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Maybe what the girl should have said was, "I would love to wear a ring from your family, as long is at least 50 years old, has been worn at least 5 days per week, if it is a solitaire with X characteristics, if it was given specifically as an engagement present (NO wedding or anniversary presents!), if it originally cost at least $X, and if it has a glorious heartwarming backstory."
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Jul 15, 2009 02:26
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Eris posted:I understand what she thought, but so what? It didn't match her ideal romantic vision. So, she ... refused it? Because it didn't have a backstory that matched her fantasy? From what I can tell, marriage is about real life and taking the bumps as they come - not matching up to some romantic fantasy. Maybe she isn't a superbitch, but I certainly wouldn't want to marry someone with their head in the clouds. Can't have it both ways. The idea of the woman waiting for the man to propose instead of just deciding as a couple to marry is itself a romantic fantasy that has little modern relevance. What I have noticed that many men don't seem to get is that most women care about effort, not a certain size, or price, or whatever else people accuse women of. They care about how much effort and thought went into the choice of the ring. Asking your family for great-granny's engagement ring is a big deal and admirable effort, scrounging something generic from Zales out of yo mama's pile of unwanted jewelery is not.
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Jul 15, 2009 02:32
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RedFish posted:
Wordy MacWord. When I read that post last night I wanted to say precisely this, but I feared sounding like a total bitch.
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Jul 15, 2009 02:46
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Okay, the effort thing I buy. But refusing it? Come on. What if granny just "gave" him the ring. No asking. Just - here, give this ring to that girl you have been seeing, when you are ready. Your great grandpa put it on his wife's finger back when the world was young, blahblahblah. No effort expended, but the bride gets to give some romantic fantasy. I bet she wouldn't be bitching then. I understand being disappointed or whatever. I think thats insane, but I could see it happening and her still being normally a wonderful person, but wedding poo poo went to her head. But "refusing" it. That's ... too much.
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Jul 15, 2009 03:01
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Her stipulation that the ring must have been previously used as an engagement ring is really bizarre. But there is also a distinct possibility that this ring is not her style. If she's the kind of girl who only wears white gold, I can see why she would be disappointed with a yellow gold ring. Also, the fact that your mother rarely wore it makes me wonder what it actually looks like... Would she be open to having the stones used in another ring, with the setting of her choice?
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Jul 15, 2009 03:09
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Getting married on the 25th (less than two weeks!). The groom's checklist: Reception dinner picked out... check. Wedding license picked up... check. Groomsmen gifts ordered... check. Honeymoon events planned... check. Gifts for the parents... uhhh OH gently caress I completely forgot about getting gifts for the parents. OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD. It's too late to have something engraved and here by the rehearsal dinner. GOD DAMMIT. What the hell am I going to do? Have any of you gotten your parents and parents-in-law something for the wedding on short notice?
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Jul 15, 2009 04:47
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ih8ualot posted:I completely forgot about getting gifts for the parents. OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD. It's too late to have something engraved and here by the rehearsal dinner. GOD DAMMIT. What the hell am I going to do? You are supposed to get your parents a gift?! Oh god, I had no idea; I thought you were just supposed to get them a parent's album of the wedding photos. Glad you brought this up here or I would have never known until it was too late for me as well. Sorry that doesn't really help you... On another note. Holy crap wedding photographers are expensive. Does anyone know of any low priced but good photographers in the Seattle area looking to shoot a wedding next year? 
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Jul 15, 2009 05:15
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Honeymoon idea: we just got back from a 10 day tour of Iceland: 7 days touring the country on a self-driven tour and staying at farmhouses (through Icelandic Farm Holidays, who arrange packages) plus three days in Reykjavik. We thought it was amazing: not the first place to come to mind, but a very nice place to be in the summer, although the lack of night can be strange without a sleep mask. We debated hanging on a beach at some resort hotel in Spain or the south, but adventuring in the land of sagas was pretty fantastic. And the Blue Lagoon! Just an idea. 
