  Click here for the full 640x480 image. Girlfriend is getting this in the next month. The diamonds are family heirlooms that we set in a white gold band. It is flashy and she's going to love it. Just need to think of how to do it...
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Mar 24, 2009 02:38
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Neris posted:This is really pretty, I'm sure it's going to look awesome! Are you making the dresses yourself? I know you have quite a way with a sewing machine... All this talk of name changes makes me curious - do women still really change their surnames in the States? In the UK, the majority of women keep their maiden (ha!) name, or if they're really posh, double-barrel it. Of all my friends that have gotten married in the past few years, I can only think of one that took her husband's name.
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Mar 24, 2009 11:59
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Most definitely. I can't think of any friends who didn't take their husbands name.
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Mar 24, 2009 12:33
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squirrellypoo posted:Thanks! Yeah, I'm making the two bridesmaids dresses (therefore I put down some ground rules for the pattern that it had to be knit and not overly complicated for time considerations and fitting), and I'm also re-making my grandmother's dress from 1949 into mine, too. But with all the transplant crap between now and then, I'm waiting to do mine until the last possible second as I have no idea what size or shape I'll be. So I've got the girls' to work on in the meantime (and the silk jersey means if they gain/lose a bit of weight it doesn't matter). I'm actually having trouble deciding that right now.
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Mar 24, 2009 12:39
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squirrellypoo posted:All this talk of name changes makes me curious - do women still really change their surnames in the States? In the UK, the majority of women keep their maiden (ha!) name, or if they're really posh, double-barrel it. Of all my friends that have gotten married in the past few years, I can only think of one that took her husband's name. Yeah, name changes are still the norm here, as is the doubling up. My family's generally made their maiden names into their middle names after the wedding, so I may keep that trend going just to have my name still be a part of me without the hyphen. My name just doesn't sound good hyphenated.
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Mar 24, 2009 12:57
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We registered at city hall today! I'm not changing my name because there's too much paperwork. Besides my passport and visa, my name stamp (inkan - equivalent to a signature) is my maiden name. At my brother's wedding they had a family friend do the photos. She wasn't very professional but they felt obligated to ask her. The photographer was too distracted by acquaintances to capture a lot of important moments, and she didn't consider lighting or background objects. We were rushed squinting through photos in front of dead trees and stained walls. That is to say- don't feel obligated to ask a friend to do your photos if you have any doubt in their abilities... and let talented photographer friends enjoy the party.
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Mar 24, 2009 14:04
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Sneaky Monkey posted:Yeah, name changes are still the norm here, as is the doubling up. My family's generally made their maiden names into their middle names after the wedding, so I may keep that trend going just to have my name still be a part of me without the hyphen. My name just doesn't sound good hyphenated.
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Mar 24, 2009 14:09
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squirrellypoo posted:All this talk of name changes makes me curious - do women still really change their surnames in the States? In the UK, the majority of women keep their maiden (ha!) name, or if they're really posh, double-barrel it. Of all my friends that have gotten married in the past few years, I can only think of one that took her husband's name. Yeah. It's not necessarily what everybody does, but most women take their husband's name or hyphenate. I'm kind of old fashioned, so I want to take his name, I just can't decide if I want to keep my middle name and drop my maiden name, or drop the middle name and use my maiden name as my middle name like my mom and grandmother did. The second one sounds stupider than the first, but is more useful for things like genealogy. Oh well, I'll decide on that later.
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Mar 24, 2009 14:48
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Meant to post this here a few days ago and forgot. I got my wedding ring in and I love it even more than I thought I would. It looks like it has a reddish cast here, but it is just reflecting my shirt.  With my rather dirty engagement ring. I like the way they look together, but I'll probably just end up wearing the wedding band alone. I'm tired of accidentally scratching the baby. I'm planning on taking my fiance's last name. Not for any traditional reasons, but just because my name is very common and his is more unique. There is no way I would want to hyphenate, as my last name turns into an adjective. And, it's funny, but while not sharing his name wouldn't much bother me, I want to have the same last name as my daughter. Not for any logical reason, I just do. Yoga fucked around with this message at 15:10 on Mar 24, 2009 |
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Mar 24, 2009 15:06
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Thanks for the comments on the pictures  We were really happy with the way they turned out.As far as the name thing, I have basically considered every drat option known to man, including the maiden-as-middle thing. What I've settled on for now is to keep my last name on paper but do a double-barreled, no-hyphen, combo of both last names unofficially. If I find out that it causes a huge complication to have different last names somewhere down the road, then I'll muscle up and change it, but we've bought a house, we're on each other's bank accounts, etc, with no name issues so far!
