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Dead Cow
Nov 4, 2009

Passion makes the world go round.
Love just makes it a safer place.

Solkanar512 posted:

Then respond with, "I have, 59 degrees is too loving cold, knock it off".

The correct response is "You have, 59 degrees is too loving cold, knock it off".

top o' the page edit: We just had a company wide meeting for something that could have been sent out in a email. It's always nice to hear the President of the company talk, so I'm not mad, but the room we have meetings in usually has computers and stuff in it, so every time we have a meeting in there we have to move everything out of there.

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Sundae
Dec 1, 2005
Since the last time this thread got bumped back to life, another 12% of my department got cut. :lol:

I'm working on a project that explicitly has "don't finish it" built into the product profile. I'm supposed to get the development completed just enough that we can fix outsource-contractor mistakes when they pop up.

In another fun bit of non-news, I've been asked to start ordering (insert our most famous product) from developing-world rip-off companies because it's cheaper than using our own process to make it.

I probably need to be job-hunting more than I am.

Christe Eleison
Feb 1, 2010

Sundae posted:

Since the last time this thread got bumped back to life, another 12% of my department got cut. :lol:

I'm working on a project that explicitly has "don't finish it" built into the product profile. I'm supposed to get the development completed just enough that we can fix outsource-contractor mistakes when they pop up.

In another fun bit of non-news, I've been asked to start ordering (insert our most famous product) from developing-world rip-off companies because it's cheaper than using our own process to make it.

I probably need to be job-hunting more than I am.

Are you still at the same place you were at like page 10 of this thread?

evobatman
Jul 30, 2006

it means nothing, but says everything!
Pillbug

FogHelmut posted:

My health coverage costs increased by 270%. My already high deductible went up. My company pays 50% less into my HSA.

Why do you have a problem with this? You're not one of them thar soshialists, are you?

FreshShoez
Oct 15, 2009
How do you best deal with a micromanaging boss? My boss takes himself more seriously then every single other person in the entire company (I regularly bullshit with VPs, they're all pretty chill people) and he's really no one important.... however... just important enough to make my job (and every other person on my small team) miserable. Best part: he always says things like "I don't like to micromanage but..." the same way people say "I'm not a racist but..."

Every minute of every day is planned out. Nothing can be worked on in teams (because then just one person would do all the work and we'd all just sit there and drool...), everything is individual, then we talk confusedly in 3 team status meetings per week.

Also, God help you if there's CNN or something up on your computer screen during the day. I'm one of the top performers (most weeks THE top performer) on my team, but he still thinks I'm a lazy poo poo if I'm not pretending to work every minute of every day. Jesus gently caress. I've only been here 3 months, and I'm sick of him. He's only recently become manager and everyone bitches about him behind his back. He was on vacation for 2 weeks and we got so much accomplished. One by one, team members are transferring out of the department or quitting. I don't have that option until I've been here a bit longer... I love the company, I love 99% of the people here... I just don't know what to do.

But at least I have a job... right? .... right?

Christe Eleison
Feb 1, 2010

FreshShoez posted:

How do you best deal with a micromanaging boss?

Honestly, I ranted and raved about my own micromanager for weeks before finally getting some advice that still sounds soul-crushing but is the only solution:

Accept it.

Unless you can work a transfer or a move - and by all means, try to work those options - there's no way you can change someone who's so used to having all the rail lines go through their station.

Swink
Apr 18, 2006
Left Side <--- Many Whelps

Sundae posted:


In another fun bit of non-news, I've been asked to start ordering (insert our most famous product) from developing-world rip-off companies because it's cheaper than using our own process to make it.


This is amazing, and hilarious.

30 Goddamned Dicks
Sep 8, 2010

I will leave you to flounder in your cesspool of primeval soup, you sad, lonely, little cowards.
Fun Shoe

FreshShoez posted:

How do you best deal with a micromanaging boss? My boss takes himself more seriously then every single other person in the entire company (I regularly bullshit with VPs, they're all pretty chill people) and he's really no one important.... however... just important enough to make my job (and every other person on my small team) miserable. Best part: he always says things like "I don't like to micromanage but..." the same way people say "I'm not a racist but..."

