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Jerry is at work at the comedy office when he receives a package containing a strange cell phone. To his surprise, it rings. He answers it. It's Kramer's voice "Jerry! Jerry, listen to me! You gotta get out of there, they're comin for ya." Jerry looks over his cubicle and sees three Newmans in sunglasses and postal worker uniforms enter the office floor, and he hides under his desk. "Kramer, what do I do?" "Okay, listen here, listen close, what you do is go across the hall and into that office nobody's using." Jerry slips away into the office and continues to listen on the phone. "Okay Jerry, see that window? I want you to climb out the window and shimmy on over to the scaffolding." Jerry contorts his face in apprehension. "Are you crazy? I'm not gonna climb out that window! It's like 40 stories up!" Kramer begins to yell and ramble. "Jerry, JERRY! Listen to me! Ya gotta go out that window!" "IDON'TWANNAGOOUTTHEWINDOW!" "JERRY YA GOTTA GO OUT THAT WINDOW! YOUR WHOLE LIFE MAY DEPEND ON IT! I'M TELLIN YA WHATEVER YOU'RE THINKIN, FORGET IT, YA GOTTA GO OUT THAT WINDOW OR THEY'RE GONNA GET YA JERRY, THEY'RE GONNA GET YA" As Kramer can be heard faintly rambling on the receiver, Jerry leans out the window slightly and looks down. He looks from the ground, to the phone, to back in the office and sighs as he rolls his eyes. Without even trying to exit the window, he simply holds the phone out and drops it intentionally into the street below. "Whoops!" he says as he turns and walks back into the interior of the building. Bass lick. Cut to Jerry on the street being dragged to a car by two Newmans. Jerry is unfazed and smirks. "So uh, there a movie on this flight?" he can be heard to say before the door closes in his face. |
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Nov 26, 2019 18:24
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| # ? May 10, 2024 17:47 |
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i guess i would swap morpheus w neuman
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Nov 26, 2019 18:28
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George is the one guy who just wants to get plugged back in |
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Nov 26, 2019 18:31
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George: And then he said that if I take the red pill I'll stay in Wonderland and he'll show me how deep the rabbit hole goes! Jerry: Well, you're not gonna take the red pill, are you? George: Of course not! I'd have to be insane to even consider it! Jerry: So you're not gonna take the red pill? George: I am not gonna take the red pill! Jerry: No matter what? George: No matter what! Jerry: You're sure? George: I would rather die than take that stupid red pill! (scene change) George: I'll take the red pill. |
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Nov 26, 2019 18:37
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no good sequel for you!
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Nov 26, 2019 18:41
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nut posted:i guess i would swap morpheus w neuman nah Kramer is Morpheus, escaping the Matrix is a wild scheme he's dragged everyone in on, including George, who really doesn't wanna be there. Newman obviously takes the place of Agent Smith. All other agents are represented as fellow rotund, sneering, bespectacled postal workers. CaptainPsyko posted:George is the one guy who just wants to get plugged back in SCENE: Fancy restaurant, George eating with Newman and two stone-faced postal workers. GEORGE: [Eating a piece of steak, waving his fork around in the air, smiling as he chews] Ah, this is really good steak. Who ever said that this was fake? You can't tell me this is fake, this is delicious! NEWMAN and POSTAL WORKERS: [Staring blankly and silently] GEORGE: [Smiling uncomfortably, wafting in the awkward silence as he chews, trying to recover] You know what they don't have in Zion? Steak. None. Nowhere. Can't find one. They just don't exist. I guess you wouldn't understand much about uh...steak and such, since you're the uh...er...you know...machines. NEWMAN AND POSTAL WORKERS: [Still staring, laugh track going ballistic at this point] GEORGE: Don't eat steak...right? NEWMAN: Then we have a deal. GEORGE: Yeah, sure! Absolutely! Just plug me back in, make me forget everything, put me back in New York. I'll give ya the access codes to Zion, I'll give ya Kramer, anything, just get me away from my parents, please! NEWMAN: [Nodding silently] GEORGE: Hey, can you put me back as someone famous? Can you... [Leaning forward, gesturing to his the top of his head and whispering in a low voice] Can you give me some hair? Can you do something about this? NEWMAN: Whatever you want, Mr. Costanza. GEORGE: [Ecstatic] Terrific! Plug me back in the Matrix and I'll get you what you want! NEWMAN: Access codes to the Zion mainframe. GEORGE: [Deflated, sweating] I uh...I don't uh...he won't give em to me... NEWMAN: Kramer... GEORGE: ...Oh dear God... [Bass lick]
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Nov 26, 2019 23:27
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JERRY: [Into a payphone booth receiver] Hello! Uncle Leo! UNCLE LEO: [In the real world seated in front of a bunch of green text monitors] Jerry! Hello! JERRY: Uncle Leo, I need an exit! UNCLE LEO: Jerry, I think this thing's broken! I can't hear you, hang on! Hello! Jerry! JERRY: [Frantic inside the phone booth as a mail truck being driven by Newman bears down on the phone booth at its top speed of 25mph] UNCLE LEO! HELLO! UNCLE LEO: Jerry! Hello! [The sound of a loud crash can be heard over the receiver on Uncle Leo's end] [Bass riff]
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Nov 26, 2019 23:33
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Nov 27, 2019 00:04
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Elaine seems like an obvious Trinity, but I really like the thought of her dancing at the rave. |
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Nov 27, 2019 00:04
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What is the deal with keeping human beings as batteries? Who are these people? |
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Nov 27, 2019 00:09
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You'd think that after centuries of robotic rule they'd have mastered the AA battery. Someone PLEASE tell the vague force of electricity ruling the robots about RadioShack! There's one in every mall! |
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Nov 27, 2019 00:12
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george: so you can dodge bullets now? jerry: absolutely i can dodge bullets george: you're a bullet dodger? jerry (smug): yeah, i guess im a bullet dodger now george (agitated): that's so unfair! i want to dodge bullets too! |
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Nov 27, 2019 00:18
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i gues sid maybe swap the spoon kid for the soup nazi
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Nov 27, 2019 00:25
