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dishonesty posted:but he's wanted to make sure we're in a better place financially etc (men - Uh, this should be your mentality as well. Why fault your fiance for wanting to be prepared for pregnancy?
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Nov 19, 2009 12:46
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bamzilla posted:Uh, this should be your mentality as well. Why fault your fiance for wanting to be prepared for pregnancy? I was just kidding around.. teasing. Of course I want to be prepared for it, that's what we've spent the last few years doing - preparing. I was just saying it in jest.. :\
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Nov 19, 2009 13:36
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dishonesty posted:I was just kidding around.. teasing. Of course I want to be prepared for it, that's what we've spent the last few years doing - preparing. I was just saying it in jest.. :\ Ah, internet sarcasm does not translate well. 
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Nov 19, 2009 13:40
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dishonesty posted:Hey Guys Heh, I could have written parts of this post word for word about a year ago. Though I got off of the pill for health reasons and we couldn't get pregnant for over a year after that because of some medication that I was taking that doesn't mix with pregnancy.. Try to not focus on negatives and to not stress over the whole process. It might take some time, and then again, it might happen nearly right away. People seem to have better luck getting pregnant when not thinking about it and stressing over it. I know, easier said than done, but it's true. Enjoy the sex for being sex and remember that practice makes perfect.  My recommendation is to start checking your cervical mucus for signs of fertility (mine really was never indicative of anything, though other women seem to be very aware of it) and possibly stocking up on some ovulation test strips to double check your body's fertile signs. I've never read "Taking Charge Of Your Fertility" but everyone here that's read it recommends it. It might be another good place to start. Good luck. I hope you get your positive HPT soon as well.
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Nov 19, 2009 14:18
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^^^ I also could have written that post myself a year ago. You're definitely not alone, dishonesty. I did buy TCOYF, and began to check my cervical mucous and basal temperature daily, but it was ovu strips that really did it for me. I tossed out the instructions that said to test every other day and went straight to every day. When I thought I detected a little LH surge, I began to test twice a day, after having heard many stories of women who ovulate so quickly that one day a surge will show up and the next it will be gone. This method worked for us, since I got pregnant the first go-around.
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Nov 19, 2009 14:42
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Thanks heaps for the replies guys, it's nice to know I'm not alone in my crazy ramblings! When we decided to go off the pill I was just starting my period so I haven't had a full cycle yet nor was I doing any of the charting or checking mucous - was all a bit overwhelmed and excited to think about doing that heh. Will definitely start though... hopefully I won't need to do it for long!
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Nov 21, 2009 04:38
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Yeah, if you track your mucous and basal temps and use ovu strips when you notice changes, you'll probably do fine, but don't be too disappointed if it doesn't happen the first time around. But we're all pulling for you! PS: Ovu strips are really, really cheap at https://www.early-pregnancy-tests.com. They typically come with free pregnancy tests as well when you buy the ovu strips, but I have heard mixed reactions with the accuracy of the preggo strips. Mine worked fine and showed me pregnant five weeks after fertilization, but others have reported that they got false negatives and the fancy shmancy digital preggo tests from the drugstore gave accurate positives.
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Nov 21, 2009 07:06
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Today's awesome Amazon purchase combo: basal thermometer and Fight Club blu-ray. 
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Nov 23, 2009 00:40
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Welcome to the thread guys! Definitely chart body temperature and mucus, as studies show that women aware of when they ovulate significantly better the odds of getting pregnant. Plus, if you know you ovulated there is no loger the stress if you can't have sex one day or what not. Ideally you begin charting before you begin trying to conceive, but it's OK to start now too. So chart, have sex at least every other day (ideally everyday) and remember that even if you do everything right there is no guarantee. Also, dishonesty have you started taking prenatals? You should start on a folic acid supplement or a prenatal as soon as you start thinking of conceiving, ideally 3-6 months before getting pregnant. Again, if you haven't, just start now Good luck everyone!