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Mar 24, 2009 17:05
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Hi all, I've been lurking in here because a bunch of my friends are getting married (I'm a bridesmaid for one, but only one, luckily) and it helps me have interesting things to say to them, e.g. passing on the IndieBride-type links. First off, thanks so much to everyone who's posted here- it's been really helpful to see into the process! The real reason I'm posting: my boyfriend and I are at that not officially engaged but planning to get married stage. The name change thing has come up in conversation and neither of us can figure out what to do. I had always assumed I would never change my name, because I was planning on going into academia, publishing, blah blah. That idea has been abandoned... but I really like my name! There's a lot of identity bound up in it, my own and familial, and I don't want to change it. Hyphenation isn't an option because his last name is already hyphenated and, at 15 characters long, it's already about as long as my whole name and doesn't fit into forms. He's already making a career for himself, so asking him to change to my name doesn't really make any sense, and if I won't do it, why should he? Then there's the question of what you do when you have kids- whose last name do they get? If they get his, but I'm the one picking them up from school, does that cause problems? We had briefly discussed taking each others' last names as middle names, but that doesn't seem all that helpful. So, can anyone offer a suggestion that makes sense? We're in the US, and neither of us knows anybody in the same situation who didn't automatically go to the man's last name. Thanks!
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Mar 24, 2009 18:03
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Juniper posted:
Last names for the kids are up to you, but most people in this country give the kids the father's last name. When you enroll them at a school or daycare, you will give an approved list of people who can pick them up. A school shouldn't be releasing kids to just anyone who has the same last name, anyway. It sounds to me like you want to just be married and keep your names as they are. I think that is a great idea, I know several friends who have done it.
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Mar 24, 2009 18:16
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My best friend and I are both serious with identical twins, so sometimes when the two of us are together we half-jokingly talk about "when" we will marry them. We got into a little bit of a discusssion about their younger sister who isn't close with either of the twins and has really never been more than just polite to my friend and I. My friend thinks its customary for her to invite the sister to be a bridesmaid (even though she's only going to have a few bridesmaids). I think that's not necessary since neither one of us has ever been vaguely close with her, and I think there might be another role she would play in the wedding. What would be appropriate? Or do you think she should be a bridesmaid?
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Mar 24, 2009 18:53
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Juniper posted:Then there's the question of what you do when you have kids- whose last name do they get? If they get his, but I'm the one picking them up from school, does that cause problems? We had briefly discussed taking each others' last names as middle names, but that doesn't seem all that helpful. So, can anyone offer a suggestion that makes sense? We're in the US, and neither of us knows anybody in the same situation who didn't automatically go to the man's last name. Thanks!
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Mar 24, 2009 19:24
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I need some advise. The last part of our wedding we have yet to get settled (date is in july so its creeping up) is a minister. We were thinking of having a non-denominational service do the wedding, but it seems a lot of them are ministers of the Universal Life Church and I keep hearing about marriages being declared invalid in different states.. Anyone know if ULC is legal in NJ, or any other way we can get around this? I'd be fine with eloping the week before the wedding and having a "fluff" ceremony, but I'm sure that would disappoint her.. Neither of us are religious at all, so getting a real church to do it is not possible.
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Mar 24, 2009 20:30
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FidgetyRat posted:I need some advise. My wife and I had the exact same problem (in PA). The only recourse, as explained to us by the courthouse, was to be civilly married the day (or sometime) before the ceremony. Then you can have whoever the hell you want perform the ceremony, because it's just for show and in no way official. In the end, we eloped the old fashioned way, but obviously that isn't possible for everyone.
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Mar 24, 2009 20:46
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So now that the female unit's ring is set and taken care of, we've started browsing for my hunk of lead. I'm feeling particular towards non-traditional metals, looking particularly heavily at tungsten and tungsten/seranite combos. I found one that I really liked which was a tungsten outer with a real carbon fiber band down the center, which would go great with my automotive background considering tungsten is used in machine shop cutting tools due to its hardness and the carbon fiber due to the cutting edge technology in racing (and ricing). I was looking for opinions and or sources for interesting rings, the B&M that we got her ring at had some very very nice looking designs, but seeing as I don't actually need to view a stone to decide if it's the right one I'd be more open to online purchases or alternatives. I've also considered Palladium over white gold so that our rings at least look similar, but I'm still partial to the Tungsten.
