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do mundane errands and poo poo for him like "my son. for untold years i have watched you grow from a weak fledgling into the strongest member of our clan. It is time for you to face your true destiny" *hands over keys to the prius* "pick up my dry-cleaning" |
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Aug 3, 2020 22:42
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*master shoves the 4th 7 layer burrito from taco bell down my throat as we train for the inter-clan picnic and spring fling family fun day* "pain is weakness leaving the body"
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Aug 3, 2020 22:45
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"For untold years you have studied under me, I have seen you best the greatest martial arts masters from both the east and the west. However it is only now that your true calling comes into view" *Hands disciple a small gardening shovel and paper bag* "I have company coming over this evening so you must go now, and pluck all of the dog feces from my back yard"
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Aug 3, 2020 23:09
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"you are my favorite pupil. you are the only one i trust to purge the darkness that i hide" "master. im not gonna bleach your butthole for you. open the wikihow link i sent you, its a very simple procedure to do yourself" "f-favorite pupil"
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Aug 3, 2020 23:38
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I didn't realize what my master was doing all those years I practiced blocking attacks from various directions, but now I'm the best car waxer, floor sander, and fence painter in town. |
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Aug 4, 2020 03:25
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| Once you can snatch this grasshopper from my hand you will be ready take my shih tzu to the groomers | |
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Aug 4, 2020 03:30
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cda posted:Once you can snatch this grasshopper from my hand you will be ready take my shih tzu to the groomers |
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Aug 4, 2020 03:43
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bad-rear end ninja master who teaches his disciples to lust |
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Aug 4, 2020 04:50
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now that you have achieved internal awakening, lu tsao, now i can teach you our schools most sacred technique, One Horny Finger |
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Aug 4, 2020 04:52
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"When you have mastered the placement of the toilet paper in the toilet paper holder, you will be able to advance in your training!" my sensei says to me, the seam of the toilet paper facing in such a way as to prevent the dojo's cat, Mr. Fuzzy Buttz from being able to disengorge the entire contents of the toilet paper roll all over the floor. That is to say- the seam was facing "down", so the roll wold not unfurl. No matter how many times Mr. Fuzzy Butts (all praise be to his name!) shall bap the toilet paper roll- it shall NOT spin and empty its contents upon the bathroom floor, instead it will harmlessly spin looping around and around the roll, as nature intended it to do.
https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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Aug 4, 2020 05:00
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*standing by a huge keg of beer* "Now I will show you my most sacred technique, the death palm strike. Use it only for good, never for evil" *master taps a keg with flawless precision as the assembled clan members go absolutely apeshit*
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Aug 4, 2020 05:11
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using my decades of ninja training to dominate at kancho
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Aug 4, 2020 05:15
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magic cactus posted:using my decades of ninja training to dominate at kancho not if I goose u first bithc 
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Aug 4, 2020 05:28
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magic cactus posted:using my decades of ninja training to dominate at kancho Me: "Sensei, I need to know the defensive move for this offense!" Sensei: "Cover your rear end, it's like- the first lesson- geeze!" https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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Aug 4, 2020 05:41
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Pot Smoke Phoenix posted:Me: "Sensei, I need to know the defensive move for this offense!" Kancho Krew? |
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Aug 4, 2020 06:23
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unleash an SBD in the heart of the shogun's castle undetected and you will earn your first belt |
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Aug 4, 2020 06:25
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Barking Gecko posted:Kancho Krew? 
https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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Aug 4, 2020 06:26
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Like the plot to Beverly Hills Ninja!
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Aug 4, 2020 07:06
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I fear not the man who has practiced 10,000 kicks. but i fear the nice student who could deliver me 10 Spicy Chicken Kickerz 10,000 times 
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Aug 4, 2020 13:29
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