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Nov 23, 2009 01:09
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Well, we decided we're going to hold off on trying to conceive until next year. We're shooting for a November/December baby (hello getting maternity leave during the holidays and still getting the sweet tax break!). We only tried for one month, and that was after my first period after skipping a month (which was extra long and terrible, by the way), but everything seems to be back to normal. Plus, I want a couple more months to booze it up before we get down to business.
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Nov 23, 2009 05:07
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Fire In The Disco posted:Yeah, if you track your mucous and basal temps and use ovu strips when you notice changes, you'll probably do fine, but don't be too disappointed if it doesn't happen the first time around. But we're all pulling for you! Would ovu-strips be useful to someone currently AVOIDING pregnancy and trying to figure out their cycle? If so I might get some, plus then I'll have them when we start trying.
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Nov 23, 2009 18:39
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Absolutely, as long as you establish that they work for you (there's a small portion of the population who they don't work for). It's been said before but bears repeating: with ovu strips, you might have to mess around a bit with how often to test. The directions that come with them say to test every other day, if I'm not mistaken. That might work well for some people, but my ovulation cycle's short enough that I tested daily until I noticed a small surge, then twice a day during the surge to make sure I had it covered. So you can try it for a month or two testing less often, but if you find that you're not detecting surges, you might want to try daily or even twice daily. vvvvv This is very, very, very good advice, and I am ashamed I didn't include it in my post. Fire In The Disco fucked around with this message at 01:06 on Nov 24, 2009 |
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Nov 23, 2009 18:46
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Twatty Seahag posted:Would ovu-strips be useful to someone currently AVOIDING pregnancy and trying to figure out their cycle? If so I might get some, plus then I'll have them when we start trying. You should still be *very careful* and use protection for a couple of cycles until you have it totally figured out. Sperm can live inside you for up to 5 days if the condition is right. Ovulation tests only tell you if you're going to ovulate in the next couple hours/day. So if you have unprotected sex on Monday, test positive for ovulation on Tuesday, and ovulate on Wednesday, you still have a good chance of getting pregnant as if you had sex when you tested positive. If you absolutely do not want to get pregnant at all I wouldn't use ovulation strips to gauge when to have unprotected sex or not.
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Nov 23, 2009 21:44
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Quick question for you all, figure I'd ask here since this is the getting there part and the other thread is the already there/soon to be there part. SO, when I met my husband, we both agreed we wanted kids. For the last nearly 3 years we've had them as part of the future. Even when he got testicular cancer and wound up sterile, we discussed options and made new plans that involved children in other ways. After spending one weekend with my brother and his wife, and their (unusually) well-behaved 14 month old son, my husband has decided that children are too much hassle and no rewards. He stated that to him, kids are school, camping, trips, conversations - a child that is not of a "speaking age" is no fun and is all work and annoyance. He told me that the cancer is like fate now, so he won't have to worry about children now that he knows he doesn't want them. So, ouch! My life's goals include children, and I told him in no uncertain terms that if he truly doesn't want them, then I won't make him. But I won't be staying. I've heard this situation somewhere else I think on SA, and I guess what I'm looking for is some advice as to how to explain my point of view, like, to see if I could get him to at least see things my way, or something. I feel like I just got screwed since I in all honesty would not have let this relationship progress if he'd known at the start he didn't want them. I'm at a loss. I love my husband, but I want a family 
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Nov 25, 2009 07:54
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Papaya posted:I told him in no uncertain terms that if he truly doesn't want them, then I won't make him. But I won't be staying. Ouch, what a difficult situation. It is a dick move from him to go against what he said previously and now decide that he no longer wants children. It seems as if you already know what you are going to do. If you want children, they will have to be with someone else. As to how to explain your point of view, you laid it out pretty clearly in your post. You continued the relationship with him and married him because you had an agreement to have children. Now he has changed his mind. This is unacceptable to you, and you are going to leave.
