Got a crazy forwarded political email from your family? Post them here.

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BonoMan: Feb 20, 2002; Jade Ear Joe

Hardcore Phonography posted:

Here's one that probably hasn't been posted:

I got this from an aunt I haven't talked to in 9 years, completely out of the blue - I left in all the... flavor. I guess word gets around. My mother was Cherokee, she died in front of me when I was 5. All Jesus, no class.

Family reunion is gonna be mighty awkward.

Tell her Jesus was a friend of the family lover.

edit: even just typing that word, even in this context, makes me feel disgusted.

# ? Jul 13, 2010 03:35

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# ? May 15, 2024 08:00

Strudel Man: May 19, 2003; ROME DID NOT HAVE ROBOTS, FUCKWIT

Hardcore Phonography posted:

Here's one that probably hasn't been posted:

I got this from an aunt I haven't talked to in 9 years, completely out of the blue - I left in all the... flavor. I guess word gets around. My mother was Cherokee, she died in front of me when I was 5. All Jesus, no class.

My god. I suppose I can count myself fortunate that I rarely see that kind of venom from anyone. I can't imagine someone directing it at a family member.

# ? Jul 13, 2010 03:37

TE!: Nov 26, 2003; I LOVE THE LITTLE BOYS OF CATHOLIC!! LOLZ!

From - Campaign for Liberty
Subject(verbatim) - They reall are after us

quote:

Dear Liberty Activist,
The FEC has launched a pair of investigations on Campaign for Liberty.

Both are meritless, but could seriously disrupt our growing program.

Please read Campaign for Liberty President John Tate's letter below and stand with us.

This is exactly the type of government action to quell liberty that I have spent my life opposing.

Sincerely,

Congressman Ron Paul

Dear Friend of Liberty,

The best way to know you are succeeding in changing Washington is when you get attacked by the FEC.

And attack us they have!

I'm writing you this letter today not to scare you or to cry wolf. I'm writing to let you know that our success has its price, and that price right now is the wrath of the Obama Administration and its attack dogs at the Federal Election Commission.

I urge you to read this message and then sign the Declaration of Support (in which I ask for your advice on a critical legal and moral question), as we are forced into battle with federal agencies and courts.

You see, this isn't theoretical. They've already come after us in multiple cases, alleging that Campaign for Liberty has acted illegally merely by putting the candidates on the record and reporting their positions.

My attorneys tell me we are under a gag rule and cannot go in to too many details or even tell you with what we have been charged and where the charges originated.

But I can say there have been at least two complaints filed in two different states against our issue discussion activities.

They claim we are in violation of various FEC rules and laws.

Their allegations are completely false. And we must fight back now, or they will win and be able to silence our movement.

You see, the Washington, D.C. establishment doesn't like to be challenged. They hate it when we fight back.

They are absolutely BESIDE themselves when we are winning.

In less than 2 years, your Campaign for Liberty has become a major force on the American political landscape.

I can give you a list of our accomplishments, talk about our growth (we are approaching half a million members), and show you press coverage from across the nation on our efforts.

But nothing shows our success more than how our enemies react when challenged.

When that happens, they do what they do best: use the power of the federal government to attack us.

They want to do one of two things: shut us up, or shut us down.

This battle is over a very fundamental idea - that Campaign for Liberty and our members should have a voice in lobbying their legislators and exposing the radical views of candidates for office.

Exposing what they're up to - that's what the powers that be can't stand. That's because they don't want Americans to know:

** Congress is spending at a record pace and has now left us over 13 TRILLION dollars in debt, with no end in sight.

** The out of control FED has not accounted for nearly 2 trillion dollars and has doubled our monetary base, risking our entire economy.

** The federal government has imposed a mandate that every American either purchase a health care product the Feds approve of, costing tens of thousands of dollars, or risk fines and jail time.

** The federal government has attempted to take away your 1st, 2nd and 4th Amendment rights, all in the past year, with more certainly to come.

We're exposing them - and holding them accountable as they come back home to seek reelection.

Of course, this may not sound like the end of the world. But just think: the FEC has an ARMY of lawyers and a budget of nearly $70 MILLION dollars.

That's a lot of lawyers.

And add to it the fact that this group of people is adamantly against free speech under the First Amendment, and well, you have a recipe for trouble.

Subpeonas. Depositions. Fishing expeditions that cover tens of thousands of documents.

Legal fees just to defend our right to free speech.

Thousands of hours of staff time to comply with their demands.

You can see where this is going.

If FEC radicals succeed, I will not even be allowed to tell you and your neighbors how candidates for the House and Senate (or for President in the future) have voted on Liberty issues, so you can put the heat on them when they are most likely to listen.

Let me explain that a bit more.

For the first time ever, there is a nationwide group that is dedicated to holding politicians accountable for their votes on Liberty issues.

It's Campaign for Liberty, and our over 450,000 members are doing battle across the country to hold the politicians' feet to the fire.

