- google THIS
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I concentrate, focusing inward, tapping into my uncanny ability to communicate telepathically with animals.
"He wants food," I say.
The dog owners roll their eyes. It's the same thing I've said for the last eight sessions, but that doesn't make it any less true today.
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Mar 6, 2022 04:16
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 11, 2024 16:31
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- google THIS
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People find the flies annoying, but no one can deny that once I've used my Green Mile ability, the nail fungus never comes back.
By the way, does anyone know who "Street Jude" is or why she keeps trying to call me?
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Mar 6, 2022 04:19
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- Sherbert Hoover
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Working hard, thank you!
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being that i can run at mach 4 you'd think i would be thriving as a mailman, but no, not really
i'm by far the most efficient at delivering mail but they won't promote me because i don't have enough time in, and honestly i think they want me right where i am
this sig is protected by Simsmagic!
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Mar 8, 2022 16:17
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- nut
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*shows off crotch* you would think from the outer appearance of my jeans, that I had not pissed my pants, right?
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#
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Mar 8, 2022 17:16
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- google THIS
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Me: (waves hand) You don't need to see my identification.
TSA agent: We don't need to see his identification.
Don't get me wrong, I do have my drivers license with me and it's current and valid and I'm not up to anything, I just don't feel like getting it out. Same with, OK hang on a sec
Me: (waves hand) I don't need to take my shoes off.
TSA Agent: He doesn't need to take his shoes off.
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Mar 8, 2022 19:21
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- Buttchocks
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No, I like my hat, thanks.
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Using only my fingertips, I can reseason a cast-iron pan. It will smell a bit like human flesh when you cook with it though, hope that's ok.
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Mar 8, 2022 21:06
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- Sherbert Hoover
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Working hard, thank you!
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i have the power of magnetism. turns out people don't really need a big magnet all the time! i can't play video games anymore because i mess up all the electronics near me, which is also why i can't hold a job
this sig is protected by Simsmagic!
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Mar 8, 2022 21:33
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- Finger Prince
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Slouched on the couch watching cartoons on Netflix at 2am, barely able to focus, I use my laser vision to relight the half smoked joint on the coffee table, miss, and accidentally set the rug on fire. Again. Shitshitshit *uses freeze breath to put it out*
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Mar 8, 2022 21:49
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- Finger Prince
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Files a grievance with the Justice Union because the police commissioner only ever calls in Batman in an emergency because he's an overtime whore.
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Mar 8, 2022 21:59
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- Buttchocks
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No, I like my hat, thanks.
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I can telepathically scan your mind and see every pair of shoes you've ever worn!
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Mar 9, 2022 00:44
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- Robot Made of Meat
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Using my adequate powers to inconvenience a mundane villain.
Thanks to Manifisto for the sig!
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Mar 9, 2022 03:44
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- google THIS
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Using Cerebro to play VR games
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Mar 9, 2022 14:24
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- gleebster
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Only a howler
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Using my x-ray vision, I determine that I should put eggs on the shopping list
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Mar 9, 2022 15:16
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- nut
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*shows off crotch* you would think from the outer appearance of my jeans, that I had not pissed my pants, right?
*spits out mouthful* however, I was actually just teleporting the pee!
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Mar 9, 2022 16:15
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- Finger Prince
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Using my x-ray vision, I determine that I should put eggs on the shopping list
Just staring at the closed fridge for like 5 minutes before giving up and saying there's nothing to loving eat in this house.
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Mar 9, 2022 23:30
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- google THIS
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Using my perfect and infallible prescience to once and for all figure out which lane of stop-and-go traffic is going to move faster
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Mar 10, 2022 05:00
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- Fredrik1
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Gopherslayer
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Should have gone for solar instead of the enormous tower harnessing ancient cosmic hell energy that only works once every decade when the moon and planets align
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Mar 10, 2022 19:22
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- google THIS
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Hot alien girl: So now that your record breaking high score has summoned me here you have a choice to make. You can sit here and play this video game all day. Or you can come with me, experience the game in real life, and maybe, just maybe, you can save your world and many others like it.
Me: Ok hold up...all day?
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Mar 12, 2022 05:01
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- The Walrus Cancer
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If we were all trees, there'd be no more wars. 'Cause we'd be trees.
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*spits out mouthful* however, I was actually just teleporting the pee!
Thanks for the laugh. I'm going to use my telekinesis to tuck myself into bed, now.
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Mar 14, 2022 09:32
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- Finger Prince
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Flies around the world backwards at the speed of light so I can get an extra hour of sleep.
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Mar 14, 2022 09:37
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 11, 2024 16:31
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Mar 6, 2022 04:16
Take that Frank. Who's laughing now!
