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vanessa posted:You shouldn't invite people you have no intention of hosting. It doesn't matter if "they probably won't come." Invitations open the possibility that they will attend, and you can't say, "Haha whoops, we only invited you because we thought you wouldn't come; would you mind not actually attending?" Thank you. I just needed verification that I'm not completely mad. I keep saying this over and over and over. But it's the whole, "well, so and so will be hurt if you don't invite them since you're inviting ____." We're 5 months away. If they wanted to invite all these drat people they should have spoken up when we booked the venue over a year ago and told everyone how many people it would hold. Honestly, I'm pretty sure that both my dad and his mom only heard, "66 people" and took that to mean "I can put 66 people on the guest list..." Or perhaps they just forgot how many siblings they had. 
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Apr 29, 2010 23:05
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Nione posted:And I can't invite people in the hopes that they won't attend, right? I keep telling people this and it's not getting through. I keep hearing, "well not all those people will be able to attend..." My fiance's brother did an out of state wedding since he just moved for a job, did a round of invites and not enough people said they were coming so he sent out a second round of invites. More people in the second round came than he thought would, including people he thought would not come. So invite who you want, and there is nothing wrong with sending out a second round of invites if you have the room and everyone has RSVP'd
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Apr 30, 2010 05:55
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Bo-Pepper posted:Does anyone have any good information regarding DJs in the New York City area? We're looking to have our wedding in January, so there's some time, but I'd like to start getting a sense of what who and how regarding that. http://www.memorymakersdjs.com/ The dude in charge's name is Guy, and he's a sweet guy, and we got a hell of a deal from him, coming in at just under 1K. He'll work with your lists of music, and play whatever the hell you want.
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May 1, 2010 04:40
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deviledseraphim posted:I have a question about pairing a wedding band to an engagement ring. If one is made of white gold and the other of titanium, will it look horribly mismatching? Should the metals be the same? I would get both rings made out of the same metal. The colour difference will be noticeable up close, and that might irritate the gently caress out of you. Also, the harder metal may wear out the softer metal. The two rings will age differently, so in 10 years the white gold will look old and patina-ed while the titanium might look brand new with no scratches. White gold can be resized easily wheres titanium is more difficult.
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May 1, 2010 08:55
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I am going to have my wedding at the church I attend and I'm going to have the reception in the Parish/Fellowship Hall of the same church. The hall will only hold around 100 people. Has anybody had any experience inviting people to the ceremony and not the reception? I'd like people to attend if they want to but since the hall is smaller, can't have everybody crowd in there. What would be a courteous way of only inviting people to the ceremony and not the reception without having feelings be hurt?
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May 1, 2010 16:35
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Ms. Happiness posted:I am going to have my wedding at the church I attend and I'm going to have the reception in the Parish/Fellowship Hall of the same church. The hall will only hold around 100 people. Has anybody had any experience inviting people to the ceremony and not the reception? I'd like people to attend if they want to but since the hall is smaller, can't have everybody crowd in there. What would be a courteous way of only inviting people to the ceremony and not the reception without having feelings be hurt? While it's perfectly fine to invite more people to the reception than to the ceremony, the converse is not true, etiquette-wise. If you can't invite them to the reception, then you really shouldn't invite them to the ceremony. Can you accommodate more people if you change what type of reception you hold? You could hold a cake/appetizer reception immediately following the ceremony and, if you wanted something more, have a smaller, more intimate dinner with closest friends and family afterward. Some people might still be offended if they aren't invited to the second reception, but you can still celebrate with as many people as you can. After all, the ceremony is going to be significant mostly to you and your spouse to be. The best part (to me) is the afterglow, when you get to share the first moments of your married life in a big rear end party.