Whether it is getting more than 300 sponsors for Audit the Fed, or lobbying to stop Cap and Tax and Real ID schemes, Campaign for Liberty is making a difference.

And we're prepared to make an even bigger difference this fall, as the time comes to inform the people where their candidates stand.

So the statists in Washington are out to make sure that doesn't happen.

Their main weapon is the Federal Election Commission.

The FEC has always been against free speech and a tool of the powerful elite in Washington, who desperately seek to hang on to power.

But as bad as the FEC has been since its inception, with the Obama Administration in power, you and I face even more aggressive assaults on our free speech.

My attorneys have warned me that the puppets at the Federal Election Commission are ordering me to stop mobilizing hundreds of thousands of Americans against power grabs in Congress.

In doing so, they are trying to cripple our ability to stop dangerous legislation in Congress. If we continue to oppose these Liberty-stealing bills as we have in the past, I face the danger of multimillion-dollar fines and even a jail term!

In fact, I may even be questioned in court for writing this letter tonight.

I must make a decision soon. Should I allow the Federal Election Commission to tie my hands during this crucial election year?

Or should I defy their gag-rule regulations . . . and face prosecution from the out of control federal authorities for exercising our right to political speech?

Please give me your answer by filling out the Declaration of Support.

If you and other members want me to proceed with our efforts to inform the public of the positions of your candidates on Liberty issues, and to oppose legislation in the Congress (and I hope you do), I will also need your financial help.

So please consider making a generous contribution - even if you can only afford to chip in $10 - to help Campaign for Liberty continue this fight.

The fact is the enemies of Liberty are preparing for a political attack far more serious than their election power grab of 2008, in which they put in power some of the biggest enemies of freedom and promoters of Big Government in a generation.

Our program to stop more statist takeovers in Congress is simple. By mobilizing our grassroots army, we can put a lot of heat on individual Congressmen and Senators.

The FEC insists we can't do that during election years.

They say by telling you where your Congressman and Senators stand, I may influence your vote. The FEC election regulators contend that's illegal electioneering.

Basically, government bureaucrats and their out of control regulations insist I dismantle our lobbying operation during election years -- precisely at the time it would have its greatest impact.

Top legal experts tell me that this harassment by the FEC and any attempts to shut down our program violate several decisions by the U.S. Supreme Court and are flatly unconstitutional.

But they also warn me that if I challenge the FEC ruling, I may face a huge, tax-funded lawsuit which could stretch on for decades and cost us as much as a million dollars.

In addition to potential million-dollar fines and legal penalties, I also face an enormous funding challenge.

Our program to fight back in Congress will require at least $3.2 million.

So there are a lot of decisions to make, and I wanted to be sure I have your support as we move forward.

If I am to proceed with this effort (which I am hoping you will allow), I will need more than just your authorization. I will need your financial support as well.

I'm hoping you will be able to help with a special contribution - even if you can only afford to chip in $10 - to help Campaign for Liberty continue this fight.

Every dollar, every quarter, every dime will be used to defeat dangerous Liberty-stealing schemes in Congress and in all 50 states.

, please respond soon.

This is one of the most far-reaching questions I have ever had to pose to you. The future of Campaign for Liberty is at stake.

If our people are heard, I am sure Liberty will once again thrive in our country. And we are making great strides in even just the past year.

So please, act today. If you believe our voices should be heard, and that the federal government CANNOT be allowed to silence them, it's vital you answer today.

Please fill out your Declaration of Support, and consider making a generous contribution - even if you can only afford to chip in $10 - to help Campaign for Liberty continue this fight.

Thank you for all you do for Liberty.

In Liberty,

John Tate
President

PS: Your Declaration of Support and your maximum possible contribution today will ensure Campaign for Liberty will be able to keep fighting this election year.

Just like in 2008, the establishment and statists are desperate to shut us up or shut us down. They don't want to have their records exposed.

You and I cannot give them the playing field. We must fight back today.

# ? Jul 13, 2010 06:02

Slaan: Mar 16, 2009; ASHERAH DEMANDS I FEAST, I VOTE FOR A FEAST OF FLESH

Mooseontheloose posted:

Cause Jesus was all about using racial slurs and hating people.

Oh?

# ? Jul 13, 2010 13:18

Turing sex machine: Dec 14, 2008; I want to have
your robot-babies

Dear Friend of Liberty,

I will need your financial help.

So please consider making a generous contribution - even if you can only afford to chip in $10 - to help Campaign for Liberty continue this fight.

I will need your financial support as well.

I'm hoping you will be able to help with a special contribution - even if you can only afford to chip in $10 - to help Campaign for Liberty continue this fight.

Every dollar, every quarter, every dime will be used to defeat dangerous Liberty-stealing schemes in Congress and in all 50 states.

Consider making a generous contribution - even if you can only afford to chip in $10 - to help Campaign for Liberty continue this fight.

