The Center

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redshirt: Aug 11, 2007; Reporting for shovel mission Sir.

File this under "Esoteric meditation practices":

Find your center. It is your center of gravity, somewhere below your belly button, above your abdomen....

Running backs AND their tacklers depend on it.

Now, take that center you've found, and connect it to the center of the Earth, 5000 miles straight down.

Once you've done that, connect the center of the Earth to the center of The Sun, for fun.

What is at the very center of the Sun is at the center of the Earth is at the center of everything, of course including you.

Now, that center is connected to the center of the Black Hole which spins at the center of our galaxy. And we spin around it.

# ? Nov 13, 2023 06:24

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# ? Apr 28, 2024 21:13

Toxic Mental: Jun 1, 2019

I didn't read but I do enjoy how brits spell it "centre" despite hating the french so much

# ? Nov 13, 2023 06:25

Grey Cat: Jun 3, 2023; Doing stuff and things

Centered my bhole, thanks, op.

# ? Nov 13, 2023 06:25

redshirt: Aug 11, 2007; Reporting for shovel mission Sir.

Toxic Mental posted:

I didn't read but I do enjoy how brits spell it "centre" despite hating the french so much

The Centre

# ? Nov 13, 2023 06:27

Thesaurus: Oct 3, 2004

This thought experiment made me nauseous

# ? Nov 13, 2023 06:29

redshirt: Aug 11, 2007; Reporting for shovel mission Sir.

Grey Cat posted:

Centered my bhole, thanks, op.

I'm happy for you, truly.

# ? Nov 13, 2023 06:31

TrashMammal: Nov 10, 2022

found my center and it�s full of poo poo

# ? Nov 13, 2023 06:32

redshirt: Aug 11, 2007; Reporting for shovel mission Sir.

Dick Fontaine posted:

found my center and it�s full of poo poo

That's probably spatially true in any human body.

# ? Nov 13, 2023 06:33

Aishlinn: Mar 31, 2011; This might hurt a bit..

Your mom is the center of the universe. my mom too. everyone's mom, ever. and you. and goatse man's butthole. everything is the center of the universe.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A0FZgCiJGrg

# ? Nov 13, 2023 06:36

R.L. Stine: Oct 19, 2007; welcome to dead gay house

this smacks of satanism

# ? Nov 13, 2023 06:48

redshirt: Aug 11, 2007; Reporting for shovel mission Sir.

Aishlinn posted:

Your mom is the center of the universe. my mom too. everyone's mom, ever. and you. and goatse man's butthole. everything is the center of the universe.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A0FZgCiJGrg

Yeah like technically the center is in everyone, even your's and mine's Moms.

# ? Nov 13, 2023 06:48

bossy lady: Jul 9, 1983

My center is my belly button.

# ? Nov 13, 2023 07:41

dr_rat: Jun 4, 2001

Things fall apart; the center cannot hold

# ? Nov 13, 2023 07:45

Martman: Nov 20, 2006

what should I connect them with. all i have is a bunch of hair ties is that ok?

# ? Nov 13, 2023 07:49

Vim Fuego: Jun 1, 2000; Can't post for 25 hours!; Ultra Carp

# ? Nov 13, 2023 08:17

Milo and POTUS: Sep 3, 2017; I will not shut up about the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. I talk about them all the time and work them into every conversation I have. I built a shrine in my room for the yellow one who died because sadly no one noticed because she died around 9/11. Wanna see it?

Toxic Mental posted:

I didn't read but I do enjoy how brits spell it "centre" despite hating the french so much

they love the french and want to kiss them on the mouths with tongue

# ? Nov 13, 2023 09:08

Blurry Gray Thing: Jun 3, 2009

Milo and POTUS posted:

they love the french and want to kiss them on the mouths with tongue

In England, they call that a "French kiss".

But what do the French call it?

