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Residency Evil posted:I'm thinking about the "upgrade" idea, but I'm just not sure how I think about it. I mean, should I be proposing in the first place if I can't buy an "appropriate" wedding ring? I don't necessarily agree with that point of view, but I'm not sure others would see it that way. Wouldn't it basically be like getting an IOU for a ring? Dude, if you love your girlfriend, propose. I think you're putting a little too much stock in the ring. If your girl wants to spend the rest of her life with you, a ring that doesn't break the bank is perfectly "appropriate." In fact, I think it's kind of romantic--like you couldn't wait to propose to her.  Anyway, it's not like you're going to say "Hey, I know this ring sucks balls, but I'll buy you a nicer one later when I have hell of monies." It's still going to be a great proposal even if the ring is modest. 
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Sep 22, 2010 22:58
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gvibes posted:In my opinion, a gift should at least cover the per-head cost of the reception. I am a bit more generous than that (for all but a couple weddings I have been to), and typically give $150 a head. If I gave a gift as well as a check, I would deduct the price of the gift from that, but in my experience, most couples would prefer money. Thanks. I feel like if I was giving a gift and then also presenting a check at the reception, it would almost seem like I was paying admission to get into the party. My parents usually give nice Waterford bowls or something as gifts; I've always felt cash is more tacky than a physical object. I'm going to talk to my other coworkers privately and see if I can clarify what she meant and what they are doing.
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Sep 22, 2010 22:59
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marylou posted:Dude, if you love your girlfriend, propose. I think you're putting a little too much stock in the ring. If your girl wants to spend the rest of her life with you, a ring that doesn't break the bank is perfectly "appropriate." In fact, I think it's kind of romantic--like you couldn't wait to propose to her. This is my view on the situation. If I love someone enough to marry them, I'm not going to be offended that he proposed with a ring that isn't huge/expensive enough. As long as it looks nice and is durable enough to be worn on a regular basis (which isn't tough to come by even on a tight budget) I'd be happy. Besides, if you're close enough with this woman to marry her, surely she has some idea of your financial situation and would understand. Like marylou said, it's kind of cute in a way. Of course this is just my opinion and as you can probably tell from my other posts in the thread I'm kind of a casual, low-maintenance kind of person and I don't know if she is too.
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Sep 23, 2010 01:27
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Okay, so after being engaged for 4 months, my fiance and I are going to be doing a courthouse wedding. We just decided that we can't afford a "normal" wedding (whatever that means), so this is going to be the best option for us. I'm sure that I posted before that this was going to be a possibility, but now it is a for sure. The wedding is going to be sometime in October, so it is much much much sooner than the September 2011 wedding we were originally planning. I am very excited, and it doesn't even matter to me anymore that it isn't going to be the wedding that I know our families want us to have. So its going to be a stressful month, throwing this all together, when we don't even know what day its going to be happening yet. That will be decided this weekend!
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Sep 23, 2010 03:34
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We're officially seventeen days out, and the poo poo is, in fact, hitting the fan now. I'm about to vent a little, so I apologize ahead of time, but it's getting a little frustrating... The bachelorette party is crashing and burning, to be quite honest, and we're going from "let's go and check out a cool bar in NYC, and take a limo in, and have a great time with friends," to all my friends either being busy that night (including two of my bridesmaids, who happen to be the ones that are related to me) or completely broke, to me telling my MOH that I really don't give a poo poo. Honestly, at this point, I just want to have a pajama party with booze, a TV, and our favorite chick flicks. Hopefully the MOH listens to that... Also, his mom is driving him nuts, saying that she's not involved with anything and any time she gets bothered by any little detail, she starts muttering about not crying. She doesn't seem to realize that we're not asking for a whole lot of help in making decisions, but we're doing it pretty much by ourselves. My mom, who's shelling out some serious dough to help when she really doesn't have much to spare, is involved somewhat, but really I'm just saying "hey, this is what we want to do" and then she helps us do it. His parents are helping by paying for the honeymoon, and we did ask for some help on that from them. But I feel like she's wigging out purely because she's not getting to control any of it, and it's really not her place to be in control, so she's got to get over it. These are obviously not huge issues, all things considered, but his mom's driving him crazy, and I hate seeing him this upset about it.  I don't particularly need advice on this mess, just needed to bitch to people who have been here semi-recently, and who get it.
