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Hey, I've read about half the thread so far, so apologies if this has been touched on already. I finally finished grad school and got a decent job in my field, so I was hoping to propose to my girlfriend before the end of the year. I have student loan debts still, some money in savings so I would be well-covered in an emergency or if I lost my job, and I am used to living very simply. She is earning a graduate degree herself, doesn't work right now, and lives with her parents, who like me. That gives you some backstory. Somehow, the engagement ring shopping process has turned very stressful for everyone, most of all for me. I constantly hear about the "two months' salary" guideline, which always seemed like a bit much to me. I hoped that whatever ring I found for her, she would love -- especially because it came from me. So we went to ShaneCo one day to browse around, so I could get some ideas as to what style of ring she would want. No harm there, right? Then she apparently found the ring of her dreams at a high-end, swanky mall jewelry store, and I went there with her and her parents to look. It is spectacular, but out of the price range I had in my head. I don't know if I can justify spending that much on a piece of jewelry, especially since I'm just starting out and she won't even be working for a few more years. Of course the store won't bargain at all. She and her parents(!) really seem stuck on this one ring, and the parents have offered to help me pay for it. Now they have always been generous with me, especially at gift-giving occasions -- often moreso than I am comfortable with, considering I could never reciprocate on their level. I learned from my parents to always live within my means, and if you need a new car but can't afford the Lamborghini you want, you buy a Honda and deal with it. I definitely don't want her parents chipping in on the engagement ring, but I'm feeling pressure from the whole family. It feels like an insult -- like everyone is trying to subvert my role as the guy, as the provider. What kind of chump would I be if her parents split the cost of the ring with me? Why can't I find her a similar, but more affordable ring and pay for it all myself? Isn't it usually the guy who goes out and picks out a ring to surprise the girl, and she will love it regardless (assuming he put some thought and effort into it)? It seems like everyone has gone crazy except me, but could *I* possibly be the one in the wrong here?
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Aug 16, 2008 16:40
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Big Bad Voodoo Lou posted:Why can't I find her a similar, but more affordable ring and pay for it all myself? You can certainly do that. Find out what aspects of the ring design she really loves & then find a ring at a local jeweler that has those design elements. A "designer" engagement ring is no different from a "generic" ring. It just has some guy's name attached to it which ups the price significantly. For example, when we went ring shopping I was drawn to the rings with a round center stone & round channel-set side stones. It didn't matter whether it was a designer ring or not. So when he went to actually purchase a ring, he chose one that had those design elements & I couldn't be happier. quote:Isn't it usually the guy who goes out and picks out a ring to surprise the girl, and she will love it regardless (assuming he put some thought and effort into it)? Ummmm....no. If my fiance had picked out a yellow-gold ring with an oval shaped diamond, I would not love it. I would still love him, but I would find a way to exchange the ring. You have to remember that she is going to wear this ring for the rest of her life. It needs to be something that she likes looking at & that looks good on her finger.
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Aug 16, 2008 18:55
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Big Bad Voodoo Lou posted:What kind of chump would I be if her parents split the cost of the ring with me? Why can't I find her a similar, but more affordable ring and pay for it all myself? Isn't it usually the guy who goes out and picks out a ring to surprise the girl, and she will love it regardless (assuming he put some thought and effort into it)? It seems like everyone has gone crazy except me, but could *I* possibly be the one in the wrong here? Talk to your girlfriend about the situation. Like GoreJess suggested, find out what aspects of the ring she likes and see if you can find anything similar. If she is dead set on that one specific ring OR ELSE, then you should bring up the large price tag. Tell her that her parents have offered to split the cost if she really wants that one. If she really wants that ring but has a problem with her parents paying for part of it, then tell her she's poo poo out of luck. She either gets the really expensive ring with her parents' help, or she gets whatever you two come up with together on your dime. Tell everyone who is bothering you about it to gently caress off because it's between you and your girlfriend, not them. Also, I would love my fiance regardless of what he got me, but if it's loving ugly, I'd appreciate the thought and take it back for something else. You want her to love you AND the ring. Otherwise it'll be something she will use against you in future fights. 
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Aug 16, 2008 21:34
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Big Bad Voodoo Lou posted:It feels like an insult -- like everyone is trying to subvert my role as the guy, as the provider. What kind of chump would I be if her parents split the cost of the ring with me? Why can't I find her a similar, but more affordable ring and pay for it all myself? Isn't it usually the guy who goes out and picks out a ring to surprise the girl, and she will love it regardless (assuming he put some thought and effort into it)? Oh, I agree. You should bring her family a freshly-wrestled wild cow, and then club her over the head and drag her off to your tent. Why should you put her happiness above your need to fulfill your traditional role as provider? It sounds like she doesn't know her place. Don't forget to inform her when you are having children, where you will live, and what time dinner needs to be on the table when you come home. Seriously, you've painted an unflattering picture of yourself as a pre-60's caveman with comments like that. I agree that you shouldn't pay the inflated price of a mall store, why not contact some top-rate online jewelers like Whiteflash, or Wink Jones of Winfield's, for quotes on what a replica would cost you?
