Got a crazy forwarded political email from your family? Post them here.

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Debate & Discussion > Got a crazy forwarded political email from your family? Post them here.

«‹›2810 »

wormil: Sep 12, 2002; Hulk will smoke you!

tek79 posted:

Why DID Michelle leave home after they went to France? This is an interesting question I regularly ask random ARAB strangers whenever I get a chance. Any ideas?

Maybe hang out at Blockbuster later and ask some random Arabs, they're sure to know.

# ? Mar 8, 2010 23:30

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 11, 2024 08:20

freebooter: Jul 7, 2009

You spelt it wrong, it's not Arabs, it's ARABS

ARABS

# ? Mar 9, 2010 07:21

Piell: Sep 3, 2006; Grey Worm's Ken doll-like groin throbbed with the anticipatory pleasure that only a slightly warm and moist piece of lemoncake could offer; Young Orc

They should be easy to find though, just look for the video called "Obama".

# ? Mar 9, 2010 15:21

The Macaroni: Dec 20, 2002; ...it does nothing.

wormil posted:

This one made the news:

http://blogs.nashvillescene.com/pitw/2010/03/nothing_funny_about_this_monke.php

Glad to see that the guy who sent that got fired over it.

# ? Mar 10, 2010 03:45

Econosaurus: Sep 22, 2008; Successfully predicted nine of the last five recessions

Childlike Empress posted:

Glad to see that the guy who sent that got fired over it.

It's a little sad though. He probably didnt think it was a big deal and is now more than likely blackballed from any employment in his field for the forseeable future :smith:

.

The email was a loving stupid thing to forward though

# ? Mar 10, 2010 04:21

The Macaroni: Dec 20, 2002; ...it does nothing.

Well, when's the last time you forwarded something like that? I limit my pity to putting myself in another person's shoes. Cute 20-something intern coming on to me in the Oval Office? I'd be an rear end if I didn't admit that I wouldn't at least be tempted. Contractor wants to meet me in my Senate office with a suitcase full of cash in exchange for favorable legislation? Ditto.

But forwarding a racist e-mail to professional partners? A lot of liability for no payoff and a whole lot of stupidity.

# ? Mar 10, 2010 04:30

Econosaurus: Sep 22, 2008; Successfully predicted nine of the last five recessions

Econosaurus fucked around with this message at 22:09 on Oct 24, 2010

# ? Mar 10, 2010 05:02

McAlister: Nov 3, 2002; by exmarx

I think the tomato selling almost-janitor one deserves considerable meditation.

The part that jumps out at me the most is that our hero is now supporting lots of people and making millions selling tomatoes ... that someone else grew. He isn't producing, creating, building, inventing ... he is trading.

Now presumably, before he showed up, people were still able to obtain tomatoes as needed. A certain amount of convenience dollars for moving things from the fair to the roadside might be deserved for providing a service of transportation .. but the size of the business described?

Only way he could do that is if he started buying up all the local tomatoes so folks have no choice but to pay his mark up.

So we'd all be better off with him as a janitor =D

# ? Mar 10, 2010 05:27

notcreativeenough: Mar 8, 2010; by Fistgrrl

Econosaurus posted:

Yeah but still, kinda sucks for him. I've made really dumb decisions before that I didnt think through and came back to bite me in the rear end in a big way. I guess not on this level but still. I get why you wouldnt feel sympathy, but i'm a very empathetic person i guess

Ah the guy should have known better. There have already been several such incidents in Tenn as well as elsewhere that got public officals removed from office or heavily reprimemanded. The state decided to cut the doofus loose since he made Tenn look bad and would have likely cost them a lot of business money.

First rule is for a PR company not to embrasses themselves by being blatantly racist. Second rule is you get a stupid forwarded email telling you to forward you don't forward it to several hundred people or forward it all.

