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The air is getting thin up here. With each step, I dislodge a small handful of crumbs and pause to watch them tumble down the steep charbroiled cliff faces til my eyes can no longer distinguish them from the crisp lettuce sheet below. I imagine their impact, cushioned by not only the water trapped in the lettuce but also by the supple tomato bedrock below. How much farther must I walk? The oil and drippings accumulate on my soles as I turn another corner. Each step is harder than the previous, trudging on my platforms of flavour, hoping to see the first signs of descent down the other side. My stomach drops. Faux beef for miles. If anyone reads this, tell my mom I love her and that I'm not actually a vegetarian I was just curious. |
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Aug 26, 2019 12:54
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i try and hold it, but it slips through and between above and below my fingers. the light refracts wildly within the sphere of it's influence, time and gravity bend visibly, producing a halo defying description truly this is an impossible burger
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Aug 26, 2019 13:08
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the butt doctor walks, I perk up, my beautiful and smart and strong wife and my genius kids do too as we embrace butt doctor: I-I'm afraid...it's still in there. Maybe next year? I look to my gut. If this is the king's decree, then what kind of rule are we living under.
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Aug 26, 2019 13:36
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when first we were blessed with the indigestible burger, we rejoiced! one meal, then we would hunger no more! what fools we were. farming as an industry collapsed overnight. cows roamed city streets, searching for hands to milk them, for knives to strip the meat from their bones. the food industry, wiped out. plumbers without toilets to fix. it was chaos, in the first days of the indigestible burger, but the true hell had yet to dawn. we would crave death, and it would not come.
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Aug 26, 2019 13:47
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"ok now hear me out... you know how a bird will eat dry rice and it expands inside them and eventually kills them?" *cautious nodding by assembled white men in business suits* "now what if i said we could do the same thing..." *looks excitedly around the burger king corporation board room* "BUT WITH A BURGER!!??" |
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Aug 26, 2019 15:12
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I had one 3 days ago and haven't had a movement since, should I be concerned?
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Aug 26, 2019 17:14
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pixaal posted:I had one 3 days ago and haven't had a movement since, should I be concerned? paralysis is common
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Aug 26, 2019 19:24
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burger in the left lane, matching the speed of the semi truck in the right lane at 5 under the speed limit |
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Aug 26, 2019 20:52
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gandalf battling the burgerog with his sword and staff at the bridge of khazad dum |
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Aug 26, 2019 20:54
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Dude! I threw the burger right at you! How did you not catch that pass? your hands they were right there
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Aug 26, 2019 20:55
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The Beyond Space and Time Burger ™ |
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Aug 26, 2019 22:40
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canyoneer posted:gandalf battling the burgerog with his sword and staff at the bridge of khazad dum |
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Aug 26, 2019 23:44
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Me, shouting over the wind atop a building's roof: "let her go or I'll drop it, I swear!" Villain: "drop it and I shoot her!" Me, holding the burger over the edge: "shoot her and the one true burger is gone, gone forever. I know you won't allow that." Villain: "well well, mr alnilam, it appears we are at an impasse. let's talk."
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Aug 27, 2019 01:18
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alnilam posted:Me, shouting over the wind atop a building's roof: "let her go or I'll drop it, I swear!" I am a servant of the Secret Fire, wielder of the Grill of Anor. YOU SHALL NOT PASS!
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Aug 27, 2019 02:29
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it has "enough" gherkins
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Aug 27, 2019 02:47
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I stared down at the burger, and it at me. "I'm going to eat you," I said. "Kill your family," It replied. Once again we were at an impasse. |
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Aug 27, 2019 03:14
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burger king cook one: here's the beef for the patty burger king cook two: the big beef is ruining our planet with farts i will not put beef in patty
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Aug 27, 2019 03:40
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*buzzer sounds* teacher: alright class, everyone bring their burgers to the front of the room class: *sweating*
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Aug 27, 2019 03:44
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doug buys the burg throws off the buns and is totally emotionally fulfilled
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Aug 27, 2019 03:44
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"hey guys those burgers are made with bugs! bugs!" suddenly, a laser sight appears on his forehead, then another, and other, one on his chest, over his heart, his lungs, his balls. he dissolves into a fine red mist, the sudden crack of rifle fire punctuating the act, the echoes of his cries unheard, the crowd moves on, and consumes.
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Aug 27, 2019 16:05
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*tries stomping the burger through the drainholes to avoid calling a plumber*
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Aug 27, 2019 16:06
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