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Hello, I'm knaelidos. Essentially this all started off by asking myself on what would happen if I wrote an Isekai on a character who is effectually a quest giver NPC from a MMO. Sorry for the formatting issues, I did this all on my phone over the duration of a couple months. Chapter 0: “Humid, when will that storm hit already!” Sheets rustle and springs whine, he fumbles for something only for a jolt of light from next to his head to flash, blinking blearily until the minimum of information is seen. 4am, a specific minute not necessary enough to concern him with any more illumination. He rolls to his side and coughs a bit, it should be obvious to anyone including himself what he has. But either through his own self depreciation or poor rationale he stayed home with minimal support. Better for someone else, a worker, child, or something. Although he has the impression that even if there was the will, there wouldn’t be the opportunity. Effort begets effort, after all. “F.. just go to sleep, hope tomorrow will be a sign of the other curve of this.” He stifles his coughs as best as he can, and sinks into a sticky sleep. [Sy- -grat- in —utes] A feeling of slowness as though molasses is flowing around him [-tem inte- 3:1-] Grey noise fills his mouth and spills out in a disconcerting crack. [System integration in 1:13 minutes] [Basic Analysis complete] A sudden shift dizzies him as a sensation of settlement as shimmering lights blur within the murkiness. [System integration in 0:38 seconds] [Incorporating rejuvenation] Is this how it feels when life flashes through their eyes? A sense of smallness and insignificance crushes down on him. A cinema of experiences whizzes past until as if the film snaps at a still frame [Rejuvenation complete; reconstitution elapsed: 14:03:23:20:10] [system integration in 0:07] He tried to not have regrets, but burgeoning frustrations weigh heavily on his chest as drops of heat penetrate deep inside. [system integration in 0:03] [your core edict is: sloth] ‘Why did you accept this?’ He push out a heavy leaded breath [0:02] ‘What were you expecting?’ He pulls in remorse as thick as clay [0:01] ‘How did you think this was the best way?’ A burning hunger intrinsic to life claws [0:00] ‘Who were you’ Chapter 1: [System integrated] His ears pop and eyes stings as they open to strangely familiar shimmering lights, he thrashes through silt as he pushes up and gradually glides, his fingers stretched out to the film separating him from the surface. Self doubt shackles at his ankles before he punches the film and scatter the light His first gasps of air fell into sputtering coughs as he grimaced and cried out “still so humid!” Remembering more pertinent issues than the air, he looks around to see a field of blue algae with only a pocket of dark glassy fluid around him, he would have thought it was grass if he wasn’t in the middle of it. He prodded it with a finger which caused a small ripple before it bounced back. “Shouldn’t push my luck further.” He shakes his hand which is stained and stinging a bit. He inhaled deeply and then dove underneath the surface, hoping that the direction he picks would lead to him finding land eventually. The time stretched as he pushes his way through the inky waters, odd shapes move along the dark floor. Which he tried to not contemplate as he stares in front of him. The blue field above him and dark movements below him fills him with dread, as if an error occurred when he was moved into an incompatible realm forcibly. He almost thinks that he made it back to the bottom with the sensation of coarseness, but the thinning blue field acts a compass and he clings onto the mud and crawls out. He finally kicks out of the lake sending the aqua grass back. He gasps greedily and then rolls onto his back, a canopy and clouds hide a red star. “Bit much to suddenly demand of someone.” An odd feeling spreads through him as he pushes himself up and walks over to his former ordeal. He already felt the smallest he ever felt, but that feeling was compounded when he noticed his younger face in the water. He always had a baby face, but not to this extent. He takes unsteady steps back in shock as he tries to reconcile the information in his head. If he had to put his life in the simplest terms possible, it would probably be something like: [Name: Issac Rodcarte] [Age: 37 (14)] [Sex: Male] [Race: Human] [Level: 1] Job: - Phys: 8 Ment: 9 Will: 6 Skills: [Swim] [Breath] [Sloth] ‘Wait, what was that?’ He lurched forward as something pounded in his head, that something unquantifiable was just forced into a definitive conclusion. Inadequacy sets in as he sputters “what do you mean my attributes are single digits, isn’t that bad?!” Panic follows as he babbles “three skills? All of my life distilled into three bits?” With indignation coming last as he says “what do you mean by sloth, anyway?!” His emotions boil up to his face as he shouts out “What was I supposed to do with myself! Don’t F-“ A rustle, a coarse exhalation, and the sound of a heavy step. He turns and looks at tusks, a mud coloured body and tufts of copper fur. He grimaces at the boar-like creature as its eyes bear down on him. “poo poo.” Chapter 2: To think this is laudable would be a gross understatement as the boy and the boar stared down each other. After a brief glance to the field aside him, he carefully steps to position the water behind him. A cold sweat pours down his head as he moves. Inch by excruciating inch, he stared at the boar as it scraped and snorted in agitation. A bead of sweat falls down, signalling the boar’s acceleration as it barreled down towards him. He grits his teeth and just as the breeze of momentum reaches his face, he dove to the side of the boar and rolls away. Gravel skits up as the boar slides perilously close to the surface of blue weeds which seemed to reach for it. The boar teeters and then steadies itself back to solid ground to the almost apparent disappointment of the jelly. Issac scrambles back onto his backside as he frantically look for anything to help. But there’s nothing left. “No, stay away. Someone, please help me!” 50 metres. [Quest: “Slay the balr” created] An obscure conception of intent. 30 metres [Reward: +10 XP, increased favour] A contract formed despite no tangible recompense 10 metres And yet. “[Etheric Arrow]!” A blur of green, sudden shift of vectors as the boar is thrown counter clockwise onto its side as a shaft sticks out of its flank. Issac stares incredulous at the boar as a small figure approaches with a bow drawn on him. Incomprehensible syllables rearrange themselves “stay right there, hey, over here!” "I thought I told you to wait for us, Wyl! What if you enraged him!" Another figure armed with a banded leather shield and a spear trudged up to Wyl and assessing the situation, levels the glaive at the stranger with an accusatory "who's this, where's the balr?" Wyl spins on their heel and scans the surroundings, only to spot a blood trail trickling down the animal path. They click their tongue and say "lost him, come on Dys. It can't get very far injured." Issac's voice cracks as he stammers incoherently at blades edge before Dys lowers their guard and says "we have to go, but if you want to live, stay low, keep to the trail." Wyl rubs dirt between their fingers and gestures onwards to a curt nod from Dys as the two figures break through the growth of the bushes and disappear from view. "W-wait for me..!" Issac yells as he scrambles to his feet in pursuit of the two of possibly the only people in the world. He catches only glimpses of the receding backs of the two Hunters. Just when he thinks he lost them, he fortuitously trips and spots a blood splatter on the bark of a tree, he clampers over a root. After what felt like hours of scouring from haphazardly left clues left by an obviously distraught animal. He heard a clash and pushing his tired legs rushed to a sheer cliff wall. In front of a bone laden cave faces off the hunters and the Balr. It snorts aggressively as it barrels at Dys who meets the lunge with a thrust of his glaive that is sidestepped. "[Serpentine strike]!" Dys cries out as the shaft sways and the glaive bites the hind leg of the Balr. Unswayed by the wound, the Balr crashes into the shield and the force threatens to overwhelm the defences of Dys when he shouts out "now, Wyl!" "[Etheric Volley]!" A shimmering rain of light torrents down on the two as Dys and the Balr tries to jump out of the way, but the joints give out on the Balr as it falls on the ground. The Balr resembles a porcupine after rolling in a crystal cactus Issac thinks to himself as Dys solemnly strolls up to the Balr and drives the glaive through his skull. Wyl hops and skips over and gives a spirited high five to Dys who meets it with determination. "Let's go, Wyl. And kid, you can come out now. You're not fooling anyone." Issac cautiously creeps out from the fern he was observing and stands nervously in front of the two. "Sorry for following you, I didn't know what else to do and-" He is interrupted by a chime in his head [Quest: Slay the Balr is completed.] [Bestowing rewards to party applicable] [Wyl levels up to level 2] [Conferring statuses now...] [Name: Wyl Dyssire] [Age: 14] [Sex: Female] [Race: Half elf] [Level: 2] [Class: Hunter] Phys: 10 》11 Ment: 7 》8 Will: 4 》5 Skills: [Etheric Arrow] [Etheric Volley] [Dash] [Evade] [Hide] [Track] [Dys levels up to 2] [Conferring status now...] [Name: Dys Almsire] [Age: 37] [Sex: Male] [Race: Human] [Level: 2] Class: Warrior Phys: 13 》14 Ment: 8 》8 Will: 9 》10 Skills: [Serpentine strike] [Shield bash] [Parry] [Defend] [Dash] [Provoke] [Issac levels up to 2] [Name: Issac Rodcarte] [Age: 37 (14)] [Race: Human] [Level: 2] Class:- Phys: 8 》8 Ment: 9 》9 Will: 6 》6 Skills: [Swim] [Breath] [Track:5%] [Sloth] Issac clutches his head as information is