Got a crazy forwarded political email from your family? Post them here.

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crime fighting hog: Jun 29, 2006; I only pray, Heaven knows when to lift you out

Burrito posted:

Fine, then we'll go to the Greatest Generation. Surely World War 2 was when we overtook the rest of the world, there was no debt, taxes were low, and we were absolutely the major superpower of the world.

God drat facts getting in the way of my blissful fondness for days gone by

I thought our "greatest time" was in the 60s, when everything was perfect and we weren't a hairsbreadth away from total annihilation.

# ? Aug 27, 2010 16:24

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 17, 2024 07:28

Push El Burrito: May 9, 2006; Soiled Meat

crime fighting hog posted:

I thought our "greatest time" was in the 60s, when everything was perfect and we weren't a hairsbreadth away from total annihilation.

I don't know... there was a whole lot of social upheaval. I figured 40s-50s was the time we wanted to return to?

# ? Aug 27, 2010 16:29

Intel&Sebastian: Oct 20, 2002; colonel...
i'm trying to sneak around
but i'm dummy thicc
and the clap of my ass cheeks
keeps alerting the guards!

Meatball posted:

American politics boils down to "I like nice things but don't want to pay for them "

Fixed, and I nearly wanted to add "And it would be awfully nice if I could not pay for them, enjoy them, act like it's wrong to pay for them, and when I'm feeling saucy act like other people don't deserve them"

# ? Aug 27, 2010 16:54

Teriyaki Hairpiece: Dec 29, 2006; I'm nae the voice o' the darkened thistle, but th' darkened thistle cannae bear the sight o' our Bonnie Prince Bernie nae mair.

Meatball posted:

That whole list boils down to "I like nice things but don't want to pay for them "

I think it would be great if we could go back to a simpler time, like the 50's or early 60's, when people were more polite/respectful, children were allowed to be children, our culture was about values, and the rich were taxed at a rate of 80+ percent.

Boy how did those people in America's glory days fund such huge government projects, like our national highway system? Must have just been gumption and honesty!

# ? Aug 28, 2010 09:06

the yellow dart: Jul 19, 2004; King of rings, armlocks, hugs, and our hearts

The 1950s were amazing...if you weren't drafted into the Korean meatgrinder that everyone miraculously forgets!

# ? Aug 29, 2010 10:58

Capsaicin: Nov 17, 2004; broof roof roof

You mean 100 years ago we didn't have a telephone, CDL, or watercraft tax? I'm shocked!

# ? Aug 29, 2010 11:11

Pththya-lyi: Nov 8, 2009; THUNDERDOME LOSER 2020

the yellow dart posted:

The 1950s were amazing...if you weren't drafted into the Korean meatgrinder that everyone miraculously forgets!

Or were a black person! :razz:

# ? Aug 29, 2010 15:40

Nathilus: Apr 4, 2002; I alone can see through the media bias.

I'm also stupid on a scale that can only be measured in Reddits.

the yellow dart posted:

The 1950s were amazing...if you weren't drafted into the Korean meatgrinder that everyone miraculously forgets!

My grandfather was born in 1908 and died a recently at 102. He was in the Merchant Marines from WWII up through Korea. I asked him a lot about his life because it absolutely fascinated me that he had lived through so much change, but I never asked him what his favorite period was. I doubt it would have been his early life. He enjoyed his modern comforts.

# ? Aug 29, 2010 20:48

Mooseontheloose: May 13, 2003

Meatball posted:

That whole list boils down to "I like nice things but my money might go to help black people. "

# ? Aug 29, 2010 21:43

Capsaicin: Nov 17, 2004; broof roof roof

quote:

Isn't it cool how many liberals (not all) make daily posts that are so anti-conservative and hateful? Almost makes me think they have nothing better to do! Must be tough to feel inadequate. Perhaps you should get some morals or think of ways to actually help the world instead of whining. It's silly how much time & energy you spend on us when all we're worried about are the 6 million jobs we've lost in the past year..

Capsaicin fucked around with this message at 01:36 on Aug 30, 2010

# ? Aug 30, 2010 01:21

Jabor: Jul 16, 2010; #1 Loser at SpaceChem

Capsaicin posted:

Isn't it cool how many liberals (not all) make daily posts that are so anti-conservative and hateful? Almost makes me think they have nothing better to do! Must be tough to feel inadequate. Perhaps you should get some morals or think of ways to actually help the world instead of whining. It's silly how much time & energy you spend on us when all we're worried about are the 6 million jobs we've lost in the past year..

And here I thought you were worried about people getting civil rights when you don't want them to.

Oh, but I guess you think those people aren't "real conservatives", they're just liberals in disguise or something.

VV: yup

Without seeing post history, it's hard to tell otherwise...

Jabor fucked around with this message at 01:44 on Aug 30, 2010

# ? Aug 30, 2010 01:34

Capsaicin: Nov 17, 2004; broof roof roof

Jabor posted:

And here I thought you were worried about people getting civil rights when you don't want them to.