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Sep 23, 2010 14:40
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We're 17 days out as well (Hi Oct. 9 wedding buddy!). How are you all dealing with the nervousness about being the center of attention? I have zero nervousness about getting/being married, but I'm super nervous thinking about all the people looking at me the whole time. We're having around 130 people, so it's not a huge wedding, but it's not tiny either. Is it just a confidence thing? Additionally, any tips for getting through these last few days of wedding planning where it seems like everyone needs a phone call and omg we forgot to buy enough favors and crap grandma is mad because she's not in the receiving line?
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Sep 23, 2010 14:58
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ucmallory posted:We're 17 days out as well (Hi Oct. 9 wedding buddy!). I think your count's off, because I'm Oct 10, and I'm officially 17 days and 4.5 hours away from wedding time... Just a heads up on that.
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Sep 23, 2010 17:03
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ucmallory posted:How are you all dealing with the nervousness about being the center of attention? I have zero nervousness about getting/being married, but I'm super nervous thinking about all the people looking at me the whole time. We're having around 130 people, so it's not a huge wedding, but it's not tiny either. Is it just a confidence thing? Not usually one for extreme nerves, I still didn't feel like eating breakfast the morning of my wedding and felt kinda shaky walking down the aisle with my parents. After sitting up front with my husband for a while, I realized no one was really staring at us or anything (they were watching the readers and the priest) and calmed down a ton. I guess my advice out of all this is just try to get a good night's sleep the night before, take calm/deep breaths before and during and know that most people are only looking at you for part of the ceremony. I found focusing on what I needed to be doing, where I needed to be standing, etc helped calm me down a lot.
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Sep 23, 2010 22:18
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Friendly Geek posted:I think your count's off, because I'm Oct 10, and I'm officially 17 days and 4.5 hours away from wedding time... Just a heads up on that. Doh. I just looked at the one above me and figured that was the same day. My bad.
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Sep 23, 2010 23:29
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ucmallory posted:We're 17 days out as well (Hi Oct. 9 wedding buddy!). This might sound stupid, but try just making up your mind that you won't be nervous. It's not worth it. Being nervous will ruin your day more than 99% of the stupid little things that could go wrong, so you're not going to be nervous. You don't have enough favors? No one cares. Someone is mad about some little thing? They'll get over it. People are watching you walk down the aisle? They're HAPPY for you and you should be watching your significant other like they aren't even there. I made up my mind not to be nervous or stressed or upset when I started planning because I knew it was going to be hard and really easily to stress about and for the most part it worked*. Because really, what are the consequences of something going wrong? Probably nothing, you're still married and that's what matters. The day of my wedding, I rolled out of bed like it was any other day (read: I wanted to keep sleeping). I did break a little when my mom made us a bit late for the pictures prior to the ceremony, but once the ceremony started, the rest of the day was perfect. *I've found this also works for teaching and public speaking, but not so much for taking your quals.
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Sep 23, 2010 23:35
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New engagement here! I'm telling the internet because I can't tell anyone else yet. My boyfriend (now fiance) and I celebrated our third anniversary yesterday, and he totally surprised me by popping the question. I wasn't surprised at the idea, as we've been living together and are very much in love, etc. However, the timing is awkward. His brother is getting married on October 16th. As I'm pretty sure it would be incredibly rude to announce our intentions right before their wedding and steal attention away from it, that means we can't tell anybody from his family for about a month. I also don't think it's a great idea to go ahead and tell my parents without telling his. And of course I don't want to tell coworkers or friends until family can be notified, so I'm liable to be distracted but can't explain why. Add to that the fact that we still need to actually shop for a ring (not a problem; I'm picky about jewelry and hardly ever wear it, so having input is good), and I don't exactly feel engaged yet. I suppose I'll try to approach it as a month in which we get to just be together and not harassed by inquiries about dates and such, but I just don't know how well I can keep my mouth shut for a month.
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Sep 24, 2010 03:52
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ha Maybe do the engagement version of what a lot of people do with their weddings. This is your 'real' engagement, but next month when you have a ring will be your engagement 'for the family.' And you can't spoil it because then they'll be sad!
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Sep 24, 2010 03:57
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Cheese Trolley posted:New engagement here! I'm telling the internet because I can't tell anyone else yet.
