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I wish I could not work as much but I have a manic fear of becoming destitute. My early career was spent in restaurants and self employed so I'm on a few different levels of broke brained. Today I put in my 8-5 , made dinner and helped the kids with homework for 2 hours and then worked until midnight. No one told me I had to, I just had a project I wanted to finish which of course is not yet actually finished. I do this poo poo on a regular basis. Work is like an abusive relationship for me. It takes and takes and I give and give and at the end of it all I feel used and guilty for taking the time from other things that are probably more important for my well being. I keep going back because it's what Ive always done and I hear this voice in my head that's like "you are nothing without me; you'd end up on the street without me, now get back infront of that computer and make some data flows" and I believe the voice. Anyway I should probably see a therapist or something but I'm afraid they'll tell me to work less or quit my job. After all it says in the bible; "a little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest and poverty will come upon you like a bandit and scarcity like an armed man". (Yes I am quoting from memory) I came across an interesting concept in a book I read recently called "the burnout generation". The author talked about a class called the precariat. Essentially these are medium wage workers who are perpetually afraid of ending up as low wage workers. I feel it. It's the fear of having to go back to delivering pizza. It's real as hell. Everything comfortable and easy that I've been able to attain in life can go away so fast and the only way I can find to curb that anxiety is to just put in more hours. I know at least one or two of my coworkers are doing similar things. We don't talk about it really and it's messed up because we are creating these absurd expectations to management based on what we are able to pull off which causes this sort of feedback loop where now I have to work more to satisfy the expectations I helped create. I've been volunteering at a bike coop on the weekends and it's awesome - everything I like about work and none of the anxiety, pressure, and mental hangups. I recently started truing wheels. It feels incredibly satisfying to learn a new skill and help people and not worry about money or career future, or personal brand. Why can't work be like that? I'll have a large fries and an order of ligma on the side
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Jun 2, 2021 08:31
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| # ? May 2, 2024 15:37 |
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if your disability is being a chat thread poster you don't get any benefits from the state, sorry op
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Jun 2, 2021 09:37
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What a horrid morning. I was planning on smoking a nice fat blunt or two but guess what Instead of doing that, I worked. From home. Without any supervision, too. gently caress my broken brain, gently caress my slave mentality, gonna light up RIGHT NOW
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Jun 2, 2021 10:36
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ill trade you brains
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Jun 2, 2021 10:38
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Trash Ops posted:if your disability is being a chat thread poster you don't get any benefits from the state, sorry op
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Jun 2, 2021 13:44
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