Got a crazy forwarded political email from your family? Post them here.

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Debate & Discussion > Got a crazy forwarded political email from your family? Post them here.

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MrNemo: Aug 26, 2010; "I just love beeting off"

Duh! They're not interpreting the Constitution, they want to take the Constitution as what it literally says. This isn't interpretation because it means the Constitution supports policies they also support while if it means a judge can't base his judgements on the 10 Commandments then you must be interpreting it. I've heard a few times that if you take a good hard look at the Confederate constitution and then at what a lot of right wingers say the US Constitution proscribes you'll find a lot more crossover than with the actual US Constitution.

My mother recently forwarded me an email her sister sent her (fortunately she was only sending it on because she thought it was ridiculous, not sure if that's why her sister sent it to her) that was all about the 'Islamic demographic threat' and how it's guaranteed that if Muslims manage to get to 20% of the population they'll institute Sharia law and if they make it to 50% we'll all have to follow it and then at 80% they'll start kicking out or persecuting non-Muslims and at 100% all law and order breaks down, cats and dogs living together and Mohammed will personally deliver a noogie to every white person left. Ignoring all the other poo poo (and there's a lot) in it, the one thing that really pissed me off was totally ignoring 1) All the Islamic countries that have relatively free and tolerant governments and 2) All the non-Islamic countries (some even *gasp* have Christian majorities) that do horrific poo poo to their minorities and general populace.

The fact that the whole point of the email is "Muslims are evil and intolerant people who will persecute you if you're a minority, persecute them now before they stop being a minority!" :stare:

# ? Oct 23, 2010 17:11

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# ? May 12, 2024 12:37

Armyman25: Sep 6, 2005

Wait, wait, are we (white people) being out bred by Muslims or Mexicans? I can't keep up.

# ? Oct 23, 2010 17:15

Deuce: Jun 18, 2004; Mile High Club

Armyman25 posted:

Wait, wait, are we (white people) being out bred by Muslims or Mexicans? I can't keep up.

Don't worry, the Asians are still on our side!

# ? Oct 23, 2010 22:50

nm: Jan 28, 2008; "I saw Minos the Space Judge holding a golden sceptre and passing sentence upon the Martians. There he presided, and around him the noble Space Prosecutors sought the firm justice of space law."

Armyman25 posted:

Wait, wait, are we (white people) being out bred by Muslims or Mexicans? I can't keep up.

Catholics and muslims are basically the same thing

# ? Oct 23, 2010 23:15

Pththya-lyi: Nov 8, 2009; THUNDERDOME LOSER 2020

nm posted:

Catholics and muslims are basically the same thing

Catholics are loyal to the Vatican, not America! Also, they're after your children, as shown in this 1876 Thomas Nast cartoon:

Edit: Another anti-Catholic cartoon, this time from 1943:

Pththya-lyi fucked around with this message at 23:27 on Oct 23, 2010

# ? Oct 23, 2010 23:20

Armyman25: Sep 6, 2005

Yeah, I'd like to see someone call Tom Tancredo a crypto-papist WOP, just to see the reaction from people.

# ? Oct 23, 2010 23:22

Slaan: Mar 16, 2009; ASHERAH DEMANDS I FEAST, I VOTE FOR A FEAST OF FLESH

Pththya-lyi posted:

Catholics are loyal to the Vatican, not America! Also, they're after your children, as shown in this 1876 Thomas Nast cartoon:

Edit: Another anti-Catholic cartoon, this time from 1943:

~~I'm confused about the first picture. Are the crocodiles those drat Irish Ginger Catholics that are coming to kill our schools and children? (GO BACK TO IRELAND DRUNKIE! )~~ Reading comprehension. I just saw you text above it.

And to be fair to the second cartoon, the Pope was turning a blind eye to the atrocities that were committed by the Catholic fascists in Italy and Germany.

# ? Oct 24, 2010 04:59

Shimrra Jamaane: Aug 10, 2007; Obscure to all except those well-versed in Yuuzhan Vong lore.

I'm pretty sure that the Fundie Evangelical Christians still feel that way about Catholics.

# ? Oct 24, 2010 05:03

Blarghalt: May 19, 2010

Shimrra Jamaane posted:

I'm pretty sure that the Fundie Evangelical Christians still feel that way about Catholics.

Yeah, but they've gotten a lot more subtle about it over the years. John Hagee got called out for bashing the Vatican a few years ago and promptly apologized for it, but almost certainly wasn't sincere.

Meanwhile, fundies love to say whatever the gently caress they want about Muslims.

# ? Oct 24, 2010 05:07

Capsaicin: Nov 17, 2004; broof roof roof

I always keep forgetting that beating Noguiera is a big deal. The guy looks like the way Johnny Cash sings.

edit: not the ufc thread

# ? Oct 24, 2010 05:13

Corb3t: Jun 7, 2003

I've got an e-mail!

quote:

For those that don't know about history ... Here is a condensed version:

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

1 . Liberals, and
2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. Those became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud or Miller. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, engineers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the military, airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing.. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history:

It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.