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Jul 15, 2009 05:18
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ih8ualot posted:Getting married on the 25th (less than two weeks!). The groom's checklist: I'm just gonna throw out a bunch of ideas....You can do what Kitten Kisses suggested & just make their present a photo album after the wedding. Give them a card with a promise to send them the album when it comes in. They make pre-embroidered handkerchiefs for moms to use during the ceremony. You could give your dad a bottle of his favorite expensive liquor. There are these cufflinks from Red Envelope. That's all I got for first thing in the morning.
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Jul 15, 2009 12:58
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Well, thanks for all the responses. We sorted it out last night, it came down to a miscommunication. For two and a half years she told me she didn't want a ring at all, I convinced her she should have one for various reasons a few months back but she was still staying she didn't want us to spend our money on one (that was when the possibility of using a ring from my parents came up). Over the past few months, with the idea of having a ring planted, she did a complete 180 and decided she want a traditional ring that I picked out myself (I think Redfish summed it up: she wanted the effort and to see what I would personally pick for her). She was waiting for an opportunity to tell me as she was uncomfortable telling me straight out that she had changed her mind on the topic. So, I'm ring hunting now...not a big deal to me in the end, but it sucks that I didn't find this out before...
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Jul 15, 2009 13:58
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GoreJess posted:I'm just gonna throw out a bunch of ideas....You can do what Kitten Kisses suggested & just make their present a photo album after the wedding. Give them a card with a promise to send them the album when it comes in. They make pre-embroidered handkerchiefs for moms to use during the ceremony. You could give your dad a bottle of his favorite expensive liquor. There are these cufflinks from Red Envelope. Red Envelope was a lifesaver. They have delivery dates on the website! How perfect. Thank you so much.
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Jul 15, 2009 14:15
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EchoBase posted:Well, thanks for all the responses. We sorted it out last night, it came down to a miscommunication. For two and a half years she told me she didn't want a ring at all, I convinced her she should have one for various reasons a few months back but she was still staying she didn't want us to spend our money on one (that was when the possibility of using a ring from my parents came up). Over the past few months, with the idea of having a ring planted, she did a complete 180 and decided she want a traditional ring that I picked out myself (I think Redfish summed it up: she wanted the effort and to see what I would personally pick for her). She was waiting for an opportunity to tell me as she was uncomfortable telling me straight out that she had changed her mind on the topic. So, I'm ring hunting now...not a big deal to me in the end, but it sucks that I didn't find this out before... That's not so terrible. See if she's willing to use the diamonds from your mom's ring and get a custom setting made up for her. You can save a lot of money that way, but you're still "putting in the effort" as it were.
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Jul 15, 2009 15:53
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Gravitee posted:What time of year are you all thinking about going on a honeymoon? That might narrow down your choices a bit. First week of February next year. Right now I’m thinking a week in Vegas, then rent a car and drive up to Los Angeles or San Francisco. Any goons know how snow conditions are in Vail during February?
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Jul 15, 2009 17:24
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Zaftig posted:This thread gets way more traffic than a honeymoon thread would. I thought about doing a quick tour of Europe but just the Airline tickets from here (Dom Rep) to at least Madrid would set me back around 1400 US$ each.
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Jul 15, 2009 17:31
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l_th posted:Any goons know how snow conditions are in Vail during February? The snow should be fine, but I personally don't think Vail is that great - it's centered around rich people and very expensive to ski. There are tons of other ski towns are lesser known, but cool. You can usually get coupons or discount ski passes at other places, too. Also, a week in Vegas might be a long time. I don't know if you've ever been there, but all the slot machine ringing and general casino atmosphere can start to wear on you after a few days. Even for me, and I love Vegas sooo much. I think a week might be stretching it - maybe 4 days would be good.