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Mar 24, 2009 21:41
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My parents never married but have been together for around 30 years. I have my Mom's last name and my brother has my Dad's last name. The only problems I know of that we have had was my Mom trying to claim my brother's dental bills on her work insurance and them trying to refuse by saying they aren't related because they have different last names. It got cleared up eventually, but I think it was mostly due to that insurance company trying every possible way down to not dotting an i to avoid paying. My boyfriend and I have talked about getting married and he is very adamant about me taking his last name, no hyphens or anything. I still don't know how I feel about it. I kind of wanted to keep my last name. I think maybe I'll suggest the middle name maiden name thing.
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Mar 24, 2009 21:44
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tvb posted:My wife and I had the exact same problem (in PA). The only recourse, as explained to us by the courthouse, was to be civilly married the day (or sometime) before the ceremony. Then you can have whoever the hell you want perform the ceremony, because it's just for show and in no way official.
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Mar 24, 2009 23:44
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krazynuts posted:My best friend and I are both serious with identical twins, so sometimes when the two of us are together we half-jokingly talk about "when" we will marry them. We got into a little bit of a discusssion about their younger sister who isn't close with either of the twins and has really never been more than just polite to my friend and I. My friend thinks its customary for her to invite the sister to be a bridesmaid (even though she's only going to have a few bridesmaids). I think that's not necessary since neither one of us has ever been vaguely close with her, and I think there might be another role she would play in the wedding. What would be appropriate? Or do you think she should be a bridesmaid? I didn't ask my fiance's sister to be a bridesmaid. We get along fine, but I'd never think to hang out with her outside of family dinners/parties. She might end up being one of the groomsmen (groomswoman?) because our numbers are uneven at this point. Another good option is to have her do a reading at the ceremony. Oh, and on the name thing, I am taking my fiance's last name. I plan to make my maiden name into my middle name, as I've never really liked my middle name anyway. My fiance's name is really long, hard to spell & pronounce (if you're looking at it written down). Hyphenating it with my name, which I always have to emphasize has only one 'L', would just make my life a living hell. GoreJess fucked around with this message at 00:05 on Mar 25, 2009 |
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Mar 25, 2009 00:02
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FidgetyRat posted:I need some advise. http://www.state.nj.us/health/vital/faq.shtml#MAR This has a clause that any minister of every religion can perform marriages. Looks like you're ok. In Illinois, as long as the people getting married believe that the person marrying them is allowed to do so, the marriage is legal, which I at least found pretty funny.
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Mar 25, 2009 00:24
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Caramaline posted:My parents never married but have been together for around 30 years. I have my Mom's last name and my brother has my Dad's last name. My brother and I are like this too! Our parents were married, but my mom kept her name and I got it. The only confusion was at parent-teacher things where they'd be "Mr. & Mrs. X" for me and "Mr. & Mrs. Y" for him... with the same teachers, just two years apart. We were never teased about having different names or anything. I have no intention of changing my last name whenever I get married. It's not particularly unique or anything, but it's mine, and I don't see any reason to change it: I'm not my husband's property.* Plus I'd get poo poo from the family because I'm the end of the "X" line. I hope I'll be able to do a similar thing for my kids, should I have any, but we'll see. * No reflection on you if you want to change yours I was just raised with a different idea of normalcy, I suppose.
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Mar 25, 2009 01:04
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I really wasn't sure if I wanted to change my name. I thought about the pros and cons, and keeping my name seemed a lot easier. But we went to a wedding a while ago, and seeing the couple announced as "Mr. and Mrs. Lastname" made me really happy. Maybe it's just because I'm a child of divorced parents, but I feel like sharing the same name is more familial. We talked about him taking mine (which I'm not attached to) or making our own (I'm not into cutting ties, and I could see that ending very geekily), but in the end decided to go with his. He'd slightly prefer I keep mine, because he thinks its "cute" but, eh.
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Mar 25, 2009 01:14
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If I actually liked my last name, I would keep it. It I could convince Scott to take my "pen name" -- Rocketship -- we would do that. But I want to share a name with him, and we both like his last name, so I'll be officially changing my name to Cat Rocketship Kubie. I can drop either of them when I want to-- at work I will just be Cat Kubie and at the studio or at shows I will continue to be Cat Rocketship, but it will now be a 'real' name.