In Liberty,

John Tate
President

PS: Your maximum possible contribution today will ensure Campaign for Liberty will be able to keep fighting this election year.

# ? Jul 13, 2010 13:27

UltraPenguinX: Mar 23, 2009; TC: hOnK hOnK iM a MoThErFuCkInG sEaL :o)

Hardcore Phonography posted:

aunt stuff

What? No, seriously, WHAT? I have never seen such a distilled form of what I despise about neocon fundies before.

# ? Jul 13, 2010 17:33

Hardcore Phonography: Apr 28, 2004; I have my eye on a suite in Baker Street.

See the funny thing is that each member of my family has these weird, ultraconservative beliefs in small doses (that aunt is an exception).

So for example, I have an uncle who is just slightly right of center, except he hates Jews. My dad is all over the place with is views - he thinks all murderers are essentially insane, and therefor we should not be executing them - but at the same time thinks civilian casualties in war should be encouraged (if they are brown). I have a cousin, whom I met in Oklahoma when my grandfather died - I only went because I wanted to be with my grandma, my grandfather is a horrible racist - who has been in jail or prison for most of his life, is adorned with horrible tattoos, and hasn't been able to hold a job without getting busted for coke for 20 years, who thinks "criminals" should be executed in public (again, if they are non-white). These are ALL people on my father's side of the family.

Everyone on my mother's side basically owns.

# ? Jul 13, 2010 17:49

Hutla: Jun 5, 2004; It's mechanical

Drinking with an Arizona Girl

I got this from my mom today, in 70pt red, white, and blue font.

A Mexican, an Arab,and an Arizona girl are in the same bar.When the Mexican
finishes his beer,he throws his glass in the air, pulls outhis pistol, and shoots
the glass to pieces.
He says, 'In Mexico, our glasses are so cheap we don't need to drink with the same one twice.'
The Arab, obviously impressed by this,drinks non-alcohol beer(cuz he's a muslim!),
throws it into the air, pulls out his AK-47, and shoots the glass to pieces.
He says, 'In the Arab World, we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't
need to drink with the same one twice either.'
The Arizona girl,cool as a cucumber,picks up her beer,downs it in one gulp,
throws the glass into the air, whips out her 45, and shoots the Mexican and the Arab.
Catching her glass,setting it on the bar, and calling for a refill,she says,
'In Arizona , we have so many illegal aliens that we don't have to
drink with the same ones twice.'
God Bless Arizona

I don't think she remembers that my roommate is Mexican.

# ? Jul 14, 2010 05:44

Choadmaster: Oct 7, 2004; I don't care how snug they fit, you're nuts!

Who knew there were that many Arabs to drink with in Arizona? The Internet teaches you something new every day.

# ? Jul 14, 2010 06:17

Dr. Arbitrary: Mar 15, 2006; Bleak Gremlin

Choadmaster posted:

Who knew there were that many Arabs to drink with in Arizona? The Internet teaches you something new every day.

I know we have an awful lot of Sikhs but as far as these email people care it's the same exact thing.

http://archives.cnn.com/2001/US/09/16/gen.hate.crimes/

# ? Jul 14, 2010 11:16

ManoliIsFat: Oct 4, 2002

Hutla posted:

Drinking with an Arizona Girl

I got this from my mom today, in 70pt red, white, and blue font.

A Mexican, an Arab,and an Arizona girl are in the same bar.When the Mexican
finishes his beer,he throws his glass in the air, pulls outhis pistol, and shoots
the glass to pieces.
He says, 'In Mexico, our glasses are so cheap we don't need to drink with the same one twice.'
The Arab, obviously impressed by this,drinks non-alcohol beer(cuz he's a muslim!),
throws it into the air, pulls out his AK-47, and shoots the glass to pieces.
He says, 'In the Arab World, we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't
need to drink with the same one twice either.'
The Arizona girl,cool as a cucumber,picks up her beer,downs it in one gulp,
throws the glass into the air, whips out her 45, and shoots the Mexican and the Arab.
Catching her glass,setting it on the bar, and calling for a refill,she says,
'In Arizona , we have so many illegal aliens that we don't have to
drink with the same ones twice.'
God Bless Arizona

I don't think she remembers that my roommate is Mexican.

This one is very funny to me because it obvious replaced "foreigners" with "illegal aliens" to seem not as bizarrely racist, but it stayed just as bizarrely racist.

# ? Jul 14, 2010 14:21

tek79: Jun 16, 2008

Sorry to offend anybody's Mom or Grandpappy, but I wish I could live one day as someone who sends these things around and thinks it's totally cool to Fw: everyone in their inbox a bunch of ignorant and racist poo poo. To just experience the clusterfuck of stupidity that must run through their heads would be an eye opening experience.