Oh, but I guess you think those people aren't "real conservatives", they're just liberals in disguise or something.

I guess I should have put that in quote tags, huh?

# ? Aug 30, 2010 01:36

Zwabu: Aug 7, 2006

I like how the "get some morals" thing was thrown in there.

# ? Aug 30, 2010 01:37

ApathyGifted: Aug 30, 2004; Tomorrow?

Zwabu posted:

I like how the "get some morals" thing was thrown in there.

Not to mention saying we feel inadequate.

Capsaicin, you should turn around and just spam them with quotes of hateful poo poo spewed by other conservatives you know.

Had I not deleted 2/3's of my facebook friends I'd have about 6 solid pages of bile just from election night that I could quote on the walls of my few remaining conservative friends when they bitch about liberals.

# ? Aug 30, 2010 01:57

Capsaicin: Nov 17, 2004; broof roof roof

ApathyGifted posted:

Not to mention saying we feel inadequate.

Capsaicin, you should turn around and just spam them with quotes of hateful poo poo spewed by other conservatives you know.

Had I not deleted 2/3's of my facebook friends I'd have about 6 solid pages of bile just from election night that I could quote on the walls of my few remaining conservative friends when they bitch about liberals.

‎"No, I don't know that atheists should be considered as citizens, nor should they be considered patriots." -George Bush, during his first presidential campaign.

""Guess what? Faisal Shahzad is a registered Democrat. I wonder if his SUV had ...an Obama sticker on it." --Rush Limbaugh, lying about the failed Times Square car bomber, who is not registered to vote, May 4, 2010

"We should invade their countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity. " - Ann Coulter

"It would be a much better country if women did not vote. That is simply a fact." - Ann Coulter, again.

"Now, you could even argue whether being a Muslim is actually a religion, or is it a nationality, way of life, cult whatever you want to call it..."- Ron Ramsey, Republican Lt. Governor of Tennessee

"The American Taxpayers are the Jews for Obama's ovens." - Tea Party Patriot -

"Obama = Hitler" Tea Party Patriot

These two are particularly disgusting because no matter how disillusioned you are with President Obama's policies, it's an insult and spit in the face to the families of 6 million Jews, Roma, atheists, and homosexuals put to death by Adolf Hitler.

Here's a Teabagger calling for the death of Democratic lawmakers.

This sign was a popular choice at Tea Party rallies.

And this is one of the Tea Party Texas State organizers.

Ahhh, gently caress it. Libruls are the hateful ones.

Capsaicin fucked around with this message at 03:12 on Aug 30, 2010

# ? Aug 30, 2010 02:26

Strudel Man: May 19, 2003; ROME DID NOT HAVE ROBOTS, FUCKWIT

Capsaicin posted:

Ahhh, gently caress it. Libruls are the hateful ones.

The links don't appear to work.

# ? Aug 30, 2010 03:04

Capsaicin: Nov 17, 2004; broof roof roof

Strudel Man posted:

The links don't appear to work.

Probably cause I used imageshack. Just imagine that there were a bunch of pictures of the racist tea party signs we all know and love.

Does anyone remember where that site was that had the best of the racist signs? I think Tars Tarkas hosted it.

# ? Aug 30, 2010 03:13

ducttape: Mar 1, 2008

Capsaicin posted:

These two are particularly disgusting because no matter how disillusioned you are with President Obama's policies, it's an insult and spit in the face to the families of 6 million Jews, Roma, atheists, and homosexuals put to death by Adolf Hitler.

It was just 6 million if you only count Jews. If you want to include the Roma, Athiests, Homosexuals, Communists, Socialists, etc. the number needs to be bumped up to anywhere from 11 to 17 million