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Aug 16, 2008 21:36
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RedFish posted:Oh, I agree. You should bring her family a freshly-wrestled wild cow, and then club her over the head and drag her off to your tent. I think his point wasn't so much, "I'm the man and therefore I buy the ring URRG" but more "This is important to me so I feel it'd be more heartfelt if I paid for the ring with 100% of my hard-earned money. If I brought her parents into it, that's taking the easy way out."
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Aug 16, 2008 21:56
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ih8ualot posted:I think his point wasn't so much, "I'm the man and therefore I buy the ring URRG" but more "This is important to me so I feel it'd be more heartfelt if I paid for the ring with 100% of my hard-earned money. If I brought her parents into it, that's taking the easy way out."
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Aug 16, 2008 23:36
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Just to pop in and say, I got proposed to earlier this evening  . Of course I said yes.And I am not looking forward to planning a loving wedding.
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Aug 17, 2008 01:56
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Rootbeer Baron posted:Agreed, what he's saying is that he wants the engagement ring to be a gift from him, not a gift from him and two silent partners. It may not agree with some people's sensibilities, but if it makes him happier, then he should buy a ring within his means with his own money. That's what I'd prefer to receive if the ring were going on my finger. That's what I meant. I could have explained myself better, but RedFish went out of his/her way to distort my point completely and paint me as some kind of backwards macho jerk. I like to think I'm the complete opposite -- just as one example, we've already discussed how she wouldn't want to change her last name due to having been published before, and I'm totally cool with that. And to clarify for everyone who was kind enough to respond to me, I want to get her the best ring I can comfortably afford that fits what she wants. We've already been browsing at ShaneCo (which didn't have anything she liked), Jared (which had a couple decent rings), and the expensive mall store (with the one ring she loved). By now I have a really good idea of what she wants, and have every intention of delivering. It's very vintage-inspired, not a terribly common design. I just hate the idea of paying what the mall store is asking, and don't feel any better about having her parents "help" me buy it. I'd rather just keep shopping around, or even see if the mall store can order me a smaller diamond in the same (or a similar) setting. The ring she wants cost more than my CAR did, and I'm having trouble justifying that, no matter what.
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Aug 17, 2008 04:29
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Adri posted:Just to pop in and say, I got proposed to earlier this evening Congratulations!
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Aug 17, 2008 04:34
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Big Bad Voodoo Lou posted:That's what I meant. I could have explained myself better, but RedFish went out of his/her way to distort my point completely and paint me as some kind of backwards macho jerk. I like to think I'm the complete opposite -- just as one example, we've already discussed how she wouldn't want to change her last name due to having been published before, and I'm totally cool with that. And to clarify for everyone who was kind enough to respond to me, I want to get her the best ring I can comfortably afford that fits what she wants. We've already been browsing at ShaneCo (which didn't have anything she liked), Jared (which had a couple decent rings), and the expensive mall store (with the one ring she loved). By now I have a really good idea of what she wants, and have every intention of delivering. It's very vintage-inspired, not a terribly common design. My point was that statements like "It feels like an insult -- like everyone is trying to subvert my role as the guy, as the provider" are pretty over the top, and thus you got an equally ridiculous response. I highly doubt anyone is trying to 'insult' you or "subvert your role as the [...] provider". I was pointing out that's a very antiquated attitude to have. If you girlfriend sees this ring as the ring she will wear forever without changing it, or you yourself prefer it never be changed or 'upgraded', then you need to consider all your options. I've spent a lot of time on a site where the implications of an engagement ring have been debated to death, and the bottom line seems to come down to sacrifice. What did the man give up for this ring. Did he give up on his creature comforts to save up for the ring, or maybe did he give up his rigid ideas about how things were 'supposed to happen. Sometimes that means letting go of your pride and deciding that allowing her to help with the cost, such as him buying the stone and her buying the setting, is the best option despite your preference for 'tradition'. Traditions are not as reliable or welcome today, who cares about what was relevant for your great-grandparents' time, make the decision as a partnership between adults, choose between the two of you the way you want things to go. I'm not saying go ahead and take the money from her parents, I'm saying you need to let go of the idea that it's an offense against your 'guyhood' for them to try to help you make their daughter happy. I agree, don't go and get ripped off by a mall store. I gave you two great suggestions for alternatives. Keep in mind that when you buy a diamond, you need to be educated on the science behind a diamond's performance, and not be duped by the fancy and misleading lighting mall stores use to make their overpriced diamonds look worth the price. If you want to see what you really can get for the price the mall store was asking, go to http://www.pricescope.com and plug in the numbers into their diamond lookup. The professionals and enthusiasts on that site will be happy to help hunt down both diamonds and settings that will fit your budget and tickle your girlfriend's fancy. Edit: \/ \/ I gather it's the same idea as most gifts where the effort (monetary, investment of time, difficulty obtaining it, etc) put into the gift is part of it's value, just more extreme. It's an unusually sentimental item. The diamond industry has done a bang-up marketing job of convincing people that diamonds are a necessity instead of a luxury, which makes me a little jaded about the sentimental aspect. RedFish fucked around with this message at 08:27 on Aug 17, 2008 |
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Aug 17, 2008 06:04
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RedFish posted:I've spent a lot of time on a site where the implications of an engagement ring have been debated to death, and the bottom line seems to come down to sacrifice. What did the man give up for this ring.