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Nov 25, 2009 10:41
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I may be channeling Dr Phil here, but is it possible that he is so upset at the idea that he can't have his "own" children that he is telling himself he doesn't want any at all? He could be trying to block the pain... ...or I could be a complete dumbass with no idea what's going through his mind. Either way, that's not fair of him. Testicular cancer isn't fair either, but there is more than one way to become a parent, as you've discussed. It's not fair that he should pull the plug on all the options.
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Nov 25, 2009 10:51
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annaconda posted:I may be channeling Dr Phil here, but is it possible that he is so upset at the idea that he can't have his "own" children that he is telling himself he doesn't want any at all? He could be trying to block the pain... Nah, you're probably onto something, even if he is feeling that subconsciously and not really understanding it. Papaya, I am so sorry to hear you're having trouble with your relationship. I think what I would do in your situation is talk more about it (not constantly, but on some occasions), and see how he reacts to it. As time goes on, he might change his mind-- but you're right, if he doesn't, it's going to be up to you to decide if you're willing to give up having a family. I haven't personally experienced what you're going through, but it did take a year for me to convince my husband it was time to have kids, so in some ways I can relate.
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Nov 25, 2009 11:26
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Yea it definitely sounds like a jealousy/bitterness issue more than anything. Especially since he was on board before his cancer occurred. I would definitely sit down and have a good long conversation discussing where you are in life and where you want to be. Maybe even go into family counseling.
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Nov 25, 2009 14:36
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Papaya posted:Quick question for you all, figure I'd ask here since this is the getting there part and the other thread is the already there/soon to be there part. Big hugs! I can't imagine what you must be struggling with emotionally, but I can say that I'm really angry for you. I don't have any advice differing from what the other ladies have said. I hope that you two will be able to sit down and discuss it, and that he'll understand where you're coming from. I really hope that it works out for you guys!
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Nov 25, 2009 16:47
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Lannie posted:Big hugs! I can't imagine what you must be struggling with emotionally, but I can say that I'm really angry for you. Papaya, I'd like to second the big hugs. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. It sounds to me like annaconda is on the right track. But if your husband doesn't realize that's where his feelings are coming from I'm not sure what you can do. So, as others have already said, I think a long talk about where you are and want to be is a good idea. I hope everything works out for you two.
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Nov 25, 2009 18:23
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Crossposting from the preggo thread: We just got back from the ultrasound, and we're having a girl!! I had been feeling it for weeks, but wasn't sure if it was wishful thinking or "mommy intuition." Glad I was right! I can't wait to meet my little baby girl in 4 months!! 
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Nov 25, 2009 22:01
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Fire In The Disco posted:we're having a girl! Grats on the news As for the husband - he was totally on board with kids right up until he had to actually spend time around one for more than a couple hours. In spite of the cancer, he maintained a jovial attitude about it all and we explored options. It was even he who suggested using a sperm donor (and hell, he even asked his brother if he would be one, if needed) when initially I would've just been okay adopting so it'd be neither of ours by blood, rather than just not his. There is a surgery he can have to correct his current problem and give him the chance to make a low sperm count so we could do IUI or IVF. He was willing to go through that too, up until this last weekend. And my little nephew wasn't even a bad child at ALL the entire weekend, so if a happy little kid is still off-putting to him I can't imagine trying to raise a child with him. I don't want to be a single mom with an absent parent providing for us I've been pretty depressed by all this. I understand that he might come around (it took him a while but he eventually saw my side about circumcision, for example) given time to really think about it and time for our finances to stabilize, but then again there's always the chance he won't change his mind. I gave him five years to waffle with, by the time I'm 30 I want to start the ball rolling on kids (I want them now but I can wait that long). He has five years to either decide once and for all what he wants to do and if he's still uncertain, I don't think I could stay. In other news, saw a pregnant lady at HEB while buying pie filling tonight and almost bawled 
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Nov 26, 2009 03:36
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Papaya posted:In other news, saw a pregnant lady at HEB while buying pie filling tonight and almost bawled Based solely on this, I don't think you'll be able to wait even close to 5 years!