# ? Aug 30, 2010 03:37

Capsaicin: Nov 17, 2004; broof roof roof

Hypocritical and stereotypical. In all reality, all of these quotes, whether Republican or Democrat, mean nothing because to say that these things represent everyone in the party is stereotypical and hypocritical. I couldn�t care less about... many of these democratic quotes and facts because the truth is, Republicans and Democrats alike make equally as many mistakes and have equally as many faults. Politics are just dirty. But because many liberals are so determined to puff themselves up daily, with no better agenda, I step in.
So, just because there are some Republicans who have said stupid things, it must mean we are all stupid huh? And we all love GWB? I guess Democrats have never done or said anything stupid....
�Preventing a potential genocide in Iraq isn�t a good enough reason to keep U.S. forces there� � Obama June 20, 2007�.THEN�. �The International Community has an obligation, even when it�s inconvenient, to act when genocide is occuring� �Obama June 5, 2009
Federal debt is now $13 trillion. Add $1.4 trillion this year. That's almost 100% of GDP
Obama�s disapproval rating is now over 50%
Unemployment has reached its highest rate since 1940
http://www.examiner.com/conservative-in-national/top-25-obama-crimes-a-republican-congress-must-investigate
-The Ku Klux Klan was formed by radical Democrats who opposed equality for blacks.
-Here are just a few of the programs and projects that have been included in the House Democrats� proposal:
$650 million for digital TV coupons.
$600 million for new cars for the federal government.
$200 million for the National Mall, including $21 million for sod
http://www.realclearpolitics.com/articles/2006/09/facts_over_democrat_fantasy.html
Bush may not be able to pronounce �nuclear� but Obama cannot pronounce �Corpsman.�
Obama thinks there is a language called �Austrian� when, in fact, he is referring to �German.�
Let�s only imagine the uproar if Bush has said this: �No, no. I have been practicing...I bowled a 129. It's like -- it was like Special Olympics, or something."
Or this: "I've now been in 57 states -- I think one left to go."
And we can�t forget his ridiculous handling and assumption of this case:�The Cambridge police acted stupidly."
Or the fact that his own Reverend for YEARS is anti-American and racist.

Obama criticized the size of George Bush�s deficit and promised to stop deficit spending if elected; but he has already quadrupled the size of the deficit he objected to and recklessly continues new federal spending in the trillions.
When ca...mpaigning Obama criticized bills before the congress that were too long for anyone to be able to read and promised to stop that; but the bills he has been backing throughout his first year are infinitely longer (2000+ pages) than the ones he criticized
Candidate Obama promised that his administration (unlike his predecessor�s) would be so transparent that TV cameras (C-Span) would be there for key deliberations; but an unprecedented level of secrecy prevails as the final stages of Obamacare are negotiated behind closed doors and kept so secret that even the Senate majority whip admitted that he had no idea what was going on. Requests for Obama to honor the promise of C-Span cameras are being ignored.
*****Let�s explore more quotes by some nice democrats:
"I was embarrassed to wear it." - Senator Diane Feinstein on wearing an American flag pin
"I have to confess that it's crossed my mind that you could not be a Republican and a Christian." - Hillary Clinton in a 1997 interview with the Richmond Times-Dispatch

''I actually did vote for the $87 billion before I voted against it.'' - John Kerry at a campaign rally in 2004

"If the personal freedoms guaranteed by the Constitution inhibit the government's ability to govern the people, we should look to limit those guarantees." - Bill Clinton in an August 12, 1993 Speech
I don't own an SUV.... The Family has it, I don't have it." - John Kerry, whose family had a 1995 Suburban, a 1993 Land Rover Defender, a 1989 Jeep Cherokee, and a 1994 Jeep Grand Cherokee at the time of that statement

"It depends on what the meaning of the word 'is' is" - Bill Clinton during his Grand Jury testimony

"The last time I checked, the Constitution said, 'of the people, by the people and for the people.' That's what the Declaration of Independence says." - Bill Clinton quoting The Gettysburg Address during a 1996 campaign stop

"They all behave the same. They all look the same. It�s pretty much a white Christian party." - Howard Dean talking about the Republican Party while in San Francisco

‎"I can't believe we are going to let a majority of the people decide what's best for the state." - Louisiana state representative John Travis
"Just keep the cockpit door closed. You can put up a sign in Arab - this is, say, type-casting, bu...t say 'Try to hijack, go to jail.' " - Senator Fritz Hollings on preventing another 9/11 type terrorist attack

Today is a big day in America. Only 36,000 people lost their jobs today, which is really good. - Senator Harry Reid, March 5, 2010

# ? Aug 30, 2010 04:37

Shakespearean Beef: Jul 12, 2008; Ask me all about how I proudly marched alongside literal NEO-NAZIS to protest against the GOVERNMENT taking away our FREEDOMS because of nothing mote that the common FLU!!! I'm holding aloft the TORCH of FREEDOM!!

Capsaicin posted:

"Now, you could even argue whether being a Muslim is actually a religion, or is it a nationality, way of life, cult whatever you want to call it..."- Ron Ramsey, Republican Lt. Governor of Tennessee

Haha, why does that line of thinking sound familiar...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xURCUJwwS3I#t=7m0s

# ? Aug 30, 2010 04:46

Jabor: Jul 16, 2010; #1 Loser at SpaceChem

Capsaicin posted:

"They all behave the same. They all look the same. It�s pretty much a white Christian party." - Howard Dean talking about the Republican Party while in San Francisco

I like how they're quoting this as though it's somehow not true.

quote:

‎"I can't believe we are going to let a majority of the people decide what's best for the state." - Louisiana state representative John Travis

Screw the constitution, tyranny of the majority is the way we roll around here!

# ? Aug 30, 2010 04:47

the: Jul 18, 2004; by Cowcaster

Burrito posted:

Fine, then we'll go to the Greatest Generation. Surely World War 2 was when we overtook the rest of the world, there was no debt, taxes were low, and we were absolutely the major superpower of the world.