"The Arizona girl,cool as a cucumber,picks up her beer,downs it in one gulp,
throws the glass into the air, whips out her 45, and shoots the Mexican and the Arab.
Catching her glass,setting it on the bar, and calling for a refill"

I wonder how the Arizona girl's doing in her new pink undies shoveling poo poo in tent city.

# ? Jul 14, 2010 14:59

Nenonen: Oct 22, 2009; Mulla on aina kolkyt donaa taskussa

A Jew, a homosexual and an SS officer are in the same bar...

# ? Jul 14, 2010 16:35

Patter Song: Mar 26, 2010; Hereby it is manifest that during the time men live without a common power to keep them all in awe, they are in that condition which is called war; and such a war as is of every man against every man.; Fun Shoe

Nenonen posted:

A Jew, a homosexual and an SS officer are in the same bar...

The homosexual shoots the Jew and the SS officer and says, "In the bars I go to, we don't have to sleep with the same man twice."

# ? Jul 14, 2010 18:18

Valerius: Jan 29, 2004; Eleemosynary Conversationalist

Nenonen posted:

A Jew, a homosexual and an SS officer are in the same bar...

Patter Song posted:

The homosexual shoots the Jew and the SS officer and says, "In the bars I go to, we don't have to sleep with the same man twice."

Genius.

# ? Jul 14, 2010 21:15

RagnarokAngel: Oct 5, 2006; Black Magic Extraordinaire

ManoliIsFat posted:

This one is very funny to me because it obvious replaced "foreigners" with "illegal aliens" to seem not as bizarrely racist, but it stayed just as bizarrely racist.

How many arabs are illegal aliens here anyway? It didn't strike me as particularly common.

# ? Jul 14, 2010 22:17

Hutla: Jun 5, 2004; It's mechanical

RagnarokAngel posted:

How many arabs are illegal aliens here anyway? It didn't strike me as particularly common.

Seriously. All the arabs I personally know are here because their rich dad is paying a shitton of money for them to get an American university education.

I have to say, though, my favorite part was the "(cuz he's a muslim!)" as if there was explanation needed or else we wouldn't figure it out.

# ? Jul 14, 2010 23:12

MrPhaethon: Aug 22, 2005; wyrd oft nereð unfægne eorl þonne his ellen deah

RagnarokAngel posted:

How many arabs are illegal aliens here anyway? It didn't strike me as particularly common.

That's because they're in disguise.

# ? Jul 14, 2010 23:35

Typhoon Jim: Sep 20, 2004; space moo

Hutla posted:

God Bless Arizona

Arizona is many things, but looking at them on balance, I don't think blessed is one.

# ? Jul 15, 2010 12:53

RagnarokAngel: Oct 5, 2006; Black Magic Extraordinaire

I believe this is new

quote:

Pensioners should apply as refugees!

It is interesting that the federal government provides a single refugee with a monthly allowance of $1,890.00 and each can also get an additional $580.00 in social assistance for a total of $2,470.00

This compares very well to a single pensioner who after contributing to the growth and development of America for 40 to 50 years can only receive a monthly maximum of $1,012.00 in old age pension and Guaranteed Income Supplement.

Maybe our pensioners should apply as refugees!

Lets send this to all Americans, so we can all be ticked off and maybe we can get the refugees cut back to $1,012.00 and the pensioners to $2,470.00 and enjoy some of the money we were forced to submit to the Government over the last 40 or 50 years.

Please forward to every American to expose what our elected politicians have been doing over the past 11 years to the over-taxed American.

SEND THIS TO EVERY AMERICAN TAXPAYER YOU KNOW

American Government Seniors Policy

Ho hum but the fact that people keep believing this poo poo makes me mad

# ? Jul 16, 2010 09:22

Choadmaster: Oct 7, 2004; I don't care how snug they fit, you're nuts!

RagnarokAngel posted:

I believe this is new

Ho hum but the fact that people keep believing this poo poo makes me mad

AMERICAN TAXPAYERS SHOULD BECOME REFUGEES IN CANADA!

I'm sure those numbers are wildly inaccurate even for Canada...

# ? Jul 16, 2010 10:00

Notahippie: Feb 4, 2003; Kids, it's not cool to have Shane MacGowan teeth

Choadmaster posted:

AMERICAN TAXPAYERS SHOULD BECOME REFUGEES IN CANADA!

I'm sure those numbers are wildly inaccurate even for Canada...

The per-month number might be right but refugee assistance only lasts either 30 or 90 days, I forget which.

# ? Jul 16, 2010 16:43

BagelMaster: Mar 20, 2008

Background: I just received this from someone I went to high-school with. He constantly complains about the world and offers solutions for all the problems of the world. Enjoy, and feel free to respond to him if you'd like, because I will forward each and every response.

quote:

Here is a general outline of my idea for an ideal society or commune that would exist within a near-future America.

EDUCATION:
Education would operate under a cooperative system, with no grades. Elementary school would introduce the very basics of a wide variety of topics - science, mathematics, literature, foreign language, social studies, etc. It would be taught using cooperative games (in which the whole class works together to reach a goal).