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May 1, 2010 16:51
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So I think I found the dress I want, what do you guys think? I'm going to pick it up from David's Bridal for $500 tomorrow (last day of a sale), assuming I still want it then. I really liked it in-store.  Click here for the full 464x1024 image.  Click here for the full 536x1012 image.  Click here for the full 565x954 image.  Click here for the full 461x691 image.  Click here for the full 506x1117 image. I had to censor my photos because I look like such a stereotypical goon. I need to go to the gym more  Bonus: If I lose weight I can just cinch it up more in the back and it's the perfect height, no alterations necessary! Also, I really want these shoes but they don't make them in size 11:  I could probably get some similar shoes from David's Bridal and have them dyed, they carry their shoes in 11 and 11W for monsters like me. I don't know if it'd be quite the same though. dopaMEAN fucked around with this message at 09:43 on May 2, 2010 |
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May 2, 2010 09:35
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dopaMEAN posted:So I think I found the dress I want, what do you guys think? I'm going to pick it up from David's Bridal for $500 tomorrow (last day of a sale), assuming I still want it then. I really liked it in-store. If you have the time take someone with you, if you didn't already. I went with my fiancee to help her be objective as possible, which helped out with a few dresses. What I really looked for is how she reacted when she put it on. When she put on the dress she eventually chose, her entire demeanor changed. So really it depends on how you felt in it. I know the lady we had at David's Bridal was an exception, the rest were really bitchy towards us. But remember you will be wearing it for several hours, did you try sitting down in it? Other than that it looks good. My fiancee wanted to have it tied like yours in the back, we had decided if we found one like that a good way to incorporate color would be a simple dyed ribbon used to lace it up.
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May 2, 2010 14:18
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I like the dress, dopaMEAN. I also had a corset dress, and it was nice because I dropped a few pounds before the wedding and didn't have to get it altered.
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May 2, 2010 14:57
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calandryll- I took my MOH with me to shop for dresses, she absolutely loved the dress I'm going to go buy. I guess I feel good about it, I'm just nervous about making such big decisions. Fire In The Disco- that's what I had hoped, glad to hear that works so well! So it looks like I have a dress, I think I know my venue, I've got a tasting set up for cake and another one in the works for the only catering available at the venue. The catering with that company ranges from $12/plate for wrap sandwiches to $22 per plate for very fancy buffet food- not sure about plated food costs. The one we like is $15 per plate for buffet. Does that sound pretty reasonable? Their bartending services are $3/person for what I assume is a cash bar to $14/person for a "premium bar", with at least one good beer and good liquor. I need to work out if the stocked bars are just $8-$14 per person or if I need to pay extra for any booze- they say that they bring enough for the group and that it isn't unlimited, so I guess that means they shouldn't charge extra? I think food, drink, and cake will be about $2500 out the door for 40 or 50 guests. Not sure what the venue ($750) is going to want for decorations, since we need to do everything through them. It's a pretty building though, the old University Club at ASU, so I doubt we'll need to decorate much. Also, depending on how the weather is on our date we can do our ceremony in a shaded grass gazebo area or in one of their rooms for no extra cost, since we have the whole building for that price. I'm trying to get all of my planning done now, before I move to Illinois in a month. I feel like everything is moving so quickly! We're not even sure if we're doing May 2011 or January 2012. Probably May?
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May 2, 2010 18:38
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You should come get married down here in Tucson. The venue where I was married was so much less expensive for the package deal than any a la carte we researched, and it was perfect. 
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May 2, 2010 18:51
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Fire In The Disco posted:You should come get married down here in Tucson. The venue where I was married was so much less expensive for the package deal than any a la carte we researched, and it was perfect. I wonder if there's anything like that up here... I don't know though, $4500 for 50 guests seems steep. I'm actually looking at the spreadsheets now: For 50 guests it's $1400 for the food I think I want, a simple cake, and a cash bar. $2100 for a nicer cake and "call" beverages (cheaper beer, wine, liquor)- with fees and gratuity included. $750 for venue rental. $300 for an officiant? We're going to use an iPod to DJ, we'll probably need to rent speakers though. The venue has tables and chairs, we'd have to go through them for linens and such. I don't know how much more it might cost- we're at $2450-3150 right now. I guess we'd need to get a photographer... It's so hard to see these prices rationally- same thing with the wedding dress- when the anchoring price is so high. All of the wedding industry surely is conspiring against my decision making heuristics, making me think I'm getting a bargain by not spending $100/person on food and $1000 on a dress.