# ? Mar 10, 2010 06:06

jackpot: Aug 31, 2004; First cousin to the Black Rabbit himself. Such was Woundwort's monument...and perhaps it would not have displeased him.<

Econosaurus posted:

I get why you wouldnt feel sympathy, but i'm a very empathetic person i guess

He was fired for telling a joke where the implied punchline is "See, niggers are just like monkeys." It's hard to feel bad for a dumb fuckwit like that.

# ? Mar 10, 2010 06:14

Deteriorata: Feb 6, 2005

jackpot posted:

He was fired for telling a joke where the implied punchline is "See, niggers are just like monkeys." It's hard to feel bad for a dumb fuckwit like that.

Yeah, that's the sad part. Rather than being horrified over the idiot sending it to him, he thought it was funny and immediately wanted to send it out to everyone he knew. Firing him is appropriate, as he has revealed a rather ugly side of his character.

# ? Mar 10, 2010 06:23

jackpot: Aug 31, 2004; First cousin to the Black Rabbit himself. Such was Woundwort's monument...and perhaps it would not have displeased him.<

quote:

"Thursday night I spontaneously forwarded -- to a small group of people -- an email that had been sent to me as political humor. As I forwarded it, I did not think or consider its implications, other than that it was political humor. I am saddened that anyone misinterpreted the sentiments behind the email. I deeply apologize to anyone who is offended by this action. I hope that those who know me realize that the message was not intended to be malicious or hurtful in any way and can find it in their hearts to forgive me."

# ? Mar 10, 2010 07:15

Seth Pecksniff: May 27, 2004; can't believe shrek is fucking dead. rip to a real one.

I love how Obama can be the mastermind of an international cabal that forges documents and pays off thousands of people to keep silent, but even with those omnipotent powers he can't fix the economy using green poo poo in a day therefore he's going to allow the Muslims to take over due to low birthrates. Or something.

Makes you wonder...........

# ? Mar 10, 2010 07:31

chesh: Apr 19, 2004; That was terrible.

quote:

ESPN.com Helps Launch False "Obama Wants To Ban Fishing" Rumor

Conservative websites are up-in-arms this week over the Obama administration's new takeover plan that would outlaw recreational fishing in America. It's an egregious abuse of executive power, slightly mitigated by the fact that it's not remotely close to being true.

It all starts with an opinion piece written by Robert Montgomery for ESPN Outdoors, that opens with this ominous sentence: "The Obama administration will accept no more public input for a federal strategy that could prohibit U.S. citizens from fishing some of the nation's oceans, coastal areas, Great Lakes, and even inland waters." Which almost immediate led to this headline on the website Gateway Pundit:

quote:
Obama's Latest Assault on Freedom� New Regulations Will Ban Sport Fishing

The only problem is that these "regulations" don't exist. What Montgomery was writing about is the Interagency Ocean Policy Task Force that has been charged by the White House with developing a comprehensive federal policy for managing the nation's waterways. Yes, they are interested in conservation and they are interested in setting new guidelines for fishing policies -- commercial fishing policies that are threatening to deplete our food supply. Except they haven't even gotten that far yet. All they've released is an interim report [PDF] that discusses what their goals are, none of which involve a ban on fishing. In fact, from what I can tell it's completely generic legalese that contains no actionable policy recommendations in it all. It says zip about recreational fishing, never mind any sort of plan to curtail it.

But that didn't stop other websites from running with the idea of Little Billy getting hauled off to Leavenworth for catching a minnow down by the crick. And, of course, tying it directly to Barack Obama's insatiable lust for power, even though he's probably forgotten that he even created it. (Read between the lines, sheeple! Just look at the contempt for sportsmen written all over his face!)

One blogger muses: "That a bill like this could even get this much serious consideration is an indication of just how far left Obama has shifted the federal government." Again ... there's is no bill, so it's kind of hard to consider it seriously. Most of these outraged complaints make reference to the ESPN column, but none seem to notice that it contains no evidence supporting their claims.