Next, a deeper look at all the subjects would come. There would be no stress on grades, and there would be uses of videos/entertainment in some cases. Classes would eventually become deeper and more rigorous, but without a fear of failure, kids would be able to work harder at what they would want to. Kids would be able to decide on what subject[s] they would like to focus their learning on.

Then, they would study fields they were more interested in, motivated by their want to learn. Many might go into the medical field, or technological field. Others might double up learning philosophy, art, and sociology. Some might do service work and psychology. Most if not all kids would be motivated only to help others and to improve themselves - not to earn money, grades, or to beat other people. Counselors would help students study certain things they might need to know, but be less interested in. They would also try to show students why they might become more interested in those areas.

Then, at the end of their education, students would travel around the world to provide service to others, to study more in depth in their field, and to gain an overall wider cultural perspective.

WORK:
Following education, people would begin their formal work. Some might be doctors, working within the community to heal others using anything from prevention education/exercises, technology/surgery, to holistic/spiritual/herbal remedies. Some might be psychologists or psychiatrists, either counseling people or providing medicine. Others might be scientists, researching better ways to use sustainable energy, or to increase crop growth without harming the environment, or to have quicker access to global information/communication. Still others could be lawyers/philosophers, working within the community's government and legal system. Some people might be philosophers as well as writers and artists, or artists as well as scientists.

Some doctors or medical researchers would be part of a program where they enter mainstream American society to join research institutes (since funding for such things might be difficult within the society). Any money they earn from these jobs would go back to the community to pay for things like the people's medical costs (when use of mainstream facilities is necessary), or to pay for medical technology (to reduce the necessity of external medical facilities). Artists and writers might sell art and books to mainstream society as well, and this money could go to funding students travels.

Also, lawyers who study Utopistanian law as well as American law might frequent Washington D.C. and attend rallies or lobby for certain legislation. Utopistanians are as concerned with the well-being of the world as they are their own people, so this would be another way to help the world improve.

Everyone would be motivated intrinsically, and work would be a cooperative effort to maintain and improve Utopistan. Thus, their work would be more productive and fulfilling.

FOOD
Food would be produced via super-local gardens; every residence would have a garden where they might grow corn, squash, beans, onions, yams, carrots, berries, or other things. Some might choose to raise animals like chickens, hens, etc, and some may fish for food. Most residents would not eat very much food. Not because they are limited to a certain amount, but because from birth they were not socialized into a world where food was readily available and superfluously abundant. People would eat only what they needed, when they needed to.

Most people within Utopistan would eat with their extended families and friends, or even the entire community (depending on how populous Utopistan hypothetically is). This would not be a requirement, but most people would choose to do so. Dinner would be a time of bonding and sharing for Utopistanians. On occasion, the entire community (if the population of Utopistan is big, and this could not therefore be a daily ritual) would gather together to celebrate, dance and eat. On other occasions, a few friends may choose to eat somewhere else by themselves.

HOUSING/ENVIRONMENT
All people would live in either small huts/teepees or cabins. Living areas would be quite small, providing only necessities. A small hut or cabin might have a bed and a fireplace of some sort, for example. Since all outdoor land would be shared, there would be plenty of room for other things, like studying or whatnot.

There would be a governmental area, where the people might gather for judicial hearings, counseling, community discussions, etc.

There would also be various facilities where special programs might go on. A discussion and counseling group, an art gallery, a speaker, plays, etc., might use this facility, for example.

There would be a prison rehabilitation facility to house and help criminals.

There would be a universal spiritual place of worship.

There would also be a library equipped with computers and televisions and a collection of books and other media. The computers and televisions would be used primarily to gain information about and stay up to date with the outside world. It is important to the people to stay aware of the world and other cultures, and it is especially important to US/Utopistan legal experts/politicians. Computers would also be used to communicate with the world in order to share ideas.

The environment would be very natural, and there would be a vast expanse of wilderness nearby. Nature would be an integral part of society.

All electricity would be generated either by solar panels or windmills. Medical facilities, where plentiful electricity is essential, would be in a more cleared out, developed part of the community, and several panels/windmills would be used to provide energy.

GOVERNMENT
Utopistan's small government would be run by the people. There would be a council of elected elders (ages 65 and above), elected councilmen (ages 25-65) and a council of youths (ages 7-18)

The government would meet frequently (perhaps every week) to discuss and decide certain things, from legal/ethical policies to scientific discoveries to judicial hearings. These meetings would be open entirely to the public. Certain meetings might be more advertised to the public if they are deemed important. The public would also have the opportunity to speak about issues.

Anyone, from those who specialize in US/Global/Local politics, to lawyers, to philosophers and sociologists, could be considered a qualified candidate to the people. In Utopistan, philosophy plays a much more connected role in politics, especially regarding issues about life or suffering or foreign policy.