God drat facts getting in the way of my blissful fondness for days gone by

An overlay of those two graphs would be great.

It would put an end to "Higher taxes destroy the economy!" arguments.

# ? Aug 30, 2010 06:35

Oddhair: Mar 21, 2004

Got this one today, from my dad. I don't have the heart to respond to him, and it's Palin of all the dumb poo poo to defend:

My staunchly conservative father posted:

The Real Truth About Sarah Palin -- Ouch!

Very interesting facts on two very different ladies.

Sarah Palin

Democrat, Independent, or Republican....the second half of this email should make all of us very sick, send this on .....especially the second half......

READ TO THE VERY END! VERY ENLIGHTENING!!! AND VERY DISTURBING!!!

By Dewie Whetsell, Alaskan Fisherman.
As posted in comments on Greta's article referencing the MOVEON ad about Sarah Palin.

The last 45 of my 66 years I've spent in a commercial fishing town in Alaska. I understand Alaska politics but never understood national politics well until this last year. Here's the breaking point: Neither side of the Palin controversy gets it. It's not about persona, style, rhetoric, it's about doing things. Even Palin supporters never mention the things that I'm about to mention here.

1. Democrats forget when Palin was the Darling of the Democrats, because as soon as Palin took the Governor's office away from a fellow Republican and tough SOB, Frank Murkowski, she tore into the Republican's "Corrupt Bastards Club" (CBC) and sent them packing. Many of them are now residing in State housing and wearing orange jump suits The Democrats reacted by skipping around the yard, throwing confetti and singing, "la la la la" (well, you know how they are). Name another governor in this country that has ever done anything similar.

2. Now with the CBC gone, there were fewer Alaskan politicians to protect the huge, giant oil companies here. So she constructed and enacted a new system of splitting the oil profits called "ACES." Exxon (the biggest corporation in the world) protested and Sarah told them, "don't let the door hit you in the stern on your way out." They stayed, and Alaska residents went from being merely wealthy to being filthy rich. Of course, the other huge international oil companies meekly fell in line. Again, give me the name of any other governor in the country that has done anything similar.

3. The other thing she did when she walked into the governor's office is she got the list of State requests for federal funding for projects, known as "pork." She went through the list, took 85% of the m and placed them in the "when-hell-freezes-over" stack. She let locals know that if we need something built, we'll pay for it ourselves. Maybe she figured she could use the money she got from selling the previous governor's jet because it was extravagant. Maybe she could use the money she saved by dismissing the governor's cook (remarking that she could cook for her own family), giving back the State vehicle issued to her, maintaining that she already had a car, and dismissing her State provided security force (never mentioning - I imagine - that she's packing heat herself). I'm still waiting to hear the names of those other governors.

4. Now, even with her much-ridiculed "gosh and golly" mannerism, she also managed to put together a totally new approach to getting a natural gas pipeline built which will be the biggest private construction project in the history of North America. No one else could do it although they tried. If that doesn't impress you, then you're trying too hard to be unimpressed while watching her do things like this while baking up a batch of brownies with her other hand.

5. For 30 years, Exxon held a lease to do exploratory drilling at a place called Point Thompson. They made excuses the entire time why they couldn't start drilling. In truth they were holding it like an investment. No governor for 30 years could make them get started. Then, she told them she was revoking their lease and kicking them out. They protested and threatened court action. She shrugged and reminded them that she knew the way to the court house. Alaska won again.

6. President Obama wants the nation to be on 25% renewable resources for electricity by 2025. Sarah went to the legislature and submitted her plan for Alaska to be at 50% renewable by 2025. We are already at 25%. I can give you more specifics about things done, as opposed to style and persona. Everybody wants to be cool, sound cool, look cool. But that's just a cover-up. I'm still waiting to hear from liberals the names of other governors who can match what mine has done in two and a half years. I won't be holding my breath.

By the way, she was content to return to AK after the national election and go to work, but the haters wouldn't let her. Now these adolescent screechers are obviously not scuba divers. And no one ever told them what happens when you continually jab and pester a barracuda. Without warning, it will spin around and tear your face off. Shoulda known better.

You have just read the truth about Sarah Palin that sends the media, along with the democrat party, into a wild uncontrolled frenzy to discredit her. I guess they are only interested in skirt chasers, dishonesty, immoral people, liars, womanizers, murderers, and bitter ex-presidents' wives.

So "You go, Girl." I only wish the men in Washington had your guts, determination, honesty, and morals.
I rest my case. Only FOOLS listen to the biased media.

If you've read this far ...............................................now ,open your eyes..........
First Lady Michelle Obama's Servant List and Pay Scale.

