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move to florida and join a pentecostal church, this is the best combination of political and spiritual role modelling
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Aug 4, 2023 23:14
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ensure your children feel guilty, scared, and anxious around you at all times so you can closely control their behaviour and thoughts. this will set them up well for future relationships personal and professional
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Aug 4, 2023 23:15
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Slap a Crapple Vision+ on them from birth so they get used to being part of the Metaverse right from the start
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Aug 4, 2023 23:19
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Treasure every moment. Our lives are all too brief.
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Aug 4, 2023 23:48
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Kid leash
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Aug 4, 2023 23:55
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Teach them to say really sexually inappropriate stuff to other adults. When they get in trouble and ostracized but they don't know what they did wrong, it's super loving funny. Great for self esteem, they'll never develop trust issues.
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Aug 5, 2023 00:01
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Light up shoes that make loud electronic noises with every step Oh wait that's funny grandparent advice
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Aug 5, 2023 00:07
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"Rub some dirt on it"
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Aug 5, 2023 00:14
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You should move your family into a super cursed old fixer upper, they are often resonably priced and with a newborn you will have SO much time to renovate. And dont forget to childproof  both the basement and the attic
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Aug 5, 2023 00:28
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True parents lay on their death beds silently so that someone else has to tell the kid "they really did love you" at their funeral
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Aug 5, 2023 02:56
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It depends on how you accept the bare minimum
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Aug 5, 2023 02:57
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Donald Trump escaping prison like Gale and Evelle in Raising Arizona
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Aug 5, 2023 02:58
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MrQwerty posted:Donald Trump escaping prison like Gale and Evelle in Raising Arizona Mind you don't cut yourself Zacariah!
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Aug 5, 2023 02:58
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Making a baby is fun Having one, less so
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Aug 5, 2023 02:59
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dammit I didn't even notice I clicked the wrong thread Raising Arizona is parenting-related tho
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Aug 5, 2023 03:18
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A fun game is to take a shot of vodka every time the baby cries. The first year will just fly by. Not remembering it is something you and the kid can bond over later
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Aug 5, 2023 04:30
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duck trucker posted:Your hormones will make you more tuned to their cries than you realize. You really can sleep when they sleep you'll wake up when they start making noise. Which is coincidentally where all the hand me downs will come from.
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Aug 5, 2023 04:37
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Blue Footed Booby posted:the lamination of their women. 
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Aug 6, 2023 00:46
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Icochet posted:A fun game is to take a shot of vodka every time the baby cries. The first year will just fly by. Not remembering it is something you and the kid can bond over later This guy Dads
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Aug 6, 2023 00:49
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I have twofold advice. The first part is that kids are honestly more reasonable than you think. Actually explaining why you are doing or want to do something helps. Telling them to do or not to do something goes a lot better when they know why. And when it comes to food actually ask them if they know what they do or don't like about it. I found out they didn't like roast vegetables because the roasting tasted too bitter to them. But if I steamed some veg and tossed it in some salt he chowed down like a motherfucker. Weirdly he loved pan fried brussel sprouts in butter and garlic. Little dude loved vegetables if they were prepared right, but would have a kid meltdown if they weren't and talking to him helped me figure out why. The second part is that sometimes kids are just little loving shits who can't be reasoned with and you need to cut your losses.
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Aug 6, 2023 01:24
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syntaxfunction posted:I have twofold advice. The first part is that kids are honestly more reasonable than you think. Actually explaining why you are doing or want to do something helps. Telling them to do or not to do something goes a lot better when they know why. And when it comes to food actually ask them if they know what they do or don't like about it. That's why I only deal with them from the Beta site, off world.
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Aug 6, 2023 01:29
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Aug 6, 2023 01:31
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If your kid asks your permission to do something and you don't want them to do it, tell them to ask their mother and they'll probably say no. Then you don't have to be the bad guy.
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Aug 6, 2023 12:57
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Teach them to mow the yard correctly
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Aug 6, 2023 13:07
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syntaxfunction posted:I have twofold advice. The first part is that kids are honestly more reasonable than you think. Actually explaining why you are doing or want to do something helps. Telling them to do or not to do something goes a lot better when they know why. And when it comes to food actually ask them if they know what they do or don't like about it. giving them a time frame is super useful, like 'in five minutes we're gonna go' also given them choices 'ok you want this thing or that thing' when really you dont' care a whit which thing they pick
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Aug 6, 2023 13:07
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"Rub some dirt on it and stop crying"
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Aug 6, 2023 13:09
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If your child has problems at school don’t worry - just schedule a meeting with the teacher and scream at them. There are a multitude of reasons a child might be struggling in school and not one of them is due to the YOUR parenting. The louder you scream at their teacher, the better!
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Aug 6, 2023 13:26
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Well I wanted a boy, but you're tough so I guess you'll do
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Aug 6, 2023 14:14
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Gambit from the X-Men posted:Treasure every moment. Our lives are all too brief.
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Aug 6, 2023 14:36
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Go back in time and kill the Wright Brothers and Henry Ford so your children won't inherit a hosed Earth they'll resent you for being cursed to live in.
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Aug 6, 2023 21:04
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Teach them how to remain positive in the face of adversity
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Aug 6, 2023 21:07
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Don’t let them have any screen time.
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Aug 6, 2023 21:14
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Sophy Wackles posted:Don’t let them have any screen time. lol yeah. In 2023, block all screens in the world. should be easy
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Aug 6, 2023 22:10
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| # ? May 11, 2024 20:13 |
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git apologist posted:ensure your children feel guilty, scared, and anxious around you at all times so you can closely control their behaviour and thoughts. this will set them up well for future relationships personal and professional God damnit, Mom! Stop posting here! You know you don’t understand humor!
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Aug 7, 2023 03:59
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