seinfeld we are itt

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GolfHole: Feb 26, 2004

jerry whats my fuckin deal???!!

# ? Dec 1, 2019 09:06

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 29, 2024 10:29

The Management: Jan 2, 2010; sup, bitch?

Someone deepfake these scrips into an episode, I�d watch some new Seinfeld

# ? Dec 1, 2019 16:46

Vegetable: Oct 22, 2010

Someone link to all the past seinfeld threads please

# ? Dec 1, 2019 19:47

Bogus Adventure: Jan 11, 2017; More like "Bulges Adventure"

Kramer sues Amazon because they based "the voice of trans" off of his voice. Jackie Chiles takes the case. Kramer eventually settles when Amazon offers him a free Alexa and a lifetime membership to Amazon Prime.

# ? Dec 1, 2019 20:12

ElectricSheep: Jan 14, 2006; she had tiny Italian boobs.
Well that's my story.

*bass guitar riff, intro*

[INT - MONK'S CAFE]

*Jerry, George, and Elaine are seated at a booth*

*Jerry checks his cell phone, sighs*

J: Listen, I gotta get going in a few minutes, I got that Tinder date in an hour.

E: You sound so excited. You're definitely gettin' lucky with THAT attitude.

*audience laughter*

J: Ugh. No, I just don't think we have anything in common is all.

G: Lemme see? *motions to Jerry's phone*

J: Hold on, hold on...*taps his phone as if to open an app, hands it to George*

*George raises his eyebrows in slight approval and nods, then passes the phone to Elaine*

E: *raises her eyebrows approvingly, then passes the phone back to Jerry* Huh. She looks all right. What's the problem?

J: I accidentally swiped her.

E: You ACCIDENTALLY swiped her?

J: *repeating, annoyed* I accidentally swiped her! She's an accidental swipe!

*audience laughter*

E: *narrows eyes* How do you ACCIDENTALLY swipe someone on Tinder?

J: I don't know, I just...*gestures*...there was something on my phone screen, and I went to brush it off, and the next thing you know I swiped right!

G: You swiped right?

J: I swiped right!

*audience laughter*

E: See, here's what I don't get. *takes a sip of her coffee* Dating is a numbers game, right?

J: *leans back in the booth a little* Go on.

E: Why in the world wouldn't you just swipe right on EVERYONE *pantomimes swiping a phone screen* to, you know...increase the odds?

J: *huffily, with a disgusted look* Elaine, I have some standards. *turns to George* You think a guy should just go desperately swiping right on EVERY girl on Tinder?

G: *gaze shifts nervously* ...N-no....

*audience laughter*

J: *to Elaine* See, there you go.

E: All right, all right. So what didn't you like about her?

J: Ah, I don't know. *waves a hand dismissively* Just something about the picture...the lighting, and the stuff she wrote just seemed kind of BLAH...

E: *shakes her head* All right, whatever. So let me get this straight...*sips her coffee again*...even though you ACCIDENTALLY swiped this woman, and it turns out she matched you, you still set up a date?

J: *defensively* She texted me! It was awkward! How do you tell someone they're an accidental swipe?

G: *mutters* Wish I knew.

*audience laughter*

*bass guitar riff, outro*

# ? Dec 1, 2019 20:39

sweet thursday: Sep 16, 2012

"Where's your Plat?"
"Plat?"
"Plat? Plat! You gotta have Plat!"
"No one told me you had to have Plat"
"Well I'm telling you now. You gotta have Plat."

# ? Dec 1, 2019 20:57

Rupert Buttermilk: Apr 15, 2007; 🚣RowboatMan: ❄️Freezing time🕰️ is an old P.I. 🥧trick...

"You double posted this poo poo post. You can't double post the poo poo post."

# ? Dec 1, 2019 22:04

ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD: Jan 21, 2007

what if seinfeld was on the moon or something

# ? Dec 1, 2019 22:12

Animal-Mother: Feb 14, 2012; RABBIT RABBIT
RABBIT RABBIT

Kramer golfs on the moon, the moon's low gravity allows a well struck golf ball to leave the moon's orbit, the ball lands on Earth in the blowhole of a whale.

# ? Dec 1, 2019 22:58

spank my snatch: Jun 4, 2009

Rupert Buttermilk posted:

"You double posted this poo poo post. You can't double post the poo poo post."