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Jul 15, 2009 17:47
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ih8ualot posted:Red Envelope was a lifesaver. They have delivery dates on the website! How perfect. I'm so glad I could help!
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Jul 16, 2009 00:28
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SKULE123 posted:Honeymoon idea: we just got back from a 10 day tour of Iceland: 7 days touring the country on a self-driven tour and staying at farmhouses (through Icelandic Farm Holidays, who arrange packages) plus three days in Reykjavik. This was my first thought for a honeymoon but I heard Iceland was horribly expensive. How was it on that front, if you don't mind me asking? I'm still waiting on the honeymoon (married last October). It looks like it will happen this fall probably.
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Jul 16, 2009 04:00
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Gravitee posted:What time of year are you all thinking about going on a honeymoon? That might narrow down your choices a bit.
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Jul 16, 2009 04:06
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EchoBase posted:Well, thanks for all the responses. We sorted it out last night, it came down to a miscommunication. For two and a half years she told me she didn't want a ring at all, I convinced her she should have one for various reasons a few months back but she was still staying she didn't want us to spend our money on one (that was when the possibility of using a ring from my parents came up). Over the past few months, with the idea of having a ring planted, she did a complete 180 and decided she want a traditional ring that I picked out myself (I think Redfish summed it up: she wanted the effort and to see what I would personally pick for her). She was waiting for an opportunity to tell me as she was uncomfortable telling me straight out that she had changed her mind on the topic. So, I'm ring hunting now...not a big deal to me in the end, but it sucks that I didn't find this out before...  You poor things. She was miserable that she didn't tell you she'd changed her mind, and you were miserable that she wasn't happy with the ring. Glad you two talked it out, it's a good sign that you two can talk about something as sensitive about the ring.I think ring hunting after the proposal is a great idea because you can have the rush of the proposal and then the leisure of picking out a ring with her input, even if that input is limited to ring size and metal preference- the last is very important for both aesthetic and allergy reasons. There's a thread full of goon/ettes ready to help you with any ring questions you might have  Fake edit: in my case, the tremendous effort my husband went through to procure my ring was to give up his ingrained ideas about how things "were supposed to be" and allow me to get a $150 set off ebay that I'd fallen in love with. His manly instincts rebelled, but we were poor, in different countries, and spending thousands on immigration. It grated on his pride to get such an inexpensive ring that I'd picked out myself, with no proposal fanfare or grand gestures. To this day I am extremely proud of my lovely set (yellow gold band with a tiny diamond and white gold leaf detail against a black antiqued background, it's gorgeous, if very modest) not only because it's pretty but because it was such a sacrifice for him to accept it's circumstances. I'm going to go hug him now.
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Jul 16, 2009 04:24
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I know this isn't exactly on on topic, but I figure who better to ask than newlyweds/those who have been married. One of my closest friends is having a true blue American wedding on Saturday and I'm trying to think of a gift that'll actually be useful for the couple. The catch is this: He's in the army, fresh out of basic training, so they're obviously not going to be living together, or even around each other more than a handful of times a year. Because of this I thought give them something temporary. I was thinking a $20 bottle of Cabernet, which I think is modestly romantic without being innappropriate. The problem there is that she's only 19 and comes from an incredibly conservative family who've never taken kindly to her drinking, so understandably I'm a little nervous about getting them alcohol - no matter its intended purpose. I come from a background where drinking underage is absolutely fine - wedding or not, so I'm a little off target with this one. As newlyweds, what kind of gifts do you hitched goons think they'd enjoy/find useful during long separations? Walkie Talkies? Would a bottle of wine be inappropriate as a gift at a white bread American wedding? Should I just play it safe with that one?
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Jul 16, 2009 04:31
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Zaftig posted:We're getting married on 12/12/12, so we'll probably wait until it's warmer somewhere else. Any particular reason why you're waiting three years? I've never heard of anybody planning a wedding that far in advance. Is it just for the date novelty? Why not 10/10/10?
