Farming in a High Magic Environment

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PHIZ KALIFA: #mood

ya gotta leave your mandrakes in the ground for a few frosts. sweetens up the flesh and the screams get less lethal

ahhh dang i lost my pumpkins to a dang swarm of Awakened mice. they built up a sandstone abbey and have secured the entire northern garden bed.

# ? Sep 18, 2021 16:23

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# ? May 12, 2024 22:24

Heather Papps: hello friend

i'm proud to run the largest newt breeding and harvesting co-operative in the greater northern crater area. eyes, tails - hell, we got every bit of newt you could need. stop by our picturesque swamp nestled right in the teat of okrum, a short hike from the nearest mages guild portal. mention this parchment and get 10% off your order, 20% if you pay in rubies.

thanks Dumb Sex-Parrot and deep dish peat moss for this winter bounty!

# ? Sep 18, 2021 16:27

Heather Papps: hello friend

this orchard has been in my family for generations - the sweetest apples in the realm. just watch out, and make sure to wear the gloves. i know they're hot, but when a falseapple bursts into flames in your hands you'll be glad you had em!

thanks Dumb Sex-Parrot and deep dish peat moss for this winter bounty!

# ? Sep 18, 2021 16:28

Lock: hardcore sound gets you hypah

turn your swords to plowshares and you�re set

https://giant.gfycat.com/ThoseAcrobaticCapybara.webm
so much love to vanisher for the winter '21 sig!

huge love to Tiny Myers for the fall '21 sig!

# ? Sep 18, 2021 16:53

google THIS

"OK listen up Fran�ois, our cherries are selling poorly, and to be honest, it's hard to blame the customer. They only restore 10 MP. We need to come up with another reason for people to buy our fruit."

"How about...sustenance?"

"I was thinking more like the ability to craft them into a stronger potion. And I've told you before to stop making up words, Fran�ois."

# ? Sep 18, 2021 18:11

Pot Smoke Phoenix: Smoke 'em if you gottem!

Careful what you say around the cornfields.

They have ears and can hear you...

And don't wear a skirt or your kilt walking over the potato field

# ? Sep 18, 2021 21:24

Buttchocks: No, I like my hat, thanks.

I used to be a dragon-slayer, but nowadays I just collect the dragon manure and sell it to farmers as compost.

# ? Sep 18, 2021 21:57

your friend sk: (ヤイケス!)

I don't have to say a lot more about the way I feel about Lord Richard of House Flair. No respect! No honor! There is no honor among thieves in the first place. He put hard times on Dusty of Rhodes and his family. You don't know what hard times are, daddy! Hard times are when the mana berry workers around this kingdom are out of work and got four, five adventurers, and can't pay their lifestyle cost, can't buy their daily rations. Hard times are when the dung farmers are out of work and they tell them 'Go home!'. And hard times are when a man has worked at a forge thirty years � thirty years! � they give him a masterwork bracer, kick him in the butt and say 'Hey, a dwarf took your place, daddy!'. That's hard times! That's hard times.

Join the BYOB Army

^{thank you again Saoshyant!!}

# ? Sep 18, 2021 23:26

The Voice of Labor

*waters crops with mana because it is more abundant than water*

# ? Sep 18, 2021 23:51

PHIZ KALIFA: #mood

how soon after the development of the Awakening spell did the first pervert misuse the first intelligent vegetable

crimes

# ? Sep 19, 2021 01:14

Pot Smoke Phoenix: Smoke 'em if you gottem!

PHIZ KALIFA posted:

how soon after the development of the Awakening spell did the first pervert misuse the first intelligent vegetable

Eggplant: Um... I don't think this is right, my dude

# ? Sep 19, 2021 03:18

Finger Prince

Bringing in migrant workers from the Giant Realm in the sky to harvest the beans from your beanstalks because they're the only ones that can reach.

# ? Sep 19, 2021 04:40

Finger Prince

Cloudkill isn't approved by the USDA as an organic pesticide because it has no organic component. You have to use stinking cloud. It's less effective but it gets a pass because it's synthesized from skunk cabbage or rotten eggs.

# ? Sep 19, 2021 04:49

The Voice of Labor

thanks to the magic of farm subsidies farmers make more money leaving their land fallow

# ? Sep 19, 2021 04:54

idiotsavant

dadgummit!! half the ginsengs grew peckers and went after the amaryllis belladonna and now the whole garden sounds like a whore house

# ? Sep 19, 2021 07:19

Buttchocks: No, I like my hat, thanks.

Remember what you were saying about people on the farms, Art, people like Skip. People who plow their fields for the 800th time and then level up into murderhobos? Well THAT'S US. It's not them, THAT'S US. We're the ones who are levitating over the fences, scrying on people. We're the ones who are throwing fireballs in the street and casting magic missiles. We're the ones who are acting suspicious and paranoid, Art. We're the chaotic neutrals. Us. It's NOT THEM. It's us.