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Aug 17, 2008 07:47
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moana posted:I'd be interested to hear what other people have to think about this, but the idea that a ring should require some sort of sacrifice (for what? so that he can prove to me just how much he cares?) sounds pretty ridiculous to me. I think it's pretty sad for the people who think like that. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but making someone suffer financially when you're going to be marrying them is loving weird. I will confess this one time, because I think it might put things in perspective for some other people. I haven't told anyone at home because I'm not interested in hearing any BS where I am in close enough proximity to punch someone for being a moron. Some people I'm sure would find it off putting: My ring was 'used'. It was a trade up, the couple traded it in to go bigger because the girl wasn't satisfied. I originally wanted this 3 carat total weight multi-band $12000 monstrosity. I tried it on every time I went past the store. He was redoing our entire household budget and trying to find the best rate to finance what he couldn't pay up front so I could have this ring. I was obsessed. Being the awesome person that he is, he wanted me to be happy, and was willing to 'sacrifice' to make me happy. After all I have to wear it The Rest Of My Life. One day I happened to walk into his office/rec room and catch him fiddling with numbers. He was explaining how if he cut here and there I could get it. Talking to him I just started to feel really lovely. Like, I'm not getting engaged for the ring, I'm doing it because he is the one I want to be with. So I finally said 'gently caress it' and told him just to pick something he knew I would like. We went to the drive-in one night with a bunch of our friends and he proposed at the end of the movie. It was the single best moment of my life. The ring is a 1 carat center stone, with 16 small baguettes over a cathedral setting, and two bands of medium rounds that fuse into a single band at the back. Kays has a similar ring that I had at one point said was nice, and he remembered and tried to match it with a local guy. Total weight is 2.5 carats, and I won't say exactly what he paid, but it was around $2000. Just because someone else owned it, and most girls would wig the gently caress out and not want it. It looks new as gently caress, and I love this ring. I get soooo many compliments and I really enjoy being able to say that he went out and got it himself. I don't believe in superstition, and I guess some people would call it 'cursed', but if someone was stupid enough to trade this monster in because they wanted something bigger, cool. I got a hella inexpensive and lovely ring out of it, and we don't have to eat ramen because of my diamond hunger. The jeweler told my fiance that a LOT of people don't realize that they can get double what they normally would if they don't mind the fact that someone has owned it before. The rings are always buffed and polished and cleaned, and some shady places wouldn't even mention it because they don't HAVE to. They end up looking like new again. Maybe I'm country or whatever, but if someone said "This ring cost $500 and has been on a finger" and "This same one has not been worn and cost $1000" it would be silly to take the thousand dollar one. gently caress, the diamond was touched by whoever mined it, polished it, cut it, what the hell ever. That extra money can go toward your new life together, which is what all this nonsense is about anyway.
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Aug 17, 2008 13:49
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moana posted:I'd be interested to hear what other people have to think about this, but the idea that a ring should require some sort of sacrifice (for what? so that he can prove to me just how much he cares?) sounds pretty ridiculous to me. I agree that it sounds ridiculous. It should be about compromise, not about sacrificing your financial wellbeing over a rock.
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Aug 17, 2008 14:27
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moana posted:I'd be interested to hear what other people have to think about this, but the idea that a ring should require some sort of sacrifice (for what? so that he can prove to me just how much he cares?) sounds pretty ridiculous to me. Trust me, you don't really want to know what the people at pricescope think about rings. You'll get good tips about the actual buying of the diamond, but when it comes down to the people there who are actually receiving those diamonds, it's pretty much the Oprah's book club crowd who grew up being told too many fairy tales.
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Aug 17, 2008 14:29
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Congratulations Adri! I personally wouldn't have liked it if my fiance had had to have included his parents in order to pay for a more expensive ring. I think it's sweeter to make it a personal token between just two people that lies within their own budget. It is a token of significance from one person to another, and the real importance lies in the significance, not the size of the diamond. I think this is what Big Bad Voodoo Lou means, that he would like to keep it as his own personal gesture and not involve others. However, you could turn that the other way and say that since the proposal itself is more important than the ring, it shouldn't matter how you finance it. I suppose it comes down to personal comfort.
