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Quartknee posted:Are there any other duties we could have my cousin do to participate in the ceremony? Same issue, we made the 12 year old an usher that helped people find their seats.
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Oct 18, 2010 21:01
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that could work, we have two ushers already, more can't hurt. I just now thought that she could be a guest book attendant...
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Oct 18, 2010 21:06
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Quartknee posted:I have a question about ring bearers/flower girls. I've always found it kinda stupid and she might be too young for it, but you could also do the whole "junior bridesmaid" thing.
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Oct 18, 2010 21:12
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Quartknee posted:that could work, we have two ushers already, more can't hurt. Someone who knows where all the bathrooms are and can help older people find them as needed can never be a bad thing.
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Oct 18, 2010 21:14
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Quartknee posted:don't want too many flower girls. We also don't want them to feel left out, or offend any family. I suggested one girl from each side, but it might be a little weird with a 11 year old and a 5/7 year old. Plus her family wouldn't take anybody getting left out kindly. I don't get this thought process. It might be weird? To who? The Official Arbiters of Wedding Appropriateness? To your family? To your friends? Too many flower girls? I can't imagine anyone going to a wedding and saying "Yes, it was a beautiful ceremony, but there were just too many girls walking down an aisle, being happy and spreading flowers."
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Oct 18, 2010 23:00
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So my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years officially popped the question this weekend! He took me on a hike and he asked while we were setting up lunch in a spot overlooking a waterfall. The waterfall:  The ring (sapphire, as I'm not very into diamonds):  Us just afterward:  All of my friends love the dog's expression in the last one. What you can't tell is that he's trying to figure out whether the dachshund the people who stopped to take our picture had with them was a squirrel he should chase, or a dog he should play with. Neither of which would have been good anyway since we were on top of a waterfall. We're planning on getting married in April or May of 2012. Complicating matters is the fact that we are not living together now and won't be able to for several years after the wedding as a result of our decision to attend PhD programs on opposite sides of the country. We debated putting things off until we're done but decided against it. Despite the fact that I am not especially girly and certainly did not spend my childhood dreaming about getting married I am actually pretty excited about planning the wedding. Even though I'm sure it's going to be a pain due to the distance thing and the fact that my parents are divorced and hate each other. I've already gotten some cool ideas from this thread!
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Oct 18, 2010 23:22
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Eris posted:I don't get this thought process. It might be weird? To who? The Official Arbiters of Wedding Appropriateness? To your family? To your friends? Agreed. Yeah 11 might be on the older side for a flower girl, but you gotta work with what you've got. If it makes her and the family happy, bend the rules. If it's her dream to be flowergirl, this is her last shot. Alternatively, the usher thing could be cool as well.
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Oct 18, 2010 23:32
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Ceridwen posted:
Congratulations!!! I love that he brought Rusty along for the proposal, like "See, you have to say 'yes' because we already have a dog together."
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Oct 18, 2010 23:43
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Quartknee posted:I have a question about ring bearers/flower girls. I'm having an argument with the fiance now. His sister got butthurt when I told her she was too old to be flower girl. She's 16...fiance doesn't want to hurt her feelings and won't put his foot down. Will it ruin the wedding that a 16 year old will be a flower girl? No. Will it be silly? God yes. I'm really hoping that she can be convinced to be an usher or like a cake cutter or something.
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Oct 18, 2010 23:43
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I'm of the opinion that ring bearers and flower girls don't need to stand with the rest of the wedding party during the ceremony. So you can have 20 kids parade down the isle and cover the place in petals and they all go sit with their parents after they make it to the alter and present the rings to the best man. It won't look weird or uneven because they're just leading the procession down the aisle. Ms. Happiness posted:I'm having an argument with the fiance now. His sister got butthurt when I told her she was too old to be flower girl. She's 16...fiance doesn't want to hurt her feelings and won't put his foot down. She's your future sister-in-law, why on earth is she NOT in the wedding party?
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Oct 19, 2010 01:56
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Ceridwen posted:. Complicating matters is the fact that we are not living together now and won't be able to for several years after the wedding as a result of our decision to attend PhD programs on opposite sides of the country. We debated putting things off until we're done but decided against it. I did this for 3 years while in law school, while my fiancee was at a different school in a different state. It's completely doable if your communication is extremely good.
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Oct 19, 2010 02:34
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PopRocks posted:She's your future sister-in-law, why on earth is she NOT in the wedding party? I'm not on the best terms with his family, unfortunately. I know you've posted before about the whole coming together of families thing with weddings. I think ideally that's wonderful and more power to the people that can do that. I love my fiance but his family and I butt heads on a lot of things.
