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WAR CRIME GIGOLO
Oct 3, 2012

The Hague
tryna get me
for these glutes

Ask for a gooning setup for Christmas

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wesleywillis
Dec 30, 2016

SUCK A MALE CAMEL'S DICK WITH MIRACLE WHIP!!

Blurry Gray Thing posted:

Your wanted rating resets once you reach home base, because the cops refuse to enter.

But, like any good horror game, it eventually undermines this feeling of safety you've come to take for granted when you are raided by the Center of Disease Control hazmat team.

When the CDC team shows up you try to fight them off by tossing your full cum vases at them and spraying them with taint boil juice.

Or you try and seduce the :females: CDC people with your sunken bath tub doom bathroom.

wesleywillis fucked around with this message at 23:47 on Dec 12, 2023

Animal-Mother
Feb 14, 2012

RABBIT RABBIT
RABBIT RABBIT

These pants were made for jackin'
and that's just what they'll do
one of these days these pants are gonna jack off all of you

Haptical Sales Slut
Mar 15, 2010

Age 18 to 49

Animal-Mother posted:

These pants were made for jackin'
and that's just what they'll do
one of these days these pants are gonna jack off all of you

Mr. Powers definitely has a pair.

GABA ghoul
Oct 29, 2011

These JO pants would make an absolutely hilarious joke gift but there is no way a package from "bateworld" is coming anywhere near my house with me as a recipient on the package.

Also, I'm in Europe so I'll very likely have to be at the customs office to pay taxes on my jerking off pants in front of a bunch of people asking questions and I don't really need that in my life right now

flubber nuts
Oct 5, 2005


GABA ghoul posted:

These JO pants would make an absolutely hilarious joke gift but there is no way a package from "bateworld" is coming anywhere near my house with me as a recipient on the package.

Also, I'm in Europe so I'll very likely have to be at the customs office to pay taxes on my jerking off pants in front of a bunch of people asking questions and I don't really need that in my life right now

:siren: prude alert :siren:

wesleywillis
Dec 30, 2016

SUCK A MALE CAMEL'S DICK WITH MIRACLE WHIP!!

GABA ghoul posted:

These JO pants would make an absolutely hilarious joke gift but there is no way a package from "bateworld" is coming anywhere near my house with me as a recipient on the package.

Also, I'm in Europe so I'll very likely have to be at the customs office to pay taxes on my jerking off pants in front of a bunch of people asking questions and I don't really need that in my life right now

Certainly if they ask you the contents of the package, rather than saying "clothing" or being more specific and saying "pants", you are legally obligated to tell them that these are pants nade specifically for jerking off.
YES MR CUSTOMS/TAX AND DUTY OFFICER, THESE ARE PANTS WHICH I HAVE SPECIFICALLY PURCHASE TO GIVE ME EASY ACCESS TO CRANK MY HOG, BECAUSE I ENJOY CRANKING MY HOG AND AM TOO LAZY TO REMOVE MY PANTS TO DO SO, SO I BOUGHT PANTS TO WEAR FOR THE EXPRESS PURPOSE OF BEING EASY TO GET MY HOG SO I CAN CRANK IT LIKE SOULJA BOY"!!!

Konar
Dec 14, 2006

by Fluffdaddy
Just LOL if you think you're getting the jack pants any time before next Christmas with the massive log of back orders they've surely racked up at this point

GABA ghoul
Oct 29, 2011

wesleywillis posted:

Certainly if they ask you the contents of the package, rather than saying "clothing" or being more specific and saying "pants", you are legally obligated to tell them that these are pants nade specifically for jerking off.
YES MR CUSTOMS/TAX AND DUTY OFFICER, THESE ARE PANTS WHICH I HAVE SPECIFICALLY PURCHASE TO GIVE ME EASY ACCESS TO CRANK MY HOG, BECAUSE I ENJOY CRANKING MY HOG AND AM TOO LAZY TO REMOVE MY PANTS TO DO SO, SO I BOUGHT PANTS TO WEAR FOR THE EXPRESS PURPOSE OF BEING EASY TO GET MY HOG SO I CAN CRANK IT LIKE SOULJA BOY"!!!

Lol, almost. You get called to come to their office to pick up your packet and then they open it in front of you while a bunch of other bored customers wait in line behind you in full sight of the content. Then they ask for the invoice so they can calculate the duty + taxes(or confirm that you are below the duty free threshold). If you can't show a credible invoice they go to the sender's onlineshop to look up the value, at which point you gotta give them the full name of the product. Either way, your ownership of the cranking pants ends up on official government documents.

You got one part wrong though: You don't have to explain why you ordered the pants. I mean, they will definitely ask, but you can refuse to answer. It's nobody's business why you are getting these cranking pants made specifically for cranking your dick

iroguebot
Feb 15, 2001

Nerf this!

Looks like I've been a real goon all these years in both regards. I've been a hybrid spec all these years and didn't know.

MrQwerty
Apr 15, 2003

$80 is pretty steep for sweatpants with a zipper

YeahTubaMike
Mar 24, 2005

*hic* Gotta finish thish . . .
Doctor Rope

MrQwerty posted:

$80 is pretty steep for sweatpants with a zipper

They're grey though, the best kind of sweatpants

Grey Cat
Jun 3, 2023

Doing stuff and things


YeahTubaMike posted:

They're grey though, the best kind of sweatpants

:hmmyes:

wesleywillis
Dec 30, 2016

SUCK A MALE CAMEL'S DICK WITH MIRACLE WHIP!!