The government might meet to discuss how to divide funds into certain areas like medical technologies, etc. They might also discuss whether or not certain technologies should be used.

They might also discuss how many resources should go into helping the world.

If there is a criminal (like a murderer or thief), the councilmen might discuss this person and the ramifications of his crime with the people and the perpetrator him/herself. A murderer, for example, would be examined for certain psychological disorders. A thief might be asked to explain their motive. Criminals requiring confinement would go to a Prisoner Rehabilitation facility, where legal experts, psychologists, and social workers would work to help criminals heal. Guards would likely consist of martial arts experts.

Keep in mind that crime revolving around psychological disorders might be lower in Utopistan; a society without competition (and thus a lack of self-esteem) might result in lower instances of those with anti-social disorder/narcissism, etc. Also, burglary would also be lower because every person would have a home and food, etc. Feelings of isolation or competition would also be moot. Counseling would also help people with coping with feelings of worthlessness, etc.

RELIGION/SPIRITUALITY:
Most people in Utopistan would likely be agnostic/spiritual, believing in a universal god or higher power, rather than a specific religion or denomination of religion. There might be some who are of a specific religion, but likely a more open, understanding branch of that religion. There would likely be others who atheist, as well.

Many people might go to the spiritual house for various religious events such as church. Many others might walk a few feet into the wilderness and worship a higher power there. Most Utopistanians might see nature as evidence of some sort of spiritual force out there.

RITUALS/HOLIDAYS:
Utopistanians might have various traditional holidays that are slightly altered. A winter holiday, for example, includes an exchanging of gifts, large communal feasts, dancing, music, and hot, chocolate beverages. A fall holiday might include a large feast as well, and a celebration of the dead that takes place late into the night. There would be summer holidays involving cooking and swimming and dancing as well. People might, during this holiday, drink or use other conscious-altering drugs. A spring holiday would likely celebrate life and birth. "Easter" egg hunts might be carried over into Utopistan as a fun activity.

People would also travel out as a ritual after education. This could include a long, thousand mile hike through the wilderness and mainstream society, or a flight to Europe, Africa, Asia, Antarctica, South America, Australia, etc. People might study other religions, cultures, and societies, or archeology, or attend science conferences.

People might also travel occasionally as a vacation.

Another holiday would involve inviting people from all over the world to experience a week in Utopistan. Guards might be on high alert during this time. The purpose would be to share ideas and happiness, to give love and food, and to stay connected to the global human family.

Birthdays would be celebrated with games and unique foods and gifts.

At funerals, the community would gather to mourn the deceased, and weep with each other. Gifts and comfort would be given to those closer with the deceased. Then, a celebration for the deceased would occur, involving music and food and conversation.

LEISURE:
Leisure among Utopistanians would be highly various. And of course, the people's work might even be considered part of their leisure. Utopistanians might enjoy hiking into nature, dancing, creating music, creating art, speaking, putting on shows, writing, gardening, swimming, etc. They might also play various games (a word game, for example, where players might work together to gain the most amount of points, or a sports game where players constantly rotate teams). Most games and sports would be cooperative rather than competitive, though occasional competitive events might occur. These events might be thought of more as comparative, though, since the stress would be on comparing results, rather than trying to beat each other. Another game might include children in a circle, with legs interlocked, hopping on one leg and trying to stay balanced.

Utopistanians might take canoe trips are long hikes and explore the land. Others might enjoy simply discussing society or gossip or philosophy or science with each other. Sex would also be a frequent activity among lovers.

OTHER NOTES:
In Utopistan, needless to say, all races, religions, sexualities, etc., etc. would be tolerated. There would be homosexual people, straight people, intersexed people, etc. There would be a variety of religions and races - blacks, whites, asians, native americans, and everything in between and beyond. People also acknowledge and even encourage each other to develop their own unique, individual personalities.

Utopistan is very community-focused, individualistic only in the sense that the people care for each other as individuals.

Clothing would be usually made of natural materials, be it hide or cotton or other plant fabric. In the warm season, it is likely that most Utopistanians would wear minimal clothing (a loincloth, perhaps).

While many rituals or activities are encouraged/voluntarily attended, none are mandatory. No great pressure is put on people to attend such rituals or activites, and as little punishment (in the form of taunting or teasing, for example) is allowed for those who do not attend such things.

It would be likely that Utopistanians would have a much less fearful outlook on death, seeing it as a part of life that all take place in. That being said, they still have great compassion for the dying, and try to prevent death (especially as a result of disease or crime) when possible.

# ? Jul 16, 2010 16:53

UltraPenguinX: Mar 23, 2009; TC: hOnK hOnK iM a MoThErFuCkInG sEaL :o)

BagelMaster posted:

Background: I just received this from someone I went to high-school with. He constantly complains about the world and offers solutions for all the problems of the world. Enjoy, and feel free to respond to him if you'd like, because I will forward each and every response.