Every minute of every day is planned out. Nothing can be worked on in teams (because then just one person would do all the work and we'd all just sit there and drool...), everything is individual, then we talk confusedly in 3 team status meetings per week.

Also, God help you if there's CNN or something up on your computer screen during the day. I'm one of the top performers (most weeks THE top performer) on my team, but he still thinks I'm a lazy poo poo if I'm not pretending to work every minute of every day. Jesus gently caress. I've only been here 3 months, and I'm sick of him. He's only recently become manager and everyone bitches about him behind his back. He was on vacation for 2 weeks and we got so much accomplished. One by one, team members are transferring out of the department or quitting. I don't have that option until I've been here a bit longer... I love the company, I love 99% of the people here... I just don't know what to do.

But at least I have a job... right? .... right?

Is your company one where you could talk to your boss' boss about this? Get the sympathetic ear of someone smart enough to know that you're a valuable contribution to the work force and therefore should be kept happy, and go from there. Worst case scenario, it doesn't work out for you, and you have to go find another job.

Sundae
Dec 1, 2005

Cup of Hemlock posted:

Are you still at the same place you were at like page 10 of this thread?

Yep. Same place. The situation for me is about the same, other than the head shaking at the ridiculous ideas management comes up with. I'm still paid damned well, and I've been passed over for every round of cuts so far. My older co-workers, not so much. There's a very strong chance of getting laid off here if you're anywhere near the retirement age. I'm nowhere near that, thankfully.


quote:

This is amazing, and hilarious.

It really is. I personally don't mind rip-off companies because our products are pharmaceuticals. Frankly, it's highly debatable whether us even being able to patent medicines in the first place is a detriment to society. However, within the current framework of US law, it's hilarious that we're fighting against generics producers with one part of the company while simultaneously ordering their products with another!

The company is in a lot of trouble. I'm riding it out because I'm not going to get anything better right now, but I don't expect to have my job at this time next year. If I make it to 2012, though, I'm golden.

Defenestration
Aug 10, 2006

"It wasn't my fault that my first unconscious thought turned out to be-"
"Jesus, kid, what?"
"That something smelled delicious!"


Grimey Drawer
Dear boss - I appreciate your efforts to actually make a decision on something for once, but somehow "oh, [famous poem] by [famous author] was published in 1917, so it's totally public domain" seems like more avoiding the problem to me.

Christe Eleison
Feb 1, 2010

I think Plato based his Cave on whatever office he was working in - artificial lighting, radio drowning out the sounds of the natural world, and bright, creative individuals turned robots.

Sundae
Dec 1, 2005
It's 2010 Review Season, so time for the TPS thread to rise from the dead!

Let's see...

Perfect reviews from co-workers.
Perfect reviews from project leads.
"Went above and beyond the requirements for his position."
"Displayed scientific excellence and developed talents beyond expectations."
From a project leader in his reference for 2010: "Dear _____ (my manager): Sundae is awesome. He is easily the best solid-form formulator in the department."

Negative Reviews: Absolutely loving nothing.

End result: "Consistently Met Expectations. Salary Increase: 0.90%"
Promotion Status: "Ineligible; Insufficient Performance."



This is why people don't give a poo poo at work. Why should we when we don't even get acknowledged for it?

Your turn, PYF! How'd your 2010 reviews go?

Plinkey
Aug 4, 2004

by Fluffdaddy
2.9/4.0 (yes, we do our yearly reviews like GPA) which probably translates to like 0% for this year....won't find out until March or so though.

Solkanar512
Dec 28, 2006

by the sex ghost
Hahaha what's a performance review, precious? We don't do those here.

Here at my lab if the owners like you they increase your pay rate on your first check of the year. No notification at all. No one knows how they're doing and when asked, the owners simply say that there's no concrete way to "earn" a raise, they simply decide.

Of course, that first check was yesterday and no one I saw got any raises. The supervisor said they were supposed to come out at the end of the month, but no one knows if he meant in the end of the month check, or the end of the month pay period.

