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content: a story told exquisite corpse style wherein each successive poster will add something to the story stipulation: there are only two; first, no commentary post only your addition(s) to the narrative. second, whatever you post must contain at least one reference to a product available for purchase in the budk catalog. further clarification on the second stipulation, budk goods must be referred to by product name in all caps, images or hyperlinks to the online catalog are welcome. real budk merchandise only, your wit and creativity are not needed in this area. budk goods can be reused, they don't need to be unique for every post but please add some depth of description or additional images if your chosen budk product(s) has/have already come up |
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Apr 16, 2024 01:57
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| # ? May 3, 2024 15:50 |
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the protagonist stirred from their sleep minutes before their alarm was set to go off. the apartment was dark except the harsh red of the alarm clock's seven segment display and two errant cracks of hateful daylight pouring in like incandescent bleach from between damaged venetian blinds. the protagonist kicked off their THE TOKER BLANKET. the air movement in the hot, still, shut enclosure goaded a fat housefly to begin buzzing around the room |
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Apr 16, 2024 01:58
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Sighing heavily, they pulled on their underwear and socks, followed by M48 WOODLAND CAMO BDU PANTS - RIP-STOP CONSTRUCTION, ADJUSTABLE WAIST, BLOUSING RIBBONS, their sweet 3 wolves t-shirt, and the M48 OPS TACTICAL CROSS DRAW VEST . This was, of course equipped with the UMAREX 50-CALIBER HOME DEFENSE PEPPER AMMO AIR PISTOL - SEMI-AUTOMATIC, CO2-POWERED, SIX-ROUND INTERNAL MAGAZINE, HONSHU HISTORIC BLACK CLAYMORE SWORD AND SCABBARD - 1065 HIGH CARBON STEEL BLADE, LEATHER WRAPPED HANDLE, STEEL GUARD - LENGTH 57”, and, of course several VALKEN TACTICAL THUNDER 130-DB SOUND GRENADES - DUMBBELL 12-PACK WITH CORE. Then, headed to the kitchen to get some breakfast. They'd need a lot of energy today. They were up for a big promotion at Geek Squad, after all!
Escape From Noise fucked around with this message at 17:55 on Apr 17, 2024
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Apr 17, 2024 17:51
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meanwhile, in the cloister of the local best buy's nerve center a hooded figure sits, barely visible except its hands. long clawlike fingernails languidly shift and trace over the words on the attendance and performance review papers in front of them. the figure's other hand stretches its long clawlike fingers and curls them around a DRAGON SCULPTED GOBLET. it raises the goblet to its lips, now the only feature of its face visible from behind its hood. it takes a shallow drink and then a faint smile stretches across those lips |
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Apr 17, 2024 19:07
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"flumbo baba laba momomo," it says in a voice laden with years and excoriated damage to his vocal cords. "that's some good wine from the grapes that grow only on the Coast of Ul. my people are from there, the claw-handed ... well i won't tell you what animal is half of us, but let's just say my head is in a hood and you can't see it. any questions?" he gestures to best buy underlings gathered before him. "yeah. what does this have to do with our best buy training?" "i'm getting to that, but first i have to do something else." he reaches across an ornate, gilded desk and attempts in desperation to hit a mysterious button, failing to do so in one try. alarms blare.
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Apr 18, 2024 01:35
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All off the staff members' chairs fell away, dropping them into cages suspended over the cavernous Stockroom Dungeon. "As you know," the hooded figure peeled back his hood to reveal it was part of him, "I am half-half king cobra, half-half owl, and actual half traveling store manager. Or should I say, 'as you now know?'" Protagonist relished in their great decision to surreptitiously install a NIGHT WATCHMAN EYE IN THE SKY SMART BULB in one of the office light fixtures. This footage would really spice up their otherwise-homogenous youtube channel. There they usually made short work of countless Mountain Dew (Code Red) bottles, displaying their prowess with all varieties of historical weapons. "As you also know," the dehooded figure echoed, "It is time to test your mettle as a true Geek. I have amassed a collection of viruses, worms, and germs over the years from the furthest corners of the deep web and even some from the dark web. Advancements in AI generation have allowed us to 3D print physical vessals for each to inhabit before being released into the stockroom. These designs were, of course, approved by a board of experts who draw anime personifications of websites. In 10 seconds, you will all be released to run the gauntlet back upstairs. Survivors will retain their positions. Those who return with a trophy secure a more prestegious role in our family." Our hero doffs their NIGHT WATCHMAN SELF DEFENSE SAP CAP WITH LEAD POCKET in preparation for the climax all their training has been building towards, knocking some nits out of it against their hand before tossing it away. This would dust the average knuckle, but preperations were made: this morning they donned the BRASS KNUCKLE BOTTLE POPPER "Drink it in," they jeered while pantomiming opening a beer and chugging it. RavenousScoot fucked around with this message at 23:28 on Apr 18, 2024
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Apr 18, 2024 23:21
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while the protagonist continued their preparations, the protagonist's nerdy best friend walked up to the geek squad counter at bestbuy. they were expecting to find the protagonist there as they'd agreed to play some super smash brothers together after the protagonist finished their unpaid weekend overtime shift. "is the protagonist here?" the nerdy best friend asked "l.o.l., who?" replied the youth at the geek squad counter. he was wearing a VIETNAM VETERAN CAP "knock it off fitzroy, my only friend, the other one of the kids your brother was always shoving into lockers and toilets and...hey, you're not a vietnam vet!" "gently caress off hippie I served." "you're two years younger than me dipshit you weren't even alive during the vietnam war." "gently caress off, I fought in 'nam, everyone knows it. proud family of soldiers just like how my dad fought in the peloponnesian wars and my brother is a soldier in god's army!" "...which peloponnesian war?" "what" "which one did your dad fight in? there were two or three." "...what do you want?" "is the protagonist here?" "l.o.l., who?" |
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Apr 19, 2024 02:19
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Protagonist's best friend sighed while he raised his right hand and unsheathed his HONSHU DAMASCUS BROADSWORD WITH SHEATH - DAMASCUS STEEL BLADE, TPR HANDLE, STAINLESS STEEL POMMEL - LENGTH 43 1/2”($349.99) from it's HONSHU OVER-THE-SHOULDER SCABBARD HARNESS - LEATHER CONSTRUCTION, METAL BUCKLES, ADJUSTABLE - LENGTH 15 3/4” ($29.99). You heard me. I don't have time for these games! I got other games to play!