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Jul 16, 2009 04:53
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treat posted:He's in the army, fresh out of basic training, so they're obviously not going to be living together, or even around each other more than a handful of times a year. But what about other consumables like a box of chocolate, museum/amusement park tickets, gift certificate for a nice restaurant?
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Jul 16, 2009 05:34
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travelsized posted:This was my first thought for a honeymoon but I heard Iceland was horribly expensive. How was it on that front, if you don't mind me asking? Here's the company/tour we went with for the car rental and the accomodations, prices all listed: http://www.farmholidays.is/category.aspx?catID=1698 We did the Express Self-Drive, although we pushed the envelope pretty far for taking in a lot of extra sights. We also went with a higher class of accomodation than the low-end. Food was pretty expensive on the whole, but we ate really well, and breakfast was included with most of the places we stayed. I think we spent around another 1500$ on food and shopping, but with the wedding pre-paid, we didn't feel too guilty about spending the wedding gift money. Flights from Canada semeed reasonably priced, but I don't have a huge frame of reference. Hearty recommendation: get the GPS with the car rental, even if it costs another hundred-plus: it'll keep your honeymoon happy. Keep in mind the summer/long day factor (and the inverse winter/short day) factor. It actually really helped us to maximize our sightseeing that the sun really didn't go down until after we were already tired. But Iceland is really an amazing country, in a way that can be hard to grasp until you get there.
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Jul 16, 2009 16:25
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ih8ualot posted:Any particular reason why you're waiting three years? I've never heard of anybody planning a wedding that far in advance. Is it just for the date novelty? Why not 10/10/10?
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Jul 16, 2009 17:01
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SKULE123 posted:Here's the company/tour we went with for the car rental and the accomodations, prices all listed: I agree with everything said here. It's great to be able to lazily hit the road after noon and go sightseeing around Þingvellir, never having to worry about daylight. Just dress in layers; the weather abruptly changes from t-shirt weather to t-shirt+sweatshirt+jacket+hoodie weather. One thing not mentioned was the Blue Lagoon, which is absolutely surreal. So yeah, food is/was expensive, but hey, budget out your vacation, spend the money, and enjoy. You'll remember an awesome time in Iceland (or wherever you go), and you won't remember the $X spent having it.
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Jul 16, 2009 18:18
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Iceland sounds great. We were also thinking of Australia/New Zealand. Anyone from there/vacationed there?
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Jul 16, 2009 18:25
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We were in Australia for a wedding earlier this year (it was a fantastic travel year for us, we're also going to India for a third-and-final wedding event for my family there). Flights to Australia seem to be at/near a historic low from Canada. The different flora and fauna is absolutely amazing (how crazy is it that cockatoos are commonish wild birds, not to mention the first kangaroo you see in the wild), and I'd make a serious point of getting out to somewhere along the Great Barrier Reef to go scuba/snorkel, it's a really unforgettable experience. Lots of city stuff to check out too, we spent a few days in Sydney and surrounding cities, followed by Cairns (with a day trip to the Kuranda rainforest, and a scuba trip to the Reef), and then a couple of days around Brisbane and Noosa (a very neat boutique surfing community), but there's lots more we could have seen without that wedding in the way. Back to Iceland for a paragraph, as Zombie Lincoln points out, the Blue Lagoon is a great spot to include on your Icelandic honeymoon - a natural wonder which made for a really relaxing day after our 7 straight days of driving and sightseeing. Reykjavik itself is also a disproportionately cultural city relative to the small population, fantastic restaurants and affordable Icelandic design boutiques. Not as much bird and animal life as Australia, but the geography and geology is phenomal/epic (even the sagas and history, too), and seeing your first puffin in the wild is a really neat feeling. Piquai Souban fucked around with this message at 20:19 on Jul 16, 2009 |
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Jul 16, 2009 19:10
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3 days 'til the wedding! Dress is a blue floral-ish dress I have in my closet and I've already worn a couple of times. He's wearing jeans, a button up shirt, and a blazer (which he still hasn't bought.) I'm making the cake (Chocolate with chocolate fondant, and topped with an anatomical heart model that he gave me for Valentine's day last year) the day before, and my bouquet is made out of 1/2 off sale fake flowers from the craft store. I've made up announcement cards that look actually really nice. Our officiant is a friend of his, and our photographer is working for free as a friend. We have arrangements with our favorite coffee shop to get married on the back patio, and we're expecting about 10 guests. The wedding should take all of 5 minutes, then we'll just hang out for cake/coffee/beers. We're going to plan a post-wedding party when we actually have the resources to do it. Yay for cheap-rear end weddings.
