Witness protection program for minor crimes

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Escape From Noise

Look. I'll be honest with you, we're on a budget. But, if you can provide testimony against Frank "The Guy" Lombardi in the case we're building against him for that fender bender he had with the mayor's assistant we can help you find a reasonable apartment in the next town over, we'll cover the safety deposit, interest free for one year, and one of these very convincing fake mustaches for each member of your family who will be joining you. If you're testimony leads to a conviction, there'll be a crisp twenty in it for you as well!

# ? Sep 26, 2022 15:24

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# ? May 6, 2024 01:44

idiotsavant

Look buddy, im doin the best I can here. Now put on this moustache and tell me about Big Jimmy the Greek and his little littering problem

# ? Sep 26, 2022 16:46

FutonForensic

if you can act as an eyewitness to Johnny "Diamonds" Rossi's walking on the grass, we will let you order from Starbucks using your middle name

# ? Sep 26, 2022 19:02

Viginti Septem: Oculus Noctuae

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but there was a breach of our Wit-Sec servers and we're concerned that Johnny-Boi and the rest of the Eighth Grade Gang may have intercepted your family's new location. We're beefing up our 24-hour surveillance of your home and work but, if I were you, I'd keep a close eye on your lunch money for the next couple weeks. You know, just to be safe.

https://i.imgur.com/9jTkSUL.mp4
Thanks to vanisher for the paradise sig!

# ? Sep 26, 2022 19:12

Heather Papps: hello friend

i know you have a lot invested into being "the beard guy" but this is our only choice.
*snips scissors menacingly*

thanks Dumb Sex-Parrot and deep dish peat moss for this winter bounty!

# ? Sep 26, 2022 21:40

Escape From Noise

idiotsavant posted:

Look buddy, im doin the best I can here. Now put on this moustache and tell me about Big Jimmy the Greek and his little littering problem

# ? Sep 27, 2022 18:49

HELLOMYNAMEIS___

we will provide you with a new identity in a new town: new name, new papers, the works, if you just tell us: who copied that floppy?

# ? Sep 29, 2022 05:58

Finger Prince

Look, I know you're worried, but we aren't going to set you up with a new identity because you watched that YouTube video of a bird stealing a bag of crisps. 150 million people watched that video. We aren't even prosecuting the bird.

# ? Sep 29, 2022 15:18

Viginti Septem: Oculus Noctuae

Finger Prince posted:

Look, I know you're worried, but we aren't going to set you up with a new identity because you watched that YouTube video of a bird stealing a bag of crisps. 150 million people watched that video. We aren't even prosecuting the bird.

That's a sure bet case of misprision if I've ever seen one.

# ? Sep 29, 2022 17:20