First Lady Requires More Than Twenty Attendants

1. $172,200 - Sher, Susan (Chief Of Staff)
2. $140,000 - Frye, Jocelyn C. (Deputy Assistant to the President and Director of Policy And Projects For The First Lady)
3. $113,000 - Rogers, Desiree G. (Special Assistant to the President and White House Social Secretary)
4. $102,000 - Johnston, Camille Y. (Special Assistant to the President and Director of Communications for the First Lady)
5. $100,000 - Winter, Melissa E. (Special Assistant to the President and Deputy Chief Of Staff to the First Lady)
6. $90,000 - Medina , David S. (Deputy Chief Of Staff to the First Lady)
7. $84,000 - Lelyveld, Catherine M. (Director and Press Secretary to the First Lady)
8. $75,000 - Starkey, Frances M. (Director of Scheduling and Advance for the First Lady)
9. $70,000 - Sanders, Trooper (Deputy Director of Policy and Projects for the First Lady)
10. $65,000 - Burnough, Erinn J. (Deputy Director and Deputy Social Secretary)
11. $64,000 - Reinstein, Joseph B. (Deputy Director and Deputy Social Secretary)
12. $62,000 - Goodman, Jennifer R. (Deputy Director of Scheduling and Events Coordinator For The First Lady)
13. $60,000 - Fitts, Alan O. (Deputy Director of Advance and Trip Director for the First Lady)
14. $57,500 - Lewis, Dana M. (Special Assistant and Personal Aide to the First Lady)
15. $52,500 - Mustaphi, Semonti M. (Associate Director and Deputy Press Secretary to The First Lady)
16. $50,000 - Jarvis, Kristen E. (Special=2 0Assistant for Scheduling and Traveling Aide to The First Lady)
17. $45,000 - Lechtenberg, Tyler A. (Associate Director of Correspondence For The First Lady)
18. $43,000 - Tubman, Samantha (Deputy Associate Director, Social Office)
19. $40,000 - Boswell, Joseph J. (Executive Assistant to the Chief Of Staff to the First Lady)
20. $36,000 - Armbruster, Sally M. (Staff Assistant to the Social Secretary)
21. $35,000 - Bookey, Natalie (Staff Assistant)
22. $35,000 - Jackson, Deilia A. (Deputy Associate Director of Correspondence for the First Lady)

(This is community organizing at it's finest.)
There has NEVER been anyone in the White House at any time who has created such an army of staffers whose sole duties are the facilitation of the First Lady's social life. One wonders why she needs so much help, at taxpayer expense, when even Hillary, only had three; Jackie Kennedy one; Laura Bush one; and prior to Mamie Eisenhower social help came from the President's own pocket.

Note: This does not include makeup artist Ingrid Grimes-Miles, 49, and "First Hairstylist" Johnny Wright, 31, both of whom traveled aboard Air Force One to Europe.

FRIENDS.....THESE SALARIES ADD UP TO SIX MILLION, THREE HUNDRED SIXTY FOUR THOUSAND DOLLARS ($6,364,000) FOR THE 4 YEARS OF OFFICE????? AND WE ARE IN A RECESSION????? WELL....MOST OF US ARE. I GUESS IT'S OK TO SPEND WILDLY WHEN IT'S NOT YOUR OWN MONEY?????

Copyright 2009 CanadaFreePress.Com<http://freepress.com/>

Yes, I know, The Canadian Free Press has to publish this because the USA media is too scared they might be considered racist. Sorry USA !

The low hanging fruit I could snipe, obviously her inability to complete a single term as Governor and her mounting ethics violation investigations.

# ? Aug 30, 2010 16:44

Push El Burrito: May 9, 2006; Soiled Meat

Oddhair posted:

The low hanging fruit I could snipe, obviously her inability to complete a single term as Governor and her mounting ethics violation investigations.

Don't forget the second part that we should all be scared of.

quote:

A look at some first ladies and their staff sizes:

Laura Bush: Between 24 and 26 by end of President George W. Bush's term in 2009, according to Anita McBride, Mrs. Bush's chief of staff.

Lady Bird Johnson, whose signature issue was beautifying roadways, had a staff of 30, said Stacy A. Cordery, a history professor at Montmouth College in Illinois who studies first ladies.

Betty Ford had almost the same number.

Jacqueline Kennedy, who made renovating the White House her cause, had about 40 people on staff, Cordery said.

# ? Aug 30, 2010 16:54

nsaP: May 4, 2004; alright?

Don't forget that for the Obama they weren't staff, they were "Servants".

# ? Aug 30, 2010 17:13

Armyman25: Sep 6, 2005

Capsaicin posted:

"I have to confess that it's crossed my mind that you could not be a Republican and a Christian." - Hillary Clinton in a 1997 interview with the Richmond Times-Dispatch

So, I don't see the controversy with this one.

# ? Aug 30, 2010 17:56

the: Jul 18, 2004; by Cowcaster

Hooray

quote:

HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2029

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California.

White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.

Baby conceived naturally! Scientists stumped.

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica. No other country comes forward to help the beleaguered nation!

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.

Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year in Mexifornia and Floruba.