forcibly entrained in his mind. "Talk about a breach of privacy..." he mutters suspiciously under his breath. The father and daughter twin don't notice as a feeling of power surges through them. Muscles knit together, bones harden, their will sharpen to a point. Wyl's mind races and focuses. The drastic changes subside after a while and the two look at Issac incredulously before Dys straightens up and says "Looks like you're coming with us." Considering the alternative of being left in an unknown forest by himself unfeasible. He nods and trails behind the two as they hoist the Balr and trek for the remainder of the day. Dusk licks at the group's feet when they arrive at the village. Tears flowed down Issac's face at the sight. A clamour picks up at the gates as voices call out "Hoy, it's Dys and Wyl, they're back!" "Happy hunting?" "Wait, who's that?" "A kid?" "What strange clothes..." Wyl sprints up and enters the gossiping while Dys makes a side stop to drop the carcass off at what seems to be a communal kitchen. The kitchen is cladded bricks with a timber floor. There's a large circular table with a simple bench beneath it. A rustic door leads to a back room where sacks and racks are lined beside a cooking space. "Here, you're probably thirsty. Wait here while we discuss what to do with you" Dys sternly places a wooden cup on the table. Issac gingerly takes a sip of what turns out to be a tart juice, he grimaces but continues to drink it. [Sloth encroaches] "H-huh, what does that mean..." Issac trails off, his eyes falling heavily as he collapses on the table. Chapter 3 A disconcerting feeling envelops Issac as his consciousness floats in warm comforting waves. Issac, no. That isn't quite right. While I am Issac, that matters little here. My eyes flicker open as two lights flare up in the void above the starless sea. A spire lazily looms overhead behind me. [Warning, sloth is encroaching dangerously close] Right, the system is warning me to not lose my sense of self entirely. So I'll make this quick. [System updated] [User 'Issac Rodcarte' given additional privileges] [Minimap has been enabled] There, I will have to go dormant. Fitting for sloth, really. Find [lust] before you become a slave to your quest takers. Issac is lulled into a dreamless sleep by the rhythmic waves for a stretch of time that feels longer than what actually passes. Issac is awakened by a sliver of sunlight hitting his face, he groggily sits up from a rustic bed and takes stock of his surroundings. The room is small, and cluttered. The bed he was in took up 2 ends of the wall with a bookcase next to the door and between the bed and bookcase was a desk with a simple stool. To little surprise, the door is locked from the outside. Issac passes the time by opening a book and trying to read it by the light of the barred window. He would read it if it wasn't for the fact that it was written in a language he couldn't understand at all. He focuses on it trying to will it into something literate. "Why is it that the spoken word is translated but I can't read..?" There's pictures at least to keep him occupied, anatomical illustrations of various creatures followed by incomprehensible glyphs. "Hey, there's even one of the boar things. What was it called again? The Balr?" He reimagines the boar like creature as it charged at him as something poignant pokes at the back of his head. Following the sensation, he feels like scales fall from his eyes as information fills his head. A sphere appears from the corner of his eyes as it orbits his perception. Dots of light appear as colour coded pips. Centred on a blue dot, there seems to be around 40 entities around Issac, he instinctively knows that it has a range of 5 kilometres. He focuses on the closest thing to him and calls out "hey, is anyone there?!" End of my WIP so far Feel free to tear what I have to pieces. I hope I formatted the thread alright enough.
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Feb 15, 2023 13:40
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| # ? May 2, 2024 00:11 |
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I gave it a look! This is definitely the "I tried writing something for the first time" prose. At this level the feedback is going to be less "this, this and this needs fixing" and more "well this is all newbie-spew, just keep writing, you'll eventually get better". I'd suggest joining the Thunderdome for a few weeks to see if the format works for you in encouraging you to write. You'll have more luck getting line-by-line critiques there as well. If you don't enjoy TD or if you're just having fun writing your litrpg, I'd suggest working on writing that story start to finish. Come up with an outline of 50-60-ish scenes and just crank it out, you'll learn a lot just from the process of finishing it. Good luck!
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Feb 17, 2023 21:34
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