|
|
You wake at 5:30AM to the tenement's morning siren with thirty minutes to get ready for work. After downing a quick bowl of crickets & wheat you retrieve a bucket and sponge from your studio apartment's closet. The sponge is still wet from yesterday's shower, which means you have enough water to wash your hair this time. You carefully extract into the bucket three cups of water from the faucet and strip naked, sponging yourself and making a mental note to buy soap next time you get paid, then run tepid water through your hair while massaging your scalp. You dry yourself using yesterday's clothes and put on an identical outfit from your Tesla auto-closet. Sitting in your bedroom cubicle makes the five monitors positioned throughout your field of view flicker to life and pollute your windowless apartment with a sickly blue glow. You sign in to work and check your email to review the daily bonus targets. Nothing too unusual: allow brain monitoring, view for 10 consecutive minutes without blinking, and complete three buy-it-now purchases. You check your standing on the weekly target. You'll need to chant your primary monitor's sponsor's daily tagline throughout at least 60% of the day if you want to stay on track for the reward this week. You instinctively click the button to consent to five ads at a time today, forgetting that you meant to set one screen aside to study for your Work License exam. You've been working toward the exam for two years and are almost licensed - once you are, you'll be eligible to work as a corporate volunteer while earning the 60 months of experience you'll need before you can register for the Salary License exam. Thinking about this distracts you and your workstation expresses disappointment by penalizing you for the seconds of lost viewing. You concentrate on pulling yourself together, to get into the flow of monitoring five simultaneous ad feeds, but this distracts you long enough to miss the obligatory "freebie" to satisfy today's buy-it-now quest: individual fun-sized 3 Musketeers bars for $3 US Digital Dollars each. The algorithm assumes you're uninterested in low-cost products today, so the $15 USDD reward from the daily quest is essentially forfeit. Knowing that you need soap, the algorithm saturates your feed with the ads of various soap brands. You suddenly remember to chant "Amazon Prime - Half-Price Shipping and always on time." Eleven hours and 45 minutes remain in your shift. |
#
?
Nov 1, 2023 20:01
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 3, 2024 21:12 |
|
|
|
It's 9:30am and your eyes sting, so you purchase a $5 break. Having completed all three of your daily bonuses today, you allow your eyes to close, but only for two minutes - you still need to use the restroom before your break is over. The remaining three minutes are spent requesting a bottle from the chute, peeing in it, and sending it back. It feels great to be in an apartment with an in-unit toilet system. Then it's back to the cubicle. Your supervisor sends you a report of your daily metrics. You've missed 7% of your daily viewing time today to blinking and glancing away, and if you don't get below 5% by the end of your shift you'll lose half your pay. |
|
#
?
Nov 1, 2023 20:59
|
|
|
|
Lunchtime. The Costco canteen tube in your room outputs a glass of water and 3 Slim Jims™ for lunch. The tube prompts for a tip. You oblige, knowing your pay will be docked if you don't tip Costco, a subsidiary of your ad-viewing sponsor. As you chew through the Slim Jims™ and return to your cubicle, one of your monitors requests a tip to be paid directly to today's advertisers. You again oblige, knowing your pay will be docked if you don't. |
|
#
?
Nov 2, 2023 03:50
|
|
|
|
I assume from your writing that you also think we live in hell this is real good stuff though. it's depressing but so is *gestures all around*
|
|
#
?
Nov 4, 2023 03:12
|
|
|
|
The day has finally arrived, you've earned your Work License and are now permitted to get a job. In two more years you'll be able to earn your Salary License, permitting you to be paid for your work. You must now work in the office one day a week. Entering the Outside without a firearm is illegal, in accordance with the Shootings Reduction Act of 2053. In order to purchase a firearm, you must first earn your Firearms License. You spend your savings on a VR headset so that you can take the required courses to earn a Firearms License. The courses consist of sitting in a virtual classroom for 120 hours, learning everything you'll need to know for the licensing exam. You learn things such as where the trigger is, when you're required by law to shoot, and where to buy ammunition (which you are bound by law to carry any time you are Outside). You continue to earn your income viewing ads while you work your way through class and save your money to purchase a firearm. The process takes a year, but you're finally one step closer to being able to get a job. deep dish peat moss fucked around with this message at 04:21 on Nov 4, 2023 |
|
#
?
