hanging out in my totally normal, not at all haunted, ancestral hunting lod

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PHIZ KALIFA: #mood

ge

sipping brandy from a huge glass holder thing in front of my majestic stone fireplace. ever surface is lined with books. the fireplace is lined with books. i'm burning the collected works of ayn rand at a cocktail party to prove a point. there's a mantlepiece with a picture of a man and his whole face is a frown. the floor is lined with extinct hardwoods.

there's a storage shed full of the old taxidermy the carpet beetles got into. also the stone gargoyles uncle bob bought with his prison lawsuit money. the old gardens are so overrun with wiild blueberry that you can't even see where the virgin's bower was.

the boat house is decorated with moldy memorabelia from someone's great uncle's fraternity rowing team. you know, the one which the college disbanded after all those mysterious drownings . . . ?

bladderwort grows in this one secluded edge of the lake, it's so pretty. don't sleep in the corner bedroom, it's. . . it's occupied. nobody sleeps there, but, it's occupied.

# ? Jan 9, 2020 08:50

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# ? May 21, 2024 14:31

Heather Papps: hello friend

I'm a totally normal groundskeeper. I live in a friendly stone hut at the edge of the treeline and have an eyepatch that doesn't scare anyone because it covers all the burns.
I sleep 3 hours a day and walk the grounds at night to help anyone who perhaps blows a tire on the caltrops someone else put on the road.
My wife died 30 years ago when a boar gutted her when she was picking mushrooms, so I killed the boar and ate its flesh and use its skull as a bowl and its tusks as drinking horns. The shrine to my late wife in the deep woods is not scary, and I am completely okay with outsiders visiting it, because I'm normal and not at all a skinwalker.

# ? Jan 9, 2020 17:13

the unabonger

i actually inherited it from my great uncle twice removed, on the condition that i spend at least one night in the lodge. I bagged a 10 point buck and an 8 point buck the next day.

# ? Jan 9, 2020 17:26

Bo-Pepper: Want some rye?
Course ya do!

yes there is an elk's head mounted on the wall and yes it moves and sometimes screams like a human woman and yes it's fine just fine don't worry about it

# ? Jan 9, 2020 17:30

the unabonger

i wouldn't say it is haunted, it just has a "haunted mansion" aesthetic.

# ? Jan 9, 2020 17:48

Bonaventure: by sebmojo

the portrait of the frowning man?

don't look at it too closely or you'll see the eyes moving where i cut out holes in the canvas

they're my eyes; i'm peekin'

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# ? Jan 9, 2020 18:10

PHIZ KALIFA: #mood

Mother isn't here anymore. You can find her in her room.

crimes

# ? Jan 9, 2020 18:46

Bonaventure: by sebmojo

come meet my illegitimate son. i never miss a chance to tell him how my real son will inherit all of my fabulous wealth, how i will never legally recognize him, and how his tragically dead mother was nothing to me.

i've put him in charge of maintaining the lodge's collection of rifles and weaponry.

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# ? Jan 9, 2020 18:54

Manifisto

now I don't want you to be creeped out by the reliquaries. all they are is containers for the mummified flesh of ancient persons, beasts, and . . . well, let's say persons and beasts, of great power whose corporeal essence was harvested, sometimes after death and sometimes prior to or, um, during, lovingly preserved in cunningly wrought housings covered with obscure sigils. whatever rituals they may or may not be used in is beside the point, and the rumors about their sometimes weeping, bleeding, or wriggling are mostly exaggerated. there's nothing to worry about and you'll be fine, assuming you don't get too close and don't disturb any of the wax seals.

ty nesamdoom!

# ? Jan 9, 2020 18:54

biosterous

also i'm going to sleep, would you mind watching over the reliquaries until i wake up? for normal reasons. just keep looking at them, and try not to blink too much

^{^{thank you saoshyant for this sig!!!}}
^{^{gallery of sigs}}

he/him

# ? Jan 9, 2020 20:31

Heather Papps: hello friend

This is the guest room, across the hall is the bathroom. Linen closet is end of the hall, and do not, DO NOT UNDER ANY circumstance open the red door. Ignore the whispers, help yourself to anything in the fridge, and DO NOT OPEN THE RED DOOR.

# ? Jan 9, 2020 20:35

wearing a lampshade

Bo-Pepper posted:

yes there is an elk's head mounted on the wall and yes it moves and sometimes screams like a human woman and yes it's fine just fine don't worry about it

The heads reanimate on the apex of the full moon, every full moon, meaning i get to hunt them all over again. You can tell how many times I've hunted each one by the layers of plaques they're mounted on

# ? Jan 9, 2020 20:45

PHIZ KALIFA: #mood

can i sleep in your room mine has a knocker shaped like the devil and it keeps asking me Riddles

crimes

# ? Jan 9, 2020 21:23

Bonaventure: by sebmojo

that's nothing-- my room has a devil with huge knockers

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# ? Jan 9, 2020 21:57

PHIZ KALIFA: #mood

tradesies?

crimes

# ? Jan 9, 2020 22:08

Bonaventure: by sebmojo

sure, just sign this new version of your last will and testament i whipped up

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# ? Jan 9, 2020 22:13

alnilam

Sitting by the fire, slowly and methodically cleaning my break action shotgun. "Don't worry, it's not for you, it's for... him" I say, although you know we're the only two people who came here

# ? Jan 9, 2020 23:01

Groly

Come, come Officers! When I used part of my vast estate to build my Home for Foundlings of Unknown Provenance, we all knew that some of the foundlings would inevitably attempt to find and rejoin their families. These 'disappearances', as you call them, are hardly mysterious; they're nothing more than evidence of the degraded sense of appreciation in the lower orders.