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May 2, 2010 19:17
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dopaMEAN posted:Also, I really want these shoes but they don't make them in size 11: Sup fellow big footed goon, I feel your pain. I wear a size 11w, and finding wedding shoes has probably been THE hardest thing about planning this whole stupid wedding thing. I have the added disadvantage of needing to get flats as my fiancee is already over a foot shorter then me and wearing pumps makes me look like a giant next to him. Boo. Anyways, looked around on Amazon and found a couple of dyeable shoes that are size 11 and similar to the shoe you posted: http://www.amazon.com/Touch-Ups-Womens-Dyeable-Sandal/dp/B000OH9XMU/ref=sr_1_53?ie=UTF8&s=shoes&qid=1272822585&sr=1-53 http://www.amazon.com/Coloriffics-Womens-Tango-Pump-White/dp/B000UWVQ1A/ref=sr_1_56?ie=UTF8&s=shoes&qid=1272822436&sr=1-56 http://www.amazon.com/Nina-Womens-Electra-Ivory-Satin/dp/B001R5JRFG/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&s=shoes&qid=1272822334&sr=1-3 Best of luck in your search!
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May 2, 2010 19:23
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Cross post from LAN Eastern Canada thread, in case there are any knowledgeable Ottawa residents here. I have never been to Ottawa before and I am visiting the girlfriend and her family in Ottawa next weekend and I am looking for a nice park or nature preserve that is isolated for a picnic and engagement proposal. Does anyone have any suggestions for a nice outdoorsy area that is picnic-friendly and as un-crowded as possible? And specifically for the proposal experts, can you critique my plan (if you can call it that). Go to park, set up picnic, laze about and have fun, wait for appropriate moment, do a short and down-to-earth but meaningful words before the cliche get-on-one-knee-and-hold-up-ring moment. Spend 20 minutes hugging and drying her tears of joy. I don't mind going through the motions and making it a cliche romantic thing; it really makes her happy; but this is for her more than it is for me. We're already committed and know our long term plans so the proposal and engagement is a romantic formality that lets her feel like a princess and all that girly stuff. I'd appreciate any advice to make it as special as it should be.
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May 2, 2010 19:35
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Kitten Kisses posted:Sup fellow big footed goon, I feel your pain. I wear a size 11w, and finding wedding shoes has probably been THE hardest thing about planning this whole stupid wedding thing. I have the added disadvantage of needing to get flats as my fiancee is already over a foot shorter then me and wearing pumps makes me look like a giant next to him. Boo. I like those last ones the best! Not to endorse David's Bridal at all or anything, but the shoes I tried my dress on with were pretty cushy. I got the impression that all of their shoes were $59 and they dye them for you, not sure if it costs extra though. My fiance and I are about the same height, I'm 5'6"-5'7" and he's 5'7"-5'8", so the lady was showing me low heels. She was a little unrealistic though- she suggested that we have the fiance wear a shoe insert to make him taller.
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May 2, 2010 19:41
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dopaMEAN posted:calandryll- I took my MOH with me to shop for dresses, she absolutely loved the dress I'm going to go buy. I guess I feel good about it, I'm just nervous about making such big decisions. Fiancee was the same way. We looked at it like this, it's only going to happen once might as well splurge a few things. Of course never watch those Platinum Bride shows when they show a bride whose dress cost is your entire wedding cost.
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May 2, 2010 20:29
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calandryll posted:Fiancee was the same way. We looked at it like this, it's only going to happen once might as well splurge a few things. Of course never watch those Platinum Bride shows when they show a bride whose dress cost is your entire wedding cost. I know, at MOH's house yesterday we turned on some bridal show to set the mood. The lady's wedding cost $500k, the groom didn't even seem that happy while on camera. Yuck! I just picked up my dress. $450 plus tax and a $10 garment bag. I remember last month I was so certain I was going to buy a dress from China. This dress was honestly only about $100 more, I think I made a good call. Next up, get my venue and food/cake sorted out. Then leave the state for a year and never check in on any of my decisions. This is going to work great!