# ? Nov 13, 2023 09:32

Dumb Sex-Parrot: Dec 25, 2020

Can it be assured the Earth's centre of mass is excactly 5000 miles straight down? :smug:

# ? Nov 13, 2023 09:34

Milo and POTUS: Sep 3, 2017; I will not shut up about the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. I talk about them all the time and work them into every conversation I have. I built a shrine in my room for the yellow one who died because sadly no one noticed because she died around 9/11. Wanna see it?

Blurry Gray Thing posted:

In England, they call that a "French kiss".

But what do the French call it?

a bisou with cheese

# ? Nov 13, 2023 09:44

dr_rat: Jun 4, 2001

Blurry Gray Thing posted:

In England, they call that a "French kiss".

But what do the French call it?

Le English Snog

Such beautiful language, french.

# ? Nov 13, 2023 09:44

TrashMammal: Nov 10, 2022

Blurry Gray Thing posted:

In England, they call that a "French kiss".

But what do the French call it?

galocher, mon ami :lovebird:

# ? Nov 13, 2023 09:49

The Loin King: Feb 16, 2017; Check out this goddamned cat

what about my BALLS op

# ? Nov 13, 2023 09:50

111213_5: Nov 13, 2023

got an Adult center?

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

# ? Nov 13, 2023 17:02

redshirt: Aug 11, 2007; Reporting for shovel mission Sir.

Dead Sex-Parrot posted:

Can it be assured the Earth's centre of mass is excactly 5000 miles straight down?

Close enough for horseshoes and hand grenades.

# ? Nov 13, 2023 17:06

redshirt: Aug 11, 2007; Reporting for shovel mission Sir.

If you meditate, I ask you to try meditating on this:

Your center,
connected to the center of the Earth,
and that center connected to the center of the Sun,
and that center connected to the black hole in the center of the galaxy,
and that center between the Milky Way and Andromeda,
and that center of the Great Local Attractor,
and there I am there, still, looking into my center.

# ? Nov 14, 2023 04:39

Vim Fuego: Jun 1, 2000; Can't post for 25 hours!; Ultra Carp

This thread

# ? Nov 14, 2023 04:41

Smugworth: Apr 18, 2003

# ? Nov 14, 2023 04:42

You Are A Werewolf: Apr 26, 2010; Black Gold!

My center is full of nougat.

I am apparently a PayDay bar.

I�m a bit nutty.

# ? Nov 14, 2023 04:55

redshirt: Aug 11, 2007; Reporting for shovel mission Sir.

Center of that Pillsbury Doughboy

# ? Nov 14, 2023 05:32

Aishlinn: Mar 31, 2011; This might hurt a bit..

The Loin King posted:

what about my BALLS op

they are the center of the universe! :hmmyes:

# ? Nov 14, 2023 06:17

Foxfire_: Nov 8, 2010

# ? Nov 14, 2023 06:27

TrashMammal: Nov 10, 2022

how many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll centre of a tootsie pop, OP?

# ? Nov 15, 2023 08:28

Dial A For Awesome: May 23, 2009

That didn�t work for me OP. However, I was able to reboot myself by pressing firmly on my left knee for 10 seconds while waggling my right earlobe.

# ? Nov 15, 2023 09:39

Wee: Dec 16, 2022; by Fluffdaddy

i. Touching the forehead, say Ateh (Unto Thee),

ii. Touching the breast, say Malkuth (The Kingdom),

iii. Touching the right shoulder, say ve-Geburah (and the Power),

iv. Touching the left shoulder, say ve-Gedulah (and the Glory).

v. Clasping the hands upon the breast, say le-Olahm, Amen (To the Ages, Amen).

vi. Turning to the East, make a pentagram (that of Earth) with the proper weapon (usually the Wand). Say (i.e. vibrate) IHVH.

vii. Turning to the South, the same, but say ADNI.

viii. Turning to the West, the same, but say AHIH.

ix. Turning to the North, the same, but say AGLA

(Pronounce: Ye-ho-wau, Adonai, Eheieh, Agla).