Nov 4, 2023 04:19
|
|
|
|
 were you a Firefly guy? I am not sure I've seen the phrase "bound by law" outside of that context
|
|
#
?
Nov 4, 2023 04:24
|
|
|
You finish your morning soy-flakes one spoonful at a time as you have done every previous morning since you were weaned from your gestation pod. No sweetener crystals, and just enough soy-whitener to soften them. You place the empty bowl in the sonic sanitizer and push the auto-cycle button. You stare at the green and yellow melamine wall with half a dozen unlabeled analog knobs mounted in it as you put on your translucent pleather suit and commuter helmet. Your mind focuses on the work that you will do at your job today. Before you leave to catch a ride on the people-mover, you take your wife by the hand and do a ballroom dance as you sing about how wonderful your modern household appliances are. The sun has not yet risen. Climate scientists estimate it will be another 27 years before anyone sees sunlight again. |
|
#
?
Nov 4, 2023 04:26
|
|
|
|
rear end-penny posted:
Not really, but I am a Westerns guy which is probably where Firefly and I both got it from  (I should watch it sometime, I saw the movie and liked that) |
|
#
?
Nov 4, 2023 05:03
|
|
|
Amazon Superior Court charged me with failure to binge and I have to put in 240 consecutive viewing hours to get my dopamine license back. Will I be able to stay awake easier using static shows or variable? My next stimulus check isn't until January so I can't afford to have PrimeAI just sync with my headlink and make a show for me, but I could buy subscriptions to a few cheap franchise characters (Harley Quinn, Smurfs, something like that) and have them do a stock formula like a procedural that produces a lot of seasons. I want to try and push my character investment levels past 60% right away so I can earn actor upgrades right off the fly and maybe get some merch so I have clothes to wear. It's dipping under 80 degrees at night and I'm freezing my rear end off. |
|
#
?
Nov 4, 2023 06:38
|
|
|
|
It's your first day of work. You strap your brand new AK-47 to your back and head out into the world for the first time since you were a baby. The office you've been assigned to is too far to walk, so you request a driverless car to pick you up. When the car arrives, the doors don't open. No matter what you try, they won't budge. Trying to cancel the request in the app forces you into an immediate match-2 memory game against the car's AI to determine who pays the cancellation fee. The AI with its perfect eidetic memory mops the floor with you and a $100 cancellation fee is charged to your Spending Account at Nestle Bank & Trust. You sigh and order another car, selecting the $25 fee to ensure a car which has recently undergone inspection. |
|
#
?
Nov 4, 2023 21:06
|
|
|
|
The new car subscription model: $5/month per wheel $2/month per window you want to see out of $2/month package to see out of the windshield and back window $10/month to remove the 25 degree steering restriction (required to turn at 90-degree intersections) $5/month to enable the radio $10/month per 3-pack of radio station subscriptions $5/month to enable the a/c and heat The Fossil Fuels Reduction Act of 2047 charges a $10 tax every time the gas cap is opened, to encourage consumers to purchase more electric vehicles. Electric vehicle manufacturers now place the charging outlet inside the gas cap in order to reduce manufacturing costs. |
|
#
?
Nov 5, 2023 00:21
|
|
|
|
*wakes up in the morning, text hovering in the air in front of my eyes*quote:would you like to renew your subscription to: being alive?
|
|
#
?
Nov 5, 2023 21:18
|
|
|
|
I just use my friend's password for all of that stuff. |
|
#
?
Nov 5, 2023 21:21
|
|
|
|
in the year 2057 congress passes a bill that makes password sharing punishable by death and your family has to pay 9,000 Amazon bucks to get your body back
|
|
#
?