GABA ghoul posted:

Lol, almost. You get called to come to their office to pick up your packet and then they open it in front of you while a bunch of other bored customers wait in line behind you in full sight of the content. Then they ask for the invoice so they can calculate the duty + taxes(or confirm that you are below the duty free threshold). If you can't show a credible invoice they go to the sender's onlineshop to look up the value, at which point you gotta give them the full name of the product. Either way, your ownership of the cranking pants ends up on official government documents.

You got one part wrong though: You don't have to explain why you ordered the pants. I mean, they will definitely ask, but you can refuse to answer. It's nobody's business why you are getting these cranking pants made specifically for cranking your dick

I guess that's what you get for living in a commie youropeen country!!!

bossy lady
Jul 9, 1983

cumstains on my sweat pants? I prefer to call it "battle damage"

GABA ghoul
Oct 29, 2011

Can't stop thinking about thos pants

Bonzo
Mar 11, 2004

Just like Mama used to make it!

WAR CRIME GIGOLO posted:

Ask for a gooning setup for Christmas

#GoonUp

Lt. Cock
May 28, 2005

INCOMING!
We get Interview magazine at work and they had some sweatpants photo shoot with an influencer I’ve never heard of. Anyway, this one pair of sweatpants reminded me of the JO pants.

Lt. Cock fucked around with this message at 23:49 on Dec 13, 2023

emSparkly
Nov 21, 2022

I'm open to interpretation!
Your jeans’ zipper works just fine for this already. You don’t know how stimulating the pinching is til you try it.

cumpantry
Dec 18, 2020

Lt. Cock posted:

We get Interview magazine at work and they had some sweatpants photo shoot with an influencer I’ve never heard of. Anyway, this one pair of sweatpants reminded me of the JO pants.



sweatpants look like saints row 2 graphics. hell the model's covered in what looks like tattoos from the in-game parlor

cumpantry
Dec 18, 2020

... why is he holding a toaster?

BAGS FLY AT NOON
Apr 6, 2011

A Soft Nylon Bag

cumpantry posted:

... why is he holding a toaster?

Why aren’t you?

Extra Large Marge
Jan 21, 2004

Fun Shoe
Influencers love Pop-Tarts

Wifi Toilet
Oct 1, 2004

Toilet Rascal

cumpantry posted:

... why is he holding a toaster?

Don't bother him, he's influencing. You're just too old to get it, man.

Grey Cat
Jun 3, 2023

Doing stuff and things


cumpantry posted:

... why is he holding a toaster?

That's 3O

maybeadracula
Sep 9, 2022

by sebmojo

Lt. Cock posted:

We get Interview magazine at work and they had some sweatpants photo shoot with an influencer I’ve never heard of. Anyway, this one pair of sweatpants reminded me of the JO pants.



Yellow vulva pants

Perfect for, uh,

bossy lady
Jul 9, 1983

Sprained my balls during my last goonathon. I might have to sit this season out.

Blurry Gray Thing
Jun 3, 2009

bossy lady posted:

Sprained my balls during my last goonathon. I might have to sit this season out.

You can do it, champ. I believe in you.

If we lose this one, Reddit will get to take the Goon Cave.

MrQwerty
Apr 15, 2003

bossy lady posted:

Sprained my balls during my last goonathon. I might have to sit this season out.

its very important that you get a good pair of JO pants so you don't incur any more traumatic ball sprain injuries in the future

BigBadSteve
Apr 29, 2009

bossy lady posted:

Sprained my balls during my last goonathon. I might have to sit this season out.

Feed your balls.
https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a19694609/how-to-increase-semen

Samuel L. ACKSYN
Feb 29, 2008


new concept: wework but for gooncaves

Robo Reagan
Feb 12, 2012

by Fluffdaddy
i wear the pants backward so i can put a suction cup dildo on a park bench and gently caress my rear end in a top hat discreetly in public

nice obelisk idiot
May 18, 2023

funerary linens looking like dishrags

Samuel L. ACKSYN posted:

new concept: wework but for gooncaves
freestanding gooning booths at the airport that cost an obscene amount of money

istewart
Apr 13, 2005

Still contemplating why I didn't register here under a clever pseudonym

nice obelisk idiot posted:

freestanding gooning booths at the airport that cost an obscene amount of money

Japan has long been a leader in the capsule gooning space

Dixville
Nov 4, 2008

I don't think!
Ham Wrangler
A goon by any other name would smell as gross

MakaVillian
Aug 16, 2003

Well, in Whoville they say - that his tiny hands grew three sizes that day.

bossy lady posted:

Sprained my balls during my last goonathon. I might have to sit this season out.

Just rub some dirt on it and get back out there

The Bramble
Mar 16, 2004

bossy lady posted:

Sprained my balls during my last goonathon. I might have to sit this season out.

Consider renting your goon cave out on Gooni while you’re out of commission. Make the space work for you.

OB-GYN Kenobi
Dec 4, 2017

Dixville posted:

A goon by any other name would smell as gross

Be not afraid of goonness. Some are born goons, some achieve goonness, and others have goonness thrust upon them.

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Helpimscared
Jun 16, 2014

Buce posted:

that and all the ssris

Didn't need to be called out like that but thanks

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