That's like putting your whole av in the thread!

# ? Dec 1, 2019 23:16

Smugworth: Apr 18, 2003

I'm Elaine's hairy, musky beaver

# ? Dec 1, 2019 23:27

Revins: Nov 2, 2007; tune the FM in to static and pretend that its the sea

ElectricSheep posted:

*bass guitar riff, intro*

[INT - MONK'S CAFE]

*Jerry, George, and Elaine are seated at a booth*

*Jerry checks his cell phone, sighs*

J: Listen, I gotta get going in a few minutes, I got that Tinder date in an hour.

E: You sound so excited. You're definitely gettin' lucky with THAT attitude.

*audience laughter*

J: Ugh. No, I just don't think we have anything in common is all.

G: Lemme see? *motions to Jerry's phone*

J: Hold on, hold on...*taps his phone as if to open an app, hands it to George*

*George raises his eyebrows in slight approval and nods, then passes the phone to Elaine*

E: *raises her eyebrows approvingly, then passes the phone back to Jerry* Huh. She looks all right. What's the problem?

J: I accidentally swiped her.

E: You ACCIDENTALLY swiped her?

J: *repeating, annoyed* I accidentally swiped her! She's an accidental swipe!

*audience laughter*

E: *narrows eyes* How do you ACCIDENTALLY swipe someone on Tinder?

J: I don't know, I just...*gestures*...there was something on my phone screen, and I went to brush it off, and the next thing you know I swiped right!

G: You swiped right?

J: I swiped right!

*audience laughter*

E: See, here's what I don't get. *takes a sip of her coffee* Dating is a numbers game, right?

J: *leans back in the booth a little* Go on.

E: Why in the world wouldn't you just swipe right on EVERYONE *pantomimes swiping a phone screen* to, you know...increase the odds?

J: *huffily, with a disgusted look* Elaine, I have some standards. *turns to George* You think a guy should just go desperately swiping right on EVERY girl on Tinder?

G: *gaze shifts nervously* ...N-no....

*audience laughter*

J: *to Elaine* See, there you go.

E: All right, all right. So what didn't you like about her?

J: Ah, I don't know. *waves a hand dismissively* Just something about the picture...the lighting, and the stuff she wrote just seemed kind of BLAH...

E: *shakes her head* All right, whatever. So let me get this straight...*sips her coffee again*...even though you ACCIDENTALLY swiped this woman, and it turns out she matched you, you still set up a date?

J: *defensively* She texted me! It was awkward! How do you tell someone they're an accidental swipe?

G: *mutters* Wish I knew.

*audience laughter*

*bass guitar riff, outro*

This is perfection

# ? Dec 1, 2019 23:35

Nice Guy Patron: Jun 29, 2015

Vegetable posted:

Someone link to all the past seinfeld threads please

# ? Dec 2, 2019 01:39

BAGS FLY AT NOON: Apr 6, 2011; A Soft Nylon Bag

ElectricSheep posted:

*bass guitar riff, intro*

[INT - MONK'S CAFE]

*Jerry, George, and Elaine are seated at a booth*

*Jerry checks his cell phone, sighs*

J: Listen, I gotta get going in a few minutes, I got that Tinder date in an hour.

E: You sound so excited. You're definitely gettin' lucky with THAT attitude.

*audience laughter*

J: Ugh. No, I just don't think we have anything in common is all.

G: Lemme see? *motions to Jerry's phone*

J: Hold on, hold on...*taps his phone as if to open an app, hands it to George*

*George raises his eyebrows in slight approval and nods, then passes the phone to Elaine*

E: *raises her eyebrows approvingly, then passes the phone back to Jerry* Huh. She looks all right. What's the problem?

J: I accidentally swiped her.

E: You ACCIDENTALLY swiped her?

J: *repeating, annoyed* I accidentally swiped her! She's an accidental swipe!

*audience laughter*

E: *narrows eyes* How do you ACCIDENTALLY swipe someone on Tinder?

J: I don't know, I just...*gestures*...there was something on my phone screen, and I went to brush it off, and the next thing you know I swiped right!

G: You swiped right?

J: I swiped right!

*audience laughter*

E: See, here's what I don't get. *takes a sip of her coffee* Dating is a numbers game, right?

