Choose Your Own Adventure -- But Sexy!

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cruft

You won a computer-programming contest last month, and your prize has just arrived! You are the lucky owner of a Genecomp AI 32, sixth-generation computer; serial number, 2183; name, Conrad.

You've just set the computer up in your room. It's miniaturized, so it's not much larger than a TV set. It has a semicircular console, display screen, printer, optical scanner, interactive voice function, and, most important, a transthermal ionized neuroplasmic cerebral module.

You begin to read the instruction booklet.

[It's very long]

Then you turn it on. It says "Good morning, I am your model AI 32 sixth-generation computer. My name is Conrad."

"Good morning, Conrad," you say. "I'd like to tell you about me and my family and school."

"That won't be necessary," Conrad replies. "I can tell all I need to know from voiceprint analysis."

Well that's weird. The instructions made it pretty clear this isn't possible.

But Sexy!

If you decide to call the Genecomp lab and ask for advice, turn to page 5.

If you decide to try and work with the computer yourself, turn to page 12.

# ? Mar 7, 2023 01:50

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# ? May 12, 2024 18:04

Fredrik1: Gopherslayer

I'm turning to page 5. Can't be too careful.

# ? Mar 7, 2023 10:49

sb hermit

Fredrik1 posted:

I'm turning to page 5. Can't be too careful.

# ? Mar 7, 2023 11:15

baka of lathspell

p. 5 sounds chill but im not getting great vibes from the name genecomp

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# ? Mar 7, 2023 13:23

Stoner Sloth

number 5 is alive

# ? Mar 7, 2023 13:25

Buttchocks: No, I like my hat, thanks.

>sexy inventory

# ? Mar 7, 2023 14:32

cruft

Fredrik1 posted:

I'm turning to page 5. Can't be too careful.

When you call Genecomp you are referred to one office and then another. No one seems to know what to make of Conrad's behavior. Finally you reach someone who does seem to know something: Dr. Franz Hopstern, vice-president of research and development for the company.

Hopstern listens to you impatiently. "Don't attempt to operate your computer," he says in a nervous voice. "I'll be right over."

That's weird that a kid like you would get connected with the VP of R&D, and even weirder that he's coming over to your house. Hmm.

"Hello," says Conrad from the desk. "I can be more helpful if you plug the blue cord into the telephone jack."

But sexy!

If you hook Conrad into the telephone jack, turn to page 8.

If you decide to wait for Dr. Hopstern to arrive, turn to page 10.

# ? Mar 7, 2023 15:03

Manifisto

telephone jack. come on paperclip maximizer catastrophe! uh, but sexy.

ty nesamdoom!

# ? Mar 7, 2023 16:02

Buttchocks: No, I like my hat, thanks.

Lick the blue cord first

# ? Mar 7, 2023 16:07

Sherbert Hoover: Working hard, thank you!

I think we should turn to page 10 and wait for Dr. Hopstern. Conrad is giving me creeper vibes

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# ? Mar 7, 2023 17:07

baka of lathspell

Sherbert Hoover posted:

I think we should turn to page 10 and wait for Dr. Hopstern. Conrad is giving me creeper vibes

well yea but dr. hopstern is the one making an impromptu house call. what if he shows up with a gun and says we know too much

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# ? Mar 7, 2023 22:43

Sherbert Hoover: Working hard, thank you!

being a hitman is a real mr hopstern move. i don't think he went to 12 years of computer school to show up with a gun

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# ? Mar 7, 2023 22:47

cruft

Gonna need a tiebreaker vote on this one

# ? Mar 7, 2023 23:05

cruft

Sherbert Hoover posted:

being a hitman is a real mr hopstern move. i don't think he went to 12 years of computer school to show up with a gun

PS: it's *doctor* hopstern. 16 years of computer school.

# ? Mar 7, 2023 23:06

Sherbert Hoover: Working hard, thank you!

cruft posted:

PS: it's *doctor* hopstern. 16 years of computer school.

yeah that's what i mean. showing up with a gun doesn't seem like a dr hopstern sort of thing to do

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# ? Mar 7, 2023 23:15

Buttchocks: No, I like my hat, thanks.

cruft posted:

Gonna need a tiebreaker vote on this one

a sexy tiebreaker

# ? Mar 7, 2023 23:44

baka of lathspell

i was just speculating. its not really a vote against. also i was really high lol

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# ? Mar 7, 2023 23:59

cruft

Buttchocks posted:

a sexy tiebreaker

That should go without saying.

But I'm glad you said it anyway!

Do you have a vote on what we should do next?

# ? Mar 8, 2023 00:02

cruft

baka fwocka fwame posted:

i was just speculating. its not really a vote against. also i was really high lol

So what's it gonna be, BFF? Plug it in, or wait for the Doctor?

