Lentils

• Rinse 'em
  
• Boil 'em
  
• just enough water to get 'em to a soft consistency while being a bit moist and saucy but not overly soupy.
  
  Spices
  
• 2 tsp Fennel Seed and/or Cumin
  
• 1/2 broken Cinnamon stick (we used Cassia)
  
• half dozen cracked Allspice berries
  
• 1 tsp dried Chili (or more to taste)
  
• 2-4 Cloves
  
• dried Ginger
  
• Heat a few tbsp of a cooking oil of your choice to smoking point, immediately pour it into a ramekin or other heat-proof dish holding all the spices. If any of your spices are ground (in our case, the ginger was), you can add them immediately after the pour so they don't char too much
  
• Fish out the spices you don't want to bite down on (cloves and cinnamon stick, the rest can stay in)
  
• Mix, season with salt
  
• It looks like rear end so serve topped with fresh or dried herbs, chopped tomato, possibly some crumbles of cheese and a drizzle of a tasty oil
  
• Flatbread goes hard with this.
  
• Make your own flatbread! We believe in you!
  

Filling

• Thaw your whole-rear end pack of frozen Spinach (we used 900g = 2 pounds)
  
• 200g or so of Feta
  
• We used Vegetable Bullion instead of salt for the final seasoning, beware of adding too much if your feta is salty
  
• ground Pepper (heaps)
  
• grate some Nutmeg, as much as 1/3 or 1/2 of a whole nutmeg
  
• ground Allspice, 1/2 tsp
  
• ground Cloves, 1/8 tsp
  
• ground Cinnamon, 1/4 tsp (again, Cassia)
  
• Mix.
  
  Assembly
  
• Cut your store-bought(!) Phyllo / Filo pastry into long strips. Absolutely do not worry if it's a bit cracked or battered looking
  
• Arrange around a spoonful of filling into a triangle shape near but not all the way at the bottom of the strip, then fold over the bottom bit
  
• The rest should follow surprisingly easily and naturally, just keep flopping it over in a general upward direction
  
• The amount of filling per pastry determines how long these hold heat after baking
  
• Egg wash beneficial, but not necessary (we had no eggs)
  
• Double layer pastry plausible but only if using egg wash
  
• Freeze some or most of your spoils since you probably just made four dozen pockets
  
• Bake around 20m at 180°C, 350°F, Gas Mark 4.

Croissants

• Be Nettles
  
• Be amazing
  
• Make your own Croissants
  
• It's amazing
  
• Since you're Nettles, also make a spreadsheet breaking down the cost to learn that the cost of croissants is almost entirely butter and labour
  
  
  
  
  
  Sweet Potato Pie Filling adapted from this recipe (Youtube)
  
• Prick the skin on two large sweet potatoes and bake until soft (this makes things less runny and sweeter than boiling or steaming)
  
• Peel 'em
  
• Chuck 'em in a blender
  
• Add two Eggs (I subbed 120ml of condensed chickpea cooking liquid (aquafaba))
  
• Add 2-3 tbsp Butter, no need to melt it (I used leftover buttercream frosting as Nettles went mad and also made a carrot cake (and pizza) in the middle of all this)
  
• Add 170ml, 3/4 cup of evaporated milk (I gently boiled soy milk until the volume was reduced by half (jank hack: measure by counting the teeth on a serrated knife))
  
• Add 100g, 1/2 cup of sugar (more if you want)
  
• Add a generous dash of Vanilla Extract
  
• Add 1 tsp each of ground Cassia and Ceylon Cinnamon
  
• Add 1/8 tsp of ground Allspice (more if you want)
  
• Add less than 1/8 tsp of ground Cloves
  
• Grate over some Nutmeg, less than 1/5 of a whole nutmeg
  
• Add 1/8 to 1/2 tsp Lemon Juice to taste, to cut through just how rich this filling is, but be very careful as adding too much makes it taste like apple sauce
  
• Blend it until it strongly resembles baby food
  
• Freeze any excess in an ice cube tray for ease of future portioning
  
  
  
  Assembly (sound, but only barely)
  
  https://i.imgur.com/lMomEHC.mp4
  
  Finished Product
  
  
  
  Bonus proofing croissants & pumpkin pizza & carrot cake shot + cinnamon arsenal
  
  

Griddle of Love fucked around with this message at 09:33 on Oct 31, 2023