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Once a monk made a request of Joshu. “I have just entered the monastery,” he said. “Please give me instructions, Master.” Joshu said, “Have you had your breakfast?” “Yes, I have,” replied the monk. “Then,” said Joshu, “wash your bowels.” The monk had an insight.
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Feb 19, 2021 14:30
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| # ? May 4, 2024 23:58 |
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they like to eat eucalyptus, iirc e: oh
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Feb 19, 2021 14:31
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that dubstep group?
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Feb 19, 2021 14:31
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If you meet the Lowtax along the road...
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Feb 19, 2021 14:35
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Tanzan and Ekido were once traveling together down a muddy road. A heavy rain was still falling. Coming around a bend, they met a lovely girl in a silk kimono and sash, unable to cross the intersection. "Come on, girl" said Tanzan at once. Lifting her in his arms, he carried her over the mud. Ekido did not speak again until that night when they reached a lodging temple. Then he no longer could restrain himself. "We monks don't go near females," he told Tanzan, "especially not young and lovely ones. It is dangerous. Why did you do that?" "I left the girl there," said Tanzan. "Are you still carrying her printer?"
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Feb 19, 2021 14:43
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Many dynasties ago, the master offered advice before morning meditation: "You are a loving clown and you pretend to be enlightened to look cool" Suddenly the student was enlightened (in a really cool way)
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Feb 19, 2021 14:44
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Mozi posted:Tanzan and Ekido were once traveling together down a muddy road. A heavy rain was still falling. 
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Feb 19, 2021 14:49
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Suji and Ryuzo were walking on a path towards the Temple Hijimi when they happened upon a house, in a state of mismatch and disrepair. "Master," asked Ryuzo. "Though this house is in a bad state, should we camp here for the night? It seems no one is living in it." The master inspected the house from the outside through the windows, and returned to Suji, shaking his head. "No, let us carry on." And so they did. As they got farther away from the house, they heard a great crash and turned around, watching as the building collapsed in on itself. "Master!" Ryuzo exclaimed. "If we had been in that house, we would have been killed." Suji nodded. "As soon as I saw the load-bearing drywall, I knew it had been made by none other than grover." The student was in awe of his master's knowledge, and they carried on toward the temple.
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Feb 19, 2021 14:58
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Paging the Koan Brothers
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Feb 19, 2021 15:01
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One day the famous monk Fuji and his student Ryu were making a rest stop at a dining establishment in Alabama when Ryu suddenly said to his teacher "Master, I think something is wrong here, the bun of this hot dog is ten times smaller than the wiener". "Ah" replied the famous monk, "but is the bun really too small, Ryu, or is maybe the wiener too long?". The student thought long and hard about this answers and then said "The cold slaw is is cold as gently caress too". And so both of them were banned from the diner forever and could never go there again.
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Feb 19, 2021 15:12
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A goon went deep into his mancave, away from the burning light, and he was endarkened.
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Feb 19, 2021 15:20
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Anyone walking about Chinatowns in America with observe statues of a stout fellow carrying a linen sack. Chinese merchants call him Happy Chinaman or Laughing Buddha. This Hotei lived in the T'ang dynasty. He had no desire to call himself a Zen master or to gather many disciples about him. Instead he walked the streets with a big sack into which he would put gifts of candy, fruit, or doughnuts. These he would give to children who gathered around him in play. He established a kindergarten of the streets. Whenever he met a Zen devotee he would extend his hand and say: "Give me one penny." And if anyone asked him to return to a temple to teach others, again he would reply: "Give me one penny." Once he was about his play-work another Zen master happened along and inquired: "What is the significance of Zen?" Hotei immediately plopped his sack down on the ground in silent answer. "Then," asked the other, "what is the actualization of Zen?" At once the Happy Chinaman asked, "Would you like two CDs?"
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Feb 19, 2021 15:26
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As he travelled the road, Ekido met a braggart who insisted on boasting of the finery he wore. "Do you not see how the gods have blessed me with fortune, that I can afford such excellent and pleasing attire?" said the braggart to Ekido. After studying the braggart for some time, Ekido said to him: "That is indeed a nice hat." The braggart bowed with false humility and declared Ekido a wise judge of such matters of fashion. "You should have waited for me to finish speaking," said Ekido, "for my statement was not complete. I had intended to say that it was a nice hat for a clown to wear. To the circus. Idiot." At that moment, the braggart knew enlightenment.
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Feb 19, 2021 15:30
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Out of nowhere, the poo poo fills shorts.
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Feb 19, 2021 15:39
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A master and his student were traveling by boat As it happened, the men of the ship were also fishers and were hauling in the nets. The student gazed curiously upon the catch and spoke; "Master, what manner of catch is this?" The Master replied "I believe it is a small pastry"
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Feb 19, 2021 15:42
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Nan-in, a Japanese master during the Meiji era (1868-1912), received a university professor who came to inquire about Zen. Nan-in served tea. He poured his visitor's cup full, and then kept on pouring. The professor watched the overflow until he no longer could restrain himself. "It is overfull. No more will go in!" "You brought too small of a cup" Nan-in said, "I tell you fuckers to bring a big cup but you keep bringing shot-glass sized teeny ones, what the gently caress? It's not even enough time for me to give you a zen lesson, and now your hands are burnt from the hot water. Here's a lesson: bring a bigger tea cup next time, rear end in a top hat."