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Mar 25, 2009 01:33
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better picture :-)
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Mar 25, 2009 21:21
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Very pretty! And yes, that's definitely a much better shot. Speaking of which, since everyone loves photographing their rings, here's a good tutorial on taking ring photos: http://www.weddingbeepro.com/2008/12/08/how-to-take-amazing-engagement-and-wedding-ring-photos/ I'll definitely be doing that once our rings finish being made... any day now, hopefully!
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Mar 25, 2009 22:01
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One of my boyfriend's old school friends is getting married this summer. This guy is the son of boyfriend's mum's best friend (hmm convoluted), and boyfriend was invited on the stag do as well (though had to decline due to lack of money). Anyway, the invite arrived today and it's for boyfriend only. We suspected it would be because boyfriend's mum had recently warned that they're running out of money (and space?) for the wedding and so would not be extending invitations to include partners - apparently unless the people are married and/or have kids? This, to me, seems very rude. Is this a common idea for saving money? Am I being oversensitive?
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Mar 25, 2009 23:29
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Yeah, that's pretty lovely, etiquette-wise. Ideally, partners should always be invited and single guests should have +1s, but the generally accepted cost-cutting measure would be to invite couples together if they're in serious relationships (living together, together for over a year, that sort of thing). If you've only been dating a couple months, I could see it, but it doesn't sound like that's the situation. Devil's advocate, though - try to be understanding. It's probably not meant as anything personal, and they probably ran into serious budget constraints. I know first hand how lovely it can feel to not be able to invite everyone you want to. THAT SAID, they should have trimmed the guest list until they could invite significant others rather than just telling everyone that's unmarried to come alone.
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Mar 25, 2009 23:51
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LittleCat posted:THAT SAID, they should have trimmed the guest list until they could invite significant others rather than just telling everyone that's unmarried to come alone. Why would they trim the guest list of people they want to attend so they could invite other people's dates? I mean sure, it's a little lame but the economy's in the shitter and people need to stick to a budget.
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Mar 26, 2009 01:31
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SomaticHM posted:One of my boyfriend's old school friends is getting married this summer. This guy is the son of boyfriend's mum's best friend (hmm convoluted), and boyfriend was invited on the stag do as well (though had to decline due to lack of money). I've thought about this issue before, especially since if I get married, I want to have a small wedding, with ideally just friends and family. A few of my friends have significant others that I've barely ever said a word to, and I wonder if I would have to invite them. The way I look at it is, I want a small, intimate wedding, and if everyone gets a +1, then... it won't feel like my wedding if I don't even know most of the people there. They aren't my friends, they don't know me, and they don't really care that I'm getting married, so why do I have to invite them? I haven't really come up with a solution for that, though. I figure I'll get there when I get there.
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Mar 26, 2009 02:45
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Braki posted:I haven't really come up with a solution for that, though. I figure I'll get there when I get there. If you really are plannning a small and intimate wedding with just your close friends and family, you can always just let them know ahead of time before you send the invites out so it's not unexpected. A good friend of mine got married and wanted to keep it small, without anyone's random significant others. He just sent out an email to all of us asking if we would mind. I think one person suggested that their girlfriend would be hurt so he made an exception but the rest of us didn't mind at all and didn't even think about it. Things mostly become more problematic when you have a large number of people with a lot of random people coming who don't even know you that well in the first place and therefore don't actually really care that much about your big day. Your actual close friends and family will pretty much always understand and want to help you have the wedding of your dreams. Or at least mine would.
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Mar 26, 2009 03:10
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Chemmy posted:Why would they trim the guest list of people they want to attend so they could invite other people's dates? Clearly they wouldn't. But using the economy as an excuse isn't going to stop people from being offended, and it's not unreasonable to be offended when your partner gets invited to a party and you're excluded. edit: KarmaCandy's solution is certainly a good one. And you can't worry about it too much - I'm certain I've offended people completely unintentionally. I'm pretty sure I somehow offended a coworker's wife by inviting them when I've only met her on three occasions. I likely offended a few high school friends that might have expected to be invited, but they're not people that are in my life, so thems the breaks. LittleCat fucked around with this message at 05:20 on Mar 26, 2009 |
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Mar 26, 2009 05:15
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Thanks for the responses, guys! To clarify, I've never met this guy, but boyfriend has also only met up with him a couple of times while we've been going out (3 years, living together for 1.5yr). I think they're friends more for nostalgia purposes rather than having anything in common anymore. So I'm not really offended, but I'm glad to hear that others think it's a questionable idea! I suppose it's annoying that the wedding is right in the middle of when the Download Festival is on, and now I can't go to either :P.