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Aug 17, 2008 15:07
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ElanoreMcMantis posted:
I'm curious as to how many peoples' rings are used? My first thought when my fiance proposed was, "I hope to God those aren't real diamonds". Both for the cost and the ethics factor. I was so happy to find out that my ring was "pre-owned". My man got a steal of a ring, and I have no guilt about buying a brand-new, waste-creating ring (we're annoying like that). Also, I've met several people who have confessed to me that they too have used rings, but only after I brought the subject up. Now, to Big Bad Voodoo Lou: "Live within your means" is a fantastic mantra, and I think you should stick to it here. Also, it's rude of her parents to butt in. I don't think that accepting help from them is bad when you need it--say, your roof was ripped off in a freak tornado. But this is frivolous. Keep it simple, and save the extra money for a down payment on a house. Personally, I would have killed my fiance had he spent much more than I think he did.
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Aug 17, 2008 16:42
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Well, our day came & went. Things went well, everything looked nice, and the total cost (not including my $1k dress because my mom paid for that) was around $2500 or so. Highlights of the day... 1. Tables were 1.5hrs late to arrive 2. I rushed through making centerpieces while the florist did the cake 3. Was on schedule even with my hair appt., but when I went to pick up the bridesmaids, they weren't anywhere near ready. We left their place like 10min before the ceremony was supposed to start. 4. My fiance was running later than us, so we all rushed to the ceremony ahead of him since it'd take us longer to get dressed. 5. Sunny up to the house. Stormed on way to ceremony. Sunny for ceremony. 6. Wasted another 30min waiting for the officiant & my fiance to cut the chit chat so we could all start walking down the aisle. Ceremony actually started 45min late. 7. Had limos for 1hr, and it's a 30min drive to reception, and the ceremony ended 25min into the limo reservation time. So we did a really quick set of pictures. 8. Right after getting in the house it started storming really bad out (it was a passing storm, as in blue sky around that set of storm clouds), so they backed it up to the door. 9. Sunny again on the drive to reception and the rest of the day. 10. Saw a very bright & fully complete double-rainbow at reception 11. Excellent food, good drinks, decent music 12. Had too strong of a bouquet-throwing arm 13. Bridesmaid's girlfriend's eye bled for quite a while from that (sorry!) 14. Had lots of fun playing darts afterward 15. Said "screw the toast" and "who cares about first dances" 16. The 4 of us who were left (and not working) at the end of the night had fun with karaoke We've got a ton of pictures and video. I'll probably post some up once I get through them all.
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Aug 17, 2008 17:38
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goatse guy posted:I agree that it sounds ridiculous. It should be about compromise, not about sacrificing your financial wellbeing over a rock. Not to split hairs, but focusing on the monetary aspect is ignoring the other forms of sacrifice I was talking about. Your quote was just shorter than the others. Again, we didn't bother with an engagement ring (he protested a bit, but was relieved) so take this from the perspective of someone who has struggled to 'get' why this custom is still practiced. It's not always financial sacrifice. Sometimes 'compromise' IS the sacrifice, aka he wants to get whatever he prefers and he sacrifices doing things 100% 'his way' and compromises. Sometimes it's about giving up the "UNGH ME MAN" attitude and letting her contribute to the ring. Sometimes it's about making an effort and sleuthing out what she wants from her family and friends, and not copping out and getting the white gold princess cut diamond you were going to buy when you wandered into the mall store and told the chick there "I need something for $X" and instead find out that she'd prefer a yellow gold ring with an oval sapphire, or that she doesn't even want a ring at all and would rather have something else. Making an effort in some sense, not necessarily financial. But for those couples who want to go the traditional engagement ring route, there is nothing wrong with the man giving up buying his new toys and holding off splurging on himself for a bit to save up enough to get her something she wants, provided that the relationship is balanced and she doesn't want something retarded. I like the idea of women saving up for his engagement gift of equal value to the ring if he won't budge on letting her help.
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Aug 17, 2008 20:01
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IdeoPhanthus posted:Well, our day came & went. Things went well, everything looked nice, and the total cost (not including my $1k dress because my mom paid for that) was around $2500 or so. Highlights of the day... How did you keep it so cheap? Does that include the bands and food etc? My fiancee and I are planning stuff and we're trying to keep it cheap. Edit: About the whole ring thing. I had an Ex who told me it *had* to be two months pay (pre-tax). Yes she was that specific and knew exactly what I made, I'm open about that stuff. But at the time I was saving to move out of my parents, just bought a car and was young so I wanted to have some toys. I use to joke with her that if I'm spending more than $5k on a ring she better be spending more than 5k on a TV or Laptop for me. But the joke was really half meant. I felt like the decision on whether or not I'm even going to propose was taken away from me. Optimus_Rhyme fucked around with this message at 00:50 on Aug 18, 2008 |
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Aug 17, 2008 20:15
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Well, we went to the fancy mall again today (with her parents too), and she actually found another ring she liked. It was cheaper than the first one that's out of my price range, and a similar vintage style but with a round center stone rather than the emerald/square emerald/cushion cuts she has liked so far. And believe it or not, this cheaper ring was at TIFFANY. I still have a few more options to investigate before I make a decision, but this Tiffany ring is totally in my price range. I still need to see if the frou-frou store can find me an identical ring to the first one, but with a smaller stone to make it more affordable. I appreciate everyone's advice so far, except I'm still laughing at anyone who thinks I'm some "grr argh" macho male type. I know pretty much exactly what she would like (white gold or platinum, with a center stone surrounded by a halo pave effect of smaller diamonds, ideally in a bezel setting), and now I just need to find one that I can comfortably afford without feeling sick about it or involving her parents. Big Bad Voodoo Lou fucked around with this message at 01:15 on Aug 18, 2008 |
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Aug 18, 2008 01:13
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A girl who involves her parents in a ring purchase from her fiancee is not a girl who is mature enough to get married.