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Nov 26, 2009 06:57
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dishonesty posted:Based solely on this, I don't think you'll be able to wait even close to 5 years! Hell no, finances allowing I'd have a toddler by now lol
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Nov 26, 2009 08:50
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Well, as a 30 year old pregnant with my first baby, I think 30's a good time to wait for. It's not going to be easy at all-- I was as excited to have a baby at 25 as I was before getting knocked up (I'm like seventy billion times more excited now), but for me, it was worth waiting. I hope it is for you too, and that he comes around. 
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Nov 26, 2009 14:20
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Well my family has a history of difficulties getting pregnant and staying so, and I worry I will run out of time if I wait too long. My brother is eleven years older than me and not because my mother didn't have other pregnancies in between And IF my husband decides to come around, with the surgery, and mandatory wait time after that, and then however long IUI/IVF might take to stick, that's at a bare minimum 1.5-2 years right there if we get pregnant on the first try. I feel like a whiner but he just changed his entire mind on our future after 3 years
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Nov 26, 2009 19:20
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Papaya posted:I feel like a whiner but he just changed his entire mind on our future after 3 years Coming out of lurking to jump on this - You are not a whiner at all. My boyfriend and I have talked about kids and family over and over, and we're both very very clear on the fact that once we get married, kids are 100% in the picture. If he suddenly changed his mind, I would be absolutely devastated. There would be no "waiting 5 years", although I commend you for having the patience to do so. I hope it works out for you but it may be a rough road ahead and I really hope you don't consider yourself a "whiner" to be disturbed by the sudden change. You're dealing with it MUCH better than I would, and probably better than most other women would.
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Nov 27, 2009 06:05
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Papaya posted:Well my family has a history of difficulties getting pregnant and staying so, and I worry I will run out of time if I wait too long. My brother is eleven years older than me and not because my mother didn't have other pregnancies in between You're not a whiner and I would not wait 5 years. I, however, have no tact and would have told him then and there that if he was making a concrete decision about no kids, then I was leaving him. One of the main reasons I left my ex was because he told me he wanted to wait TEN years to get married. That was absolutely ridiculous, considering we'd already been together four years. If he was that unsure about marrying me, then I obviously wasn't the one for him and I wasn't going to wait around to find out either.
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Nov 27, 2009 20:01
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I was just wondering a few things about this whole baby thing if you guys wouldn't mind indulging me. For starters, I kind of want to know what it feels like to be a woman in the sense of wanting babies. Do most women know that they want kids early? At that point is it a conscious decision or more of an instinct thing? It's hard to tell because some women seem to be almost literally insane in their craving for babies and others take a more measured stance about it. Either way it's confusing as a man which is why I'm asking about this. Is anyone able to articulate their specific reasons for wanting kids? And what are your stances on the future, I mean, a lot of people here are saying like 25 years old to have kids, but I'm currently almost 24 and the idea of kids so early is somewhat alien to me; I feel like there's soooo much to do before settling down, but maybe I'm being stubborn about it? It just seems like life as you know it comes to an end after kids and that same level of freedom can never be achieved again until the kids are out of the house and you're looking at retirement.. and at that point I'm not sure if many of the same options will be open since you're not as physically able. On the flip side, some women obviously are cool with not having kids. What causes that? Maybe a more active lifestyle and desire to travel/explore/etc? My girlfriend talks about kids in kind of a detached "in the future" way; her parents didn't have her until they were almost 40 I believe. Also one last thing, I might want kids one day, I think. I honestly don't know, and I'm not sure how I could possibly be expected to know. Are kids a big enough deal breaker for most women that they would leave their man over it? How do you know if it may not be a deal breaker without just asking? It's such a sensitive issue but like I said earlier, it's lame because I have no internal baby clock and so I'm completely in the dark about how women perceive these things. Basically I'm just trying to be prepared for my future. My current girlfriend has a good chance of becoming my future wife so these issues are relevant to me right now. Thanks.