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Sep 24, 2010 05:17
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Cheese Trolley posted:New engagement here! I'm telling the internet because I can't tell anyone else yet. You are describing almost exactly what happened to me, though my whole family actually knew about it. (drat it.) I got engaged on my birthday, April 24th of last year, and my cousin, who is 5 days younger than me and very much like my brother, got married May 15th. The timing is actually exactly the same. Everyone in my family was all about my cousin and his new wife for that time, but the good news of my engagement was an added bonus of happy too. Believe me, they won't be overshadowed by you. Tell everyone before you explode!! 
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Sep 24, 2010 21:51
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I've been maid of honor for two brides this year and will be for one more in next month. The first wedding was a white-red-gold-themed wedding for 150+ guests, the second Nightmare Before Christmas -wedding for 72. Next one will be casual "if you want to wear a pirate costume to our wedding, that's cool, if you want to wear jeans and sneakers, that's cool too" -kinda wedding. I've seen three completely different kind of couples arranging the party and yet all three found the same things to be most important: - The groom was involved. Brides felt it was Them getting married, not just Her or their moms. This was the most important thing. - They were enthusiastic about their wedding, it was a nice challenge and a goal, not a force-fed drag full of uncomfortable traditions and being stared at by people. - They started the planning early. They scouted what was possible, what they could afford and what suited their style. After they had an idea what their wedding would look like, they sticked to it. They talked with maids of honor and bestman so we could point out things they hadn't thought about. For me this was important because I had an idea what was coming up and could offer my help. - They were stern, told us what they wanted and said "no" if we or their parents suggested something that didn't suit them. - The professionals (catering, photographers, florist, hair and makeup people) were also booked early. This saved the Nightmare-couple, as their first catering option failed. The couple was told to send an e-mail to the caterer and after two months (and several e-mails and phone calls!) she finally contacted them for a meeting, to which she never showed up. Since they started arrangements early they still had time to find a new one without hyperventilation. ucmallory posted:Any tips for getting through these last few days of wedding planning where it seems like everyone needs a phone call and omg we forgot to buy enough favors and crap grandma is mad because she's not in the receiving line? Let your friends/parents/moh and bestman help you. Make a list of all the things you're worried about and need to remember, and then check it with the people helping you. When you know everything is in control, you can relax and pamper yourself on the last few days. Remain calm and people around you will be calm. chachu posted:Is there any tactful way to tell people that, instead of presents, we would rather have a donation to our fund for a down payment on a house? For people with similar problems: in all three invitations I've received this year it was stated "we have everything we need, and the best present you can give us is you attending our wedding reception. If you do wish to commemorate, our bank account's number is XXXX-XXXXX." I don't live in USA, though, but in here that's actually more usual than gift registries and people don't find it odd at all. The guests would much rather give you something you appreciate than something that'll end up in trash can or nearby secondhand store.
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Sep 25, 2010 23:49
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Hiisi posted:For people with similar problems: in all three invitations I've received this year it was stated "we have everything we need, and the best present you can give us is you attending our wedding reception. If you do wish to commemorate, our bank account's number is XXXX-XXXXX." I don't live in USA, though, but in here that's actually more usual than gift registries and people don't find it odd at all. The guests would much rather give you something you appreciate than something that'll end up in trash can or nearby secondhand store. Putting the bank account number right in the invitation. Cripes.
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Sep 26, 2010 04:23
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I wonder if it works both ways. "If you don't enjoy the wedding feel free to take some money."
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Sep 26, 2010 05:40
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Hiisi posted:For people with similar problems: in all three invitations I've received this year it was stated "we have everything we need, and the best present you can give us is you attending our wedding reception. If you do wish to commemorate, our bank account's number is XXXX-XXXXX." I don't live in USA, though, but in here that's actually more usual than gift registries and people don't find it odd at all. The guests would much rather give you something you appreciate than something that'll end up in trash can or nearby secondhand store. In the USA that would be really really reaally rreaaaaaaallllllllllllly badly received. Obviously it's practical and in some senses more honest than our "register for poo poo you don't want, return for credit" tradition, but so it goes. You have to jump through lots of hoops made of euphemisms like "honeymoon registries" and "dream funds" if you really just want cash. So yeah definitely different here.