Montgomery even admits in his piece that the report makes no mention of sport fishing and that "the task force has shown no overt dislike of recreational angling." But it doesn't stop him from assuming that this is due to a secret plot to wipe out private fisherman, rather than complete indifference to something they have no interest in regulating. (You'd think a conservative would be thrilled to know the government doesn't care about his hobby.) The Bassmasters Tournament isn't really a threat to the dolphin population. In the mind of the anti-government paranoid, however, there's a straight line from "marine spatial planning" in the Gulf of Mexico to FBI agents putting police tape around your backyard pond.

Will the task force eventually recommend a lot of things that conservatives hate? Probably. Should they have kept the public comment period open longer to allow sportsman to have their say? Maybe. But even the snootiest of snooty liberal elitists isn't stupid enough to ban fishing. After all, once all grandmothers and disabled kids are shipped off to their Aleutian Islands concentration camps to save money on medicine they're going to need some way to feed themselves.

Thanks, mainstream sports media!

# ? Mar 10, 2010 20:58

My Imaginary GF: Jul 17, 2005; by R. Guyovich

chesh posted:

Thanks, mainstream sports media!

Oh, god. Is there any way to counter this which would get through to a teabagger?

# ? Mar 11, 2010 03:26

JerkyBunion: Jun 22, 2002

Nope. The damage is done.

# ? Mar 11, 2010 04:19

Taerkar: Dec 7, 2002; kind of into it, really

Toad on a Hat posted:

I love how Obama can be the mastermind of an international cabal that forges documents and pays off thousands of people to keep silent, but even with those omnipotent powers he can't fix the economy using green poo poo in a day therefore he's going to allow the Muslims to take over due to low birthrates. Or something.

Makes you wonder...........

Because that would involve strengthening the true AmeruhCAN patriots, the rich white man, who will be able to stop the islamofascistcommunazi plot.

# ? Mar 11, 2010 11:40

Skallagrimsson: Aug 7, 2003; Straining my strength I grappled,
Staggered the wordy foeman;
My tooth I bade bite him.
Best of swords at need.

This is one I got today from a friend on Facebook:
-------
I'm 63 and I�m Tired"
By Robert A. Hall

I'm 63. Except for one semester in college when jobs were scarce and a six-month period when I was between jobs, but job-hunting every day, I've worked, hard, since I was 18. Despite some health challenges, I still put in 50-hour weeks, and haven't called in sick in seven or eight years. I make a good salary, but I didn't inherit my job or my income, and I worked to get where I am. Given the economy, there's no retirement in sight, and I'm tired. Very tired.

I'm tired of being told that I have to "spread the wealth" to people who don't have my work ethic. I'm tired of being told the government will take the money I earned, by force if necessary, and give it to people too lazy to earn it. I'm tired of being told that I have to pay more taxes to "keep people in their homes." Sure, if they lost their jobs or got sick, I'm willing to help. But if they bought McMansions at three times the price of our paid-off, $250,000 condo, on one-third of my salary, then let the left-wing Congress-critters who passed Fannie and Freddie and the Community Reinvestment Act that created the bubble help them with their own money. I'm tired of being told how bad America is by left-wing millionaires like Michael Moore, George Soros and Hollywood Entertainers who live in luxury because of the opportunities America offers. In thirty years, if they get their way, the United States will have the economy of Zimbabwe, the freedom of the press of China, the crime and violence of Mexico, the tolerance for Christian people of Iran, and the freedom of speech of Venezuela. I'm tired of being told that Islam is a "Religion of Peace," when every day I can read dozens of stories of Muslim men killing their sisters, wives and daughters for their family "honor"; of Muslims rioting over some slight offense; of Muslims murdering Christian and Jews because they aren't "believers"; of Muslims burning schools for girls; of Muslims stoning teenage rape victims to death for "adultery"; of Muslims mutilating the genitals of little girls; all in the name of Allah, because the Qur'an and Shari'a law tells them to.

