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MoFauxHawk posted:Don't think Medicaid covers a burn that bad, sorry...
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# ? Sep 6, 2010 03:58 |
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# ? May 16, 2024 13:03 |
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Lykourgos posted:I hear you need prior experience, though.
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# ? Sep 6, 2010 04:07 |
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nm posted:I think I forgive you for trolling the prison thread based on this. Agreed. That's a sweet burn. Speaking of sweet burns, I'm alone in my office working my way through a handle of Johnnie Black.
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# ? Sep 6, 2010 04:10 |
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the life of an employed lawyer
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# ? Sep 6, 2010 04:30 |
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GamingHyena posted:Moreover, stop consenting to searches when you know you have drugs in the car. What did you think was going to happen after you said yes? I have yet to hear of a cop say "well, I had a hunch you had contraband in the car but since you gave me permission to search you obviously must be an upstanding individual who is only high on civic responsibility." This, for me, seems to be like 90% of prosecution work. I have no idea why people just wont shut the gently caress up, but there you go; people loving up and inviting massive criminal justice consequences. Seriously, if you encounter a law enforcement officer, shut the gently caress up.
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# ? Sep 6, 2010 04:58 |
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Torpor posted:This, for me, seems to be like 90% of prosecution work. I have no idea why people just wont shut the gently caress up, but there you go; people loving up and inviting massive criminal justice consequences. Any drugs? Any weapons? Anything illegal? So you don't mind if I search the car then? We know you can say no. Dumbass drug addict thinks if he says no he's admitting he has drugs in there. Still, it is amazing to me that people who've been busted before fall for this poo poo.
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# ? Sep 6, 2010 05:32 |
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Mookie posted:Agreed. That's a sweet burn. poo poo son, I thought your labors would have had you promoted to Blue Label by now
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# ? Sep 6, 2010 06:01 |
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Incredulous Red posted:poo poo son, I thought your labors would have had you promoted to Blue Label by now That's at home.
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# ? Sep 6, 2010 06:17 |
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Hey guys it's ok, even if you can't get a lawjob you can use that opportunity and your new J.D. to pursue the job of your dreams! The Southern Texas College of Law, a prestigious ABA accredited school in the 4th Tier of the US News and World Report Rankings (GPA Range 2.98-3.53, LSAT Range 150-156) helpfully released this guide to getting your dream job: http://www.stcl.edu/career/handouts/What%20Can%20I%20Do%20With%20A%20Law%20Degree.pdf Southern Texas College of Law posted:METHOD 1: Follow your lifelong dream. The most direct method of finding an alternative career is to follow through with whatever has interested or obsessed you since the seventh grade. If you came to law school to "do something, but not law," assess your skill set, which now contains legal analysis and problem solving. Combining new skills and old passions with the contacts that you have developed and will develop because you are interested in a particular issue, will help you give concrete shape to your goals. You will then be able to create a plan to achieve those goals. Summary: Invest in hare-brained schemes hoping for a large payout, sell hot dogs at football games, or wait for serendipity. Make sure to de-emphasize your law degree because it will be a liability, and in fact gives you the same level of management experience as an RA or Floor Monitor in a dorm. Go forth fellow students, broad new vistas await!
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# ? Sep 6, 2010 19:50 |
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I am pretty sure that attending law school is itself a harebrained scheme.
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# ? Sep 6, 2010 20:01 |
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Method 1: You never actually wanted to be a lawyer, did you?
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# ? Sep 6, 2010 20:31 |
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New dream job: hot dog lawyer.
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# ? Sep 6, 2010 20:34 |
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Managing litigation caseload = being an RA.
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# ? Sep 6, 2010 22:09 |
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I'm writing my first ever closing argument for a trial skills class. (I represent the plaintiff in a car to motorcycle collision case. My guy was the cycler and is suing for negligence.) Any tips?
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# ? Sep 6, 2010 22:16 |
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Vander posted:I'm writing my first ever closing argument for a trial skills class. (I represent the plaintiff in a car to motorcycle collision case. My guy was the cycler and is suing for negligence.) Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I'm just a caveman. I fell on some ice and later got thawed out by some of your scientists. Your world frightens and confuses me! Sometimes the honking horns of your traffic make me want to get out of my BMW.. and run off into the hills, or wherever.. Sometimes when I get a message on my fax machine, I wonder: "Did little demons get inside and type it?" I don't know! My primitive mind can't grasp these concepts. But there is one thing I do know - when a man like my client Incredulous Red fucked around with this message at 22:34 on Sep 6, 2010 |
# ? Sep 6, 2010 22:32 |
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Hahahahahahaha. Out of the 7 lawyers I've sued in legal malpractice cases, all 7 have come from South Texas College of Law. I'm going to donate to them if this keeps up.