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May 2, 2010 23:57
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Think you definitely made a good call on the dress. The one you posted looks great on you and 100 dollars is easily worth the piece of mind in knowing exactly what you have instead of just crossing your fingers and hoping the factory in china pulls through for you and doesn't send you a wreck.
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May 3, 2010 00:39
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Yay, I'm engaged! I got a great ring (if anyone in the DC/MD/VA region is looking for a jeweler, I can give you a FANTASTIC recommendation - he worked with me to create a custom ring using an heirloom diamond, was cool about speaking in code on the phone, and was generally all around supportive. Owns his own business, mom-and-pop kinda thing), and went on a hike and picnic with my girl, and popped the question. Only problem was she knows me too well and got tipped off when I made sure to always be carrying the backpack so she wouldn't go looking around inside. I love MY FIANCEE because within 24 hours she had a color-coded spreadsheet of the guestlist, invitations picked out, and a rough date picked out. Now at engagement + 2 weeks and we have a date, venue, and reception hall reserved with deposits. She does NOT gently caress around when it comes to getting hitched. She just told me that I'm in charge of the honeymoon, DJ, and photographer. Done and done. I lucked out. On the who to invite issue: one of my groomsmen (only groomsman, him and a best man) is muslim, but drinks alcohol. My parents want me to invite his parents to the wedding, but I'm worried that they will stay for the reception. I don't get to see this guy very often, and I want him to have a good time. He won't be able to drink if his parents stay - my mom says that they'll head home after the ceremony and maybe some food. With no way to guarantee that, I don't want to risk it. Thoughts?
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May 3, 2010 06:37
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Congrats on the engagement!!! Can't the groomsman still have a good time if he doesn't drink alcohol?
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May 3, 2010 11:44
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kaishek posted:On the who to invite issue: one of my groomsmen (only groomsman, him and a best man) is muslim, but drinks alcohol. My parents want me to invite his parents to the wedding, but I'm worried that they will stay for the reception. I don't get to see this guy very often, and I want him to have a good time. He won't be able to drink if his parents stay - my mom says that they'll head home after the ceremony and maybe some food. With no way to guarantee that, I don't want to risk it. Thoughts? My thoughts, it's not your duty to worry about your friend getting caught drinking in front of his parents. That said, unless his parents were a part of your life growing up or recently, you don't need to invite them.
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May 3, 2010 12:52
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So we're getting married this July 4 and her parents haven't done anything re: wedding cake. I guess I need to pick this one up too. Apparently a cake is something that requires > 2 months' planning, though (which is astounding to me; it's a drat cake). Suggestions for places that can put together a cake on relatively short notice? Neither of us want anything fancy (or even particularly cares other than "Gee; I guess we're supposed to have a cake"). Looking at about 100 people I think. I realize that cake's not really transportable, so I'd be shocked if I heard specific places but maybe there's a chain of bakeries? Or a grocery store? Or Costco? Literally don't care a bit.
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May 3, 2010 16:57
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What area of the country are you in? I always recommend Sweet Dreams bakery and they're having a deal on wedding cakes where one style is only a dollar a slice, but if you're not in Detroit, that's not much help. I've heard of people getting delicious cakes from Costco too.
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May 3, 2010 17:28
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FairGame posted:So we're getting married this July 4 and her parents haven't done anything re: wedding cake. I guess I need to pick this one up too. One of my coworkers planned her entire wedding in about two months, and she wound up getting cupcakes from WalMart. They were delicious, elegantly decorated and a huge hit since they didn't need to worry about cutting a cake. If you do want an actual cake, any grocery store bakery department should be able to help you out with a sufficient number of sheet cakes. Conversely, have you thought about non-cake desserts? I've seen cheesecake at a couple of weddings, and I thought that was pretty cool.
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May 3, 2010 17:31
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DopaMEAN, several things... One, those shoes are loving AWESOME. Two, lovely dress! And three, THANK YOU for this: Bonus: If I lose weight I can I am so glad to see you didn't write "If I LOOSE weight" Seriously, though, those shoes are making me rethink my own, already bought shoes...Jaysus, that blue is so lovely.