Oh, we do food safety and we've been growing like mad. This company is doing incredibly well despite the "bad times". Still hasn't stopped our healthcare from becoming lovely or our 401(k) matching to go away "until the economy improves".

Drink and Fight
Feb 2, 2003

I got laid off at my "review". Along with the other person who knows everything. We think the company that acquired us is trying to kill our office.

Sundae
Dec 1, 2005

Solkanar512 posted:

Oh, we do food safety and we've been growing like mad. This company is doing incredibly well despite the "bad times". Still hasn't stopped our healthcare from becoming lovely or our 401(k) matching to go away "until the economy improves".

Don't you just love that? OH GOD TIMES ARE TOUGH... meanwhile, my pre-tax annual salary is just over 32 seconds of company revenue.

I will give them credit where it's due, though: Our 401(k) match remains untouched, my health insurance is some of the best in the country, and we still offer a pension plan which, as of now, is fully funded. I'm in decent shape in that regard.

Hell, I'm not even pissed about the raise as much as the absolute lack of recognition for work well done. Just say I exceeded your loving expectations. IS THAT SO HARD TO DO?


quote:

I got laid off at my "review". Along with the other person who knows everything. We think the company that acquired us is trying to kill our office.

It wouldn't surprise me in the slightest! Lay off the competent people strategically for cost-savings, then when the site is under-performing you've got justification for its complete closure. Sorry that you got affected, though. :(

Sundae fucked around with this message at 19:51 on Jan 26, 2011

Spike McAwesome
Jun 18, 2004

Zombies? Or middle-management? I can't tell...
I work for a community college, so our "end of year" is actually the end of the academic year (June 30). But all of my targets were "meets or exceeds expectations", top marks, etc. And what did it earn me? A pay cut.

In order to try and make up the giant budget shortfall this year, they implemented mandatory unpaid furloughs - one per month. Not a terrible deal, I guess, but that 4.6% cut kinda hurt. But now, our new governor gave the state of the state address earlier this week. His proposal? Get rid of the furlough, but keep the pay cuts. Why? Because it's "too hard to keep track" of who will be on furlough and when. Are you loving kidding me...

Caustic
Jan 20, 2005
My medium-sized company was acquired by a giant company a while ago, so now I get to deal with several more layers of bullshit and the massive effort of transition to new and horrible systems and processes. Before acquisition, I could directly approach a vice president in person who could provide me with an immediate answer. Now the same kind of executive decisions have to get passed up the new chain of command, often taking days or weeks at a time for a definitive answer to arrive, often with a lot of ambiguity attached.

Naturally, in the new strucure, the old and new guard of management are constantly butt-hurt about who knew what and when, so e-mail has grown exponentially as everybody cc's everyone else to cover their rear end. Turf and decision battles are erupting left and right and I get caught in the middle.

It's amazing how backwards, outdated and inefficient the acquiring company's sytems and processes are compared to ours. We're a well-oiled, efficient machine being dragged kicking and screaming into bureauacratic old-boys network chaos. We remain a wholly-owned subsidiary, so we get none of the better benefits (medical, 401k, etc) offered by the acquiring company. Meanwhile, overhead staff (myself included) are just waiting for the axe to come down - as we all know we'll be the first to be reviewed, deemed redundant, and cut.

Yay acquisitions! Has anyone ever experienced a good, beneficial acquisition?

Olanphonia
Jul 27, 2006

I'm open to suggestions~

Spike McAwesome posted:

I work for a community college, so our "end of year" is actually the end of the academic year (June 30). But all of my targets were "meets or exceeds expectations", top marks, etc. And what did it earn me? A pay cut.

In order to try and make up the giant budget shortfall this year, they implemented mandatory unpaid furloughs - one per month. Not a terrible deal, I guess, but that 4.6% cut kinda hurt. But now, our new governor gave the state of the state address earlier this week. His proposal? Get rid of the furlough, but keep the pay cuts. Why? Because it's "too hard to keep track" of who will be on furlough and when. Are you loving kidding me...