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Jul 16, 2009 19:26
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ih8ualot posted:Any particular reason why you're waiting three years? I've never heard of anybody planning a wedding that far in advance. Is it just for the date novelty? Why not 10/10/10? We're getting married on 10/10/09 and debated for about two minutes waiting a year just for the cool date but then decided we'd rather not wait a whole year just for that! Menolly, your wedding sounds pretty similar to what we're doing. I agree, yay for cheap-rear end weddings!
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Jul 16, 2009 19:51
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Menolly posted:3 days 'til the wedding! May be cheap rear end, but it sounds cute and a bit romantic!
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Jul 16, 2009 19:55
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treat posted:I know this isn't exactly on on topic, but I figure who better to ask than newlyweds/those who have been married. One of my closest friends is having a true blue American wedding on Saturday and I'm trying to think of a gift that'll actually be useful for the couple. The catch is this: You could get them a nice bottle of wine that will age well, and tell them they can save it and drink it on their 5th or 10th anniversary. Or, you can tell the conservative family that story and tell your friends to drink it when they find an appropriate moment. For my friends' wedding, I gave them a pricey, well-rated bottle of wine that they could drink in ten years, and they really loved the gift.
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Jul 16, 2009 20:01
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Earlier this month we finally found the place (Brazilian Room in Tilden Park, Berkeley) and now we're trying to find caterers. I've received quotes from 3 caterers--at this point should I pick 2 of them and go have a tasting? They're pretty similar in price, allow us to bring our own alcohol, will work with our custom menu, so the only difference is the people and how the food is going to taste, right? What questions should I bring to the tasting? Also, I'm thinking about ordering a dress from Etsy's Sarah Seven. Anyone have experience with this seller or custom dresses? I'm short so I was thinking of asking her if she can make sure the dress is too long. jomiel fucked around with this message at 21:31 on Jul 17, 2009 |
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Jul 17, 2009 21:29
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I Wish I Was posted:We're getting married on 10/10/09 and debated for about two minutes waiting a year just for the cool date but then decided we'd rather not wait a whole year just for that!
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Jul 18, 2009 03:33
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(Frustration time, since I can't talk about it with the person I live with!) I'm a bit peeved at the jewelry store I've been going to for buying the engagement ring. The past few times I was there with the gf, I saw people haggle with prices; where a guy would slip the seller a piece of paper and they would go back and 'talk to the manager' then come back with a counteroffer. We've been going slow as snails about buying this, but they seemed rather accommodating with it. I go back today alone to see about buying the ring, with the plan in mind of trying for 100 lower than the asking price they told me. Hell, JohnnyRnR told me to aim 200 lower, but I didn't feel confident in my haggling skills to go that low. I start to tell him I like it but my ideal price would be -- and he stopped me mid sentence to start saying all prices are up front and we don't haggle we set our prices as low as possible etc etc etc. Well, considering I've seen people haggle there, it makes me think that since I am one of the younger shoppers in the store (at 24! most are mid30's-40's) they are trying to gently caress me over. In the end he asked me what my ideal price was, (1100), and said he would call the manufacturer monday and see how much exactly it would cost them and what exactly my price would be. Also, part of me would rather buy the diamond straight from them, but they only have one stone in my desired range (0.74-0.85). When I started saying I wasn't sold on it, he kinda started just blabbering about how it's my choice but if I don't buy from them they won't have a warranty on the stone (yeah I know) and that they would charge for setting it (he did not disclose how much). The stone is GIA 2101567687, 0.74carat. It's HCA score is only a 2.9, and they want $2500, gah. I think monday, I may ask for quotes on the ring from other vendors, drat shame. I had hoped this would be easy =)
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Jul 18, 2009 16:42
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Well its not like it is buying a house.. Tell him the price you want.. if he says prices are up front and cannot be haggled, say thank you and walk out.. If you actually GET outside and its clear that he isn't coming to counter offer, then go back in a day or 2 and buy it for the ticket price if thats the ring you want. Not like you really need to worry about 10 other people and a bid war.