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May 3, 2010 18:24
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Ben Davis posted:What area of the country are you in? I always recommend Sweet Dreams bakery and they're having a deal on wedding cakes where one style is only a dollar a slice, but if you're not in Detroit, that's not much help. I've heard of people getting delicious cakes from Costco too. Buffalo, NY, so that's not going to work. Going to look into the Costco thing or cupcakes. There's already a dessert table; it's not like guests will be wanting for sweets. Hell, I'm allergic to most cake. If it were socially acceptable I would just get a big cookie cake from Mrs. Fields or whatever because cookie cake is the best cake and my taste in cakes has not evolved since like age 8.
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May 3, 2010 18:37
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errol _flynn posted:DopaMEAN, several things... I know- the shoes were featured in The Knot's magazine and I just fell in love with them. I think I'm going to get shoes dyed to that color... I'd say loose is about the opposite of what I'd like to be come wedding day  . I have been reading a bunch of reviews for wedding vendors and apartment complexes lately. It makes me so sad for our generation. So very, very sad.GoreJess posted:My thoughts, it's not your duty to worry about your friend getting caught drinking in front of his parents. I agree here- why do your parents want to invite him? If it's just because he's a groomsman then there's no reason to listen to them. Besides, why invite family drama beyond what you can already expect from your own family? dopaMEAN fucked around with this message at 19:14 on May 3, 2010 |
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May 3, 2010 19:08
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Some (but not all) Whole Foods(es) have a custom bakery department. I don't think they would need as much lead time as a fancy pantsy bakery. I actually really like the cookie cake idea though, if you think your fiancée would be down with that.
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May 3, 2010 19:41
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FairGame posted:Buffalo, NY, so that's not going to work. No such thing as "socially acceptable," it's your wedding. I think a cookie cake is an awesome idea, especially since you're already having a dessert table. You probably just want something you can "cut" for photographs and I think a giant cookie would be cool. We're not doing a wedding cake at our reception. Neither of us really likes cake that much and it didn't make sense. Instead we're having tiramisu and apple tarts with caramel sauce. My MOH is a pastry chef and will be making all of it for us! She could have done a big giant awesome cake, but we decided we didn't want it. And I'm not worried at all about what might be "socially acceptable" because I have a feeling her desserts are going to turn out to be about a million times tastier than any wedding cake, and that's what people care about, right?
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May 3, 2010 19:42
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Nione posted:and that's what people care about, right? Reasonable people, anyway. Alas. We've already been told so many times by relatives that we're "doing it wrong" in regards to various things we're doing with the wedding. And while I'd happily say "gently caress 'em" and do what we want anyway since it's our wedding, it's just not worth the hassle. The headache of putting up with relatives' stupid expectations < the headache of doing it our way for one night and then hearing about it for the next 50 years. Ultimately, it'll be fine. Honestly, the only thing I care about with the wedding is that I end up married to my fiancee, and I'm pretty sure that regardless of the other surrounding bullshit, I still get to marry her.
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May 3, 2010 20:14
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I'm so grateful for how easy going my mom and future mother-in-law are. The fiance's mom has basically told me to do whatever I want to do- it's my thing. She does tend to share my sensibilities on cost, simplicity, fussiness, etc though. My mom is just happy that I'm including her. She has tried to insist that I invite my cousin from CA but I doubt she'd even want to come. Fire In The Disco- I found a venue in the Phoenix area that does the all inclusive thing. I'm really glad you suggested that, it's something I never realized existed. Even though I fear getting ripped off, The Knot does have a list of local wedding vendors on their site.
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May 3, 2010 20:47
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FairGame posted:So we're getting married this July 4 and her parents haven't done anything re: wedding cake. I guess I need to pick this one up too. gvibes fucked around with this message at 21:28 on May 3, 2010 |
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May 3, 2010 21:22
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Ms. Happiness posted:Congrats on the engagement!!! Oh I suppose he could. But we're going to so much effort to get everyone drunk and dancing! And my mom is friends with them, and has taught their kids...but really they haven't been a huge part of my life. My mom is concerned about the "politics" - that they'll be offended if they don't get an invite. How common is it to invite parents of friend? I know most of the parents, but they definitely haven't been a huge part of my life. My mom is just operating on the assumption that they won't stay for the reception (so won't cost us on food, etc.)