Would happen to be in Maryland? I ask because I work for a think-tank and so I've been tracking budget cuts and shortfalls and this is something Maryland just did. Just be happy you aren't in loving Texas oh my god. They have one of, if not the largest budget shortfalls in the country and they have decided to resolve it purely with budget cuts. Not just any cuts either, specifically they are targeting education and medicaid for the majority of the cuts. Multiple community colleges are gonna be gone and everyone is going to be taking large pay and benefit cuts.

It must be loving depressing to be a public employee for states/localities these days. Politicians and citizens are howling for your pay, benefits, and in some cases your ability to unionize and collectively bargain to be cut or dismantled. All because god loving forbid we raise taxes just a little loving bit.

Spike McAwesome
Jun 18, 2004

Zombies? Or middle-management? I can't tell...

Olanphonia posted:

Would happen to be in Maryland? I ask because I work for a think-tank and so I've been tracking budget cuts and shortfalls and this is something Maryland just did. Just be happy you aren't in loving Texas oh my god. They have one of, if not the largest budget shortfalls in the country and they have decided to resolve it purely with budget cuts. Not just any cuts either, specifically they are targeting education and medicaid for the majority of the cuts. Multiple community colleges are gonna be gone and everyone is going to be taking large pay and benefit cuts.

Nevada. Our budget shortfall is overly complex and has about 30 causes. Off the top of my head: 1) When the economy tanked, everyone stopped gambling and people/companies stopped coming here. Hell, Obama's comments alone probably cost us about $150 million in conferences and general corporate meetings. 2) No income tax. The issue here is that most everyone who moved here did so to escape the income tax of California or whatnot. The fear is that by increasing the income tax, everyone will leave. 3) We're number 1 in foreclosures and number 1 in unemployment, nationally. If people aren't paying their mortgage, they're not going to pay property tax, and if people aren't making any money, they're not spending money and paying sales tax.

Of course, our budget cuts are bad, but from all indications, we're only cutting administrative stuff and some other overhead. The universities are in much worse shape, and are talking lay-offs and possibly cutting entire departments.

Then again, it could be worse. My alma mater and former employer - a small, private university outside of Boston - sold off it's entire art gallery to help pay for budget short-falls. And I think they had lay-offs on top of that, too.

Edit: I'd apologize for derailing this thread with talk of the public sector, but gently caress it. This thread needs to live on, and has been horribly neglected after it was moved out of GBS.

Zuriel147
May 1, 2009
My "employment review" marks out of 5:

Experience: 3 (Bearing in mind I was the most experienced person at my level)
Capability: 3 (Bearing in mind I had developed most of the tools that the rest of the office used)
Flexibility: 3 (I was frequently the last person in the office, stayed late for hours, and worked at weekends, and was the only person sent out to site, frequently on a days notice)

Suffice to say, I was made redundant, thanks.

I worked in a engineering/architecture design office, so basically I was doing calculations and using AutoCAD all day. Most of this stuff was pretty repetitive, so rather than go through the same process over and over again, I just made pro formas, macros, spreadsheets and databases, basically saving a shitload of time.

The engineering staff generally appreciated it; architectural, not so much. Having learnt AutoCAD "on the job", most of the time if I was stuck doing a menial task I'd think "Surely there's a more effective way to do this", and generally there was.

Try telling this to an architectural technician labelling every single door, window, room, stair riser individually. Basically they were copying one bit of text, then going around again and changing the text. I had a macro that would label and number something, then increment the number for the next label; this wasn't taken up because you had to type a new command in that they hadn't heard of before. FFS. What I could do in 5 minutes would take them half a day.

Another great one arose when AutoCAD implemented PDF generation - it was really great because you could copy out text and so on. You could also keep layer information (i.e. you could turn off text, or room area labels) if you wanted to. The CAD manager couldn't loving figure out that you could remove this feature (it was literally a tick box in the plot settings) so to prevent somebody taking off a label and loving up the drawings we weren't allowed to use this, EVER.

Cue every drawing effectively being plotted as an A1 image in CutePDF or PDF995 - rather than kicking out a 300kB file with AutoCAD, you produced a 3MB one. Oh, and the company email size limit was 10MB. We regularly issued up to 15 drawings per day.

