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*sits down in the witness chair, annoyed* "Can you tell this court your name, sir?" "...I am Vengeance." *soft sigh* "The name you go by, sir." "...I'm Batman." "Can you spell that for the stenographer?" "...uhh.. B... Atman." |
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Jul 14, 2022 07:11
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"Potential members of the jury, has anyone here had a friend or family member who was punched or kicked by Batman at any point in their lives, or had their vehicle struck by the Batmobile? ... Okay, that's.. that's all but three, we're going to need to bring the next jury pool in." |
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Jul 14, 2022 07:24
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"And can you walk us through how you deciphered the clue left at the scene?" "Sure - it was a simple substitution cipher. With the provided hints, for example, that 38 equalled the letter D, 95 represented the letter G, and 77 meant the letter A, it was only a matter of time before I was able to make out the name of the perpetrator: Edward Ligma." "Ligma?" "Yes, that's correct." |
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Jul 14, 2022 07:34
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"okay mr. Man, according to your testimony you were just 'casually darting furtively' down the street like an (ahem) normal citizen, when suddenly your bat-sense started tingling. you removed a bat grappling hook off your bat belt, shot it into the air, and it was at this point the news helicopter became tangled in the cable and smashed violently into the side of a skyscraper, releasing a huge fireball and killing all aboard. you maintain that this is a 'tragic but necessary price to pay' for the safety and freedom of the citizens of gotham who don't happen to be on your 'super villains list,' said list having been entered into evidence as exhibit F. as your attorney my question to you is this: is there some sort of reward we can give you for your bravery in this situation, and will it be enough to compensate your heroism?"
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Jul 14, 2022 14:27
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your honour, i'd like to call the next witness... INGMAR KRUMP
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Jul 14, 2022 15:02
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Judge: Mr. Batman, you have been charged with numerous counts of stalking, unlawful entry into police commissioner Gordon's place of residence, and violating a restraining order. How do you plea? Open window next to the council for the defense's table: (mysterious wind noises) |
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Jul 14, 2022 16:00
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Abugadu posted:"Potential members of the jury, has anyone here had a friend or family member who was punched or kicked by Batman at any point in their lives, or had their vehicle struck by the Batmobile? ... Okay, that's.. that's all but three, we're going to need to bring the next jury pool in."
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Jul 14, 2022 16:05
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accidentally inviting frank miller's batman to the stand, who evades questioning for 45 minutes by talking about how much his lower back hurts before he shoots me with a gun he built and 3d printed so the metal detector wouldn't catch it ont he way in
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Jul 14, 2022 17:41
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Judge: The witness shall stop mumbling or he will be held in contempt of court! |
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Jul 15, 2022 02:41
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Wait, Batman is stealing stands now? 
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Jul 15, 2022 03:32
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edit: na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na wrong thread
Drink-Mix Man fucked around with this message at 08:08 on Jul 15, 2022 |
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Jul 15, 2022 07:59
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Okay batman has a Stand now, but what does it do? What song is it named after? |
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Jul 15, 2022 11:10
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*me elbowing the judge in the ribs and subtly gesturing to Batman with my eyebrows* hey.... psst...hey... hey, I bet that guy lays pipe
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Jul 16, 2022 06:48
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batman, about to fight a bunch of thugs: i could take that guy out first. but instead i could use my social resources and legal knowledge to improve the underclass environment. that way i mentally beat him up, even as i help him gain a foothold in a precarious capitalistic world. in fact mentally i would beat them all up, all these criminal scums. ok now i just gotta go mentally beat up the penguin *fingers chequebook* |
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Jul 17, 2022 20:11
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judge: can you please stop saying “who cares about that bitch my moneys right”?
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Jul 18, 2022 04:12
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Prosecutor: You say you saw this light in the sky... Batman: The Bat Signal. Prosecutor: Ok, you saw the Bat Signal, so you exited your vehicle. Batman: The Batmobile. Prosecutor: (sighs) So you exited the Batmobile and noticed a scuffle across the street. At this point you took out your boomerang... Batman: Batarang. Prosecutor: I refuse to say that! This is ridiculous! Defense Attorney: Objection, your honor! He's badgering the witness! Batman: Batting the witness. |
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Jul 18, 2022 13:56
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man bursts into room I have one thing to say to you Ba... judge ORDER ORDER man what's... judge ORDER man turns into a bunch of confetti somehow with a single balloon with a note with a ? tied to it floating in the middle of the court What's round, lower temperature than most things but still pleasant to feel, and a rube would think you want to get drunk? Batman ponders Curse you Riddler! I have the clues ORB which is clearly an acronym for.... something chill which clearly refers to Mr.Freeze, and.... a party of some kind. The policeman ball! Of course! The orb was figurative! I'm going to have to ask Gordon if he wants to be my date.
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Jul 18, 2022 14:34
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im dyin picturing like some murder trial coming down to riddlers clues as key evidence attorney guy: your honour, having batman telling the jury the answers is cheating |
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Jul 18, 2022 16:15
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Prosecutor: oh boy, I can't wait to put the screws on Batman judge: the screw-themed supervillain prosecutor known as "Screwman" will not be hostile to the witness |
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Jul 18, 2022 16:57
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Defense Attorney: I would now like to call a character witness to the stand to vouch for my client. Mr. Bruce Wayne! (long pause) Batman: (whispering) Never mind, I made a mistake. Sometimes I forget how this works. |
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Jul 18, 2022 19:32
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Gordon: Mr Wayne where were you! The Batman needed you! I'm going to have to hold you until he has a chance to speak with you. We are going to Arkham right this second to see batman, Bruce
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Jul 18, 2022 19:51
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Jul 19, 2022 14:13
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*Batman getting set up for a mug shot* Batman with a Sea Lab 2021 Captain Murphy voice: "Do you want the mask on, or off?" "Off please." "Too bad."
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Jul 22, 2022 14:52
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Twenty Four posted:*Batman getting set up for a mug shot* 
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Jul 22, 2022 15:07
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Jul 25, 2022 11:56
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| # ? May 12, 2024 20:42 |
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Jul 25, 2022 13:36
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