|
Ned was at the end of the day, an expression he detested. "There is no day!" he screamed at his bedroom walls. "Time is just another illusion and we all fell for it! Even I fell for it! I believe in January 6th even though I don't believe in anything! Ned spoke in a pissy, bitchy voice but this was because he communicated entirely in virtual memes and couldn't be bothered to develop a manner of speaking which more properly reflected his intent. "This is a matrix. There are no people on this planet. Society is just another illusion and we all fell for it. I believe in the speed limit even though time and space are merely constructs! Logical inconsistency is the Aunt Jemima I smear on my hands each and every morning, except for yesterday morning, when I Tiktok'd over to Cosmo's Pizza to play Russian Roulette with Jeffrey Epstein! I really had no choice in the matter." "Ned certainly can go on and on," Senator Yu-Gi-Oh from Kansas stated in an official email, "and as long as he continues to comment, subscribe and smash that like button, I will do nothing!" Ned walked away from the computer feeling beefed and bagged. His brain was buzzing, the way it always did just after Gutfeld. He loaded up the Volvo with granola bars and Trump t-shirts and headed for Delaware. "I've had it!" he sang. "I've had it with 1. memes, 2. gentrification, 3. lols, 4. passive-aggressive shitposts, and 7. numbered lists of nonsense. I will drive without a vaccine, without a mask, and if I make it to Washington DC, fine. And if I'm running late, if I'm running a BitCoin scam, it doesn't matter I will keep on running, because a body in motion tends to stay emotional, and it's better to feel. Pain is BETTER than Pepsi, Pepsi is better than Coke, Coke is better than nothing, and nothing is better than this."
|
#
?
Jan 12, 2022 20:45
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 21, 2024 21:34 |
|
|
This is pretty good I would read a novel of this
|
|
#
?
Jan 12, 2022 20:47
|
|
|
you familiar with the writing of S.J. Perelman? This gave me echoes of him and of Groucho Marx*, and I mean that as a compliment. if you got more of this inside your head, please post it *they were two dudes who found themselves on the same wavelength, or very close, despite not formally working together on more than the one film iirc
|
|
#
?
Jan 12, 2022 21:03
|
|
|
Clark Nova stepped up to the podium and gestured grandly. His follicles were sparkling, like lemonade. "So you figured it out?" he boomed. "So you finally figured it out. You spent long enough in the dirt trenches of the poo poo machine to see exactly who spins the cogs. You managed to tally up enough spiritual and/or drug-induced experiences to convince your third eye to open just enough to get blinded with the absolute light of the truth; that you live in a place and a time that is designed to grind you up and crush you down into a fine powder that gets fed to pigs whose poo poo fuels a machine that generates near-infinite happiness and wealth for a tiny few at the top! So you put on a... a leather jacket and you dye your hair and you go to college, and you listen to smart music and watch smart movies... you feel a little bit better because you've found evidence, actual evidence, that other people might have ever felt as weird as you..." He turns to point an accusing finger deep into the audience. "And who do you think made those things, huh?? Who do you think invented punk rock or disco duck or... or whatever... That's right... the same conspiracy! Oh, at first it was just a lone, cool nut... but by the time you or I heard about it, it had already been scanned in, boxed and delivered. Your existential crisis? They've got it numbered! It's just another point of data on one of their lists! So you think, alright, well, I've had it! I'll show them! You decide to just shoot yourself, like you've been threatening to for years to get attention... don't you think they planned for that, too? Kurt Cobain never existed! That was some poor junkie named Alan Farnsworth they just, they just propped up with a guitar, and then staged a fake suicide when he got out of line!"
|
|
#
?
Jan 12, 2022 21:52
|
|
|
pepsi is better than coke though
|
|
#
?
Jan 12, 2022 21:56
|
|
|
On reaching the end of culture, Bart turns to the camera and says "Cynicism at least possesses an honesty that all the memes in the world cannot attain," as he dons his sunglasses and kicks off the pavement one last time, drifting into the sunset like a lone sad turd through a sewage drain.
|
|
#
?
Jan 12, 2022 21:58
|
|
|
didint know dfw was working on a sequal to infinite jest, reads p good so its sad he never got to finish it
|
|
#
?
Jan 12, 2022 22:02
|
|
|
What everybody knows is that postmodern thought presupposed that our senses, our faculties, our minds are just tools which show us only an imperfect and pale reflection of the true, underlying reality. What my philosophy presupposes is... maybe they don't?
|
|
#
?
Jan 13, 2022 01:20
|
|
|
|
|
#
?
Jan 13, 2022 01:22
|
|
|
Not so much any more 
|
|
#
?
Jan 13, 2022 01:25
|
|
|
"I did it," he thought. "I've finally become a pimp." It had taken years of hard work. Finding hoes had been the easy part. What nobody tells you about pimping? It ain't easy. Pimps are expected to maintain a downright Herculean physique, to keep tabs on countless customers and rendezvous points. Dude on Wall Street, maybe he knows the best place to get a martini or take a poo poo north of 7th. A pimp has to know, to the decimal, the rate of every by-the-hour flophouse in the whole drat five boroughs. And that's just for starters. Like, take CVV codes. Yeah, fuckin' CVV codes. Well, it being the day and age it is, hoes get paid electronically now - they got debit cards. Pimp's gotta remember every loving CVV number of all his hoes because they're always so hosed up on crystal they never remember poo poo. And you know he can't write them down! Because then someone would find them, and what else is a list of 3-digit numbers in a pimp's pocket gonna be? gently caress.
|
|
#
?
Jan 13, 2022 01:32
|
|
|
Ever try to read pop lit from the 30's? It's completely incomprehensible today. Every other word is a meme or reference or unrecognizable slang. The more things change...
|
|
#
?
Jan 13, 2022 17:48
|
|
|
precision posted:What everybody knows is that postmodern thought presupposed that our senses, our faculties, our minds are just tools which show us only an imperfect and pale reflection of the true, underlying reality. Solution: Delete Reality. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gc4pxTjii9c
|
|
#
?
Jan 13, 2022 17:56
|
|
|
BIG TIT LIL NIP posted:pepsi is better than coke though
|
|
#
?
Jan 13, 2022 18:23
|
|
|
Horace stumbled into the last stall on the left, fumbling eagerly for the tiny package hidden in his coat interior. "Semiotics," he thinks, "slime and balderdash. Jenny any nutsack." His thoughts were becoming... unsound. Ryan peeks his cleave over the ham, figured between the awnings, luscious biscuits. "Boss," he urges, "boss, they've got horses." gently caress
|
|
#
?
Jan 13, 2022 19:26
|
|
|
Ned? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2BEvh6HSQc0
|
|
#
?
Jan 13, 2022 20:05
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 21, 2024 21:34 |
|
|
m
|
|
#
?
Jan 13, 2022 20:09
|
|