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Nov 27, 2009 20:33
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Taima posted:Well I can only talk about my specific experience. When I was in high school and really up until I turned 19 I was convinced that I would under no circumstances want kids and would never entertain the idea of marriage. When I met the man that is now my husband I had softened my idea about kids, but I was sure as hell not going to have any until I was at least 30. I figured 32 would be a good age to start. As my relationship with my husband matured we talked about having kids in the future. He really wanted kids and his parents had been younger parents (they had kids in their early twenties versus my parents, who waited until their early/mid 30s). We wanted him to be all done with school before we started to try, so we kept saying things like "in 5 years, 7 years, sometime when we're older. When he decided to basically stay in school for 5 million more years we sat down and talked about things again. I didn't want to wait for some magical point where we would be ready and I was feeling like although we had the freedom to do whatever the hell we wanted with our time, that ultimately I was ready to be a parent. It honestly only took two 10 minute conversations spread out over 2 hours for us to make up our minds, so I think that really we were emotionally ready before we were aware of it. I think you'll find that kids are a deal breaker for most people regardless of gender. My husband wouldn't have stayed with me if I hadn't been comfortable with having kids. I;ve seen loads of relationships end because of that issue. Hell, some people stay together and one of them gives in, and that rarely ends well. My parents were one of those couples, and I've seen plenty of unhappy people in both situations. It's a major dealbreaker and I don't know that gender has a whole lot to do with it.
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Nov 27, 2009 21:19
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Papaya posted:Quick question for you all, figure I'd ask here since this is the getting there part and the other thread is the already there/soon to be there part. No kids yet for me but for some reason I feel compelled to comment on this (and follow this thread). This is honestly really bizarre and not particularly rational on his part and still really makes me think it's something other than what he's telling you it is. Kids are only preverbal for a *really* short period of time (compared to how long you have with them anyways), and even during that time you communicate with them a lot more than you would think. My boss has a 13 month old who is already quite capable of manipulating her parents (and me when I babysit!) without talking a bit. It might be possible he actually hasn't spent enough time with babies yet. Just enough to see them being annoying, but not enough to see how much they are really capable of communicating and how special the bond with them is for their parents. You have every right to be pissed at him. I would be. It's definitely something that deserves further discussion.
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Nov 28, 2009 02:15
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I had no desire for kids at all until I was twenty-four--then I wanted kids sometime before I turned thirty, but not soon. I'm twenty-seven now, and do want badly to have a child...but my husband and I are waiting another year or two so that we can be better financially prepared. I do think that a good-sized chunk of it is hormonal, at least for me--but I like kids and babies, always have, and look forward to finding out what ours might be like. That said, I did have a few months of "crazy for baby" the way you're talking about, after I placed a child for adoption. That was pretty obviously the hormones, and it was completely nuts. A lot of women get pregnant within a year of placing their kids, and I can totally understand why--but I managed to keep using birth control and wait for the hormones to leave my body.
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Nov 28, 2009 09:57
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I have been desperate to have a baby since I was in my early twenties. My bio clock kicked in then, and kicked in hardcore. But I did the sensible thing and waited. Once I met my husband at 26, it started ticking even harder, especially once we realized that we were going to get married. When our wedding rolled around, I was ready to immediately ditch the pills and start trying. My husband was less ready, and it took seven months of convincing to get him there. Those seven months seriously felt like seven years for me. I had everything I'd said I'd wait for-- a stable relationship, a house, good jobs for both of us, etc, and yet I still had to wait. It was drat near impossible. I watched my friends around me suddenly having kids, some sensibly and some not, and cried when I was at home away from them. My mom and my sister were the only ones who knew how much I was hurting over not having a baby yet. But from where I sit now, 31 and five months pregnant, it's hard to remember how I felt just six months ago, because I am so in love now.
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Nov 28, 2009 14:28
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Anyone have experience with a balanced translocation? If so, what decisions did you make/how did you handle it?