That the runaways occur immediately around the full moon may be fodder for gossip down at the alehouse, but of course it's all perfectly logical. With the woods so thick and wide, on any other night someone trying to pass wouldn't be able to see more than ten paces in any direction.

Now that that's all settled, Officers, may I offer you some refreshment? Perhaps some...turkey pastrami?

# ? Jan 10, 2020 01:36

cda: by Hand Knit

My Lodge is haunted. Yeah, I said it. You got a problem with that?

# ? Jan 10, 2020 14:54

PHIZ KALIFA: #mood

weird how Uncle Amadeus stopped showing up in the family yearbook once they switched from painted portraits to photographs.

Groly posted:

Come, come Officers! When I used part of my vast estate to build my Home for Foundlings of Unknown Provenance, we all knew that some of the foundlings would inevitably attempt to find and rejoin their families. These 'disappearances', as you call them, are hardly mysterious; they're nothing more than evidence of the degraded sense of appreciation in the lower orders.

That the runaways occur immediately around the full moon may be fodder for gossip down at the alehouse, but of course it's all perfectly logical. With the woods so thick and wide, on any other night someone trying to pass wouldn't be able to see more than ten paces in any direction.

Now that that's all settled, Officers, may I offer you some refreshment? Perhaps some...turkey pastrami?

lmao

crimes

# ? Jan 10, 2020 15:30

Heather Papps: hello friend

Hello yes I'm a safety inspector and these gargoyles are looking terribly unsafe. Just one of these wings could kill your very normal groundskeeper.

# ? Jan 10, 2020 15:59

idiotsavant

oh yes, the guest suite is absolutely wonderful. all the floors are heated and there's a sun room thats a lovely place to sit and read. and there's nothing quite as soothing as a blood fountain

# ? Jan 10, 2020 20:55

Yinlock

Hahaha, no no, this lodge does not take sacrifices to power the prison of Y'ngtzx, the pulsing heart of the universe that will reunite all matter into it's dread embrace at the end of all things.

Merely a goblet of your blood will do

# ? Jan 11, 2020 16:45

Yinlock

*as i'm skinning some kind of hosed-up werewolf monster* morning folks, great day for hunting out there. oh this? don't worry, the curse will find another one soon enough

# ? Jan 11, 2020 16:47

PHIZ KALIFA: #mood

my wife's sister is a BDSM necromancer and has dommed a bunch of poltergeists into setting the dinner table and cleaning the dishes, in exchange she insults their Pathetic Ghost Dicks

crimes

# ? Jan 11, 2020 19:07

Pickwick High: They call me Nutse

My dog has red eyes and sulphurous smoke comes out of his nostrils. I take him from r walks in the woods he runs off doesn't come back for hours and sometimes he has a child's toy in his mouth

# ? Jan 11, 2020 22:59

Manifisto

Pickwick High posted:

sometimes he has a child's toy in his mouth

better put it in the lost and found of the baskervilles

ty nesamdoom!

# ? Jan 11, 2020 23:04

xcheopis

Manifisto posted:

better put it in the lost and found of the baskervilles

# ? Jan 11, 2020 23:08

Heather Papps: hello friend

What do we hunt here?

The... most dangerous GAME.

Badgers uhhhhhhh wolves? We hunt wolves here oooooooookaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy?!?!

# ? Jan 11, 2020 23:14

Gone Fashing: KEEP POSTIN
I'M STILL LAFFIN

PHIZ KALIFA posted:

my wife's sister is a BDSM necromancer and has dommed a bunch of poltergeists into setting the dinner table and cleaning the dishes, in exchange she insults their Pathetic Ghost Dicks

lol

# ? Jan 12, 2020 00:07

Macnult

it�s known that my ancestors didn�t obtain this land in the kindest of ways. they built a hunting lodge on top of a native american burial ground, which i thought was disrespectful, so i tore it down and built a different one on the far end of the property. from there, i did some research to find out which tribe it belonged to so i could contact them. turns out they�re on a reservation about 20 minutes away. working together, we restored the burial ground out of respect for their loved ones who had passed on. as a way to apologize on behalf of my ancestor�s horrible actions, i donated the portion of the land containing the burial ground to the tribe.

the lodge is a fantastic getaway. i�m not a hunter, but if i need some peace of mind or a relaxing vacation, i know where to go

# ? Jan 12, 2020 00:32

Tunicate

Marioooooooooooo!

# ? Jan 12, 2020 03:19

PHIZ KALIFA: #mood

practicing an ancient Aztec protection ritual by shouting at every owl i see just in case they're witches

Manifisto posted:

better put it in the lost and found of the baskervilles

lmao

crimes

# ? Jan 12, 2020 04:23

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# ? May 21, 2024 14:31

canyoneer: I only have canyoneyes for you

all the neighbors say this place is haunted, but i've lived here for the last 240 years and have never noticed anything weird

# ? Jan 12, 2020 05:07

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