'm used to reading that I really have no idea if it's good or bad. Slow moving stories that are more about interior struggles than specific events are...they're hard to pull off. Really hard. 9 times out of 10, they're boring as poo poo, and 1 time out of 10 they're completely nonsensical. I'm pleased to report yours mostly made sense, but as for anything beyond that, I have nothing useful to offer you. Sorry.
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Aug 6, 2019 15:33
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I finally have the time to read but have to be granted access to the document now. Still don't have it after waiting a couple of days, so I thought I'd ask here.
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Aug 31, 2019 03:37
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Sham bam bamina! posted:I finally have the time to read but have to be granted access to the document now. Still don't have it after waiting a couple of days, so I thought I'd ask here. You should have it now. I saw the access request and have been in two minds about it since. I didn't read the document for a few weeks. When I went back to it the other day, my mind was in a completely different place. The writing seemed intensely specific/personal to the mode I was in as I wrote it, needing a certain approach to it. Some people, in the past, have said it takes a while to get into the way I've written, and another person said that when I read it aloud (from the particular mindspace I was in) they heard it differently to how they'd read it. I think what I've written is very far from accepted "good" writing, and instead particular personal to an experience. If you can get into the right frame of mind specifically from the language as I've given it, then I might think about the document again. Otherwise, I'm so alienated from it I think I have to shelve it. This isn't to discourage you (or place all my hopes on you) it's just a realisation that I strayed far from accepted forms and wrote in a personal form.
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Sep 1, 2019 13:56
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Two months later, and I've finally read it through. I am very sorry for this. I am terrible at dealing with stress, and I've had a lot of it lately, along with taking on a lot of other projects. It isn't hard to read a 91-page book, but it has been hard to sit down and find the peace of mind to give it its due. Anyway, enough excuses. I liked this a lot. It's almost the opposite of A Temporary Slice of Dwelling, focused and insightful where that one was rambling and preoccupied with minutiae. There were parts that reminded me uncomfortably of points in my own life, of habits and thought processes that I've sometimes slipped into. (Some of which have, in fact, delayed this post.) That said, I don't think that this is so specific and personal that it would shut out someone without common ground; the parts outside my frame of reference engaged me as much as the elements closer to home. And the language is very good, with almost nothing that I can fault beyond pet peeves of punctuation and usage. (A single line, "I did get to be adjacent to who I wanted to be, the almost eventuality of who I decided to be," reminded me of Dwelling, but it's far outweighed by the sharpness everywhere else.) Whatever your fears, this isn't excessively introspective navel-gazing that will alienate anyone who doesn't go out of their way to give it the benefit of the doubt. It's good writing, and it's all the more to its credit that it's in an individual style about a personal topic. Absolutely worth publishing, even if novellas are notoriously hard to sell. Thank you for your patience, but more than that, thank you for the story. Sham bam bamina! fucked around with this message at 06:00 on Oct 29, 2019 |
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Oct 29, 2019 05:52
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Oh, wow! Thanks for that. You've made me feel very warm and cozy on a cold Tuesday morning. It's really easy to lose confidence in your writing (and some of the story is reflected by that) so you've given me a well timed pick me up. And thank you for the little gift you emailed me, there was no need, life is life and you did me the favour by reading the story, but it's still hugely appreciated.
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Oct 29, 2019 12:38
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