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Rare Beasts. There's no legislating for unicorns.
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Apr 29, 2020 12:06
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| # ? May 19, 2024 00:44 |
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Other. We loving love stamps.
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Apr 29, 2020 13:10
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Cannon_Fodder posted:Other. We need to collect stamps while somehow, covertly or overtly, manipulating the world to get OUR face on not just a stamp, but ALL of the stamps! Everywhere!  Every human must know and revere our GLORIOUS image! Diogines fucked around with this message at 17:43 on Apr 29, 2020 |
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Apr 29, 2020 17:22
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Diogines posted:I'm going with this. A dragon who is a loving philatelist and engages in all sorts of weird and crazy things just to satisfy their obsession with stamps is hilarious to me. We don't know WHY we love them so much, but when we woke up and learned about human society and saw these... little valuable pictures they use to send messages, we felt something deep inside. Perhaps it is vanity, seeing these pictures of people that the humans respect, perhaps we want to collect and horde valuable stamp as we plot to take OUR rightful place on the stamps as the being worthy of their veneration!? I really like this suggestion, but it feels like a bad fit with the rest. How about we put a pin in it as our rival's motivation? Stamp-collecting vigilante hero who does it to get put on commemorative stamps (and other functional ephemera but especially stamps), the two dragons glowering at each other across the San Francisco Bay between skirmishes. As for our own holdings, we run a large and growing bootlegging empire and have recently branched out into trafficking unicorns and other legendary beasts. Sneaking a cask of unicorn tears past customs isn’t terribly different from sneaking a cask of brandy through, after all. Still, we’ve always loved fine liquor on its own merits, and first switched to bootlegging to protect our original hoard from hatchet-wielding teetotalers. Now our hoard is notorious as one of the few remaining aging cellars in the United States, and as painful as it is to sell a drop, the premium on booze that “doesn’t make you blind or taste like paint thinner” pays for its replacement and then some. Since we can’t get drunk off liquor, we have to get drunk on power which is why we’ve got so many minions. They’re not exactly armed to the teeth, but it’s nice to give them signature weapons as a calling card. Moving on to the next vote: How do we deal with problems? A) Rip and tear - We like to get our claws dirty, roasting and eviscerating foes personally. Our minions handle the boring logistics and paperwork. B) Condescending glare - It's more fun to *threaten* to rip and tear. Carry through if necessary, but people tend to lose their nerve when confronted by a dragon. C) Grand entrance - Minions are usually adequate, but sometimes you need to make a big impression and that's when we swoop in. D) Leave it to the minions - That's what minions are for, after all. Some might call this cowardly, but this face is too beautiful to put in harm's way. E) Creative accounting - Our lawyers and accountants keep us out of the worst trouble, somehow. Doesn’t help much with rivals, though. F) Other (write-in) - Something else? Most of these options can coexist so this vote is mostly setting the sliders, unless we end up evenly split between Rip and tear and Leave it to the minions or something weird.
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Apr 29, 2020 23:15
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B
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Apr 29, 2020 23:49
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Do it yourselves, minions
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Apr 30, 2020 00:01
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Before I exhale in such a manner as to reduce you to cinders, might I recommend rephrasing that?
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Apr 30, 2020 11:18
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B
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Apr 30, 2020 12:41
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F Submachingun
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May 1, 2020 18:52
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E Don't get lynched by tax fraud laws y'all.
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May 1, 2020 19:12
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Minions are fine when it comes to counting beans, reading maps, and moving barrels, but when it comes to shaking down lowlives there's nothing like meeting in perso-, uh, face--to-face. Most goons will fold when cornered by a dragon, and a lungful of smoke can convince a few more. A handful even defect to our side. As for those moral giants who stand up to us? "Benny, rub 'em out." Lead's good enough for them. We're keeping our fires hot for a real rival, someone who'd actually appreciate it. Yeah, we're talking other dragons. Also the Feds, but they haven't come knocking yet. --- It's not the perfect cover, nothing is, but we've bought up a shipping company and do some legitimate business with it. Together with the oil refinery we're eyeing, we'll be able to launder barrels of flammable liquid practically out in the open. At least the cheap stuff. The good stuff is staying in our personal hoard. For the magical beasts, let's just say the San Francisco Zoo has a brand new wing with our name on it, and a nameless quarantine hospital. Hospital's not open to the public. Animals might get sick, people might get sick. Let's leave it at that. --- Let's figure a bit out about what we look like. A) Beautiful - Magazine cover material. B) Fearsome - Airbrushed onto a van. C) Scarred - We've gotten into, and survived, a lot of fights. D) Friendly - Soft features like a children's character. E) Other (write-in) And how do we feel about our appearance? 1) Love it - drat straight we're the handsomest creature on this green Earth. 2) (lie) Indifferent - It makes the mooks feel bad when we rub it in, so we try not to. 3) (lie) Insecure - Pretend to have a weakness, keep 'em guessing. 4) Other (write-in) - This is probably also a lie. Suggest some physical traits with your vote, too.