J: *leans back in the booth a little* Go on.

E: Why in the world wouldn't you just swipe right on EVERYONE *pantomimes swiping a phone screen* to, you know...increase the odds?

J: *huffily, with a disgusted look* Elaine, I have some standards. *turns to George* You think a guy should just go desperately swiping right on EVERY girl on Tinder?

G: *gaze shifts nervously* ...N-no....

*audience laughter*

J: *to Elaine* See, there you go.

E: All right, all right. So what didn't you like about her?

J: Ah, I don't know. *waves a hand dismissively* Just something about the picture...the lighting, and the stuff she wrote just seemed kind of BLAH...

E: *shakes her head* All right, whatever. So let me get this straight...*sips her coffee again*...even though you ACCIDENTALLY swiped this woman, and it turns out she matched you, you still set up a date?

J: *defensively* She texted me! It was awkward! How do you tell someone they're an accidental swipe?

G: *mutters* Wish I knew.

*audience laughter*

*bass guitar riff, outro*

Larry David�s forums account spotted

# ? Dec 2, 2019 01:42

Rand alPaul: Feb 3, 2010; by Nyc_Tattoo

SCROTO TURBOSPERG posted:

what if seinfeld was on the moon or something

*bass guitar riff intro*

[INT Jerry doing stand up beside a lunar rover and a radiation-bleached American Flag]

Jerry: And what's the deal with Tang? A billion dollars put into the space program and that's the best they could come up with? It's orange-colored water.

*laugh track, Jerry bounces to the other side of the stage*

Jerry: You know NASA has seen concentrated fruit juice. But they're sticking with the Tang. *gestures at his cup* This is supposed to be the pinnacle of human scientific achievement. One small step for man, one giant leap backward for beverages!

*laugh track, bass guitar*
*splash screen with Seinfeld on the Moon logo*

[INT Jerry's lunar habitat module]

*static from the intercom*
*Jerry bounces over to the airlock door and holds down a button*

Jerry: Yeah?

George: *beep* *his radio crackles through the intercom* It's George *beep*

Jerry: Come on in.

*sound of the airlocks decompressing outside, George enters wearing a large space suit*

George: I still can't get the hang of this suit. It would be much better if we could just wear the stillsuits from Dune.

Jerry: Oh you and your stillsuits. *waves his hand dismissively* You've been listening too much to Kramer. What you want is the replicator from Trek.

*audience laugh track*

*George sits down on the couch dejectedly*

Jerry: What's gotten into you?

George: It's Steinbrenner. He wants the Yankees to play the Red Sox on the moon. We can't get the pinstripes to look right in goretex.

Jerry: What's wrong with nomex? It's a flame-resistant polymer.

George: That's what I said! And then to make matters worse, Giancarlo Stanton missed his Soyuz rocket to the space station. His passport still says Mike on it.

Jerry: I like Mike better. He should stick with Mike.

George: That's what I said! *George gets flustered and waves his arms around* George can't operate in this low-gravity environment!

*laugh track*
*static from the intercom*
*Jerry floats over to press the button*

Jerry: Yeah?

Sergei: *no static from his pristine Cosmonaut suit* It's Sergei

Jerry: Oh no, what do you want?

Sergei: Let me in it's about to solar shower.

Jerry: Oh alright.

*laugh track*

*airlock decompresses and Sergei enters. He's played by Tim Curry.*

Sergei: Preevyet, Jerry. *Sergei smiles menacingly*

Jerry: Hello, Sergei. *Jerry shows his gums*

*laugh track*

Sergei: Where is Kramer? I want to discuss business opportunity.

Jerry: I don't know, have you tried his habitat capsule? He probably thinks you're the oxygen guy.

Sergei: Kramer is hiding from capitalist oxygen company? *Sergei smiles* What is wrong, American government not pay astronauts again?

Jerry: The checks are late, Sergei.

George: I have another hole in my suit. drat this goretex!

Sergei: NASA is foolish with goretex. Russian Federation developing nomex suit that recycles human waste particles.

George: A stillsuit, Jerry!

*Jerry raises arms in protest*

Jerry: You want the replicator!