I'm tired of being told that "race doesn't matter" in the post-racial world of Obama, when it's all that matters in affirmative action jobs, lower college admission and graduation standards for minorities (harming them the most), government contract set-asides, tolerance for the ghetto culture of violence and fatherless children that hurts minorities more than anyone, and in the appointment of U.S. Senators from Illinois.
I think it's very cool that we have a black president and that a black child is doing her homework at the desk where Lincoln wrote the Emancipation Proclamation. I just wish the black president was Condi Rice, or someone who believes more in freedom and the individual and less arrogantly of an all-knowing government. I'm tired of a news media that thinks Bush's fundraising and inaugural expenses were obscene, but that think Obama's, at triple the cost, were wonderful; that thinks Bush exercising daily was a waste of presidential time, but Obama exercising is a great example for the public to control weight and stress; that picked over every line of Bush's military records, but never demanded that Kerry release his; that slammed Palin, with two years as governor, for being too inexperienced for VP, but touted Obama with three years as senator as potentially the best president ever. Wonder why people are dropping their subscriptions or switching to Fox News? Get a clue. I didn't vote for Bush in 2000, but the media and Kerry drove me to his camp in 2004.

I'm tired of being told that out of "tolerance for other cultures" we must let Saudi Arabia use our oil money to fund mosques and madrassa Islamic schools to preach hate in America, while no American group is allowed to fund a church, synagogue or religious school in Saudi Arabia to teach love and tolerance.

I'm tired of being told I must lower my living standard to fight global warming, which no one is allowed to debate. My wife and I live in a two-bedroom apartment and carpool together five miles to our jobs. We also own a three-bedroom condo where our daughter and granddaughter live. Our carbon footprint is about 5% of Al Gore's, and if you're greener than Gore, you're green enough.

I'm tired of being told that drug addicts have a disease, and I must help support and treat them, and pay for the damage they do. Did a giant germ rush out of a dark alley, grab them, and stuff white powder up their noses while they tried to fight it off? I don't think Gay people choose to be Gay, but I drat sure think druggies chose to take drugs. And I'm tired of harassment from cool people treating me like a freak when I tell them I
never tried marijuana.

I'm tired of illegal aliens being called "undocumented workers," especially the ones who aren't working, but are living on welfare or crime. What's next? Calling drug dealers, "Undocumented Pharmacists"? And, no, I'm not against Hispanics. Most of them are Catholic, and it's been a few hundred years since Catholics wanted to kill me for my religion. I'm willing to fast track for citizenship any Hispanic person, who can speak English, doesn't have a criminal record and who is self-supporting without family on welfare, or who serves honorably for three years in our military.... Those are the citizens we need.

I'm tired of latte liberals and journalists, who would never wear the uniform of the Republic themselves, or let their entitlement-handicapped kids near a recruiting station, trashing our military. They and their kids can sit at home, never having to make split-second decisions under life and death circumstances, and bad mouth better people than themselves. Do bad things happen in war? You bet. Do our troops sometimes misbehave? Sure. Does this compare with the atrocities that were the policy of our enemies for the last fifty years and still are? Not even close. So here's the deal. I'll let myself be subjected to all the humiliation and abuse that was heaped on terrorists at Abu Ghraib or Gitmo, and the critics can let themselves be subject to captivity by the Muslims, who tortured and beheaded Daniel Pearl in Pakistan, or the Muslims who tortured and murdered Marine Lt. Col. William Higgins in Lebanon, or the Muslims who ran the blood-spattered Al Qaeda torture rooms our troops found in Iraq, or the Muslims who cut off the heads of schoolgirls in Indonesia, because the girls were Christian. Then we'll compare notes. British and American soldiers are the only troops in history that civilians came to for help and handouts, instead of hiding from in fear.

I'm tired of people telling me that their party has a corner on virtue and the other party has a corner on corruption. Read the papers; bums are bipartisan. And I'm tired of people telling me we need bipartisanship. I live in Illinois, where the "Illinois Combine" of Democrats has worked to loot the public for years. Not to mention the tax cheats in Obama's cabinet.