The CAD manager was amazed that I was able to send him a 300kB, A0, full colour PDF. When I explained how to do it, he had a meltdown about how he could still change layer information, despite, you know, not being able to.

:wtc: that was a bit longer than I thought it was going to be; short version: people like routine.

Solkanar512
Dec 28, 2006

by the sex ghost

Olanphonia posted:

It must be loving depressing to be a public employee for states/localities these days. Politicians and citizens are howling for your pay, benefits, and in some cases your ability to unionize and collectively bargain to be cut or dismantled. All because god loving forbid we raise taxes just a little loving bit.

This poo poo pisses me off so loving much. My dad does public works maintenance and my brother is a teacher. Yet somehow because they work for the government they need to serve as piggy banks because revenues are down. Every week I hear "very serious people" on the news discuss that because workers are getting hosed in the rear end in the private sector then it's only fair for workers in the public sector as well.

Here's a thought: maybe if states had paid into their pension funds like they were supposed to all these years it wouldn't be an issue. Heaven forbid people who put a hard day's work in the service of their community be paid for their efforts.

Defenestration
Aug 10, 2006

"It wasn't my fault that my first unconscious thought turned out to be-"
"Jesus, kid, what?"
"That something smelled delicious!"


Grimey Drawer
This past week I had a journalist mistake the "average price of the book that we will sell" box for "amount we are offering you to reprint your article" and get crazy insulted. This is a dumb mistake, if not terribly original.

What made this guy special was that, instead of reading the form (or even my emailed explanation) he took the time to look up our parent company's net profits for the year (~$1.6 bn) and demand that we could afford to pay him AT LEAST $2/word.


hint: Charles Dickens didn't even get $2 a word, jesus christ

Miss-Bomarc
Aug 1, 2009
What I love is when you're told that "we'd like to rate every one of you as Top Performer but the HR department won't let us, they only allow a few Top Performers per program", and then you go talk to everyone you know and every single one of them got Average, and nobody knows anyone who got Top Performer...

Dead Cow
Nov 4, 2009

Passion makes the world go round.
Love just makes it a safer place.
Starting this year they separated performance reviews and merit increases.

This was supposed to be "new and improved" and the keywords were "now you can focus on your review instead of flipping to the raise part!"

Well I just found out yesterday from my manager that HR is giving the raises this year, and manager input has zero to do with it. Apparently when the managers were told this at their meeting it was pretty hectic.

I may have problems with my corporate job, but thank gently caress I'm not a manager. Jeezus I feel so bad for my boss sometimes. She tries so hard to keep us motivated, but she knows that we're underpaid and overworked. And now they took away the one thing she could do for us, and that was to give us the best raise she physically could.

Oh, and the performance reviews are from a 1-5 scale with all the managers unanimously agreeing that 5s are literally impossible to achieve without, I dunno, owning the loving company or being Doctor Who.

llbdtiberio
Mar 27, 2010
I'm working for a large University in the UK as part of the Student accomodation, specifically in one of the residences. I deal with a wide variety of things from talking to students to managing our payments to contractors and the like.
The following things are really ruining the job however:

- Our main office doesn't communicate with us.
- I often have to mark up charges for repairs, however, the person at the main office who sends these to me will often add several charges together and put them under one repair line. I then have to struggle back and forth with the contractors and the main office to figure out what charges were included in the total. This makes the University and me look incompetent to the contractors.
- I work part time but am paid for each hour I work. I used to cover for whoever was off in the office by coming in early, now due to the budget this has been outlawed. I don't mind losing the extra £50 each month but this puts unneccessary stress on my coworkers as they have to do a 2 person job for half a day until I come in.
- Our budget has been slashed yet our glorious principal deserves the extra £500,000 payrise.
I could always write about how students really have no clue about anything and are nothing but spoilt brats but that goes in another thread.