Your friend would have the perfect country if the people living in it were immune to human nature!

# ? Jul 16, 2010 17:26

Strudel Man: May 19, 2003; ROME DID NOT HAVE ROBOTS, FUCKWIT

UltraPenguinX posted:

Your friend would have the perfect country if the people living in it were immune to human nature!

Hey, he likes worldbuilding. That's cool. :shobon:

quote:

Sex would also be a frequent activity among lovers.

Good to know!

Strudel Man fucked around with this message at 17:37 on Jul 16, 2010

# ? Jul 16, 2010 17:28

Brennanite: Feb 14, 2009

Your friend's awfully nutty and he certainly believes "most if not all" people act as if they make decisions by following basic formulas. I'm surprised the wild impracticality of the scenario didn't even register with him. For example, just how are people going to go off to work as doctors and scientists and whatnot AND practice subsistence farming? Working 80 hr weeks doesn't leave a lot of time for...whatever you do in Utopista. Who's doing the cooking and cleaning? Who's going to make the clothes? Does he know how long and hard it is to do laundry by hand? There's a reason society has moved towards industrialization and specialization of labor.

Also, who lets 7 yr olds govern?!!

# ? Jul 16, 2010 17:35

Deuce: Jun 18, 2004; Mile High Club

Brennanite posted:

Your friend's awfully nutty and he certainly believes "most if not all" people act as if they make decisions by following basic formulas. I'm surprised the wild impracticality of the scenario didn't even register with him. For example, just how are people going to go off to work as doctors and scientists and whatnot AND practice subsistence farming? Working 80 hr weeks doesn't leave a lot of time for...whatever you do in Utopista. Who's doing the cooking and cleaning? Who's going to make the clothes? Does he know how long and hard it is to do laundry by hand? There's a reason society has moved towards industrialization and specialization of labor.

Also, who lets 7 yr olds govern?!!

Yeah, who is going to be "motivated intrinsically" to siphon poo poo out of tanks into a truck for processing?

# ? Jul 16, 2010 17:56

tek79: Jun 16, 2008

BagelMaster posted:

Following education, people would begin their formal work.

Dinner would be a time of bonding and sharing for Utopistanians.

There would be a governmental area, where the people might gather for judicial hearings, counseling, community discussions, etc.

There would also be a library equipped with computers and televisions and a collection of books and other media.

The government would meet frequently (perhaps every week) to discuss and decide certain things...

They might also discuss how many resources should go into helping the world.

People might also travel occasionally as a vacation.

Birthdays would be celebrated with games and unique foods and gifts.

At funerals, the community would gather to mourn the deceased, and weep with each other.

Leisure among Utopistanians would be highly various.

While many rituals or activities are encouraged/voluntarily attended, none are mandatory.

This is hilarious. It's like he just took a bunch of poo poo that already exists and tosses in an occasional tidbit about using green energy, or locally grown produce. This is some 8th grade level thinking here.

# ? Jul 16, 2010 17:58

Intel&Sebastian: Oct 20, 2002; colonel...
i'm trying to sneak around
but i'm dummy thicc
and the clap of my ass cheeks
keeps alerting the guards!

The NEW WORLD ORDER: Everyone stop doing bad thing, start doing good thing. If bad thing exist, stop it. If good thing doesn't exist, make it.

If disagree on what good and what bad, that bad. No do.

Intel&Sebastian fucked around with this message at 18:26 on Jul 16, 2010

# ? Jul 16, 2010 18:22

Typhoon Jim: Sep 20, 2004; space moo

tek79 posted:

This is hilarious. It's like he just took a bunch of poo poo that already exists and tosses in an occasional tidbit about using green energy, or locally grown produce. This is some 8th grade level thinking here.

in 8th grade my friends and I wanted to rule the world from Antarctica, whatever happened to the imagination of today's youth?

# ? Jul 16, 2010 23:07

Saint Sputnik: Apr 1, 2007; Tyrannosaurs in P-51 Volkswagens!

Hutla posted:

'In Arizona , we have so many illegal aliens that we don't have to
drink with the same ones twice.'
God Bless Arizona

Big controversy in New Mexico when someone in a county's DA's office forwarded that. I think a couple people lost their jobs. Now that's funny.

# ? Jul 17, 2010 22:27

RagnarokAngel: Oct 5, 2006; Black Magic Extraordinaire

tek79 posted:

This is hilarious. It's like he just took a bunch of poo poo that already exists and tosses in an occasional tidbit about using green energy, or locally grown produce. This is some 8th grade level thinking here.

What baffles me is in one sentence he says people would live in teepees, huts or cabins.

Then goes on to say libraries would have access to computers, we'd have hospitals etc. Either these institutions are in very unhygienic places (Would you really want a permanent hospital in a CABIN?) or these institutes are allowed to maintain modern structural designs while we LIVE in "natural" homes, which seems kind of weird!