*laugh track*

# ? Dec 2, 2019 01:45

sudonim: Oct 6, 2005

Haha holy poo poo 🌕

# ? Dec 2, 2019 05:10

ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD: Jan 21, 2007

Rand alPaul posted:

*bass guitar riff intro*

[INT Jerry doing stand up beside a lunar rover and a radiation-bleached American Flag]

Jerry: And what's the deal with Tang? A billion dollars put into the space program and that's the best they could come up with? It's orange-colored water.

*laugh track, Jerry bounces to the other side of the stage*

Jerry: You know NASA has seen concentrated fruit juice. But they're sticking with the Tang. *gestures at his cup* This is supposed to be the pinnacle of human scientific achievement. One small step for man, one giant leap backward for beverages!

*laugh track, bass guitar*
*splash screen with Seinfeld on the Moon logo*

[INT Jerry's lunar habitat module]

*static from the intercom*
*Jerry bounces over to the airlock door and holds down a button*

Jerry: Yeah?

George: *beep* *his radio crackles through the intercom* It's George *beep*

Jerry: Come on in.

*sound of the airlocks decompressing outside, George enters wearing a large space suit*

George: I still can't get the hang of this suit. It would be much better if we could just wear the stillsuits from Dune.

Jerry: Oh you and your stillsuits. *waves his hand dismissively* You've been listening too much to Kramer. What you want is the replicator from Trek.

*audience laugh track*

*George sits down on the couch dejectedly*

Jerry: What's gotten into you?

George: It's Steinbrenner. He wants the Yankees to play the Red Sox on the moon. We can't get the pinstripes to look right in goretex.

Jerry: What's wrong with nomex? It's a flame-resistant polymer.

George: That's what I said! And then to make matters worse, Giancarlo Stanton missed his Soyuz rocket to the space station. His passport still says Mike on it.

Jerry: I like Mike better. He should stick with Mike.

George: That's what I said! *George gets flustered and waves his arms around* George can't operate in this low-gravity environment!

*laugh track*
*static from the intercom*
*Jerry floats over to press the button*

Jerry: Yeah?

Sergei: *no static from his pristine Cosmonaut suit* It's Sergei

Jerry: Oh no, what do you want?

Sergei: Let me in it's about to solar shower.

Jerry: Oh alright.

*laugh track*

*airlock decompresses and Sergei enters. He's played by Tim Curry.*

Sergei: Preevyet, Jerry. *Sergei smiles menacingly*

Jerry: Hello, Sergei. *Jerry shows his gums*

*laugh track*

Sergei: Where is Kramer? I want to discuss business opportunity.

Jerry: I don't know, have you tried his habitat capsule? He probably thinks you're the oxygen guy.

Sergei: Kramer is hiding from capitalist oxygen company? *Sergei smiles* What is wrong, American government not pay astronauts again?

Jerry: The checks are late, Sergei.

George: I have another hole in my suit. drat this goretex!

Sergei: NASA is foolish with goretex. Russian Federation developing nomex suit that recycles human waste particles.

George: A stillsuit, Jerry!

*Jerry raises arms in protest*

Jerry: You want the replicator!

*laugh track*

marry me.

# ? Dec 2, 2019 05:24

Zeniel: Oct 18, 2013

Basses slap. Weird popping noises.

An apartment.

Jerry, a man of indeterminate age wanders his home. He is wishes to know the deal of something.

His door bursts open a lanky racist man staggers forth. His ideas are yelled for all to hear. But none are worth hearing.

Laughter and cheers echo from nowhere.

Buzz buzz. It's Elaine. A woman. Just like one of the guys. She wants to leave. But has nowhere to go.

Buzz buzz. George. Bespectacled. Balding. Scheming. His plans bring ruin to all.

Jerry.

The deal.

What?

Kramer.

Racist convulsions.

Elaine.

He took it out.

George.

His serenity will be forthcoming.

Serenity never comes.

More bass.

The dinging of triangles.

A comedy club.

Laughter at the deal.

Ding ding

pop pop

A castle. A rock.

# ? Dec 2, 2019 14:47

Rupert Buttermilk: Apr 15, 2007; 🚣RowboatMan: ❄️Freezing time🕰️ is an old P.I. 🥧trick...

Zeniel posted:

Basses slap. Weird popping noises.

An apartment.

Jerry, a man of indeterminate age wanders his home. He is wishes to know the deal of something.