GI Joe jobs
Jun 25, 2005

🎅🤜🤛👷
Just a week prior to the scoring phase of reviews and setting next year's goals, my manager sent out an email:

"Sorry, I just found out I'm reporting to a new position tomorrow"

Face to face, he admitted upper management had personal problems and forced him to leave the group. Now I'm stuck with a hard rear end manager with unreasonable expectations and a temper. That leaves only 2 of the 6 leadership roles unchanged; everyone else is new.

My pay/bonus is pretty good so it's hard to get too bitchy :unsmith:

Pope Hilarius II
Nov 10, 2008

I don't talk about my job a lot because most of my friends work in academia and/or teach, and I don't identify myself with my job particularly strongly. But boy is this a good thread to vent.

For slightly over 4 years, I've been working in the corporate marketing department of a high-tech company based in Belgium. My main task is copywriting, and about 95% of my work is in English. Because I work in marketing and I am not a native speaker of English, it is a constant battle against (a) passive-agressive or sometimes outright hostile engineers who think working in marketing makes me an airheaded fartcatcher by definition and (b) colleagues in the United States and the United Kingdom who assume that because I am a non-native, they would probably be a better copywriter then I am.

Generally, the trouble with any sort of creative profession (graphic designer, animator, multimedia specialist, copywriter) is that because a lot of stuff is hard to quantify, everyone feels qualified to give their opinion about your work and secretly thinks it can't be that hard.

Because of the sway R&D holds over the rest of the company, we had products coming out that both product management and marketing told R&D were not going to sell at all because nobody would be interested in them. R&D then blamed marketing when the product, indeed, did not sell one unit. Well done you morons!

The amount of ignorance about the time it takes to make good, creative marketing material is staggering. A product manager desperately needed a web page and a spec sheet for a new product, but neglected to tell us that this new product was even coming out two days before it was supposed to be released. He didn't even have a good picture. I mean, what the gently caress man, do you think I have no ongoing work?

And the sales, oh god the salesguys. A lot of these people I'm sure don't live on planet Earth, and I think "ARE YOU A DOUCHEBAG Y/N" is a question that they need to answer positively when they apply for a position within the company.

Sales guy: HAY GUYS I GOT YOU FREE ADVERTISING SPACE IN A MAGAZINE!
Marketing: uh ok... that's cool but that's actually our job. Anyway, when do you need it and what campaign is it a part of? Also, what's the readership of this magazine like, and what product would you like to promote exactly?
Sales guy: I NEED IT TODAY STOP ASKING STUPID QUESTIONS JUST DO SOMETHING
Marketing: *furiously whips up something, gets it to the sales guy*
Sales guy (three days later): HERES A REVIEW BTW WE MISSED THE DEADLINE
Marketing: Not our problem.
Sales guy: ILL HAVE EVERYONE KNOW WERE LOSING BUSINESS BECAUSE OF YOU

Our sales are often also tragically dumb. Product management once admitted they needed to make me a brochure that explained everything in crystal clear (and, for the customer, largely unneeded) detail because "our salesguys have trouble understanding the product".

Also, it's hilarious that a lot of people still believe that PhotoShop can basically solve everything. "Oh yeah, that unit had a bad scratch on it, the fat guy from service accidentally bent its frame and the lighting conditions in this room are poo poo, but you CAN PHOTOSHOP THIS RIGHT GUYS"

Because, again, I am a non-native English speaker, people love getting all pedantic on my rear end. Okay, I make a mistake from time to time, and if people spot an error or a typo, I'll be the first to admit it. The worst, however, are people whose English is also quite good and feel entitled to belittle my work. The worst example was the head secretary who once sent an e-mail to the entire division claiming that my English wasn't that good because I had misspelt a past tense. Turns out I didn't, and her "correction" had two spelling errors in it.

I'll probably post more later.

bartlebee
Nov 5, 2008

IM FAT LETS PARTY posted:

I don't talk about my job a lot because most of my friends work in academia and/or teach, and I don't identify myself with my job particularly strongly. But boy is this a good thread to vent.