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Aug 18, 2008 02:40
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Eris posted:A girl who involves her parents in a ring purchase from her fiancee is not a girl who is mature enough to get married. Yeah, I'm going to have to agree with Eris here, that story smacked of "Oh jesus, wait until you're old enough to drink."
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Aug 18, 2008 04:11
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Despite my high-price wedding (paid for by my parents), my rings were hand-me-downs from each of my grandmas (their mothers' rings). They were not elaborate, ritzy rings either. Why make my broke then-fiancee go into debt? Debt I would inherit when we merged finances! If family rings weren't available, we would have picked something in his price range. In fact, I told him that he could propse with a twisty-tie, and I meant it. Congrats to our newest newlyweds!
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Aug 18, 2008 04:27
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Everything was perfect.
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Aug 18, 2008 05:15
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I'm really sad right now. Ben and I were planning on flying to Wisconsin the day after Christmas so I could meet his extended family, and so he could meet my favorite aunt who lives in Minnesota. We were going to have a big engagement celebration of some kind. He just got a new boss who is trying to act tough to earn respect, and she said that taking a week off of work is "excessive" and she won't allow it, but did it in a passive aggressive way by leaving a note for everyone in the break room and leaving before he got a chance to read it. He doesn't work at a high-pressure law firm or any place where his absence would throw everything out of gear, he's one of the shift leaders at a chain video store!  She is using bureaucratic bullshit, stating that when people apply, if they say they can work holidays, they must work every holiday. We bought plane tickets already. Fuuuuuuuuck. edit: I realized this doesn't strictly count as wedding stuff, but it's impeding with our wedding planning, anyway. A lot of his family isn't financially or physically able to come to California for the big day. inaniloquent fucked around with this message at 06:39 on Aug 18, 2008 |
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Aug 18, 2008 06:17
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Optimus_Rhyme posted:How did you keep it so cheap? Does that include the bands and food etc? My fiancee and I are planning stuff and we're trying to keep it cheap. We pulled alot of strings & had friends and family who had the right hook-ups. We had the date marked for a year prior...but people kept procrastinating on putting away money and calling/booking things. So we actually did everything from dresses/tuxes, to favors, to choosing/booking places within the 3 months prior to the date. I will say this, right now is the time to buy wedding stuff. The main wedding season is winding down, so alot of stores put their wedding items on sharp clearance to clear out their stock. You can find things for dirt cheap. If you have the hook-ups, you can do things last-minute for cheap. If you don't, then just make sure you have plenty of time to shop around & find the best deals. I went to local bridal shows a year in advance, and all those business cards & brochures came in very handy for knowing what the local options were for different things and pricing. Plus you'll come home with samples of stuff, info, and sometimes decent prizes from raffles (most are legitimate, but you will run into a few "sit through our seminar & get a free crappy cruise" things). The dress was the most expensive thing, which was nice that we didn't have to pay for it. If you're paying for it yourself & want to save money, there's always that "running of the brides" thing. Though I was never able to find info on the date for that. ------ Wedding Shower: Did a jack & jill at my parents place. It was BYOB, BBQ, and we all had fun drinking, playing games, and chatting. Any money we got went towards wedding costs. Bachelor/ette Party: Did another co-ed deal. We had a house party. We could have had a large limo (12 or 14 person I think) for $175 for the first 3hrs & $45 each additional hour, but no one had money to split the cost & still be able to drink while out barhopping, so we settled for a house party; drinking games, music, and movies. Had alot of fun. Ceremony: Freebie. Used my uncle's scenic yard. He also built an "arch" for us as a gift. Flowers: $210 ($60 of that was the overnight shipping), plus $10 for tape, wire, & corsage pins. Bought Dozens of roses and carnations, plus filler greens, and a few other flowers through freshroses. They arrived Thursday, we arranged them Friday (except centerpieces which got done at the site the morning of), and transported Saturday morning. We used the flowers to make all the bouquets, boutonnieres, and centerpieces. And even then we still had quite a few left over. My bouquet & two others went in vases on the head table as decor. The third girl's bouquet got used for the tossing. Cake: Freebie. My fiance's mom was a pastry chef for many years, and once worked at a high end Inn that did weddings, so she had experience making wedding makes. We just had to buy the pillars & seperator plates. She also brought in a florist to do cake flowers as our wedding gift. Reception: Freebie. We know the owner of the building, are friends with the manager, and he was also our best man. He let us use it free of charge for 4hrs. Seating: $1 per chair (x56), $9 per round table (x5, seats 10), and $8 per rectangle table (x2 for seating the wedding party). We used my dad's truck to transport the seats from the ceremony to the reception. Decor/Favors/Vases: $2 per vase (x8), $8 per 40yd roll (x2) of 1ft wide tulle. The favor boxes were on clearance (now is the time for wedding items clearance) at walmart for $5 for a 50pk, which is normally $18. The ribbon used on each box (because I didn't like the included silver ribbon) was $2 a roll. Each person got a faceted