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# ? Sep 6, 2010 22:39 |
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Incredulous Red posted:...then he is entitled to no less than two million in compensatory damages Just about. This kid's the former star quarterback of the highschool football team. This accident gives him seizures so he can't play ball anymore. He's suing car driver's employer for lost earning capacity: College scholarships AND NFL career.
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# ? Sep 6, 2010 23:19 |
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Vander posted:I'm writing my first ever closing argument for a trial skills class. (I represent the plaintiff in a car to motorcycle collision case. My guy was the cycler and is suing for negligence.) "Ladies and gentleman of the jury, we can't make Defendant's medical recovery any less painful. We aren't miracle workers. But we can compensate him for the pain and suffering that he went through. Imagine you had to wake up every day in pain. Imagine that you were unable to work for <insert lost wages time here>. What price tag would you put on that? What would you want if you were in their situation? $500,000 can't bring my client back to health. But it can compensate him for the wrongs that have been done." Stuff like that.
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# ? Sep 6, 2010 23:25 |
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Vander posted:I'm writing my first ever closing argument for a trial skills class. (I represent the plaintiff in a car to motorcycle collision case. My guy was the cycler and is suing for negligence.) Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, do you recall filling out those questionnaires during voir dire? Remember how they asked you for where you lived? Good. Please find for my client, because it'd be a shame if you ever had to be sitting in the plaintiff's chair because someone broke into your house at night and savagely beat you. Thank you, I know you'll do the right thing.
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# ? Sep 6, 2010 23:30 |
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SWATJester posted:"Ladies and gentleman of the jury, we can't make Defendant's medical recovery any less painful. We aren't miracle workers. But we can compensate him for the pain and suffering that he went through. Imagine you had to wake up every day in pain. Imagine that you were unable to work for <insert lost wages time here>. What price tag would you put on that? What would you want if you were in their situation? $500,000 can't bring my client back to health. But it can compensate him for the wrongs that have been done." I like this and I like you.
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# ? Sep 6, 2010 23:33 |
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Vander posted:Just about. This kid's the former star quarterback of the highschool football team. This accident gives him seizures so he can't play ball anymore. He's suing car driver's employer for lost earning capacity: College scholarships AND NFL career. drat that sucks. I hope he is fairly compensated for all the hot chicks that would've wanted in his pants for the next several years.
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# ? Sep 6, 2010 23:40 |
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Tetrix posted:drat that sucks. I hope he is fairly compensated for all the hot chicks that would've wanted in his pants for the next several years. With those seizures, he's like a living vibrator
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# ? Sep 6, 2010 23:47 |
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Dunno if this was ever posted in here, but this dude is literally a Goon Lawyer (though I don't think he posted in these threads): http://www.concordmonitor.com/article/police-investigating-lawyer
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# ? Sep 6, 2010 23:55 |
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Vander posted:I'm writing my first ever closing argument for a trial skills class. (I represent the plaintiff in a car to motorcycle collision case. My guy was the cycler and is suing for negligence.) You're honor, ladies and gentlemen of the uh... audience... look I don’t think it’s fair to call my clients frauds. Sure, the blackout was a big problem for everybody. I was trapped in an elevator for two hours and I had to make the whole time. But I don’t blame them. Because one time, I turned into a dog and they helped me. Thank you.
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# ? Sep 7, 2010 00:35 |
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Vander posted:I like this and I like you. My dad was the senior partner of a decent size boutique firm and did a lot of workers comp and PI trials. He gave me that little gem when I was in a mock trial competition my 1L year. It dominated.
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# ? Sep 7, 2010 00:37 |
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Mr. Fictitious posted:Dunno if this was ever posted in here, but this dude is literally a Goon Lawyer (though I don't think he posted in these threads): Looks like he's not anymore: http://www.concordmonitor.com/article/214888/nh-banking-department-blamed-for-firms-closure
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# ? Sep 7, 2010 00:46 |
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evilweasel posted:Looks like he's not anymore: https://www.nhlaw.com/ Chakron fucked around with this message at 00:55 on Sep 7, 2010 |
# ? Sep 7, 2010 00:50 |
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Mr. Fictitious posted:Dunno if this was ever posted in here, but this dude is literally a Goon Lawyer (though I don't think he posted in these threads): Talk to the hand!
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# ? Sep 7, 2010 00:56 |
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evilweasel posted:Looks like he's not anymore: Sweet Jesus, what is happening to bearded man?