Escape From Noise fucked around with this message at 05:52 on Apr 19, 2024
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Apr 19, 2024 05:50
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faster than the eye could see, fitzroy had drawn his cell phone and called the cops. "hello anytown police. hello, this is fitzroy at the geek squad. yeah, skip's son." ... "yeah, the vietnam war hero." ... "my war wounds are fine, thanks for asking. anyway, I'm calling because I'm being menaced by a maniac brandishing a sword." ... "you will? thank you, yes I'll be expecting them." as fitzroy hung up the protagonist's nerdy best friend's UNIDEN BEARCAT 500 CHANNEL HANDHELD SCANNER squawked out: "officers respond. mental health crisis nullification squad needed at best buy geek squad counter. suspect is brandishing a sword" "L.O.L. doofus you've got a police scanner with you while you're committing a crime? they were gonna give you a slap on the wrist and tell you to take your meds but now you're for sure going to jail for your cosplay bullshit." fitzroy managed to say between laughing fits cosplay...cosplay...cosplay the word echoed in the protagonist's nerdy best friend's head and then something snapped. the blade came down hard on the counter. fitzory's severed head then hit the floor, followed by his body. his vietnam vet cap slowy glided down swaying back and forth before landing gently over fitzory's aghast dead face |
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Apr 20, 2024 10:16
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"I guess he'll never be the head of a major corporation!" Best Friend turned to see Protagonist coming out from behind the Employees Only door, tugging down on the brim of his NIGHT WATCHMAN SELF DEFENSE SAP CAP WITH LEAD POCKET.
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Apr 20, 2024 11:45
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the protagonist and their nerdy best friend had just stitched fitzroy's head back on to his body using a ELITE STAINLESS STEEL SURGICAL SET IN BLACK POUCH and cleaned up the blood with a pack of COMPRESSED TOWELS. fitzroy was looking pretty good only his head was stitched on backwards. right then the cops came through the door |
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Apr 22, 2024 03:43
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"I thought I smelled [snort] bacon!" Protagonist chortled with what he thought was a cool and commanding voice. "Cover your ears, kid!" Protagonist reached into his M48 OPS TACTICAL CROSS DRAW VEST to pull out one of his VALKEN TACTICAL THUNDER 130-DB SOUND GRENADES - DUMBBELL 12-PACK WITH CORE. He armed it and tossed it underhand at the incoming cops. At the same time he grabbed his GLOBAL VISION MILITARY BALLISTIC SAFETY SUNGLASSES - SMOKE from his other pocket and tried to put them on, but bungled it, poking himself in his right eye with one of the earpieces. It was also around this time that Nerdy Best Friend realized that the grenade Protagonist had tossed had fallen pretty short.
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Apr 22, 2024 16:19
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| # ? May 3, 2024 15:50 |
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the cobra owl manager thingy reached its clawlike fingers into a VIKING MAGIC RUNE STONES POUCH OF 24 and pulled a rune out using its fingernails like chopsticks. it inspected the rune. of the 6 member geek squad crew 2 had maintained their position, 3 had died, none had earned a promotion. something was missing, the scion of management potential. the cobra owl manger looked at the rune again, set it down on the security console in front of it when something caught its eye. the camera feed for the geek squad counter, there on the monitor the protagonist jabbed their eye out with their sunglasses. management potential hissed/hooted the cobra owl manager. all seemed lost, the protagonist was doubled over, blind and the protagonist's nerdy best friend was about to get their crotch blown open by a questionable self defense device. the nerdy best friend looked down between their legs, frozen in place in panic, they looked upward and began nervously praying. the sound grenade went off. rather than exploding it started playing generic tactical guntube background music. the protagonist emptied the c02 cartridge from his second valken tactical thunder, inserted an n2o cartridge and huffed it down. 45 seconds later, gasping for breath the protagonist croaked out "that's my jam". the cobra owl manager watched on in approval. management potential it hissed louder. it pressed the intercom button. "employ #52396 report to the best buy corporate nerve center office, bring your nerdy friend with you" the cobra owl manager's voice said over the loudspeaker |
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Apr 23, 2024 02:14
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