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Oct 19, 2010 02:38
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Isn't that just one more thing to unnecessarily butt heads over, though? Seems like not including her, especially in such a minor role in the wedding processional, is just adding more fuel to their fire. I mean, you're marrying this person, like them or not, they're gonna be deeply involved in your lives forever, even if you move to another continent, hell even if you never see or speak to them, the fact that your spouse has contact with them means everything they do and say to him will effect you for the rest of your life. I guess that's why I'm so much in support of including family in the wedding, I've seen couples that try to avoid their in-laws and it's pretty much impossible. Better to kill them with kindness and not give them anything to hold against you. Short of your spouse disowning his family and never allowing any contact with them, you have to put up with them.
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Oct 19, 2010 02:56
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I initially wanted her to be a lay reader in a our wedding ceremony (read Bible verses for the service). I even asked her if that was okay and she seemed fine with it. About a month back she's saying that she's scared of public speaking (I did not know this) and that she -really- wanted to be a flower girl but I said she's too old. Fiance's mom assured her that I was just being mean and she could be a flower girl if she wanted thus making me out to be the bad person. As much as I think the whole thing is silly, you're right...I don't want to get into a petty fight about this whole thing. My fiance is going to talk with her about it so we'll see if she still wants to be a flower girl or could be convinced to do something else. I'd be fine with her being a bridesmaid if it just made things go smoother, haha. Whether or not she's a flower girl or whatever, we're still having the wedding and will get married, which is the important thing through all this, right?
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Oct 19, 2010 03:02
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Ms. Happiness posted:Will it ruin the wedding that a 16 year old will be a flower girl? No. Will it be silly? God yes. Who cares? She's the one who has to be 16 (which, if you recall, sucks for everyone everywhere) and up there being a flower girl. If it's going to reflect badly on anyone, I can only imagine it would reflect badly on her for being kind of weird about it. Besides, is your wedding going to be a black tie super somber affair with the pope doing the service or something? gently caress it. Let her be involved how she wants to be involved. It's not like she's trying to guilt you into having a wedding in a church as an atheist, or trying to tell you that x is tacky, or trying to micromanage you. She just wants to be involved how she feels comfortable being involved.
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Oct 19, 2010 04:55
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I just wanted to share some pictures of our wedding. We ended up doing everything for about 6-7k. We went with a student photographer based on her portfolio and we couldn't have been happier.   
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Oct 19, 2010 05:18
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SplitDestiny posted:I just wanted to share some pictures of our wedding. We ended up doing everything for about 6-7k. We went with a student photographer based on her portfolio and we couldn't have been happier. Holy moly those pictures are so beautiful!! I love the last one.  you're both smiling with your eyes while you're kissing. 
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Oct 19, 2010 07:05
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SplitDestiny posted:I just wanted to share some pictures of our wedding. We ended up doing everything for about 6-7k. We went with a student photographer based on her portfolio and we couldn't have been happier. Gorgeous! Happy brides and grooms are the best I have what may be a silly question: where do normal people get married? I've been looking for just a nice outdoor venue for 60-80 people for months and I can't find anything. There's public parks, but they're booked about a year in advance, and I haven't found any kind of private venue for under $4,000 plus all kinds of vendor stipulations. It's getting kind of frustrating. We can't really plan anything else until we have the location picked out, but I'm not going to pay $6000 to rent a field for four hours.
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Oct 19, 2010 13:01
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SWATJester posted:I did this for 3 years while in law school, while my fiancee was at a different school in a different state. It's completely doable if your communication is extremely good. Hey, what's up split-up-by-law-school buddy. My fiance just got done, I've got one year left; we'll be planning while I'm finishing up. Luckily, she has some time before her job starts, so one of us can actually devote a lot of attention to the thing. hennypenny posted:I have what may be a silly question: where do normal people get married? Are any close family members country club members? Otherwise, check out historic sites in the place you're in. In St. Louis, there are all sorts of publicly owned, outdoor spaces that can be rented for purposes like this. I'm getting married in a Cathedral, though, so I'm not sure about prices. Seems like, being public, they'd be cheaper than private options. Which actually brings me to my question. I'm not baptized, she is, we're getting a catholic wedding. Obviously we're both more than okay with the situation, and I'm relatively comfortable in the structure of a mass (I've been attending church with her family semi-regularly for a couple years now). But, I'd appreciate someone to talk to who's been in the same situation as me, just so I know what to expect with pre-cana, what the expectations are of me during the ceremony, that sorta thing. Anyone around here in my shoes?