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Sep 26, 2010 16:35
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Hiisi posted:here that's actually more usual than gift registries and people don't find it odd at all. The guests would much rather give you something you appreciate than something that'll end up in trash can or nearby secondhand store. Oh how I envy you. Every single one of my relatives would rather give us a gaudy glass egg plate than $20, and I really don't understand it. Even if we didn't do a registry, none of them would give us cash and they would all still show up with some "keepsake" item that's just going to take up space. This happens with every holiday. I think America's problem is that everyone likes to feel like they're part of the investor class and pretends that money isn't a problem because everyone's just so well off they don't need to worry with it. Why we can't get over this stupid thing about money being taboo, I really don't understand. I don't know what to do about the registry stuff, because we really don't need any more crap. I'm also not big on the consumption of mass-produced goods if it's not necessary, so I don't want a bunch of stuff I can only return for credit at Target or whatever. Is it ok to ask for donations to charities in lieu of gifts?
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Sep 26, 2010 17:12
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I think so. Because of our weird cultural thing about not asking for money, though, I would translate that myself as "cash gifts only please." I'd probably give you a check and  "You donate to whatever charity you want" and if you donate it to the Get Me a Honeymoon Fund, fine, and if you donate to an actual charity, fine.You're ALWAYS going to get the keepsake presents, though. Even if the wedding invitation said "cash only, I will burn all physical presents in a giant Satanic bonfire" you'd still get the same amount of keepsake presents. You just wouldn't get any other presents.
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Sep 26, 2010 17:27
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It really doesn't matter what you do, because people will gift as they please anyway. We didn't register anywhere and told our parents that if anyone asked, they should say that all we wanted was to celebrate with our friends and family (which sounds fake, but it really is all we wanted). We got a few gifts, and the gifts we did get were absolutely amazing. His grandma knit us a throw in a heart design, one of my friends gave us some homemade soap, another gave us a cross-stitch sampler she made. There were only two gifts that were obviously given out of a sense of obligation and even those we appreciated. Other than that, everyone gave cash/checks/gift cards, which was a pleasant surprise because we weren't expecting anything.
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Sep 26, 2010 18:00
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The deal has been done, the knot tied etc.   My grandmother made our wedding cake. The first wedding cake she made was my mother's in the 70's. Since then she has made them for all her other children and I am her oldest grandchild and first to get married. She claims that this will be her last.  We gave her no instructions, just that it was square and gave her some left over ribbon that the dressmaker had used. We were stunned with the result, she has no formal cake making training at all.
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Sep 27, 2010 00:37
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I asked a bit on the Women's Fashion Mega-Thread, but I thought I might get more responses on here. One of my best friends is getting married next July and her sister and I are her bridesmaids. And she's letting us pick our own dresses. I did not realize how much trying to pick out bridesmaid dresses would suck. It sucks really bad. I'm willing to spend $200-300 on a dress, as long as it's not poo poo polyester that I'll never wear again. I want something that's a real fabric, cotton, silk, or linen (especially because it's a July outdoor wedding). But I can't find dresses in both my and her sister's sizes (10 and 18/20), that aren't crap material. JCrew doesn't go past a 16 although I like Anne Taylor, I'd like more choices. Any other suggestions for a company in that price, quality, and size range?
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Sep 27, 2010 01:32
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Ruggedor posted:I asked a bit on the Women's Fashion Mega-Thread, but I thought I might get more responses on here. With that broad of a size range, you're going to have a hard time finding something in a normal mall store for both of you. If your dresses need to be identical, you probably need to go the custom order dress route. I know that Dessy and Watters & Watters make dresses in silk and cotton. The other option is to find a dress in your size & then something similar in her sister's size. Since the bride is letting you pick the dress, maybe she'd be open to that solution?
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Sep 27, 2010 02:04
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Whitey Ford posted:The deal has been done, the knot tied That is an amazing cake! My lady-in-waiting and I ended up paying a good chunk of change for ours, and i'm sure it wont turn out nearly as amazing as the one your grandmother made for you. Did she also make a sheet cake? I'm debating having a "show" cake and a separate, cheaper cake for those free-loading guests of mine
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Sep 27, 2010 06:18
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The bottom two layers are chocolate cake, which was cut and served with desert. We had just over 100 people at our reception and there was plenty left over, so we didn't really need a separate cake. The top tier is fruit cake which we're keeping for an anniversary or important event. My Grandmother said it's normally the christening of our first child, which was an odd suggestion coming from an atheist such as herself, but I am not sure what we will save it for. Does anyone have any better ideas? Our kids will not be christened.