x. Extending the arms in the form of a Cross say,

xi. Before me Raphael;

xii. Behind me Gabriel;

xiii. On my right hand Michael.

xiv. On my left hand Auriel;

xv. For about me flames the Pentagram,

xvi. And in the Column stands the six-rayed Star.

xvii-xxi. Repeat (i) to (v), the Qabalistic Cross

# ? Nov 15, 2023 12:40

Private Cumshoe: Feb 15, 2019; AAAAAAAGAGHAAHGGAH

Toxic Mental posted:

I didn't read but I do enjoy how brits spell it "centre" despite hating the french so much

Learn to hate the British and the world will make a lot more sense OP

# ? Nov 15, 2023 15:08

redshirt: Aug 11, 2007; Reporting for shovel mission Sir.

Wee posted:

i. Touching the forehead, say Ateh (Unto Thee),

ii. Touching the breast, say Malkuth (The Kingdom),

iii. Touching the right shoulder, say ve-Geburah (and the Power),

iv. Touching the left shoulder, say ve-Gedulah (and the Glory).

v. Clasping the hands upon the breast, say le-Olahm, Amen (To the Ages, Amen).

vi. Turning to the East, make a pentagram (that of Earth) with the proper weapon (usually the Wand). Say (i.e. vibrate) IHVH.

vii. Turning to the South, the same, but say ADNI.

viii. Turning to the West, the same, but say AHIH.

ix. Turning to the North, the same, but say AGLA

(Pronounce: Ye-ho-wau, Adonai, Eheieh, Agla).

x. Extending the arms in the form of a Cross say,

xi. Before me Raphael;

xii. Behind me Gabriel;

xiii. On my right hand Michael.

xiv. On my left hand Auriel;

xv. For about me flames the Pentagram,

xvi. And in the Column stands the six-rayed Star.

xvii-xxi. Repeat (i) to (v), the Qabalistic Cross

OK, Lucifer's here. What next?

# ? Nov 15, 2023 15:09

redshirt: Aug 11, 2007; Reporting for shovel mission Sir.

Focus your breath

Slowly in and out

All the way from the bottom, to the top.

Breath deep from the center, and out.

Imagine a sphere, like a ball bearing,

or a marble

Imagine this marble spinning in space, hovering

Imagine you control this spin, this hovering, this marble

Enlarge it, make it bigger, make it smaller, make it dance around.

You are the marble

# ? Nov 19, 2023 03:01

mailorder bees: Nov 4, 2011; FLUFFERNUTTER

and then john was the marbles

# ? Nov 19, 2023 06:54

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# ? Apr 28, 2024 21:13

Strategic Tea: Sep 1, 2012

Wee posted:

i. Touching the forehead, say Ateh (Unto Thee),

ii. Touching the breast, say Malkuth (The Kingdom),

iii. Touching the right shoulder, say ve-Geburah (and the Power),

iv. Touching the left shoulder, say ve-Gedulah (and the Glory).

v. Clasping the hands upon the breast, say le-Olahm, Amen (To the Ages, Amen).

vi. Turning to the East, make a pentagram (that of Earth) with the proper weapon (usually the Wand). Say (i.e. vibrate) IHVH.

vii. Turning to the South, the same, but say ADNI.

viii. Turning to the West, the same, but say AHIH.

ix. Turning to the North, the same, but say AGLA

(Pronounce: Ye-ho-wau, Adonai, Eheieh, Agla).

x. Extending the arms in the form of a Cross say,

xi. Before me Raphael;

xii. Behind me Gabriel;

xiii. On my right hand Michael.

xiv. On my left hand Auriel;

xv. For about me flames the Pentagram,

xvi. And in the Column stands the six-rayed Star.

xvii-xxi. Repeat (i) to (v), the Qabalistic Cross

Do you want mecha? Because that's how you get mecha.

# ? Nov 19, 2023 10:01

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > The Center