I'm tired of hearing wealthy athletes, entertainers and politicians of both parties talking about innocent mistakes, stupid mistakes or youthful mistakes, when we all know they think their only mistake was getting caught. I'm tired of people with a sense of entitlement, rich or poor. Speaking of poor, I'm tired of hearing people with air-conditioned homes, color TVs and two cars called poor. The majority of Americans didn't have that in 1970, but we didn't know we were "poor." The poverty pimps have to keep changing the definition of poor to keep the dollars flowing.

I'm real tired of people who don't take responsibility for their lives and actions. I'm tired of hearing them blame the government, or discrimination or big-whatever for their problems.

Yes, I'm drat tired. But I'm also glad to be 63. Because, mostly, I'm not going to have to see the world these people are making. I'm just sorry for my granddaughter.

Robert A. Hall is a Marine Vietnam veteran who served five terms in the Massachusetts State Senate.

There is no way this will be widely publicized, unless each of us sends it on. This is your chance to make a difference.

# ? Mar 11, 2010 13:55

Alastor_the_Stylish: Jul 25, 2006; WILL AMOUNT TO NOTHING IN LIFE.

Skallagrimsson posted:

I'm real tired of people who are different from me.

# ? Mar 11, 2010 14:56

Mooseontheloose: May 13, 2003; Can't post for 6 hours!

Skallagrimsson posted:

I�m Tired"
By Robert A. Hall

GET OFF MY LAWN.

# ? Mar 11, 2010 15:16

freebooter: Jul 7, 2009

I'm tired of ignorant fuckheads.

# ? Mar 11, 2010 15:25

Douginc: Mar 25, 2009

freebooter posted:

I'm tired of ignorant fuckheads.

I went to the Minnesota State Fair this year and Al Franken was there. Al Franken is loving awesome and I spent a long time listening to him. He was trying to talk to everyone personally, as best he could, to explain why we need health care reform (I believe there are some videos of this on YouTube). Anyway, this crazy lady started yelling at him, without having listened to anything he said about medicare, about how welfare is just stealing her tax money and giving it to lazy bums (you could sense she truly meant "others...").

He said something to the extent of: 'We need to realize exactly how much money is being thrown away or stolen by health care and military waste. When you realize that, you'll see that you're arguing about someone taking too many pennies from the take-a-penny jar while someone is making off with the store's safe behind you.'

I now use that analogy all the time on people who bitch to me about how welfare is destroying our tax dollars more than anything else on the planet.

# ? Mar 11, 2010 15:43

Typhoon Jim: Sep 20, 2004; space moo

Skallagrimsson posted:

This is one I got today from a friend on Facebook:
-------
I'm 63 and I�m Tired"
By Robert A. Hall

I'm 63.
Yes, I'm drat tired.

Robert A. Hall is a Marine Vietnam veteran who served five terms in the Massachusetts State Senate.

There is no way this will be widely publicized, unless each of us sends it on. This is your chance to make a difference.

I await another blockbuster from Robert A Hall, "I'm 65 And Now I'm Collecting Social Security"

# ? Mar 11, 2010 17:03

13Pandora13: Nov 5, 2008; I've got tiiits that swingle dangle dingle

Got an email from Grandma this morning asking me to please watch this video and sign the petition: http://www.mrcaction.org/550/petition.asp

:bahgawd:

Tea Partiers. Christ.

# ? Mar 11, 2010 17:20

Hollow Gaunt: Aug 7, 2007

Maybe you guys can help me make sense of this:

stupid loving family members posted:

March 9, 2010: Most Offensive Health Care Argument Yet?

In a speech this morning to the 2010 Legislative Conference for National Association of Counties, Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi (D-Cal.) uttered what may be the most honest and insulting argument in favor of the Democrats' health care bill yet:

�But we have to pass the bill so that you can find out what is in it, away from the fog of the controversy."

I always respond to these types of emails, but I'm trying to wrap my head around the fact that it says "...honest and insulting argument in favor of the Democrats' health care bill..." Isn't this saying the 'fog of controversy' sentence is a supporting argument for the bill while damning to the lies and misinformation that's been spread about it? I'm either off, or my Republican family members didn't even read the forward correctly.