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Mar 26, 2009 09:22
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Going to reach out in here in regards to the guest list; is it still lovely etiquette if you allow single guests to take along +1 guest and have married couples/families not allowed to have an tag along guest? Right now, I'm going over the guest list and I notice that there's quite a few families, married couples, and a few single guests. I don't know their significant others that well but I would hate it for myself if I made them feel out of place but at the same time, I don't want to go, "oh ok, you can have an extra guest too Family A." tl;dr - Single guests with +1 guest - Yay, Family/Couples - Nay = lovely etiquette?
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Mar 26, 2009 09:59
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A little late to the name discussion--I was wondering if anyone is a different ethnicity from their fiance and what was other people's responses to meeting you. I'm Chinese and am ambivalent about taking an American name. My fiance doesn't mind one way or the other. My family's women have kept their own last names, and his all changed names. Though changing would certainly distinguish me (I'm in the top 10 Chinese last names), and it's not like I've published anything, but I thought maybe it would be weird having a name that I obviously did not born into. Hyphenated names are not my thing  I can do a working name thing like awesome Cat Rocketship (so awesome, btw), but then to me that means I didn't really care about actually having my fiance's name in the first place, so why change?  I am weird and think too much about it, obviously.^^^ Would families/couples bring an extra guest? Besides other core family members like children, I mean? I don't think people would invite their own friends to your wedding. edit: Whoever posted printablepress.com for invitations--thanks so much! I wanted to DIY but didn't have a good idea. I love the ones under Mod--I was thinking about sewing a couple of sequins on the dots... jomiel fucked around with this message at 11:29 on Mar 26, 2009 |
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Mar 26, 2009 11:20
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jomiel posted:^^^ Would families/couples bring an extra guest? Besides other core family members like children, I mean? I don't think people would invite their own friends to your wedding. My side won't. Her side is almost expected with most of them.
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Mar 26, 2009 11:49
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squirrellypoo posted:All this talk of name changes makes me curious - do women still really change their surnames in the States? In the UK, the majority of women keep their maiden (ha!) name, or if they're really posh, double-barrel it. Of all my friends that have gotten married in the past few years, I can only think of one that took her husband's name. Er, really? I'm British and don't know anybody who's kept her own surname. Do you have any statistics for this or are you just going by your friends? None of them have taken double-barreled names either.
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Mar 26, 2009 12:05
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Iggles posted:Er, really? I'm British and don't know anybody who's kept her own surname. Do you have any statistics for this or are you just going by your friends? None of them have taken double-barreled names either. Maybe it's a London thing?
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Mar 26, 2009 12:31
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Logical Llama posted:Going to reach out in here in regards to the guest list; is it still lovely etiquette if you allow single guests to take along +1 guest and have married couples/families not allowed to have an tag along guest? Our wedding varied by situation. If it was an older couple where we really only knew 1/2 the pair, we allowed them to take their S.O. If it was a young couple and just dating, it depended on the situation whether we allowed a guest to come. (meaning if they were in the bridal party, we figured they would just have a bored guest unless they specifically requested someone come along or were in a long term relationship) If the couple was really young (ie. not in college at least), no guests. There were even a few "obligation invites" we only allowed the individual person.. (Maybe the lack of a S.O. will result in a not-attending).. Cruel, but weddings are expensive! Plus if we hardly know YOU, why would we care about your S.O. hehe FidgetyRat fucked around with this message at 12:47 on Mar 26, 2009 |
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Mar 26, 2009 12:45
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Logical Llama posted:Going to reach out in here in regards to the guest list; is it still lovely etiquette if you allow single guests to take along +1 guest and have married couples/families not allowed to have an tag along guest? I'm confused by your question. Are you asking if a couple should be allowed to bring along an extra guest (like a 3rd person)? If so, I can't imagine anyone would do that and it's definitely not something that you should let happen. If you're part of a couple, you don't bring random friends to weddings....
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Mar 26, 2009 12:54
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