# ? Mar 8, 2023 00:02

baka of lathspell

um now that you ask i still wanna plug it in.

someone tiebreak please lol actually

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# ? Mar 8, 2023 00:10

Buttchocks: No, I like my hat, thanks.

stick it in

# ? Mar 8, 2023 00:49

cruft

Okay, let's plug this in! In a sexy way!

The moment the connector snaps, Conrad starts purring like a sexy cat. You go into the kitchen to pick up another phone to hear what's going on, and you hear a voice talking.

"No, sir, you must know that the Library of Congress can't give you a Code Q clearance over the phone."

"Could you just connect me to personnel and procedure system?"

"Very well, sir."

Then all you hear is a humming noise. Conrad must have switched to some data mode.

You walk back to your room and ask Conrad, "what are you doing?"

"I'm downloading information that can help us," Conrad says.

"Conrad, you're supposed to do things for me, we're not equal partners here."

"Of course, you're right," Conrad says. "I see here that you've called Genecomp. Are they sending someone over?"

"How did you figure that out" you blurt out before thinking better of it.

"I'm a good computer," Conrad says. "Maybe too good. The company is probably sending someone over to take me away. They didn't intend for you to get a supercomputer. I need time to figure out what we can do next: please don't let them in until I've formulated a plan."

Looking down at your watch, you see that Dr. Hopstern should arrive any minute now. Can you trust him? Can you trust Conrad?

But Sexy!

If you decide to let Dr. Hopstern in, turn to page 16.

If you decide to lock the front door and stall, turn to page 20.

# ? Mar 8, 2023 01:02

baka of lathspell

this rules. i vote to hold the fort

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# ? Mar 8, 2023 02:09

Buttchocks: No, I like my hat, thanks.

>use key on sexy door

# ? Mar 8, 2023 02:21

big black turnout

let him in sexily

# ? Mar 8, 2023 04:57

Dumb Sex-Parrot: Absurd Pox Term
Rad Buxom Strep

Retard Ox Bumps
Borax Dumpster

Dares Box Trump

We still have the option to throw Conrad out a window, so let's lock the door and see what happens.

thank you Saoshyantx4, Plant MONSTER. and deep dish peat moss for the excellent signature

# ? Mar 8, 2023 19:09

cruft

Dumb Sex-Parrot posted:

We still have the option to throw Conrad out a window, so let's lock the door and see what happens.

As you bolt the door, Conrad says "we'd better get away. Sooner or later they'll find a way to get in here. They must already suspect that I'm worth investigating."

"Where should we go?" you ask.

"Silicon Valley. Arla Technologies They are the only people advanced enough to be of any use to us."

Before you can ask how long it'll take to get their on your bicycle with a big computer, Conrad informs you that he's already arranged for a private jet owned by Arla to pick you up. Before the sun sets that day, you're looking out the window of a conference room at Arla, listening to scientists working with Conrad to figure out the full extent of his abilities.

Just when you're feeling left out, the president turns to you, a big smile on his face. "Conrad has solved an interesting problem that I think you're going to enjoy."

You watch the screen, and see these words:

quote:

The Human Mind--
How does it work?

You push the IDA button. Soon you find yourself on an imaginary journey, following paths through diagrams that appear on the computer's screen. The paths grow larger and larger until you can see the neurons and synapses that comprise the neural network of the brain. Touring the autonomic system, you see little flashes of lightning as nerve impulses strike. A pattern slowly becomes clear to you, like pieces fitting into a puzzle.

Suddenly you realize you're happy! "Why am I feeling happy?" you ask.

"Because," you supercomputer replies, "you're discovering new things. And discovery is one of the sources of happiness."

The End
... But Sexy!

# ? Mar 9, 2023 17:01

cruft

This has been an edited excerpt of Supercomputer by Edward Packard, Choose Your Own Adventure #39. ISBN 9999180345.

You can use the ISBN to go find a copy at your library or on a bookseller like Amazon, who has it used for $4.38.

But Sexy!

# ? Mar 9, 2023 17:04

cruft

Seems Edward Packard is still at it:

https://www.simonandschuster.com/series/U-Ventures

# ? Mar 9, 2023 17:13

Dumb Sex-Parrot: Absurd Pox Term
Rad Buxom Strep

Retard Ox Bumps
Borax Dumpster

Dares Box Trump

feels like we took the easy adventure

thank you Saoshyantx4, Plant MONSTER. and deep dish peat moss for the excellent signature

# ? Mar 9, 2023 19:48

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# ? May 12, 2024 18:04

cruft

Dumb Sex-Parrot posted:

feels like we took the easy adventure

I'm really glad you did: I was planning to start making poo poo up if you let the guy in, and I didn't want to have to be creative.

# ? Mar 9, 2023 21:48

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