How BYOB made me a better corporate emailer

The Something Awful Forums > Main > BYOB: BYOB BYOB BOYB BBOY YOBB YBOB BBYO?? > How BYOB made me a better corporate emailer

cruft

So you know how y'all pretty much refuse to read anything where the text wraps to a second line?

TURNS OUT EVERYBODY'S THAT WAY.

Figuring out how to be a moderately successful poster in BYOB will help you win at work!

HERE'S HOW:

Get to the gorram point
Use lists whenever possible
Avoid long lines
Get to the gorram point
Assume your boss is drunk/stoned/both and doesn't have time for your meandering crap
If you want to write a book, do that outside of work

I promise you this technique will totally work.
Just send this to 6 friends and before long you will be having MAD EMAIL SUCCESS.

Your pal,

cruft

# ? Jan 7, 2021 19:28

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# ? May 5, 2024 17:34

google THIS

I'm not sure I understand your post OP, can we schedule a meeting to go over it?

# ? Jan 7, 2021 19:47

cruft

google THIS posted:

I'm not sure I understand your post OP, can we schedule a meeting to go over it?

AGENDA:

Items not on the agenda, so y'all don't try to run the clock down with stupid crap at the end of the meeting and I can go pee instead
Things from last meeting you said would be done by this one but nobody did because you're all jerks
Explanation of "lists"
Explanation of meeting agendas
How to compile the BYOB Chrome extension into WASM
Why you should take 5 minutes away from every 30 minutes of a meeting so people can go pee between meetings
Adjourn probably 10 minutes into a 25-minute meeting

# ? Jan 7, 2021 19:54

cruft

cruft posted:

Adjourn probably 10 minutes into a 25-minute meeting

You've gotta put "adjourn" at the end of the agenda, because people in meetings feel like they need to take up the entire time slot no matter what, for some drat reason.

If you put "adjourn" or "end of meeting" or something, then:

You have a list of things you need to get done in the meeting
The last thing to get done, after you've done the other things, is to END THE DAMNED MEETING

Folks gotta pee.

cruft

# ? Jan 7, 2021 20:03

alnilam

google THIS posted:

I'm not sure I understand your post OP, can we schedule a meeting to go over it?

action items:

Schedule a meeting to go over it

any volunteers for this action item?

oh new action item

get a volunteer to take on the action item "schedule a meeting to go over it"

_{ty manifisto}

# ? Jan 7, 2021 21:12

nut

do this mean i got the job

# ? Jan 7, 2021 21:44

Bright Bart: False. There is only one electron and it has never stopped

I don't know dude I think it depends on the field.

And yeah bullet points not numbered lists I guess.

Bright Bart fucked around with this message at 23:09 on Jan 7, 2021

# ? Jan 7, 2021 22:50

Bright Bart: False. There is only one electron and it has never stopped

nut posted:

do this mean i got the job

You were supposed to start this morning!

You blew it and are fired!

# ? Jan 7, 2021 22:50

cruft

Bright Bart posted:

I don't know dude I think it depends on the field.

Okay, sure, but don't write Heart of Darkness when all you have to say is something like "yes, this was approved last march. We should attempt to push it out next week."

cruft fucked around with this message at 23:12 on Jan 7, 2021

# ? Jan 7, 2021 23:09

cruft

AND ANOTHER THING

Don't reply saying "thanks" and nothing else.

# ? Jan 7, 2021 23:12

Bright Bart: False. There is only one electron and it has never stopped

cruft posted:

AND ANOTHER THING

Don't reply saying "thanks" and nothing else.

One pitfall to avoid in formal correspondence is sounding either sarcastic when you don't mean to be, or ungrateful.

"thanks" is a potential for both.

# ? Jan 7, 2021 23:17

Prof. Crocodile

Revolutionizing team-building exercises with the friend square.

NLT the 99% bread deli sandwiches arrived for lunch.

# ? Jan 7, 2021 23:24

mailorder bees: FLUFFERNUTTER

why send an email when you can schedule a 1 hour meeting?

thanks Manifisto!

# ? Jan 7, 2021 23:47

cruft

mailorder bees! posted:

why send an email when you can schedule a 1 hour meeting?

50 MINUTE MEETING

HAVE YOU PEOPLE LEARNED NOTHING

I AM EXPRESSING MY ANGER BY HOLDING DOWN SHIFT

# ? Jan 7, 2021 23:54

frump truck: hello... again!

i didn't read anything in this thread

# ? Jan 7, 2021 23:57

frump truck: hello... again!

frump truck posted:

i didn't read anything in this thread

actually i dont know how to read

# ? Jan 7, 2021 23:57

Slumpy

tldr op

slumpy

# ? Jan 8, 2021 00:03

Slumpy

bump

slumpy

# ? Jan 8, 2021 00:03

frump truck: hello... again!

Slumpy posted:

bump

i can't read this. what does it say

# ? Jan 8, 2021 00:05

cruft

frump truck posted:

i can't read this. what does it say

It says "frump truck is a really cool poster"

# ? Jan 8, 2021 00:06

Slumpy

IT SAYS FRUMP TRUCK rear end

slumpy

# ? Jan 8, 2021 00:07

alexandriao

cruft posted:

AGENDA:

How to compile the BYOB Chrome extension into WASM

hi op id like to schedule a meeting to go over this. what is this? why wasnt i CC'd on this?

many thanks posting pals,
- alexandria

Too much is always not enough!

(Thanks to tvsveryown for the spring sig!)

# ? Jan 8, 2021 00:18

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# ? May 5, 2024 17:34

cruft

alexandriao posted:

hi op id like to schedule a meeting to go over this. what is this? why wasnt i CC'd on this?

many thanks posting pals,
- alexandria

I recommend you bring this up during "items not on the agenda"!

Did fake Kanye ever make a Chrome extension for BYOB? I started on one and then gave up after a couple hours.

cruft fucked around with this message at 00:25 on Jan 8, 2021

# ? Jan 8, 2021 00:21

The Something Awful Forums > Main > BYOB: BYOB BYOB BOYB BBOY YOBB YBOB BBYO?? > How BYOB made me a better corporate emailer