# ? Mar 11, 2010 18:26

Taerkar: Dec 7, 2002; kind of into it, really

It involved Nancy Pelosi, therefore it's obviously a Democratic Plot to make us all worship Maollah.

# ? Mar 11, 2010 19:18

tek79: Jun 16, 2008

Skallagrimsson posted:

This is one I got today from a friend on Facebook:
-------
I'm 63 and I�m Tired"
By Robert A. Hall

If you've worked since you were 18, and you're now 63 and -as stated- make a good salary, the only way I can see not being able to retire is because of your own lack of financial responsibility, or circumstances unrelated to anything the gubbamint did.

But hey, don't let that stop you from blaming those vast swathes of welfare queens!

edit: I just saw this quote at the bottom: "I'm real tired of people who don't take responsibility for their lives and actions. I'm tired of hearing them blame the government, or discrimination or big-whatever for their problems." Contradict much?

tek79 fucked around with this message at 20:05 on Mar 11, 2010

# ? Mar 11, 2010 19:59

Craftics: Jan 31, 2006; fuckin yeah

The best part is at the end of his rant complaining about the government...he says he is tired of people complaining about the government

That whole thing is just :psyduck:

# ? Mar 11, 2010 20:05

Taerkar: Dec 7, 2002; kind of into it, really

It's an old person rant in text form. I bet it was transcribed from a recording, which means we're missing out on the random changes in tone and inflection.

# ? Mar 11, 2010 20:48

Terrorist Fistbump: Jan 29, 2009; by Nyc_Tattoo

I got this one from my mom. Whoever originally wrote it used Comic Sans for added tastelessness.

quote:

FW: 545 People

The article below is completely neutral, ...not anti republican or democrat.

Charlie Reese, a retired reporter for the Orlando Sentinal has hit the nail directly on the head, defining clearly who it is that in the final analysis must assume responsibility for the judgements made that impact each one of us every day.

It's a short but good read. Worth the time. Worth remembering!

545 vs. 300,000,000

EVERY CITIZEN NEEDS TO READ THIS AND THINK ABOUT WHAT THIS JOURNALIST HAS SCRIPTED IN THIS MESSAGE. READ IT AND THEN REALLY THINK ABOUT OUR CURRENT POLITICAL DEBACLE.
Charley Reese has been a journalist for 49 years.

545 PEOPLE--By Charlie Reese

Politicians are the only people in the world who create problems and then campaign against them..

Have you ever wondered, if both the Democrats and the Republicans are against deficits, WHY do we have deficits?

Have you ever wondered, if all the politicians are against inflation and high taxes, WHY do we have inflation and high taxes?

You and I don't propose a federal budget. The president does.

You and I don't have the Constitutional authority to vote on appropriations. The House of Representatives does.

You and I don't write the tax code, Congress does.

You and I don't set fiscal policy, Congress does.

You and I don't control monetary policy, the Federal Reserve Bank does.

One hundred senators, 435 congressmen, one president, and nine Supreme Court justices equates to 545 human beings out of the 300 million are directly, legally, morally, and individually responsible for the domestic problems that plague this country.

I excluded the members of the Federal Reserve Board because that problem was created by the Congress. In 1913, Congress delegated its Constitutional duty to provide a sound currency to a federally chartered, but private, central bank.

I excluded all the special interests and lobbyists for a sound reason. They have no legal authority. They have no ability to coerce a senator, a congressman, or a president to do one cotton-picking thing. I don't care if they offer a politician $1 million dollars in cash. The politician has the power to accept or reject it. No matter what the lobbyist promises, it is the legislator's responsibility to determine how he votes.

Those 545 human beings spend much of their energy convincing you that what they did is not their fault. They cooperate in this common con regardless of party.

What separates a politician from a normal human being is an excessive amount of gall. No normal human being would have the gall of a Speaker, who stood up and criticized the President for creating deficits..... The president can only propose a budget. He cannot force the Congress to accept it.