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Oct 19, 2010 14:13
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hennypenny posted:Gorgeous! Happy brides and grooms are the best Thanks As for venues, it's just calling around and trying to find something in your budget. We actually used the University of Michigan Botanical gardens, but it was still $1100 for the venue. We had the reception off site.
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Oct 19, 2010 15:31
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hennypenny posted:Gorgeous! Happy brides and grooms are the best Most people I know do book 1+ years in advance so they can get the park/botanical garden/etc venue that they want. I booked about 14 months in advance to have my ceremony and reception at an awesome historical mansion with lovely grounds.
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Oct 19, 2010 15:43
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Boxman posted:Which actually brings me to my question. I'm not baptized, she is, we're getting a catholic wedding. Obviously we're both more than okay with the situation, and I'm relatively comfortable in the structure of a mass (I've been attending church with her family semi-regularly for a couple years now). But, I'd appreciate someone to talk to who's been in the same situation as me, just so I know what to expect with pre-cana, what the expectations are of me during the ceremony, that sorta thing. Anyone around here in my shoes? I'm sort of surprised that you're having a Mass. My friend had to just have the wedding service since her husband isn't Catholic. Anyway. I believe your fiancee will have to make a pledge to raise future kids Catholic. How well this experience goes for the both of you is highly dependent on how well you mesh with the priest. We ended up changing to a different priest (he was supposed to be moving before we married) and things started to go much better after that change. Pre-Cana varies from parish to parish. No matter what, you're going to be meeting with the priest who will be officiating at your ceremony. You'll take a Catholic version of the FOCCUS test which is sort of a compatibility test thing that you'll discuss the results of with the priest. I don't remember all of it, but the intent is to help you find any areas that you maybe haven't discussed regarding marriage and married life. It's nothing to sweat. Lots of filling in bubbles with your #2 pencil though. Along with all of the priest meetings and general planning stuff, you'll either have classes, a sponsor couple and/or a Saturday retreat. My church did the Saturday retreat which sort of combines all the topics from the classes into one big day of talks/discussion. My friend did that retreat but was also required to have a sponsor couple by her home parish (where she was marrying). My husband and I aren't uber-Catholics (even though I converted) and none of this was difficult to go through (despite us disagreeing w/ the no birth control thing). PM me for a more in depth talk about the retreat or church specific stuff if you have questions. It can be overwhelming at times.
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Oct 19, 2010 16:16
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Ms. Happiness posted:Will it ruin the wedding that a 16 year old will be a flower girl? No. Will it be silly? God yes. We're having my fiance's 15-year old cousin as a flower girl/junior bridesmaid. I don't exactly know what the hell a junior bridesmaid is supposed to be, I think we're just throwing that title in there so people won't be surprised to see a gangling teenage girl throwing flowers instead of a 4-year old in a cupcake gown. It's a little non-traditional but what the heck? She's a peach of a kid, she's family and she really wants to be included. It's your wedding and you're entitled to feel however you want about it, but lately I'm finding myself caring less about a non-traditional detail here and there, and more about including my family members who are overflowing with happiness and love for us. SplitDestiny posted:I just wanted to share some pictures of our wedding. We ended up doing everything for about 6-7k. We went with a student photographer based on her portfolio and we couldn't have been happier. These are gorgeous pictures and you're a knockout bride! Congratulations!
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Oct 19, 2010 16:54
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elle vee posted:These are gorgeous pictures and you're a knockout bride! Congratulations! I was the groom :P but thanks!
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Oct 19, 2010 18:29
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What are some good non-diamond choices for a ring? How do I know I am getting a good gemstone? My girlfriend doesn't like the whole diamond trade so I am trying to think of good alternatives.
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Oct 20, 2010 03:35
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Mooseontheloose posted:What are some good non-diamond choices for a ring? How do I know I am getting a good gemstone? My girlfriend doesn't like the whole diamond trade so I am trying to think of good alternatives. If you search this thread for / google moissanite, that's a great starting place--tons of fire, white / clear stone just like a diamond, and lots of goons in this very thread have been happy with it.
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Oct 20, 2010 03:38
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I love, love, love my moissanite ring! I have pictures if you're interested.
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Oct 20, 2010 04:20
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Fire In The Disco posted:I love, love, love my moissanite ring! I have pictures if you're interested. Me too! Prettier, cheaper, and more ethical than diamonds. Can't go wrong.