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Jul 18, 2009 21:30
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One thing I've learned is that time goes in so quickly. My wedding is in April which is 9 months away.. it was a year and a half just yesterday, it feels like. I've got the ceremony venue/reception venue who provide the food too / dress / photographer / awesome swing/jazz band. I'm waiting until the next big wedding exhibition here to get the cars, because they'll probably do a show discount.. we've tried on rings and it's just a case of ordering them. I've talked to a florist and I know what I want, but just have to book it. The two things that I'm a bit anxious to get sorted out are my bridesmaids outfits (I have two, and one lives at the other side of the country) and the minister, who doesn't come automatically with the church! There is a huge organ in the venue and it's not what I'd have immediately thought of for the ceremony music, but it'll work out easier and cheaper to use it. The bit I find the absolute hardest is thinking of what music I want to walk down the aisle to and for the rest of the ceremony. Does anyone else who already has this sorted want to share their ideas please?
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Jul 18, 2009 22:14
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Finished and temporarily assembled my cake! It sure as hell isn't perfect, but considering that I've never made either fondant cake OR a tiered cake, it turned out okay. It functions as a cake, even with its unevenness, ripples, and bulges. Please forgive the mess in the background- I got cake guts everywhere in the process of making it.
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Jul 18, 2009 22:36
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CagedLiberty posted:One thing I've learned is that time goes in so quickly. You're telling me.. Im a week from tomorrow!
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Jul 19, 2009 02:00
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Hawkeye posted:(Frustration time, since I can't talk about it with the person I live with!) I don't know if you've considered it, but I've got to pimp Bluenile.com. I got my fiancee's ring there last year, and their prices/service was superb. My fiancee has very long thin fingers, so of course the ring needed to be resized (down to 5 1/2 or something absurdly small that most places don't do), they did it for free with really fast turn around and no problems. The appraisal on the ring was also significantly more than the ting cost (something like appraised at 5k paid 3k). I've also bought pearl earrings from them before and been pleased with those. If you know what cut of stone you want and the setting it's the place to go.
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Jul 19, 2009 15:53
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Karnegal posted:I don't know if you've considered it, but I've got to pimp Bluenile.com. I got my fiancee's ring there last year, and their prices/service was superb. My fiancee has very long thin fingers, so of course the ring needed to be resized (down to 5 1/2 or something absurdly small that most places don't do), they did it for free with really fast turn around and no problems. The appraisal on the ring was also significantly more than the ting cost (something like appraised at 5k paid 3k). I've also bought pearl earrings from them before and been pleased with those. If you know what cut of stone you want and the setting it's the place to go. unfortunately she is set on the particular setting, so no luck there. But at this point I do plan on buying to stone online and biting the bullet on the gem regardless of the added cost of setting it. It seems worth it to get the better quality gem, even if I have to go slightly smaller due to the added fees of having it not come from the store itself. Hawkeye fucked around with this message at 18:31 on Jul 19, 2009 |
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Jul 19, 2009 16:29
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