For slightly over 4 years, I've been working in the corporate marketing department of a high-tech company based in Belgium. My main task is copywriting, and about 95% of my work is in English. Because I work in marketing and I am not a native speaker of English, it is a constant battle against (a) passive-agressive or sometimes outright hostile engineers who think working in marketing makes me an airheaded fartcatcher by definition and (b) colleagues in the United States and the United Kingdom who assume that because I am a non-native, they would probably be a better copywriter then I am.

Generally, the trouble with any sort of creative profession (graphic designer, animator, multimedia specialist, copywriter) is that because a lot of stuff is hard to quantify, everyone feels qualified to give their opinion about your work and secretly thinks it can't be that hard.

Because of the sway R&D holds over the rest of the company, we had products coming out that both product management and marketing told R&D were not going to sell at all because nobody would be interested in them. R&D then blamed marketing when the product, indeed, did not sell one unit. Well done you morons!

The amount of ignorance about the time it takes to make good, creative marketing material is staggering. A product manager desperately needed a web page and a spec sheet for a new product, but neglected to tell us that this new product was even coming out two days before it was supposed to be released. He didn't even have a good picture. I mean, what the gently caress man, do you think I have no ongoing work?

And the sales, oh god the salesguys. A lot of these people I'm sure don't live on planet Earth, and I think "ARE YOU A DOUCHEBAG Y/N" is a question that they need to answer positively when they apply for a position within the company.

Sales guy: HAY GUYS I GOT YOU FREE ADVERTISING SPACE IN A MAGAZINE!
Marketing: uh ok... that's cool but that's actually our job. Anyway, when do you need it and what campaign is it a part of? Also, what's the readership of this magazine like, and what product would you like to promote exactly?
Sales guy: I NEED IT TODAY STOP ASKING STUPID QUESTIONS JUST DO SOMETHING
Marketing: *furiously whips up something, gets it to the sales guy*
Sales guy (three days later): HERES A REVIEW BTW WE MISSED THE DEADLINE
Marketing: Not our problem.
Sales guy: ILL HAVE EVERYONE KNOW WERE LOSING BUSINESS BECAUSE OF YOU

Our sales are often also tragically dumb. Product management once admitted they needed to make me a brochure that explained everything in crystal clear (and, for the customer, largely unneeded) detail because "our salesguys have trouble understanding the product".

Also, it's hilarious that a lot of people still believe that PhotoShop can basically solve everything. "Oh yeah, that unit had a bad scratch on it, the fat guy from service accidentally bent its frame and the lighting conditions in this room are poo poo, but you CAN PHOTOSHOP THIS RIGHT GUYS"

Because, again, I am a non-native English speaker, people love getting all pedantic on my rear end. Okay, I make a mistake from time to time, and if people spot an error or a typo, I'll be the first to admit it. The worst, however, are people whose English is also quite good and feel entitled to belittle my work. The worst example was the head secretary who once sent an e-mail to the entire division claiming that my English wasn't that good because I had misspelt a past tense. Turns out I didn't, and her "correction" had two spelling errors in it.

I'll probably post more later.

These anecdotes are also particularly hilarious because your English is better than 99% of the native-speaking students I've dealt with. Or most people in general, actually.

Kyrosiris
May 24, 2006

You try to be happy when everyone is summoning you everywhere to "be their friend".



Spike McAwesome posted:

I work for a community college, so our "end of year" is actually the end of the academic year (June 30). But all of my targets were "meets or exceeds expectations", top marks, etc. And what did it earn me? A pay cut.

That reminds me of when I was working a temp position at a state medical university. I had my six-month review with my boss/his boss and the VP of the division I was working for (departmental IT, not under the overall IT department though), and both my boss and his boss raved about my performance, how much users in the plants loved me (because I was polite and punctual about fixing things without being the typical patronizing IT Guy), and that they desperately wanted to keep me as a permanent employee once "major department projects that Kyrosiris was hired to assist with were completed".

I was let go three weeks later, citing budget reasons. :sigh:

Solkanar512
Dec 28, 2006

by the sex ghost

bartlebee posted:

These anecdotes are also particularly hilarious because your English is better than 99% of the native-speaking students I've dealt with. Or most people in general, actually.