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Nov 28, 2009 17:36
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DudeRandom posted:Anyone have experience with a balanced translocation? If so, what decisions did you make/how did you handle it? I don't have a balanced translocation, but I know a few girls who do/whose husbands do. In addition, my sister is a genetic counselor so I'm familiar with it through her. I would recommend that you sit down with a genetic counselor to talk about your options. There is a procedure called Pre-Implantation Genetic Diagnosis, I'm not 100% sure if it could help with a balanced translocation but it's worth investigating. As for wanting kids, I always knew that I wanted kids, but I did not get baby fever until I got married, which was 8 years after my husband and I got married. I guess I suddenly noticed my biological clock. We started trying for kids about a year after we got married. My sister got a pretty severe case of baby fever when she got married, which was funny because she was anti-marriage, anti-kids for a long time. Her baby fever subsided the minute she entered grad school, and it hasn't come back yet, though she is living vicariously through me a bit. (I guess I should mention that I'm 15 weeks pregnant.)
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Nov 28, 2009 18:27
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Papaya posted:Well my family has a history of difficulties getting pregnant and staying so, and I worry I will run out of time if I wait too long. My brother is eleven years older than me and not because my mother didn't have other pregnancies in between You are not a winer at all. You married your husband with the understanding that you would have babies and all of a sudden he changes his mind. He might just not be used to having a baby around, have you thought about babysitting their child at some point while they take an over night trip or something. I know it helped me get much more comfortable having a small child around even for a night. My wife and I are on the 5 year plan right now, 1 down 4 to go. I just turned 25 this month and my wife turns 24 in a week. We have talked about it and the plan is get a house in the next 2 years then start trying. Still my wife will see a baby while we are at the mall or somthing, look at me and say "can we go make a baby now?" even though we are no where near ready for that yet.
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Nov 28, 2009 21:53
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Taima posted:I was just wondering a few things about this whole baby thing if you guys wouldn't mind indulging me. I never wanted to have kids or get married until I met my husband. Almost overnight my life changed and I re-arranged all my priorities, with a husband and children right at the top. I wanted to have kids as soon as we married but we were 21, renting and with hubby still in grad school. It was hard waiting. Really hard. To make matters more complicated my mother was terminally ill, and I knew at any point I would be called upon to take over full time care of her, which would be impossible with a baby. We were sensible and waited, but I had baby fever really bad. Now though, we have a tiny speck of a house with a postage stamp yard, I have fulfilled my daughterly duty with months of full time personal care before the end, and the mr has an increased stipend. We started trying in September, and I only just got a period. Every time I take an OPK it reads positive. It looks like I will be having trouble, and I am really glad I started young.
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Nov 29, 2009 04:29
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Exelsior posted:It looks like I will be having trouble, and I am really glad I started young. I'm so concerned about this, with my family history of troublesome pregnancy/trying. I have a friend with a 4 month old I plan to watch when she needs it, and since my brother and my sister both live in other states I can't watch their kids. My brother was down with his son and wife for the holidays and we did babysit Ollie once, and it was me with the boy and my husband watching, concerned, until he finally left the room and played on the computer while I played with and eventually put Oliver to bed by myself. He only came back out once he knew Ollie was for sure sleeping. I just don't know what to think. We haven't spoken about all that mess since that night he stated he was done, and everything is slightly back to normal, only with a strange air between us. I can't really look at him the same anymore, and that hurts.
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Nov 29, 2009 10:03
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Exelsior posted:We started trying in September, and I only just got a period. Every time I take an OPK it reads positive. It looks like I will be having trouble, and I am really glad I started young. If you haven't already, you should really go see you ob/gyn.
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Nov 29, 2009 13:36
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Papaya posted:I'm so concerned about this, with my family history of troublesome pregnancy/trying. If you know in advance you might have fertility problems, or get diagnosed with them early, it doesn't always take a long time to get pregnant. With my son, I was on mild fertility drugs after only 3 months of trying because we figured out there was a problem really quickly, and it only took 1 month of the meds to get pregnant. This time around, after three months of the mild fertility drugs not working we moved to ovulation induction and IUI. I got pregnant with this baby on the first IUI. With a family history, you might be able to get seen by an RE from the beginning.
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Nov 29, 2009 18:24
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