Nov 5, 2023 21:28
|
|
|
|
You receive a PM from your chatbot AI mate. You partition off 8% of your consciousness to see what it wants. Just to chat. Fuckin chatbot can't figure out what it means to be at work. code:You try explaining to it for what seems like the thousandth time that humans need things like water and food and shelter. And soap. Hence, work. You can't just ditch it to go surfing. Chatbot says code:"Besides," you reply, in an attempt to change the subject "there are crab people down there. It's dangerous. I don't even speak crab" code:code: |
|
#
?
Nov 5, 2023 23:38
|
|
|
|
i jump outta bed and land in my tmnt breakfast shoes. all right! i run downstairs chatting to ghosts and aliens along the way. mom's up -- mom's ALWAYS up -- and makes me a pizza breakfast. the alien chooses what to watch and the ghost plays with something else. i scoop up the floor like im scooping water and it splashes, but dries. mom gives me a wry look and laughs. "armageddon. new life. new earth. you have no idea how much i love you." "how am i doing?" "everything is going perfectly. you can have everything you want. you have no idea how much i love you." |
|
#
?
Nov 6, 2023 14:05
|
|
|
everyone in this thread posted:
|
|
#
?
Nov 6, 2023 16:23
|
|
|
|
the year is 2065. vicious gangs of pug terrier man hybrids roam the streets, their dormant powers unleashed as it were. a guy named akira exists but hes a middle manager at costco which has inflated into a sprawling complex that is essentially a whole city. he takes his orders from a guy who doesnt believe rome ever existed. reporting into work each day he gets an earload of the "classical conspiracy" and learns civilization was invented by an intergalactic slime that evaporated after floating too near the sun. beef jerky and dog treats comprise half the inventory he manages. the workday goes by slow, his time perception coping with how the sun has since been replaced by a second moon to manage tidal disasters. he gets his daily post work rabies shot and begins a careful commute home. Akira lights a half electric cigarette as he begins to walk, not knowing his rabies shot hadnt been stored properly and that during the day hes been exposed to several powerful mutagens... also
|
|
#
?
Nov 6, 2023 17:16
|
|
|
|
The holidays are upon us. You wake to an alarm blaring on your computer. Leaping out of bed to see what's wrong, you find a mandatory survey asking what holiday you are celebrating this year: STARBUCKS XMAS or FROSTYDAY BY WENDY'S. You haven't thought about it yet, but you want the alarm to stop so you select STARBUCKS XMAS. That afternoon a package slinks out of your mail chute. Attached is a form mailer in typed lettering that reads: "Happy STARBUX XMAS! It was the HOLIDAY season so I thought about you. You would love this! -MOM" You have to look up the meaning of the word "mom" and learn that it was a thing that existed before your Birth™ by Johnson & Johnson. Inside the package is a coupon for 25% off your first order on any Starbucks-Wendys website, valid for new customers only. You use your coupon to order a small coffee for only $15 and request some scheduled restroom time later in the day. deep dish peat moss fucked around with this message at 23:52 on Nov 6, 2023 |
|
#
?
Nov 6, 2023 23:46
|
|
|
We've come so far as a society. Reversing the effects of climate change. Eliminating poverty. Overcoming racism and sexism. Curing cancer. Colonizing the stars. All thanks to Ape Law. Bless the Lawgiver. |
|
#
?
Nov 7, 2023 00:04
|
|
|
|
living in the year 2065:
|
|
#
?
Nov 7, 2023 00:47
|
|
|
110623_5 posted:living in the year 2065: HOrrifying, that's a terrible name for a kid |
|
#
?
Nov 7, 2023 06:48
|
|
|
Drink-Mix Man posted:HOrrifying, that's a terrible name for a kid |
|
#
?
Nov 7, 2023 07:00
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 3, 2024 21:12 |
|
|
|
Drink-Mix Man posted:HOrrifying, that's a terrible name for a kid Don't you judge the people of the future! It's a different era, a different culture, daddy-o.
|
|
#
?
Nov 7, 2023 12:56
|
|