His door bursts open a lanky racist man staggers forth. His ideas are yelled for all to hear. But none are worth hearing.

Laughter and cheers echo from nowhere.

Buzz buzz. It's Elaine. A woman. Just like one of the guys. She wants to leave. But has nowhere to go.

Buzz buzz. George. Bespectacled. Balding. Scheming. His plans bring ruin to all.

Jerry.

The deal.

What?

Kramer.

Racist convulsions.

Elaine.

He took it out.

George.

His serenity will be forthcoming.

Serenity never comes.

More bass.

The dinging of triangles.

A comedy club.

Laughter at the deal.

Ding ding

pop pop

A castle. A rock.

Seinfeld ITT: "He is wishes to know the deal of something."

This is my favourite one yet.

# ? Dec 2, 2019 15:16

Account McAccount: Mar 30, 2012

But I don't wanna be a Seinfeld

# ? Dec 2, 2019 17:00

Bogus Adventure: Jan 11, 2017; More like "Bulges Adventure"

Zeniel posted:

Basses slap. Weird popping noises.

An apartment.

Jerry, a man of indeterminate age wanders his home. He is wishes to know the deal of something.

His door bursts open a lanky racist man staggers forth. His ideas are yelled for all to hear. But none are worth hearing.

Laughter and cheers echo from nowhere.

Buzz buzz. It's Elaine. A woman. Just like one of the guys. She wants to leave. But has nowhere to go.

Buzz buzz. George. Bespectacled. Balding. Scheming. His plans bring ruin to all.

Jerry.

The deal.

What?

Kramer.

Racist convulsions.

Elaine.

He took it out.

George.

His serenity will be forthcoming.

Serenity never comes.

More bass.

The dinging of triangles.

A comedy club.

Laughter at the deal.

Ding ding

pop pop

A castle. A rock.

lmao

# ? Dec 2, 2019 17:07

Lupin: Feb 21, 2007

Zeniel posted:

Basses slap. Weird popping noises.

An apartment.

Jerry, a man of indeterminate age wanders his home. He is wishes to know the deal of something.

His door bursts open a lanky racist man staggers forth. His ideas are yelled for all to hear. But none are worth hearing.

Laughter and cheers echo from nowhere.

Buzz buzz. It's Elaine. A woman. Just like one of the guys. She wants to leave. But has nowhere to go.

Buzz buzz. George. Bespectacled. Balding. Scheming. His plans bring ruin to all.

Jerry.

The deal.

What?

Kramer.

Racist convulsions.

Elaine.

He took it out.

George.

His serenity will be forthcoming.

Serenity never comes.

More bass.

The dinging of triangles.

A comedy club.

Laughter at the deal.

Ding ding

pop pop

A castle. A rock.

Hello, David Lynch
https://youtu.be/GxKPBLjHAEA

# ? Dec 2, 2019 18:29

milkingmycow: Mar 28, 2008; by Cyrano4747

Elaine getting her purse and keys when Jerry comes in with their golden retriever, Sandy.

Jerry: "Who's a good dog? Who's the best dog? The master dog..."

Elaine: "I'm gotta pick up the kids. You and Sandy make dinner, ok?"

Jerry: "Sure. Uh, George texted me. Wants to meet up later."

Elaine: "On a weeknight?"

Jerry: "I know. No thanks. I'll text him on Friday. Love ya, see you later. I'll make something up for dinner."

Elaine leaves

There's a knock on the door. Jerry answers it. It's Kramer.

Jerry: Hey

Kramer: Jerry! Something very important is going on! I have some information that is going to BLOW your mind!

Jerry: What is it? I have to start cooking dinner.

Kramer: It's a ... well it's ... I don't KNOW Jerry it seemed important a minute ago! But now I DON'T KNOW!

Jerry: That's ok. Did you take your pills? Do you want to stay for dinner?

Kramer: Yes. Thank you. You're a good friend.

# ? Dec 2, 2019 21:06

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 29, 2024 10:29

Milo and POTUS: Sep 3, 2017; I will not shut up about the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. I talk about them all the time and work them into every conversation I have. I built a shrine in my room for the yellow one who died because sadly no one noticed because she died around 9/11. Wanna see it?

George is getting better

# ? Dec 3, 2019 20:16

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