or cab gemstone (peridot, sapphire, amethyst, or moonstone) inside a glass vial in those boxes; $40 total for the stones, $8 for a 50pk of vials w/corks. Plus $46 (after shipping) for 20 disposables (only needed 10 though) that had 800 speed fuji film in them. They took excellent photos, and we got alot of funny pics and some really good serious ones too; all from guests using them. If you do disposables, always remember that guests are not only (usually) drinking, but are also rarely good photographers, so get something with high speed film to compensate for the movement. Most disposables come with something like 200 or 300 speed film. Something with 800 speed film makes it worth the expense of getting them developed. Attendant Gifts: Around $8 each (x3) when you add up supplies, stones. I bought sterling settings for faceted stones & made necklaces for my bridesmaids. Guestbook: Almost freebie. Got an idea from a website for a custom deal. I came up with my own questions, slightly different design/layout, and printed them out. And now we'll cut them out, have them laminated, and put them into a nice day planner. We laid out pens of different colors, and colored pencils, for people to use. Got alot of funny & interesting responses & drawings. Photographer: Couldn't afford a pro, but we have alot of photographer friends who take good pictures. So we let the one not in the wedding party use our camera (it's high end & high quality pics) for the ceremony & most of the reception. He snapped all the right pictures & still had fun with us all day/night. Plus at the reception the groomsmen with photo skills & excellent cameras took alot of pics. We also got a wedding gift from walmart since the checkout lady only scanned the top envelope of developed pictures in our stack. Food: Had a buffet with alot of options. My fiance made four pans of ziti, and family brought alot of stuff, plus my cousin knew someone with a buffet hot-plate table thing that we were able to borrow. She also brought a ton of finger foods and desserts. Alot of people offered to bring food way back, so we accepted. Bar: Around $250 for alcohol, and $80 for two tanks of soda. We ran a tab for the wedding party (including our photographer) & it totalled out to almost $250 by the end of the night. All other guests got free soda & water (plus the bartender discounted alcoholic drinks). Beauty: $35 for hair (and $25 for the test styling 2wks prior), $4 for nails. Went to the best salon around too, and my hair turned out awesome. For my nails I went to Sally's, bought a 4 sided buffer, and used it to smooth and shine my nails. Limo: $315, plus $40 tip. We got two 8 person limos for 1hr. Garter: I bought one at Frederick's for myself to wear & keep after; $14. I bought a $2 one at Walmart to toss. Just pulled off their bow, added my own using leftover blue ribbon from favor boxes, added some pearl beads (freshwater/cheap, not the expensive real-deal) to it that I had (to give it weight to fly better), and it was good to go. Shoes: $50 for boots (reception), $35 for sandals (ceremony); I get a discount through the place too. I could have saved money by just going with the sandals, but I bought the boots first, and then realized I'd sink into the ground at the ceremony. So I bought sandals & swapped after the ceremony. Officiant: $50. We had a couple judges that were friends of the family, so it was easy to find one. He asked for a donation of whatever you could afford to give. DJ: $200. Another guy we know well. He does karaoke every weekend and has done weddings and events before. Tux: $125. I think my dad paid for my fiance's as a gift though...from what I remember. Rings: $36 for his, $600 balance on my engagement ring. We used my engagement ring for it, and we bought him a sterling 6mm band to use for the time being since we were short on time & cash. We'll buy his permenant band at a later date when we have the cash. Random expenses: Then you have the stuff like plates, napkins, eating utensils, and any last minute things you forgot. Things like table cloths (plastic, so they were cheap), push pins for decor, and whatnot. Then you've got wedding invites & thank you cards. ------ You can certainly do alot of things on the cheap, but you have to be willing to make the time to do things yourself & make sure you have reliable helpers. We worked Friday night until 12am, then I was up until 3am finishing things that still had to be done, and was up by 7am to shower & go help transport things & setup the reception site. We had 8 people helping Saturday morning, tables were 1.5hrs late, but we got there at 9am (tables arrived at 9:30) and were done by 11:30; the people there at 8am spent 1hr moving the tables/chairs owned by the bar to make room for our rentals. I spent probably 1hr myself cutting flowers & tossing together each centerpiece, while my mom transported food, my dad did the tulle, my fiance did random tasks, his mom set up the cake, the florist decorated the cake, and my bridesmaids were setting up cameras/favors/etc (I wrote instructions for layout plus seating charts the day before). I left at 11am for my hair appointment, they were out by 11:30 (someone held them up by wanting to have a random conversation), but it took them a little over an hour to get ready...so we were late to the ceremony. We would have been pretty much on time if it weren't for that person (the boss of one of them) keeping them from leaving the reception setup on time. IdeoPhanthus fucked around with this message at 07:50 on Aug 18, 2008 |
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Aug 18, 2008 07:40
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inaniloquent posted:I'm really sad right now. Ben and I were planning on flying to Wisconsin the day after Christmas so I could meet his extended family, and so he could meet my favorite aunt who lives in Minnesota. We were going to have a big engagement celebration of some kind. Life is short, and there are always going to be chain video stores. Either get the full week off or walk, it's not worth it to work a job that makes you put your family second when it pays that little. edit: that's to him not to you but its good advice all around!