The Constitution, which is the supreme law of the land, gives sole responsibility to the House of Representatives for originating and approving appropriations and taxes. Who is the speaker of the House? Nancy Pelosi. She is the leader of the majority party. She and fellow House members, not the president, can approve any budget they want. If the president vetoes it, they can pass it over his veto if they agree to.

It seems inconceivable to me that a nation of 300 million can not replace 545 people who stand convicted -- by present facts -- of incompetence and irresponsibility. I can't think of a single domestic problem that is not traceable directly to those 545 people. When you fully grasp the plain truth that 545 people exercise the power of the federal government, then it must follow that what exists is what they want to exist.

If the tax code is unfair, it's because they want it unfair.

If the budget is in the red, it's because they want it in the red ..

If the Army & Marines are in IRAQ , it's because they want them in IRAQ

If they do not receive social security but are on an elite retirement plan not available to the people, it's because they want it that way.

There are no insoluble government problems.

Do not let these 545 people shift the blame to bureaucrats, whom they hire and whose jobs they can abolish; to lobbyists, whose gifts and advice they can reject; to regulators, to whom they give the power to regulate and from whom they can take this power. Above all, do not let them con you into the belief that there exists disembodied mystical forces like "the economy," "inflation," or "politics" that prevent them from doing what they take an oath to do.

Those 545 people, and they alone, are responsible.

They, and they alone, have the power..

They, and they alone, should be held accountable by the people who are their bosses.

Provided the voters have the gumption to manage their own employees...

We should vote all of them out of office and clean up their mess!

Charlie Reese is a former columnist of the Orlando Sentinel Newspaper.
What you do with this article now that you have read it......... Is up to you.
This might be funny if it weren't so darned true.
Be sure to read all the way to the end:
Tax his land,
Tax his bed,
Tax the table,

At which he's fed.
Tax his tractor,
Tax his mule,
Teach him taxes
Are the rule.
Tax his work,
Tax his pay,
He works for peanuts

Anyway!
Tax his cow,
Tax his goat,
Tax his pants,

Tax his coat.
Tax his ties,
Tax his shirt,
Tax his work,

Tax his dirt.
Tax his tobacco,
Tax his drink,
Tax him if he

Tries to think.
Tax his cigars,
Tax his beers,
If he cries

Tax his tears.
Tax his car,
Tax his gas,
Find other ways

To tax his rear end.
Tax all he has
Then let him know
That you won't be done

Till he has no dough.
When he screams and hollers;
Then tax him some more,
Tax him till
He's good and sore.
Then tax his coffin,
Tax his grave,
Tax the sod in

Which he's laid...
Put these words
Upon his tomb,
Taxes drove me

to my doom...'
When he's gone,
Do not relax,
Its time to apply
The inheritance tax..
Accounts Receivable Tax
Building Permit Tax
CDL license Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Dog License Tax
Excise Taxes
Federal Income Tax
Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA)
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax
Fuel Permit Tax
Gasoline Tax (currently 44.75 cents per gallon)
Gross Receipts Tax
Hunting License Tax
Inheritance Tax
Inventory Tax
IRS Interest Charges IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax)
Liquor Tax
Luxury Taxes
Marriage License Tax
Medicare Tax
Personal Property Tax
Property Tax
Real Estate Tax
Service Charge Tax
Social Security Tax
Road Usage Tax
Recreational Vehicle Tax
Sales Tax
School Tax
State Income Tax
State Unemployment Tax (SUTA)
Telephone Federal Excise Tax
Telephone Federal Universal Service FeeTax
Telephone Federal, State and Local Surcharge Taxes
Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax
Telephone Recurring and Nonrecurring Charges Tax
Telephone State and Local Tax
Telephone Usage Charge Tax
Utility Taxes
Vehicle License Registration Tax
Vehicle Sales Tax
Watercraft Registration Tax
Well Permit Tax
Workers Compensation Tax

STILL THINK THIS IS FUNNY? Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago, & our nation was the most prosperous in the world. We had absolutely no national debt, had the largest middle class in the world, and Mom stayed home to raise the kids.