Abortion clinics now available in every High School in United States.

Senate still blocking drilling in ANWR even though gas is selling for 4532 Pesos per liter and gas stations are only open on Tuesdays and Fridays.

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

Average height of NBA players is now nine feet seven inches. Other requirement to play: player can only have 3 illegitimate children.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers be registered by January 2030.

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

Floruba voters still having trouble with voting machines.

Now, send this to whomever you want and as many as you want, then, guess what....NOTHING will happen. No miracles, no money, absolutely nothing, except you might make someone smile or make them very very scared.

I Love This Country!
It's The Government That Scares The crap out of Me!

# ? Aug 31, 2010 01:51

Pththya-lyi: Nov 8, 2009; THUNDERDOME LOSER 2020

quote:

Other requirement to play: player can only have 3 illegitimate children.

Conservatives are still managing to legislate morality, I see.

# ? Aug 31, 2010 02:13

ApathyGifted: Aug 30, 2004; Tomorrow?

the posted:

Hooray

I kinda expected that Republicans would LIKE the fact that Iran is a nuclear wasteland.

In fact, how did it get nuked with all them drat liebruls in power?

# ? Aug 31, 2010 02:14

Shimrra Jamaane: Aug 10, 2007; Obscure to all except those well-versed in Yuuzhan Vong lore.

the posted:

Hooray

How does liberals being in power in the US cause France (and I assume most of Europe) to become so dilapidated that they can be taken over by a primitive island nation? Or do they think that by helping black people in other nations *gasp* we will inadvertently cause them to become industrialized super powered warmongers?

# ? Aug 31, 2010 02:34

nm: Jan 28, 2008; "I saw Minos the Space Judge holding a golden sceptre and passing sentence upon the Martians. There he presided, and around him the noble Space Prosecutors sought the firm justice of space law."

the posted:

I Love This Country!
It's The Brown People That Scare The crap out of Me!

Summary of that

# ? Aug 31, 2010 03:54

oshuaj: Jul 25, 2007

My grandma sent this to me the other day:

quote:

Sent: 8/21/2010 8:55:14 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time
Subj: Bill Cosby Has Done it Again!

BACK TO CASH AND CARRY WOULD HELP ALSO!
Bill Cosby has a great way of "distilling" things. Looks like he's done it again!
AMERICA NEEDS A CANDIDATE WITH THIS PLATFORM!!

I HAVE DECIDED TO BECOME A WRITE-IN CANDIDATE FOR PRESIDENT IN THE YEAR 2012..
HERE IS MY PLATFORM:

(1). Any use of the phrase: 'Press 1 for English' is immediately banned. English is the official language; speak it or wait outside of our borders until you can...

(2). We will immediately go into a two year isolationist attitude in order to straighten out the greedy big business posture in this country.. America will allow NO imports, and we'll do no exports. We will use the 'Wal-Mart 's policy, 'If we ain't got it, you don't need it.' We'll make it here and sell it here!

(3). When imports are allowed, there will be a 100% import tax on it coming in here.

(4). All retired military personnel will be required to man one of the many observation towers located on the southern border of the United States (six month tour). They will be under strict orders not to fire on SOUTHBOUND aliens.

(5). Social Security will immediately return to its original state. If you didn't put nuttin' in, you ain't getting' nuttin' out.. Neither the President nor any other politician will be able to touch it.

(6). Welfare... -- Checks will be handed out on Fridays, at the end of the 40 hour school week, the successful completion of a urinalysis test for drugs, and passing grades.

(7). Professional Athletes -- Steroids? The FIRST time you check positive you're banned from sports ... For life.

(8). Crime -- We will adopt the Turkish method, i.e., the first time you steal, you lose your right hand. There is no more 'life sentences'. If convicted of murder, you will be put to death by the same method you chose for the victim you killed: gun, knife, strangulation, etc.

(9). One export of ours will be allowed: wheat; because the world needs to eat. However, a bushel of wheat will be the "exact price" of a barrel of oil.

(10). All foreign aid, using American taxpayer money, will immediately cease and the saved money will help to pay off the national debt and, ultimately, lower taxes. When disasters occur around the world, we'll ask The American People if they want to donate to a disaster fund, and each citizen can make the decision as to whether, or not, it's a worthy cause.

(11). The Pledge of Allegiance will be said every day at school and every day in Congress.

(12). The National Anthem will be played at all appropriate ceremonies, sporting events, outings, etc.

My apology is offered if I've stepped on anyone's toes .... Nevertheless....

GOD BLESS AMERICA !

Sincerely, Bill Cosby

Please forward this to everyone you know, no matter which side of the fence they're on.

Who knew Bill Cosby was a psychotic, violent fascist looking to become dictator of all of America?

oshuaj fucked around with this message at 07:19 on Aug 31, 2010

# ? Aug 31, 2010 07:09

BonoMan: Feb 20, 2002; Jade Ear Joe

I love that because it's utterly inherently racist but "HEY A BLACK MAN SAID IT....so it's okay if it's racist."