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Aug 18, 2008 14:07
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Rootbeer Baron posted:Life is short, and there are always going to be chain video stores. Either get the full week off or walk, it's not worth it to work a job that makes you put your family second when it pays that little. I agree. You're talking about loving CHRISTMAS here, it's not even fall yet! Did he get the vacation approved before the new boss came in? It'd be handy if he did, but I'm not expecting it. He needs to stand up for himself and say flat out that he can not work for that week. What's the worst they can do? If they fire him on it, he files for unemployment and finds a better job. Also, if his boss is being so passive aggressive, chances are that means she's spineless and knew she wouldn't be able to say no to his face, so actually talking to her about it may be better than you think. There's still plenty of time, you'll figure it out!
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Aug 18, 2008 16:09
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WolfensteinBag posted:I agree. You're talking about loving CHRISTMAS here, it's not even fall yet! Did he get the vacation approved before the new boss came in? It'd be handy if he did, but I'm not expecting it. He needs to stand up for himself and say flat out that he can not work for that week. What's the worst they can do? If they fire him on it, he files for unemployment and finds a better job. Also, if his boss is being so passive aggressive, chances are that means she's spineless and knew she wouldn't be able to say no to his face, so actually talking to her about it may be better than you think. There's still plenty of time, you'll figure it out! True that. Passive aggressive people make the worst bosses, and there's always another retail store.
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Aug 18, 2008 18:45
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Endor posted:This makes me extremely happy that we've got a photojournalist-style wedding photographer. We could care less if we get every possible permutation of all the 30 family members together for staged "Say Cheese" photos. Maybe we'll get 3, one of me & my wife, one of the immediate family, and one with the extended family. We tend to take horrible posed photographs, yet the pictures taken when everyone is just being themselves and don't know they're having their picture taken tend to turn out amazing. We'll still end up with pictures of just about everyone in the family and wedding party, and we don't have to set aside a whole goddamn hour in between the ceremony and the reception. That stuff just bores and annoys me at most weddings (whether or not I'm in the pictures). Sorry, been gone a while. Personally... I agree 10001%! But... some people really insist on that kinda stuff. I do the posed stuff, but do it as quickly as possible, but I really focus on artistically styled bride, and bride and groom... and then photojournalistic for the rest of it. The problem I've seen with some fully photojournalistic photographers is, the end up missing people who are important to the bride and groom and spend too much time on just those two. It's a tough gig to do and make everyone 100% happy.
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Aug 18, 2008 20:43
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WolfensteinBag posted:I agree. You're talking about loving CHRISTMAS here, it's not even fall yet! Did he get the vacation approved before the new boss came in? It'd be handy if he did, but I'm not expecting it. He needs to stand up for himself and say flat out that he can not work for that week. What's the worst they can do? If they fire him on it, he files for unemployment and finds a better job. Also, if his boss is being so passive aggressive, chances are that means she's spineless and knew she wouldn't be able to say no to his face, so actually talking to her about it may be better than you think. There's still plenty of time, you'll figure it out! Thanks guys. I was still reacting to the situation and didn't really take the time to look at things logically. It's really loving ridiculous that my guy has a college degree and still has to squirm under the heels of a cow like that. It's his job from before he graduated, and he's already been in the process of looking for a proper career (economy  ). The most aggravating part of this is that he requested the time off almost a month ago, at least three weeks before this woman showed up. Nobody at the store seems to find her a good fit, so hopefully she'll be booted off. Knowing how stupid managers stick together, though, I won't hold my breath. Whatever Ben decides to do about this, I'll support him thoroughly. I'd love to give his boss a piece of my mind, but I'm going to save the Bridezilla moments until at least the week of the wedding.