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Oct 20, 2010 04:49
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hennypenny posted:Me too! Prettier, cheaper, and more ethical than diamonds. Can't go wrong. By the way JohnnyRnR has been great to work with in putting together the perfect ring. I'll show pictures here when I receive it!
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Oct 20, 2010 13:20
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SplitDestiny posted:I was the groom :P but thanks! Ha! Sorry about that, guess I'm so used to The Knot, Indie Bride etc. where it's all brides posting pictures.
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Oct 20, 2010 15:45
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Mooseontheloose posted:What are some good non-diamond choices for a ring? How do I know I am getting a good gemstone? My girlfriend doesn't like the whole diamond trade so I am trying to think of good alternatives. Does she like colored stones? Sapphires and rubies are also good options (while moissanite is better if you want to recreate the diamond look). Keep in mind you want a very hard stone for an engagement ring, since it will be worn every day.
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Oct 20, 2010 16:03
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Yeah, it's worth looking into some colored stones that she could like. If she wants some color, but still wants it to look traditional, a very lightly pigmented gem is nice. I'm hoping for a very light blue sapphire for mine.
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Oct 20, 2010 18:17
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I'm significantly biased because I sell diamonds, but the diamond trade of today is 99% free of any kind of conflict. The main sources of diamonds sold in the United States are South Africa, Russia, Australia, and Canada. Those countries may not be perfect, but their diamonds are mined by corporations that share the mining programs with the local governments and respect the rights of their workers and the indigenous peoples. Admittedly, in other countries there are problems with the profits of the mines trickling down to the local populace but that would be more of a systemic problem with most developing countries. If a diamond just won't do I would recommend sapphire as a substitute. They are hard and durable, are available in a wide range of colors, and have a bit of romantic history about them as they were traditionally the engagement ring of the Kings and Queens of Europe.
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Oct 20, 2010 18:18
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When you buy your engagement ring, do you buy the wedding bands as well at the same time?
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Oct 21, 2010 10:24
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You can, or you can buy it later. When we got engaged, my now-husband bought my engagement ring and then a few months before we got married we bought both of our wedding bands at once. But if you have an engagement ring that requires a special band to fit the shape of her ring, then it might be smart to buy them at the same time.
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Oct 21, 2010 12:02
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I am away for work 8-10 weeks at a time, and as such, missed our 4 year anniv. SO, i just made reservations at the swanky hotel, and I am going to suprise her when I come home and throw around some of this money I've been making.
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Oct 21, 2010 22:05
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Bruiser posted:I am away for work 8-10 weeks at a time, and as such, missed our 4 year anniv. SO, i just made reservations at the swanky hotel, and I am going to suprise her when I come home and throw around some of this money I've been making. Nice. Did you guys choose that venue you were looking at?
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Oct 22, 2010 19:51
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Possibly not an answerable question, but I figure I'll try. Can anyone suggest ideas for types of places to look for, in order to get a really nice autumn wedding for a really small price-tag? I'm starting to look for wedding venues, particularly for an autumn wedding next year. I am, unfortunately, both east coast AND fairly close to NYC. Anything that knows it can be a good wedding venue has priced itself outside the realm of reality for us. In short, I think that I need to look for places that don't know they're awesome wedding locations yet. The "realm of reality", unfortunately, is about $5,000 total for 40-50 people, including bridal party. It seems like $5K gets you either a venue or a meal, but never both. If I need to, I *can* bend on the $5K, but I'd rather not since we have so much student debt between the two of us. She's got a good $80,000 of her own, on top of my $35,000, so any debt I can avoid is good news. (I'm looking for a nice place, though... there's always the Shriners' Lodge, but I'd prefer not to do that either.  )
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Oct 25, 2010 15:45
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If it was me in your position, I would do a JP ceremony, and put all of the money into a reception. As for venues, maybe think of parks? Lovely fall leaves changing color could be a great thing, and if it's not like Central Park or anything, it could save you money.
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Oct 25, 2010 16:12
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Sundae posted:Possibly not an answerable question, but I figure I'll try. Parks, small historical sites like old houses, country clubs?, national parks, friend's nice backyard (worth a go...), university venues/museums/parks. Not engaged, but I have my eye on Look Park in Florence, MA. I went to school near there and it's a really lovely area, especially in Autumn with all the leaves Plus, it's pretty cheap. I was looking especially at the "Garden House" part, which is indoors too. Someplace similar to that might be an option for you.
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Oct 25, 2010 16:17
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