A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to tick them off.

And there you have it.

Let your next action reveal your true self .

# ? Oct 24, 2010 05:20

Taerkar: Dec 7, 2002; kind of into it, really

Who wants to guess which animal has had more of an impact upon humanity, the Donkey or the Elephant?

# ? Oct 24, 2010 06:22

Shimrra Jamaane: Aug 10, 2007; Obscure to all except those well-versed in Yuuzhan Vong lore.

What do they have against cats? :psyduck:

And they really think it was a conservative movement to immigrate to America? :psyduck:

gently caress, that email is a whole ton of stupid.

# ? Oct 24, 2010 06:28

the: Jul 18, 2004; by Cowcaster

You could rewrite that, just replace all of the Conservative poo poo with "lack of education, inbreeding, slavery, hatred, bigotry" and the Liberal poo poo with, "open-mindedness, scientific progress, and pursuit of reason."

# ? Oct 24, 2010 06:31

24-7 Urkel Cosplay: Feb 12, 2003

"Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. "

So I guess before that it was just a big gay orgy every night.

# ? Oct 24, 2010 06:37

Shimrra Jamaane: Aug 10, 2007; Obscure to all except those well-versed in Yuuzhan Vong lore.

Since liberals apparently invented sewing it was only because of them that all the conservatives didn't freeze to death.

# ? Oct 24, 2010 06:43

Pththya-lyi: Nov 8, 2009; THUNDERDOME LOSER 2020

That email was posted before, but I just want to point out the :psyduck:

about the designated hitter rule. For those who are legitimately curious about this rule, here is Wikipedia's article, including an explanation of its history. It says that "The rationale for the designated hitter rule is that . . . pitchers are usually weak hitters who ordinarily perform once every four or five games," but obviously they just need to bootstrap themselves!

Also, how did rodeo cowboys, corporate executives, and athletes end up being classified with "productive" workers? Rodeo cowboys and athletes produce nothing, and neither does the act of spectating a sports game or a rodeo. The entire purpose of a corporate executive is to control and coordinate producers - a behavior attributed to liberals! Why, the email doesn't seem to be well thought out at all! :crossarms:

# ? Oct 24, 2010 07:22

Nessus: Dec 22, 2003; After a Speaker vote, you may be entitled to a valuable coupon or voucher!

"A conservative will laugh, convinced of its absolute truth, and as he has no other purpose in life than to pointlessly and pettily annoy those with different opinions than his own, will forward it to a bunch of people arbitrarily."

# ? Oct 24, 2010 07:39

Dr Christmas: Apr 24, 2010; Berninating the one percent,
Berninating the Wall St.
Berninating all the people
In their high rise penthouses!
🔥😱🔥🔫👴🏻

I love that real, true, manly conservative men drink and Budweiser when given a choice. My dad is pretty conservative and a massive beer snob, and I caught less heat for ordering something called a "Skittletini" than my sister and her boyfriend got for ordering Budweiser.

# ? Oct 24, 2010 08:19

Turing sex machine: Dec 14, 2008; I want to have
your robot-babies

Pththya-lyi posted:

Also, how did rodeo cowboys, corporate executives, and athletes end up being classified with "productive" workers?

Not to mention most members of the military.

# ? Oct 24, 2010 11:51

AKA Pseudonym: May 16, 2004; A dashing and sophisticated young man; Doctor Rope

I don't suppose the author of that email knows that the French eat their beef entirely raw.

# ? Oct 24, 2010 12:48

i am the bird: Mar 2, 2005; I SUPPORT ALL THE PREDATORS

Things that e-mail has taught me:

Liberals invented democracy.

Conservatives believe in evolution.

# ? Oct 24, 2010 15:58

Push El Burrito: May 9, 2006; Soiled Meat

Taerkar posted:

Who wants to guess which animal has had more of an impact upon humanity, the Donkey or the Elephant?

Donkeys are known to work hard and be stubborn about a lot of things.

Elephants are known to go crazy sometimes and destroy everything around them.

# ? Oct 24, 2010 17:18

Kavak: Aug 23, 2009

Donkeys were used mainly for labor.

Elephants were often used for war.

# ? Oct 24, 2010 18:22

Shimrra Jamaane: Aug 10, 2007; Obscure to all except those well-versed in Yuuzhan Vong lore.

Kavak posted:

Donkeys were used mainly for labor.

Elephants were often used for war.

Yeah, by brown people. I don't think the Republicans will be too thrilled about that.

# ? Oct 24, 2010 18:31

PerniciousKnid: Sep 13, 2006

Shimrra Jamaane posted:

Yeah, by brown people. I don't think the Republicans will be too thrilled about that.