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Aug 19, 2008 07:38
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My grandmother's wedding gown (from 1949) arrived on Friday. The measurements and style aren't suitable for me, though, so I'll be refashioning it in a few months (once our building work is complete). In the meantime, though, I've posted pretty detail photos on my website if anyone is interested in vintage gowns...
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Aug 19, 2008 14:35
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squirrellypoo posted:My grandmother's wedding gown (from 1949) arrived on Friday. The measurements and style aren't suitable for me, though, so I'll be refashioning it in a few months (once our building work is complete). In the meantime, though, I've posted pretty detail photos on my website if anyone is interested in vintage gowns... That's really pretty! She did a great job preserving it, the fabric still looks like it's in great shape. I'm bummed that the dress my grandma, aunt and mom wore for their weddings won't work for me or any of my cousins (they were TINY), but my mom suggested that we use the fabric to make picture frames for each of the granddaughters for their weddings. 
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Aug 19, 2008 14:59
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goatse guy fucked around with this message at 03:30 on Jan 21, 2013 |
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Aug 19, 2008 15:39
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CalamityKate posted:That's really pretty! She did a great job preserving it, the fabric still looks like it's in great shape. The netting from the veil deteriorated really badly, but she included that anyway so I could see how it attached to the tiara. In the same box as the dress, she also had her silk seamed stockings (brown, not white, or I'd wear those, too!), a handkerchief her mother hand-tatted, my gradfather's bow tie, and a receipt for his tux rental in 1949 - $5! The bowtie I left for my male cousins, and I wanted my niece to have the handkerchief, but the rest is mine. The dress has a TON of fabric, though, so I'll more than likely have plenty of scraps leftover to make keepsakes for the other relatives (probably post-wedding). I also have my other grandmother's wedding and engagement rings, and miraculously they actually fit me perfectly, but the style isn't exactly to me liking so I'm still not sure how I'll be able to incorporate those... quote:I'm bummed that the dress my grandma, aunt and mom wore for their weddings won't work for me or any of my cousins (they were TINY), but my mom suggested that we use the fabric to make picture frames for each of the granddaughters for their weddings.
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Aug 19, 2008 16:18
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Just throwing this out there: If he decides that the chain video store job he is still in from before college is too important and decides not to take the week off so that he can keep it, are you sure you two kids are ready to get married? You know, you don't have to support him thoroughly no matter what his choice is. inaniloquent posted:Thanks guys. I was still reacting to the situation and didn't really take the time to look at things logically. It's really loving ridiculous that my guy has a college degree and still has to squirm under the heels of a cow like that. It's his job from before he graduated, and he's already been in the process of looking for a proper career (economy
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Aug 19, 2008 16:38
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A few pictures of our day...  Click here for the full 704x528 image.  Click here for the full 671x528 image.  He messed up the ivy leaves by just shoving it in the pocket, so it doesn't look quite right (how it's supposed to look) in the pic. I don't have any nice pics of the guys wearing the boutineers since my mom forgot to grab them for the ceremony (so they're not wearing them in those pics), and they removed their coats before most of the reception pics. Don't really have any decent pics of bouquets either. I left them at the reception, and was going to grab them the next day, but the building was locked & the boss had (still has) our key. 
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Aug 19, 2008 18:30
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Gravitee posted:Everything was perfect. Also, if this lady gives you advice in the thread, TAKE IT. She did an awesome job of planning and organizing and GETTING MARRIED.
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Aug 19, 2008 19:15
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IdeoPhanthus posted:A few pictures of our day... You look so happy, congratulations! I always wanted to have a small, low-fuss wedding but since I've been looking at wedding porn I'm finding myself bookmarking things like heart shaped sugarcubes and extras like that. I can totally see how easy it would be give into all of these things and spend crazy amounts. One thing I'm excited about though is sending out invitations, although that won't be for a while. I've always loved stationary and it was fun just picking out thank you notes for our engagement presents. I've had a look at some amazing sites and found some fun ones on etsy too. It has prompted me to think about colours and themes. I think we have the wedding city theme and colours of cream and navy sorted now, but I keep seeing other colour combinations I like too so I was thinking for engagement celebrations I could use those instead and make it a little more colourful and lighthearted. We don't have any engagement celebrations lined up yet but it's a possibility and I was thinking it could be fun to have the invitations and extras a particular colour and wear something really bright and fun since for the wedding I'll be wearing cream. Or, considering this was all spurned from stationary porn I could just buy myself some really beautiful stationary and be content with that! See how easy it is go get carried away with this stuff? Originally I wanted to elope!
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Aug 19, 2008 20:19
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IdeoPhanthus posted:A few pictures of our day... Wow, I LOVE the back of your dress!
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Aug 19, 2008 20:30
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