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May 2, 2020 22:33
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A1 I'm Fabulous.
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May 2, 2020 23:28
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D3 we look like a toy plushy and we're really insecure about it.
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May 2, 2020 23:36
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B2 We ARE amazing but the grunts don't deserve to feel too jealous of us
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May 3, 2020 01:08
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D3 I'm baby...
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May 3, 2020 11:14
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After looking at some cartoon dragons, I'm starting to think the insecurity wouldn't be an affectation. It's hard to feel like a tough gangster when you look like this: or this 
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May 4, 2020 00:28
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A4 - Genuinely beautiful, genuinely insecure about it so we maintain a constant and demanding beauty regime. You didn't think we sell every unicorn tear do you? Some of that is invaluable scale-wash.
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May 4, 2020 02:22
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C1 helps with our intimidating
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May 4, 2020 04:49
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Tied between Beautiful and Friendly, which I think pegs our aesthetic somewhere around Spyro or How To Train Your Dragon. We're Baby, and we're desperate to grow out of it. Depending on the day of the week we're either worried that people aren't taking us seriously, worried that we won't grow up as beautiful as we hope, or 100% confident that we're the prettiest and only getting prettier. Our most trusted lieutenants know about our inner turmoil, and know how to lay on the right kind of reassuring flattery. Everyone else, friend and foe, just plays it safe and flatters us anyway. More cosmetic questions: What's our body shape? A) Serpentine - No arms or legs, maybe wings. B) Weaselly - Long sinuous body with adequate legs, like a Chinese dragon. C) Regal - The classic quadruped. We can rear back in the manner of a squirrel if we really need to use hands. D) Kaijumorph - Bipedal but still decidedly inhuman. E) Other (write-in) Do we wear clothes? A) Fully tailored - We probably need an assistant to get dressed. B) Accessories only - What kind of self-respecting gangster doesn't wear a hat? C) Commando - Clothes get in the way of being a dragon. D) Penguin formal - We don't wear clothes because we're patterned in the manner of clothes. E) Other (write-in) Some backstory questions coming up after this.
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May 4, 2020 22:26
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CB Classic baby dragon with a tie and fedora
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May 4, 2020 22:32
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D D
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May 4, 2020 23:04
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CB
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May 4, 2020 23:43
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Hmm. A A A noodle stuffed in a fancy sock!
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May 5, 2020 00:04
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CC
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May 5, 2020 00:06
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BB
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May 5, 2020 07:53
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AA some might mistake us for a kite.
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May 5, 2020 12:21
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AA
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May 5, 2020 17:25
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CA. That should be a nice twist on the typical trope.
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May 6, 2020 08:16
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CA
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May 7, 2020 22:39
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Regal and tailored it is. Our wings may be vestigial, but that's still a drat sight better than any wings a human's got. It's not cheap to keep a private tailor around, but we gotta stay decent, and it's not like we can buy suits off the rack. An independent tailor is out of the question, just sending in our measurements would get them asking unnecessary questions. Unless people have better ideas, our standard wardrobe is a gray pinstripe suit with canary yellow vest, red bow tie, and gray pork pie hat. When visiting someone to give them some persuasion, we also wear a yellow carnation boutonniere. How did we get where we are? A) Family business - We inherited our crime empire from our parents. Who are also dragons. B) Family business (adoptive) - We never knew our dragon parents, but a friendly crime lord raised us from an egg and that's good enough. C) Coronation - We somehow muddled through our youth without getting into trouble, but a desperate gang appointed us their leader and we turned things around for them. D) A knack for crime - We started from nothing and built this little empire from the ground up. E) Desperate times - We started out well-off and lost everything, crime is how we're hoping to claw it all back. F) Hobby crime - We started out rich and got into crime for the hell of it. G) Other (write-in)
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May 8, 2020 04:17
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C
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May 8, 2020 05:09
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C
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May 8, 2020 05:29
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Fame is the thing
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May 8, 2020 05:30
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For fun.
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May 8, 2020 09:04
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It has to be C, or a combination of b and c, I feel. A down on their luck group of wannabe mobsters take the ultimate gamble, laying all their hopes and dreams on this one weird egg someone sold them that turned out to be a dragon. Now they have finally raised us to maturity and we are ready to take on the world!
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May 8, 2020 12:40
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 we're the scariest dragon ever.
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May 8, 2020 12:42
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| # ? May 19, 2024 00:44 |
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Boba Pearl posted:
Thank you so much for this, we're adorable 
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May 8, 2020 15:56
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