# ? Sep 19, 2021 07:51

Queen-Of-Hearts: "I want to break your heart💔 and give you mine🫀"

Take it from me; you don't want to mix up your witchcraft and bitchcraft spells when planting pumpkins.

*sharpens athame for war*

:h: sig by Prof. Crocodile :h:
:byodame: BYOB spells: Mutually Assured Kindness

# ? Sep 19, 2021 14:42

PHIZ KALIFA: #mood

idiotsavant posted:

dadgummit!! half the ginsengs grew peckers and went after the amaryllis belladonna and now the whole garden sounds like a whore house

this is how the alrune was created

crimes

# ? Sep 19, 2021 17:08

Stoner Sloth

PHIZ KALIFA posted:

how soon after the development of the Awakening spell did the first pervert misuse the first intelligent vegetable

looks like them Cuke boys are at it again

# ? Sep 19, 2021 17:17

Queen-Of-Hearts: "I want to break your heart💔 and give you mine🫀"

Stoner Sloth posted:

looks like them Cuke boys are at it again

:h: sig by Prof. Crocodile :h:
:byodame: BYOB spells: Mutually Assured Kindness

# ? Sep 20, 2021 14:43

Gramps

One of the farmhands was out marking what he thought were gopher holes and he found out the hard way what a kobold den looks like. Those little fuckers bite harder than you would believe is possible and their teeth are surprisingly sharp. I sent him back out there with a bag of dog food today to try and make peace with em, so hopefully they're not still mad

# ? Sep 20, 2021 17:19

Finger Prince

Gramps posted:

One of the farmhands was out marking what he thought were gopher holes and he found out the hard way what a kobold den looks like. Those little fuckers bite harder than you would believe is possible and their teeth are surprisingly sharp. I sent him back out there with a bag of dog food today to try and make peace with em, so hopefully they're not still mad

Back in days of yore, which is what we called the old days back then, we'd just pick those fuckers off from the deck with pa's trusty +1 crossbow of varmint huntin'.

# ? Sep 20, 2021 17:27

Gramps

Finger Prince posted:

Back in days of yore, which is what we called the old days back then, we'd just pick those fuckers off from the deck with pa's trusty +1 crossbow of varmint huntin'.

I don't agree with it, but the Archwizard insists they're sentient creatures so that's not really an option anymore. Last time I pissed him off he stole my penis and I had to go to the cursed grove at midnight and try to seduce the hedgewitch to get it back. I should've just let her keep it. The magical stitches she used to reattach it were really poorly done so now every full moon the scar turns black and stinks for a couple days. Don't piss off the Archwizard, man.

# ? Sep 20, 2021 17:43

Ventral EggSac

I throw my dusty hat on the ground in frustration as I realize I misunderstood the seed guy and had been trying to grow cantrips instead of turnips this whole time

# ? Sep 20, 2021 21:48

Heather Papps: hello friend

don't tell anyone, this is a bit of a chef and farmers secret, but wizards can't just MAKE food. there are vast storehouses and kitchens where people prepare a list of meals that a wizard will teleport to themselves. they're steady buyers but the main thing is they pay for discretion. weird that people who can call down lightning are worried about people finding out they aren't gods, but oh well. the coin is good.

thanks Dumb Sex-Parrot and deep dish peat moss for this winter bounty!

# ? Sep 21, 2021 00:02

Jaguars!

Ah, younguns, t'were most different in the days before the coming of the unholy machines. When we summoned Baal's servants for the tilling there were great feats of daring and bravado, and flames buring upon the shields, and the screaming of men and women, and cats clawing upon ones face. The whole community came together, and no-one would begrudge you the loan of a +1 sword or morningstar. Ah, the summoning of Baal's servants would leave the whole village exhausted after 40 days of continuous summoning, out of mana and nursing their last HP, and the folk songs werre replaced with mourning wails.

Nowadays, o' course, a spotty youth can drive a plough with a mule and till an acre a day, which is of course an most efficient, but there's no character in the youth of today, who think that they can get by with a life of backbreaking toil, hard-won common sense and wisdom borne of working closely with the earth.

# ? Sep 21, 2021 01:20

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# ? May 12, 2024 22:24

Lock: hardcore sound gets you hypah

Ventral EggSac posted:

I throw my dusty hat on the ground in frustration as I realize I misunderstood the seed guy and had been trying to grow cantrips instead of turnips this whole time

https://giant.gfycat.com/ThoseAcrobaticCapybara.webm
so much love to vanisher for the winter '21 sig!

huge love to Tiny Myers for the fall '21 sig!

# ? Sep 21, 2021 14:19

The Something Awful Forums > Main > BYOB: BYOB BYOB BOYB BBOY YOBB YBOB BBYO?? > Farming in a High Magic Environment