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Sep 27, 2010 06:38
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First child seems like a pretty good milestone. Maybe birth of the first child? (After a reasonable time for recovery.) Or maybe to celebrate finding out you're pregnant with your first child, or at a baby shower-type event. Or for non-child suggestions, how about just your first wedding anniversary or first Thanksgiving together.
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Sep 27, 2010 07:37
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Whitey Ford posted:The bottom two layers are chocolate cake, which was cut and served with desert. We had just over 100 people at our reception and there was plenty left over, so we didn't really need a separate cake. Traditionally, you eat some of it on your first anniversary.
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Sep 27, 2010 12:51
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Ruggedor posted:I asked a bit on the Women's Fashion Mega-Thread, but I thought I might get more responses on here. Maybe get one of those convertible bridesmaid wrap dresses that can be worn in different styles and fits? This is the only one I can think of off of the top of my head - http://www.butterbynadia.com/wrap.html - but I know there are like four or five companies that make convertible dresses like that now.
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Sep 27, 2010 14:11
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Ruggedor posted:I asked a bit on the Women's Fashion Mega-Thread, but I thought I might get more responses on here. This is another twist style dress: http://www.dessy.com/dresses/twist-short/ You might shy away from silk, unless you're in a hot but dry climate. In humid climates, silk gets really clingy and probably wouldn't look very nice. There are some synthetic fabrics that breathe quite well (Tactel does and is stretchy).
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Sep 27, 2010 15:23
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Whitey Ford posted:We gave her no instructions, just that it was square and gave her some left over ribbon that the dressmaker had used.
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Sep 27, 2010 15:31
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Whitey Ford posted:The deal has been done, the knot tied etc. Congratulations, city skyline wedding buddy.  That cake is pretty amazing.
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Sep 27, 2010 17:59
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Welp she said yes! Here is the rock: It's a 1/3ct VS2, G, ideal cut. Absolutely beautiful stone and simple band. Perfect for us.
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Sep 28, 2010 00:33
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Whitey Ford posted:Does anyone have any better ideas? Our kids will not be christened. Don't write off christening though, much like a wedding or Christmas, you can make the ceremony more cultural than religious, that way you can make your best friends godparents and include them in your family for the long term. Instead of helping your child lead a spiritual life they can guide them in your own values, be that video games or comedy or rock and roll or whatever.
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Sep 28, 2010 05:46
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Just a post-wedding question- How long did it take for y'all do to your thank you notes and sending out photos and such? It was a month ago today and I feel like I'm way behind on everything
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Sep 28, 2010 06:16
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PopRocks posted:1st anniversary is traditional, you could even throw a small party with your families if it's too much cake for the two of you. angryhampster posted:Welp she said yes! Here is the rock: Bewildrbeast posted:Just a post-wedding question- One month pales in comparison.
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Sep 28, 2010 07:40
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Whitey Ford posted:This is a great idea, I think we'll have a small house party with our close friends. Eat cake and be merry. Just a warning on this, and maybe your cake will be different since it's fruit cake, but it probably won't taste good. My husband & I were able to take two bites each & then the rest of it went in the trash. Old cake that's been frozen for a year is really dry....
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Sep 28, 2010 13:15
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Bewildrbeast posted:Just a post-wedding question-
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Sep 28, 2010 14:01
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Bewildrbeast posted:Just a post-wedding question- We got thank you cards from the wedding we went to in May, in August. We sent ours out at around the three week mark. I'm weird and like writing notes, and honestly I just wanted anything wedding-related to be done ASAP so we could relax, plus we didn't go on a honeymoon yet so there was nothing else to do. We still haven't gotten a thank you note from my cousin who got married in June, but we really don't expect one from her.
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Sep 28, 2010 15:32
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GoreJess posted:Just a warning on this, and maybe your cake will be different since it's fruit cake, but it probably won't taste good. My husband & I were able to take two bites each & then the rest of it went in the trash. Old cake that's been frozen for a year is really dry.... maybe a bit of overkill but an easy way around this is to vacuum seal it with a foodsaver or the like. put something around it in the bag that is slightly higher than the cake to keep it from being squashed (i've used 3 wine corks in one particular instance), vacuum seal it up and it'll taste like it did the day you sealed it the following year. Lot of work, but if it's that important to you, there you go. You can also freeze it first, then seal it up, but the freezing process will drive off a bit of the moisture if you do.
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Sep 28, 2010 16:20
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