Seriously, I can't tell that you're a non-native speaker.

rolleyes
Nov 16, 2006

Sometimes you have to roll the hard... two?
Our execs delivered our corporate-set yearly performance objectives so late that we only have 5 months before the end-of-year evaluation. Sure hope you can achieve 12 months worth of improvement in 5, because the execs sure as hell aren't going to take the blame when everyone fails to meet the targets!

:suicide:

[chavez]
Dec 21, 2003

by Y Kant Ozma Boo

rolleyes posted:

Our execs delivered our corporate-set yearly performance objectives so late that we only have 5 months before the end-of-year evaluation. Sure hope you can achieve 12 months worth of improvement in 5, because the execs sure as hell aren't going to take the blame when everyone fails to meet the targets!

:suicide:

Of course if you somehow do manage to deliver, this will forever be the performance expectation for your team, so there's really no winning for you.

Sonic Dude
May 6, 2009

rolleyes posted:

Our execs delivered our corporate-set yearly performance objectives so late that we only have 5 months before the end-of-year evaluation. Sure hope you can achieve 12 months worth of improvement in 5, because the execs sure as hell aren't going to take the blame when everyone fails to meet the targets!

:suicide:
Our (small) company is just starting to actually have some structure and organization. Prior to that, "do better" was the single qualification for raises and promotions, and the managers (well, mine at least) had no clue how to measure that. We have this hanging on our wall still:

Sundae
Dec 1, 2005
Here we go again! It's been a grand six months since our last reorganization, because clearly a field with a 5-7 year turnaround time on products (pharmaceuticals) will show massive improvement six months post-reorg. Clearly we need another.

The confirmed numbers from site closures add up to 8,500-10,000 employees, but there are going to be more cuts on top of that as well, with, according to the slides, every research / dev line affected. We're also cutting our total research budget by about 25%, and I know that my department's budget got a 40% slashing.

This is going to be fun. Our UK employees got absolutely hosed this time around. :(

Solkanar512
Dec 28, 2006

by the sex ghost

Sundae posted:

Here we go again! It's been a grand six months since our last reorganization, because clearly a field with a 5-7 year turnaround time on products (pharmaceuticals) will show massive improvement six months post-reorg. Clearly we need another.

The confirmed numbers from site closures add up to 8,500-10,000 employees, but there are going to be more cuts on top of that as well, with, according to the slides, every research / dev line affected. We're also cutting our total research budget by about 25%, and I know that my department's budget got a 40% slashing.

This is going to be fun. Our UK employees got absolutely hosed this time around. :(

So let me get this straight - the same industry that is having serious issues coming up with new boner pills is trying to solve their problems by slashing research and development?

Sundae
Dec 1, 2005

Solkanar512 posted:

So let me get this straight - the same industry that is having serious issues coming up with new boner pills is trying to solve their problems by slashing research and development?

Absolutely! Have I ever mentioned that the executives running our industry are often outperformed by half-retarded box turtles?

Angora
Feb 16, 2009

by Ozmaugh

FogHelmut posted:

At least the free instant coffee tastes like mud and makes you poo poo so you get to spend a lot of time hiding out in the bathroom stall.

Arbitrarily quoting a post from 25 pages back.

I've gotten into the crazy ritual of a coffee, cigarette, and whole wheat muffin on the way to work, usually followed by more coffee and cigarettes over the next few hours. Cue 3-5 15 minute long bathroom breaks in the first half of a poo poo shift. But god help you if you have chicken wings or something spicy the night before.

Olanphonia
Jul 27, 2006

I'm open to suggestions~
It's probably been said before, but when you realize that Dilbert has stopped being cute and started being a tragic picture of your workplace is the the most soul crushing thing ever.

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Christe Eleison
Feb 1, 2010

Olanphonia posted:

It's probably been said before, but when you realize that Dilbert has stopped being cute and started being a tragic picture of your workplace is the the most soul crushing thing ever.

I think that's the official breaking point. I bought a Dilbert desk calendar because it's still different enough (and hilarious), but I have saved a few pages in my desk because when those actual situations come up in my office, I need to remember to laugh.

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