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# ? Sep 7, 2010 01:14 |
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Hey talking about special snowflake panda law students, I recently produced a piece of legal research which helped the New Zealand Deaf association with a review of New Zealands Sign Language Act (NZSL is an official language here~). Was all about the use of Sign Language in tribunal proceedings and in evidence and such. I received a thank you and love sign from a friend who can sign NZSL as well as a thank you email/reference from the president of the association~ I feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Now to finish my degree and destroy people
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# ? Sep 7, 2010 01:37 |
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SWATJester posted:"Ladies and gentleman of the jury, we can't make Defendant's medical recovery any less painful. We aren't miracle workers. But we can compensate him for the pain and suffering that he went through. Imagine you had to wake up every day in pain. Imagine that you were unable to work for <insert lost wages time here>. What price tag would you put on that? What would you want if you were in their situation? $500,000 can't bring my client back to health. But it can compensate him for the wrongs that have been done." Nice. You could also let the jury do the calculating (they like to have stuff to figure out for themselves) "Denise Defendant can still drive; Johnny can't drive because he has seizures. How much is it worth to you to have the independence to drive yourself from place to place? $5 a trip? 10? 20? How much would it be worth to you to not worry about having a seizure when you're a high school kid on a date? Or out with your wife? $20? $50? How much is it worth to you to be able to carry your sleeping daughter in from the car without worrying about having a seizure? $50? $100? That is Johnny's day, every day. How much is it worth to you to avoid just one hour of Johnny's life? Mr. Actuarial said Johnny might another 60 years. 60 years of hours of the same dependence, the same embarrassment, the same fears for yourself and for your loved ones. Every hour of every day. You do the math." Or: ladies and gentlemen of the jury, this here watermelon is little Johnny’s head that Denise Defendant ran over. This here big 'ol hammer is Denise's big 'ol SUV. This big 'ol roll of plastic sheeting is a verdict for Johnny in the amount of $500,000. Now who wants some plastic sheeting? caveat: if the first one was used in a criminal trial, it'd be objectionable because it tries to put the jurors in the victim's place. I dunno if that applies in civil cases or not, but if it does, you can still use it by comparing it to an undamaged johnny - how much would he pay to... joat mon fucked around with this message at 01:57 on Sep 7, 2010 |
# ? Sep 7, 2010 01:51 |
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joat mon posted:Nice. Exactly that. You want them to be able to do the math and come up with the same number you're asking for. But then if you're able to get an abstract value for pain and suffering, or if you're eligible for punitive damages, that's when you can really go to town on their heartstrings.
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# ? Sep 7, 2010 02:15 |
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Goddammit. I have been informed that a train conductor makes about $68k/yr (this is before they get bumped to train driver which pays quite a bit more). Requirement? Over 18. HS degree/GED. Pass a drug test. They pay you $800/mo for required schooling. Get an actual pension type thing. Why the gently caress did I go to law school? I wanna drive trains.
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# ? Sep 7, 2010 03:05 |
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nm posted:Goddammit. So what's stopping you? poo poo, do it for AMTRAK and get your loans forgiven.
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# ? Sep 7, 2010 03:18 |
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prussian advisor posted:So what's stopping you? poo poo, do it for AMTRAK and get your loans forgiven. Interview: Why do you want to do this when you could be making millions being a lawyer? . . . . We'll call you. Goddammit. Still might do it. Also FSO test. Currently working 40hrs a week for no money because my county has no money to pay me, and this looks better on the resume than: "sat on couch, watched COPS, yelled at TV, ate cheetos." And yes, I'm admitted in 2 states and have trial experience. (Only good news, 2010s, I'm gonna kick your asses at application time. Bad news, laid off PD/DAs from earlier years are kicking may rear end) Wooowoooo! (That's a loving train horn) nm fucked around with this message at 03:29 on Sep 7, 2010 |
# ? Sep 7, 2010 03:24 |
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nm posted:Goddammit. No poo poo, this exact career alternative came up a few threads ago. Trains own.
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# ? Sep 7, 2010 03:33 |
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CmdrSmirnoff posted:No poo poo, this exact career alternative came up a few threads ago. He's also probably a goon, this guy was a giant nerd.
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# ? Sep 7, 2010 03:41 |
I just found out an old High School friend of mine flies cargo 747s between Japan and Anchorage. He makes 1 one-way trip then takes four days off. It's a long-rear end trip, but still, work 2 of every 8 eights. He gets paid "shitloads."
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# ? Sep 7, 2010 07:02 |
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SWATJester posted:Exactly that. You want them to be able to do the math and come up with the same number you're asking for. But then if you're able to get an abstract value for pain and suffering, or if you're eligible for punitive damages, that's when you can really go to town on their heartstrings. This is a line from a local plaintiff attorney's commericals. "What does the couch mean to you? A relaxing nap? Watching a football game with friends, or sitting for an hour after work to unwind? For my clients, the couch is a prison. Imagine spending the rest of your life in debilitating pain, unable to get up from the couch. My clients have to deal with that pain. They shouldn't have to worry about their finances."
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# ? Sep 7, 2010 14:32 |
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# ? May 16, 2024 13:03 |
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Neon Belly fucked around with this message at 22:49 on Aug 1, 2016 |
# ? Sep 7, 2010 15:03 |