And yes I know he didn't write it. But it's just so ...validationist.

# ? Aug 31, 2010 08:09

Nessus: Dec 22, 2003; After a Speaker vote, you may be entitled to a valuable coupon or voucher!

I like how they think zeroing out foreign aid would substantially impact the budget numbers to the point where it could be a reason to reduce taxes, presumably due to excess budget surplus.

# ? Aug 31, 2010 08:17

RagnarokAngel: Oct 5, 2006; Black Magic Extraordinaire

the posted:

Hooray

Some of these rule

BonoMan posted:

I love that because it's utterly inherently racist but "HEY A BLACK MAN SAID IT....so it's okay if it's racist."

And yes I know he didn't write it. But it's just so ...validationist.

The worst thing Bill Cosby ever did was give that speech where he told young black men to pull up their pants. It gave every conservative the belief that its ok to push racist crap onto him because it's not racist if he says it.

Though every time I read that email I read it in the typically parodied version of his voice and it makes me smile.

# ? Aug 31, 2010 10:01

JerkyBunion: Jun 22, 2002

I laughed at Floruba still having trouble with voting machines. :nattyburn:

# ? Aug 31, 2010 18:06

OMG JC a Bomb!: Jul 13, 2004; We are the Invisible Spatula. We are the Grilluminati. We eat before and after dinner. We eat forever. And eventually... eventually we will lead them into the dining room.

quote:

WW III Started 31 Years Ago - In 1979

You really do not think of this until it is all put together for you, then it is an eye opener. Be sure to read. Historians will call this the 30 year war? 35 year war? 40 year war?

When WW III Started - 1979

This is not very long, but very informative.

You have to read the catalogue of events in this brief piece. Then, ask yourself how anyone can take the position that all we have to do is bring our troops home from Iraq, & Afghanistan then sit back, reset the snooze alarm, go back to sleep, and no one will ever bother us again.

In case you missed it, World War III began in November 1979. That alarm has been ringing for 31 years!!

US Navy Captain Ouimette is the Executive Officer at Naval Air Station, Pensacola, Florida.

This is a copy of the speech he gave last month.

It is an accurate account of why we are in so much trouble today and why this action is so necessary.

AMERICA NEEDS TO WAKE UP!

That's what we think we heard on the 11th of September 2001 (When more than 3,000 Americans were killed) and maybe it was, but I think it should have been 'Get Out of Bed!' In fact, I think the alarm clock has been buzzing since 1979 and we have continued to hit the snooze button and roll over for a few more minutes of peaceful sleep since then.

It was a cool fall day in November 1979 in a country going through a religious and political upheaval when a group of Iranian students attacked and seized the American Embassy in Tehran. This seizure was an outright attack on American soil; it was an attack that held the world's most powerful country hostage and paralyzed a Presidency.

The attack on this sovereign U. S. Embassy set the stage for events to follow for the next 31 years.

America was still reeling from the aftermath of the Vietnam experience and had a serious threat from the Soviet Union when then President Carter, had to do something. He chose to conduct a clandestine raid in the desert. The ill-fated mission ended in ruin, but stood as a symbol of America's inability to deal with terrorism.

America 's military had been decimated and down sized/right sized since the end of the Vietnam War. A poorly trained, poorly equipped and poorly organized military was called on to execute a complex mission that was doomed from the start.

Shortly after the Tehran experience, Americans began to be kidnapped and killed throughout the Middle East. America could do little to protect her citizens living and working abroad. The attacks against US soil continued.

In April of 1983 a large vehicle packed with high explosives was driven into the US Embassy compound in Beirut. When it explodes, it kills 63 people. The alarm went off again and America hit the Snooze Button once more.

Then just six short months later in 1983 a large truck heavily laden down with over 2500 pounds of TNT smashed through the main gate of the US Marine Corps headquarters in Beirut and 241 US servicemen are killed. America mourns her dead and hit the Snooze Button once more.

Two months later in December 1983, another truck loaded with explosives is driven into the US Embassy in Kuwait, and America continues her slumber.

The following year, in September 1984, another van was driven into the gate of the US Embassy in Beirut and America slept.

Soon the terrorism spreads to Europe. In April 1985 a bomb explodes in a restaurant frequented by US soldiers in Madrid.

Then in August 1985 a Volkswagen loaded with explosives is driven into the main gate of the US Air Force Base at Rheine-Main, 22 are killed and the snooze alarm is buzzing louder and louder as US interests are continually attacked.

Fifty-nine days later in 1985 a cruise ship, the Achille Lauro is hijacked and we watched as an American in a wheelchair is singled out of the passenger list and executed.

The terrorists then shift their tactics to bombing civilian airliners when they bomb TWA Flight 840 in April of 1986 that killed 4 and the most tragic bombing, Pan Am Flight 103 over Lockerbie, Scotland in 1988, killing 259.