# ? Jul 18, 2010 03:47

hitension: Feb 14, 2005; Hey guys, I learned Chinese so that I can write shame in another language

BagelMaster posted:

Utopistan's small government would be run by the people. There would be a council of elected elders (ages 65 and above), elected councilmen (ages 25-65) and a council of youths (ages 7-18)

As a member of the "ages 19-24" group myself, I feel very disenfranchised by this society.

# ? Jul 18, 2010 12:56

Pththya-lyi: Nov 8, 2009; THUNDERDOME LOSER 2020

If learning is non-competitive and based on group activities, how will we identify kids who are lagging behind their peers?

Aren't most spiritual, holistic, and herbal remedies based on pseudoscience?

Kids under the age of 11 generally can't reason abstractly. Should we really allow them to participate in government?

Who will manufacture stuff like medicine?

I notice there's no mention of history as part of the curriculum or fields of study. Do you really think there's nothing to learn from the past?

That's all I can think of for now.

# ? Jul 18, 2010 19:33

crime fighting hog: Jun 29, 2006; I only pray, Heaven knows when to lift you out

The Ugly Duchess posted:

If learning is non-competitive and based on group activities, how will we identify kids who are lagging behind their peers?

Aren't most spiritual, holistic, and herbal remedies based on pseudoscience?

Kids under the age of 11 generally can't reason abstractly. Should we really allow them to participate in government?

Who will manufacture stuff like medicine?

I notice there's no mention of history as part of the curriculum or fields of study. Do you really think there's nothing to learn from the past?

That's all I can think of for now.

well, that's like, your opinion, man.

# ? Jul 18, 2010 19:37

angrytech: Jun 26, 2009

More importantly, why the hell does he believe that this will happen? He just says "people are going to act this way" without any actual explanation about what will lead to this perfect society.

# ? Jul 19, 2010 03:19

Patter Song: Mar 26, 2010; Hereby it is manifest that during the time men live without a common power to keep them all in awe, they are in that condition which is called war; and such a war as is of every man against every man.; Fun Shoe

UltraPenguinX posted:

Your friend would have the perfect country if the people living in it were immune to human nature!

Not really. A lot of the stuff he posts is complete bullshit even in theory, let alone practice. The "herbal, natural" medicine stuff (biggest scam ever), the living in teepees (seriously? One good earthquake or hurricane and everyone's screwed), the "natural" food production that is nowhere near efficient enough to provide for a large number of people, the prohibition on polyester clothing (wtf?), and, frankly, the complete renouncing of science and technology that isn't aimed at furthering his hippie lifestyle.

Even if people behaved the way he wanted them to, they'd have a life expectancy around 40 with sky-high infant mortality, extreme dependence on good harvests and temperate weather, have a good share of the population devoted full-time to agriculture, and still be importing massive amounts of food.

Please, post more crazy lefties. It's a nice change of pace.

# ? Jul 19, 2010 06:09

Marxalot: Dec 24, 2008; Appropriator of
Dan Crenshaw's Eyepatch

quote:

Subject: Obama & Islam- Watch Before It Is Pulled

This is "supposedly" the video that FOX NEWS

has been trying to show that is constantly blocked

by the administration.

IF YOU HAVE ANY DOUBTS ....THIS SHOULD CHANGE YOUR MIND...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tCAffMSWSzY

Got this from a nutty family member of mine recently. I even kept the terrible formatting intact for all of you to enjoy.

"America is not, and never will be at war with Islam" *cue footage of the WTC being hit*

# ? Jul 19, 2010 08:25

Pththya-lyi: Nov 8, 2009; THUNDERDOME LOSER 2020

I love the disclaimer at the beginning:

quote:

Legal Disclaimer: The writers, producers, editors, and publishers of this video are not stating, claiming, or implying that Barack Hussein Obama is a Muslim, or that Obama himself claimed or admitted to being a Muslim. Rather the writers, producers, editors, and publishers of this video are only examining the evidence surrounding the rumor that Barack Hussein Obama might be a secret Muslim.

If you're not claiming that Obama admitted to being a Muslim, why do you make that exact claim in the title of your video? It's almost as if you made a disingenuous claim up front, just so it would stick in people's minds!

# ? Jul 19, 2010 08:44

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 15, 2024 08:00

ApathyGifted: Aug 30, 2004; Tomorrow?

Patter Song posted:

the living in teepees (seriously? One good earthquake or hurricane and everyone's screwed)

Strangely, a properly constructed teepee would hold up well in both. A large stable base and a low CG means the earth shaking doesn't really do anything to it, and as it so happens cones produce downforce no matter what direction the wind comes from, so a hurricane would just anchor it into the ground better.

Of course, the operative phrase here is "properly constructed"

# ? Jul 19, 2010 09:08

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Debate & Discussion > Got a crazy forwarded political email from your family? Post them here.

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