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May 4, 2010 07:12
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I say only invite people if they have a special meaning to you. I have friends whose parents I met once or twice but never really got past the acquaintance stage. Those friends are invited to the wedding but I really see no point of ever inviting their parents. I also agree with GoreJess in that the drama between your friend and his parents shouldn't be your concern, if you do indeed invite the guy's parents.
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May 4, 2010 11:50
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kaishek posted:Yay, I'm engaged! I got a great ring (if anyone in the DC/MD/VA region is looking for a jeweler, I can give you a FANTASTIC recommendation - he worked with me to create a custom ring using an heirloom diamond, was cool about speaking in code on the phone, and was generally all around supportive. Owns his own business, mom-and-pop kinda thing), and went on a hike and picnic with my girl, and popped the question. Please post your jeweler recommendation! My boyfriend and I will be moving to the DC area in August, and we're looking for a jeweler to make a setting for my heirloom diamond. Thanks in advance!
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May 4, 2010 14:33
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dopaMEAN posted:I'm so grateful for how easy going my mom and future mother-in-law are. The fiance's mom has basically told me to do whatever I want to do- it's my thing. She does tend to share my sensibilities on cost, simplicity, fussiness, etc though. My mom is just happy that I'm including her. She has tried to insist that I invite my cousin from CA but I doubt she'd even want to come. Well I cursed myself. As soon as I posted that my mom started sending me angry text messages about not letting her be involved in the wedding stuff and "choosing DocFaustus and Friend over her". Not feeling good about my mom meeting the future in-laws after graduation next week. I thought she would be okay but she's back to feeling threatened and acting irrationally because I've got other people I care about so I must be abandoning her (go team borderline!). I can't imagine she'll be graceful when meeting my future "parents". Oh god, why did I invite everyone? Then yesterday the fiance suggested I not leave my dress at the MOH's house because her kid had "poo-hands" the other day. He's almost two years old and really bright- ie, really unpredictable. The fiance wanted me to leave it with his mom, she just agreed to take it, and now my MOH is pissed. She is really offended that she isn't getting to be a big part of things because my fiance wants to be involved. The fiance wants to go to the cake tasting next week and the bakery said it's traditionally for just two people. My friend has pretty bad sugar-induced morning sickness so I didn't even think she'd care. She's upset that she's not going now. I really don't know how to make everyone happy. I don't care about my mom, she's crazy no matter what, but my MOH and best friend has been extra defensive since she got pregnant and I don't want to upset her. I think the friend and my mom are both upset about me leaving the state next month, they both said they feel like they're losing me. Maybe it'll get better when I'm gone?
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May 5, 2010 03:42
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People seem to turn so irrational during wedding planning. Sucks about your mom, friend, and MOH. I really hope things get better for you.
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May 5, 2010 13:13
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My soon to be mother in law gave us a list of 106 people FROM HER SIDE OF THE FAMILY that we should invite. I knew 5 of them on the list. Our total wedding ceremony will be like 110 people, and a few more invited to the reception. So I went through just crossing people off after asking the same question "Have I ever met this person? Yes? For more than 10 minutes? No?" *Crossed off* She called my fiance and did the "Well how are we going to get your grandmother home if you dont invite some of those people to the wedding!?" Keep in mind, we have 40 from her family, and 30 from mine. I am sure someone will be able to give her a ride home... especially since my grandmother will need a ride home too. So on to my question: How hard should I hit my mother in law? Rolled up newspaper, or shovel?
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May 5, 2010 13:51
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Crowbar. Definitely crowbar.
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May 5, 2010 14:14
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My fiance asked his dad for a list of friends he would like to invite. The idea was to go over the list and see how many of them we actually wanted to invite (some of his dad's friends are a bit weird). When his dad emailed us the list, however, he CC'd the entire list of people. When we told him that that was a bit awkward because now we have to invite all of them, he said, "Oh, no you don't. They won't care. And it's not like some of them will come anyway! They'll just send you presents!" For his mom's list, we specifically asked her to put the list in the body of the email.
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May 5, 2010 17:30
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