The wake up alarm is getting louder and louder.

The terrorists decide to bring the fight to America. In January 1993, two CIA agents are shot and killed as they enter CIA headquarters in Langley, Virginia.

The following month, February 1993, a group of terrorists are arrested after a rented van packed with explosives is driven into the underground parking garage of the World Trade Center in New York City. Six people are killed and over 1000 are injured. Still this is a crime and not an act of war? The Snooze alarm is depressed again.

Then in November 1995 a car bomb explodes at a US military complex in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia killing seven service men and women.

A few months later in June of 1996, another truck bomb explodes only 35 yards from the US military compound in Dhahran, Saudi Arabia. It destroys the Khobar Towers, a US Air Force barracks, killing 19 and injuring over 500. The terrorists are getting braver and smarter as they see that America does not respond decisively.

They move to coordinate their attacks in a simultaneous attack on two US embassies in Kenya and Tanzania. These attacks were planned with precision. They kill 224. America responds with cruise missile attacks and goes back to sleep.

The USS Cole was docked in the port of Aden, Yemen for refueling on 12 October 2000, when a small craft pulled alongside the ship and exploded killing 17 US Navy Sailors. Attacking a US War Ship is an act of war, but we sent the FBI to investigate the crime and went back to sleep.

And of course you know the events of 11 September 2001. Most Americans think this was the first attack against US soil or in America . How wrong they are. America has been under a constant attack si nce 1979 and we chose to hit the snooze alarm and roll over and go back to sleep.

In the news lately we have seen lots of finger pointing from every high official in government over what they knew and what they didn't know. But if you've read the papers and paid a little attention I think you can see exactly what they knew. You don't have to be in the FBI or CIA or on the National Security Council to see the pattern that has been developing since 1979.

I think we have been in a war for the past 31 years and it will continue until we as a people decide enough is enough. America needs to 'Get out of Bed' and act decisively now. America has been changed forever. We have to be ready to pay the price and make the sacrifice to ensure our way of life continues. We cannot afford to keep hitting the snooze button again and again and roll over and go back to sleep.

After the attack on Pearl Harbor, Admiral Yamamoto said '... it seems all we have done is awakened a sleeping giant.' This is the message we need to disseminate to terrorists around the world.

This is not a political thing to be hashed over in an election year, this is an AMERICAN thing. This is about our Freedom and the Freedom of our children in years to come.

If you believe in this please forward it to as many people as you can especially to the young people and all those who dozed off in history class and who seem so quick to protest such a necessary military action.

If you don't believe it, just delete it and go back to sleep.

Ugh, an extended analogy about America "being asleep" and how it needs to "wake up". It's like he was going for a world record for triteness.

Since it's my Dad and he loves trying to troll me into arguing politics with him, which he does exactly like Bill O'Reilly, I'm debating about sending back one of those UVB-76 stories in the hopes that I can scare/confuse/disappoint him.

# ? Aug 31, 2010 18:15

Foyes36: Oct 23, 2005; Food fight!

quote:

(2). We will immediately go into a two year isolationist attitude in order to straighten out the greedy big business posture in this country.. America will allow NO imports, and we'll do no exports. We will use the 'Wal-Mart 's policy, 'If we ain't got it, you don't need it.' We'll make it here and sell it here!

(3). When imports are allowed, there will be a 100% import tax on it coming in here.

I love how this is viewed as a good idea, "yes, let's literally destroy our economy!"

It's maybe the dumbest thing I've ever read, and that includes far too many articles on Conservapedia.

# ? Aug 31, 2010 18:40

MOLLUSC: Nov 30, 2005

the posted:

Average height of NBA players is now nine feet seven inches. Other requirement to play: player can only have 3 illegitimate children.

The rest of it seems like standard conservative talking points but that is a particularly racist and snarky remark

The Bill Cosby dictatorship thing is hilarious. Is there any policy on there that wouldn't immediately lead to wholesale destruction? Why do the people who forward these things think that barbaric middle eastern punishments are something America should emulate? I just don't understand.

# ? Aug 31, 2010 18:52

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# ? May 17, 2024 07:28

Shrecknet: Jan 2, 2005

Pfirti86 posted:

quote:
(2). We will immediately go into a two year isolationist attitude in order to straighten out the greedy big business posture in this country.. America will allow NO imports, and we'll do no exports. We will use the 'Wal-Mart 's policy, 'If we ain't got it, you don't need it.' We'll make it here and sell it here!
I love how this is viewed as a good idea, "yes, let's literally destroy our economy!"

Not to mention, Coffee beans do not grow in America (except for a very small amount in Hawaii). It should be interesting trying to run a country when no one can function before about 10am.

# ? Aug 31, 2010 18:57

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Debate & Discussion > Got a crazy forwarded political email from your family? Post them here.

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