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Feb 19, 2021 15:54
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Shuzan held out his short staff and said, “If you call this a short staff, you oppose its reality. If you do not call it a short staff, you ignore the fact. Now what do you wish to call this?” Shuzan's student paused, and considered, and said, "Suck my short staff, you fuckman"
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Feb 19, 2021 15:57
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Whybird posted:As he travelled the road, Ekido met a braggart who insisted on boasting of the finery he wore. "Do you not see how the gods have blessed me with fortune, that I can afford such excellent and pleasing attire?" said the braggart to Ekido.
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Feb 19, 2021 15:57
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What is Buddha? Ligma balls
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Feb 19, 2021 16:00
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Tanzan wrote sixty postal cards on the last day of his life, and asked an attendent to mail them. Then he passed away. The cards read: "Forget evidence for a minute. Let us consider motive. Rape is about power, not sex. I grew up a physically deformed redneck farmboy in the woods, who went on to run around the world working in West African solar development and getting AK-47s shoved in my face, as well as burn scars I have to look at everyday. I have spent a significant chunk of this past year homeless. I went from a physically deformed redneck to an internationally experienced Manhattan ad-man who quietly contributes to leftist and feminist causes, beyond a semi-anonymous social media presence. If I really was a power hungry sociopath, do you really think I'd settle for something so petty as the violation of another individual? As those who have been deeply intimate with me would tell you, my release is giving up power to another. My life, in all its chaos and outrageous situations, has demanded extreme self-control to such a degree, that I would much rather give up to another for a brief reprise instead of exert power over another. The facts simply do not add up."
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Feb 19, 2021 16:00
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What is the meaning of life? "N--Nog lookin for a han beezy" replied the student. And he was enlightened.
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Feb 19, 2021 16:09
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I remember the goon post about how they sucked their own dick and it was more like sucking another dick than getting their own dick sucked and I think that's kind of a koan when you think about it
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Feb 19, 2021 16:40
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What is the sound of one hand fapping?
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Feb 19, 2021 19:46
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A frog and a scorpion met at the side of the river. The scorpion asked the frog if he would carry him across to the other side. The frog says no, you are a predator and will likely kill me. The scorpion says, of course I will not kill you as we cross for then I would drown and die too. The frog considers this and agrees to swim the scorpion across the river on his back. Half way across the scorpion stings the frog. The frog says with its dieing breath, why, why have you condemned us both? The scorpion replies, I'm so stoned I dunno know what the gently caress, lol.
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Feb 19, 2021 20:05
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I used something called Ruby Koans to brush up on programming a decade or so ago. I hope you enjoyed my story.
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Feb 19, 2021 20:12
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Banzan was reading qcs and he came across a poster complaining about his recent probation. "There are many bad posters you could have probated instead, you should only bother with the worst posts" The mod replied "All posts in gbs are the worst. You will not find a single post that is not the worst." Upon reading that, Banzan became enlightened
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Feb 19, 2021 20:18
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Whenever a wise monk was asked a question about Zen, he raised a finger. A visitor asked his attendant boy, "what does the venerable old monk say is the greatest dharma?" The boy raised a finger. Hearing of this insolance, the wise monk seized the boy and blew his finger off with thermite. The boy cried and went to run away, but the wise monk called him back and held up a finger before him. In that instant, the boy said "At hostpital lost fingat post mote later." and was enlightened.
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Feb 19, 2021 20:18
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Once a monk asked "How long is the shelf life of a glow stick" The master said nothing "You mean forever?" The master smacked the monk over the head
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Feb 19, 2021 20:20
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A monk asked Master Haryo, “What is the way?” Haryo said, “An open-eyed man falling into the well.” The monk tried to help Haryo out of the well but he kept digging.
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Feb 19, 2021 21:08
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Propaganda Machine posted:I used something called Ruby Koans to brush up on programming a decade or so ago. I recently did the SQL Koans. I'm not sure how much it taught me. I could guess at the answers based on context, eventually. I felt compelled to read a book on SQL, and after a weekend spent, Only then did I feel I could really understand what was going on. I guess the Ruby koans worked the same way. Read a book.
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Feb 19, 2021 22:15
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I took grandmas pain pills and i feel fuzzy
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Feb 19, 2021 23:12
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It came to pass that an itinerant scholar sought shelter in a monastery. The abbot recognized in him great wisdom and invited him to take tea. "I can tell from your bearing that you are strong in the ways of wisdom," said the abbot. "How have you fared in your travels?" "In truth," said the traveler, "I find myself depressed. Life is harsh and cruel. I feel alone in a threatening world." The abbot nodded. "Then remain with us. Soon the great scholar Takuan Sōhō will visit our monastery. Perhaps his wisdom can calm your spirit." "Ah, but Abbot," said the traveler calmly, "I am Takuan Sōhō."
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Feb 20, 2021 00:18
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"Master," asked the student, "of the Wu-Tang Clan members' solo albums, which is best?" The master replied without hesitation: "This question cannot be answered. Each album is in its own way strong. Each contains the spirit of the assembled Wu-Tang." "But it's not Immobilarity," said the master. "That poo poo sucked."
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Feb 20, 2021 00:24
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| # ? May 4, 2024 23:58 |
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On his walk to the temple, the student saw a stray cat. The cat seemed friendly, and the student reached down to scratch it. But the cat ran away. The student continued his walk.
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Feb 20, 2021 09:00
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