How could anyone not be thrilled by the idea of an Indian guy riding Rush Limbaugh into battle?

# ? Oct 24, 2010 18:39

The_Rob: Feb 1, 2007; Blah blah blah blah!!

Dr Christmas posted:

I love that real, true, manly conservative men drink and Budweiser when given a choice. My dad is pretty conservative and a massive beer snob, and I caught less heat for ordering something called a "Skittletini" than my sister and her boyfriend got for ordering Budweiser.

Not only that. Most imported beers are wayy stronger and manlier than loving Bud and Miller.

# ? Oct 24, 2010 18:45

Dameius: Apr 3, 2006

The_Rob posted:

Not only that. Most imported beers are wayy stronger and manlier than loving Bud and Miller.

Not only that. Bud is now owned by fer'ners.

# ? Oct 24, 2010 18:49

HELLO THERE: Mar 22, 2010

crime fighting hog posted:

"I agree, they're all terrible, but I watch Fox anyways because I'm their target audience."

Well, at least he's not holding on to illusions about that.

# ? Oct 24, 2010 18:50

Teriyaki Hairpiece: Dec 29, 2006; I'm nae the voice o' the darkened thistle, but th' darkened thistle cannae bear the sight o' our Bonnie Prince Bernie nae mair.

Chunk posted:

"Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. "

So I guess before that it was just a big gay orgy every night.

Maybe http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Two-Spirit ?

# ? Oct 24, 2010 20:54

Dr Christmas: Apr 24, 2010; Berninating the one percent,
Berninating the Wall St.
Berninating all the people
In their high rise penthouses!
🔥😱🔥🔫👴🏻

Burrito posted:

Donkeys are known to work hard and be stubborn about a lot of things.

Elephants are known to go crazy sometimes and destroy everything around them.

quote:

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women.

Elephant herds are led by a matriarch, an inversion of man's natural position as head of the family, as ordained by God.

# ? Oct 24, 2010 21:09

Blarghalt: May 19, 2010

Also, male elephants are some of the most easily provoked animals on the planet.

# ? Oct 25, 2010 00:21

boz204: Mar 16, 2009

Doomclown posted:

How could anyone not be thrilled by the idea of an Indian guy riding Rush Limbaugh into battle?

Limbaugh is perfect to have in battle. We can load him up with painkillers (he won't mind, trust me) and he will be unstoppable.

# ? Oct 25, 2010 02:14

Technogeek: Sep 9, 2002; by FactsAreUseless

Dr Christmas posted:

My dad is pretty conservative and a massive beer snob, and I caught less heat for ordering something called a "Skittletini" than my sister and her boyfriend got for ordering Budweiser.

Wasn't that a Simpsons joke a while back?

# ? Oct 25, 2010 03:20

Cjones: Jul 4, 2008; Democracia Socrates, MD

I'm a dirty leftist and I love red meat

Hell, I'm a butcher (but I'm also a student probably being indoctrinated in the ways of Mao)

# ? Oct 25, 2010 05:25

Kavak: Aug 23, 2009

Technogeek posted:

Wasn't that a Simpsons joke a while back?

Skittlebrau
:goonsay:

# ? Oct 25, 2010 05:30

Hollow Gaunt: Aug 7, 2007

Corbet posted:

I've got an e-mail!

The worst part about that is that a lot of conservatives actually implicitly believe some of that poo poo.

# ? Oct 25, 2010 05:54

Angry Avocado: Jun 6, 2010

Corbet posted:

I've got an e-mail!

I especially like the undertone of how women belong in the kitchen and gay men are inferior. (Well, that last thing wasn't really an undertone as much as it was really blatant, but hey).

Other than that, the GOP wasn't always the conservative party. It was a Republican president that ended slavery, and don't think the GOP would've done the same thing with today's mindset. But my knowledge on this is pretty limited (GOP's progressive era, that is), so if someone can expand on this, that would be great.

# ? Oct 25, 2010 12:17

freebooter: Jul 7, 2009

Lincoln ended slavery because it was convenient, not because he parcularly cared about the plight of the slaves. He actually thought blacks and whites were incapable of living alongside each other as equals.

# ? Oct 25, 2010 18:41

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# ? May 12, 2024 12:37

Defenestration: Aug 10, 2006; "It wasn't my fault that my first unconscious thought turned out to be-"
"Jesus, kid, what?"
"That something smelled delicious!"; Grimey Drawer

Angry Avocado posted:

Other than that, the GOP wasn't always the conservative party. It was a Republican president that ended slavery,

Lincoln wasn't exactly tripping over himself to free the slaves. He only did it after a lot of social and military pressure (the union army needed black labor). Personally, he was against it, but politically he was conciliatory as gently caress toward slave state interests

# ? Oct 25, 2010 18:43

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Debate & Discussion > Got a crazy forwarded political email from your family? Post them here.

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