What in the hell happened? Can you spell 'politicians?'
I hope this goes around THE USA at least 100 times!!! YOU can help it get there!!!
GO AHEAD - - - BE AN AMERICAN!!!

# ? Mar 11, 2010 21:46

Seth Pecksniff: May 27, 2004; can't believe shrek is fucking dead. rip to a real one.

Terrorist Fistbump posted:

I got this one from my mom. Whoever originally wrote it used Comic Sans for added tastelessness.

It's true! We had absolutely no national debt in 1836!

Also I like the "mom stayed home to take care of the kids" because, you know, females aren't equipped like them menfolk. They get all confused by these fancy "voting machines" and "political positions"!

# ? Mar 11, 2010 22:05

the: Jul 18, 2004; by Cowcaster

Yes because the industrial revolution and global events have nothing to do with the national debt.

# ? Mar 11, 2010 22:07

Intel&Sebastian: Oct 20, 2002; colonel...
i'm trying to sneak around
but i'm dummy thicc
and the clap of my ass cheeks
keeps alerting the guards!

Man I totally forgot about that time 100 years ago when 545 insane people stormed washington DC and set up a new monarchy handing down tax codes solely designed to mess up the lives of 300 million slave workers and destroy the Eden they were all living in.

# ? Mar 11, 2010 22:13

Gripen5: Nov 3, 2003; 'Startocaster' is more fun to say than I expected.

Apparently those 545 people have always been the same people and never disagree on anything. Also, all our problems are caused by taxes and nothing else.

# ? Mar 11, 2010 22:20

the: Jul 18, 2004; by Cowcaster

Whenever people complain about taxes, I always ask them how they would pay for every public resource in a 1st world country (schools, running water, libraries, roads) without taxing the income of the citizens. I can never get a good answer.

# ? Mar 11, 2010 22:26

Intel&Sebastian: Oct 20, 2002; colonel...
i'm trying to sneak around
but i'm dummy thicc
and the clap of my ass cheeks
keeps alerting the guards!

Gripen5 posted:

Apparently those 545 people have always been the same people and never disagree on anything. Also, all our problems are caused by taxes and nothing else.

I refer you to Genesis 36:14 (conservapedian translation)...

God posted:

And yea the snake approached Eve and spake "Hey why don't we like, collect money from everyone so we can fund cool things that benefit everyone that otherwise would be impossible" and Eve took this idea to Adam who also thought it sounded reasonable, but when the Lord looked upon them he declared them each Communists and they were exiled from the beautiful garden

# ? Mar 11, 2010 22:29

Phenwah: Feb 3, 2003

Phenwah fucked around with this message at 22:36 on May 5, 2023

# ? Mar 11, 2010 22:32

RagnarokAngel: Oct 5, 2006; Black Magic Extraordinaire

I see emails like that all the time (Government officials are the devil etc) and always end with encouraging people to start a change. What do they want? An armed rebellion to instate Ron Paul as God-Emperor?

# ? Mar 11, 2010 22:41

chesh: Apr 19, 2004; That was terrible.

Skallagrimsson posted:

Robert A. Hall is a Marine Vietnam veteran who served five terms in the Massachusetts State Senate.

If only this little everyman were in some sort of position where he could effect change...

# ? Mar 11, 2010 23:13

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# ? May 11, 2024 08:20

Pththya-lyi: Nov 8, 2009; THUNDERDOME LOSER 2020

Email posted:

I can't think of a single domestic problem that is not traceable directly to those 545 people. When you fully grasp the plain truth that 545 people exercise the power of the federal government, then it must follow that what exists is what they want to exist.

Hanlon's Razor posted:

Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

# ? Mar 12, 2010 00:48

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Debate & Discussion > Got a crazy forwarded political email from your family? Post them here.

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