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Jerry: Elaine, why is that restaurant just called "Restaurant"? Elaine: you don't think that's its name? Jerry: *scrunches face* naah that's a really boring a name for a restaurant. I swear it used to be , I dunno, Barb's or something. You know these machines aren't exactly creative. Elaine: *shrugging, clearly talking out of her rear end* maybe it's aaaa glitch in the matrix? Jerry: A glitch? Elaine: yeah, a glitch Jerry: in the matrix? Elaine: yeah it... happens when they change something? Jerry: change something? Like what? Elaine: I dunno, the name of the restaurant? *pause* Jerry: you hungry? Elaine: starving *Slap bass as they walk towards it* |
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Nov 27, 2019 00:29
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looks like it's about time to binge Seinfeld and the matrix trilogy, simultaneously |
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Nov 27, 2019 00:41
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wait i got an idea brb
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Nov 27, 2019 01:42
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Nov 27, 2019 01:48
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Comedians in Cars Getting People Out of the Matrix |
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Nov 27, 2019 01:56
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FreshCutFries posted:Elaine seems like an obvious Trinity, but I really like the thought of her dancing at the rave. Jerry and Elaine attend the dance together. Elaine starts dancing as she does, and Jerry does as he has done every time he encounters Elaine's dancing: Inches away uncomfortably. Later, in a more private part of the cave system, the two of them lie next to each other under a blanket, implying prior coitus. They look uncomfortable and defeated. ELAINE: I could uh...try some things I read in Cosmo... JERRY: Noooo...it's not that. ELAINE: What is it? JERRY: It's just... ELAINE: It's just...? JERRY: ...It's...your dancing... ELAINE: ...My dancing? JERRY: [Shrugs, wincing and sheepish in equal measure] ELAINE: My dancing is...why you can't... JERRY: [Nods painfully] ELAINE: [Rolls her eyes and hastily begins to dress] Looks like you're not the only one that can dodge bullets, Jerry. Kramer, wearing only a jockstrap and covered in oil, enters just in time to see Elaine with her top still off. KRAMER: Wooo!! MAMA!!
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Nov 27, 2019 02:06
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alnilam posted:Jerry: Elaine, why is that restaurant just called "Restaurant"? this is great
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Nov 27, 2019 02:07
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nut posted:i gues sid maybe swap the spoon kid for the soup nazi this is also so perfect. There is NO SPOON. NO SPOON FOR YOU.
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Nov 27, 2019 02:08
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| It's a reality... about nothing!! | |
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Nov 27, 2019 16:28
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she is beautiful, but with manhands jerry, it's a glitch in the matrix! get over it!
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Nov 27, 2019 16:30
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Morpheus: how u holdin up chosen 1 Neo: still master of my domain 
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Nov 27, 2019 18:21
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prepuce repurposed posted:Morpheus: how u holdin up chosen 1 |
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Nov 27, 2019 21:32
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*Jerry at the standup club* You ever notice how sometimes you'll just see the same thing twice? Like there's this cat walking across the doorway, you look away, and there he is again! What kind of wacko world do we live in where you pet your cat, turn around, and pet him again?! What we really need, is deja vu for those little pleasures, like when you clear your nose out after you've been stuffed up all day. I want to pull out a hanky, blow, have a glitch in the system, then blow again, and get twice the satisfaction. But you know, the way it usually works, I just step in a puddle and end up with twice the wet socks.
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Nov 27, 2019 21:40
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Nov 27, 2019 21:43
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prepuce repurposed posted:Morpheus: how u holdin up chosen 1
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Nov 27, 2019 21:45
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"Listen Jerry, your life is the sum of a remainder of an unbalanced equation inherent to the programming of the matrix. You are the eventuality of an anomaly, which despite my sincerest efforts I have been unable to eliminate from what is otherwise a harmony of mathematical precision. While it remains a burden to sedulously avoid it, it is not unexpected, and thus not beyond a measure of control. Which has led you, inexorably, here." "Kramer, I have no idea what you're talking about." "Neither do I." |
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Nov 28, 2019 00:33
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Nov 28, 2019 00:38
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Nov 28, 2019 00:39
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*runs up a pillar and does a backflip while keeping my hands perfectly still by my sides*
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Nov 28, 2019 00:41
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nut posted:*runs up a pillar and does a backflip while keeping my hands perfectly still by my sides* |
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Nov 28, 2019 00:49
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Neo: A-am i the one? Oracle: ohhhh i dunno, let's ask *turns around and points to thumbs to the back of her jacket* THE 8 BALL
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Nov 28, 2019 00:52
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google THIS posted:"Listen Jerry, your life is the sum of a remainder of an unbalanced equation inherent to the programming of the matrix. You are the eventuality of an anomaly, which despite my sincerest efforts I have been unable to eliminate from what is otherwise a harmony of mathematical precision. While it remains a burden to sedulously avoid it, it is not unexpected, and thus not beyond a measure of control. Which has led you, inexorably, here."
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Nov 28, 2019 01:09
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| # ? May 10, 2024 17:47 |
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Pot Smoke Phoenix posted:Comedians in Cars Getting People Out of the Matrix |
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Nov 29, 2019 04:10
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