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Back in 2008: My maternal grandmother passed away during my junior year of college. After the funeral we all go my my uncle's house, since he lives closest to the graveyard where our family plot is. It's pretty typical...tons of food and booze, catching up with cousins, etc. So later in the evening, I'm sitting with my mom, aunts (her sisters) and one of my brothers. Suddenly she starts talking about her ex-husband Sam, in reference to some story about her working in the Harvard Medical labs during college. The thing is...I have no loving idea who "Sam" is. It's then I find out that my mom was married for a little while in/after medical school, BEFORE she tied the knot with my dad. She and this Sam guy dated while he was at Harvard and she was nearby at Emmanuel College. They eventually married, but split (annulment) because while she wanted kids, he did not. This isn't a family secret by any means, since apparently everyone in my family, brothers and sisters (all older) included, knew about this. I didn't find out until I was 20. My grandmother passes away and I find out my dad is my mothers second husband...needless to say it was an odd week. EDIT Almost forgot...I finally met Sam a few weeks ago. I currently live in LA, and he lives in Riverside. He's a pretty nice guy and works as a Radiologist for a hospital in the area. We both like DSLR cameras a lot. darkbob87 has a new favorite as of 00:44 on Apr 13, 2011 |
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Apr 13, 2011 00:40
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When I was younger (like 13/14), I was at a friend's house with a few other friends, male and female. We were in the friend's brother's room, because it was bigger and had a double bed, and we were all just hanging around. It came to be that the lights were off and everyone just sort of went to sleep, or just lied whispering. Now, it's important that at this point I explain that two of the people there were going out, and they were known for being a pretty intimate couple even at 14. So anyway, at one point, after going to the toilet or some poo poo, I stumble back in to find my lying down place taken. So I wander about a bit looking for a new place, and trip over a quilt, presumably with people under it, once or twice. I consider claiming some of that quilt, but decide to leave whoever was under it be. Eventually, I find my place and bed down. So anyway, when it's time to go, we all get up, and the happy couple were, as it turns out, under that cover I'd tripped up on. I find out a week later that, at the very moment I'd tripped up, she'd been sucking his cock. We were all pretty WTC about it, considering there were like 6 other people in the room at the time, and we were young, so it was even more shocking. We all found it pretty hilarious though. As a side note about the same couple, he once fingered her while his 7 year old brother sat next to them watching T.V. Yeah, they were pretty randy. Sorry for the lack of anything particularly great, I'll post if I remember anything. I don't have a good memory for this sort of thing.
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Apr 13, 2011 00:54
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rabbithands posted:I used to be a lowly bagboy at Publix, a southeastern grocery store chain. We used to have this homeless lady that frequented the store. She always had a ton of empty bags with her, so employees dubbed her as "the bag lady". One day I was walking into the store to clock in, and I saw her talking to somebody outside. However, there was a pillar blocking my view of the other person in the conversation until I got closer. However, when I was able to see that area, there was nobody there. I simply thought How long ago was this? If it was roughly a year and a half ago, you and me might work/have worked at the same store.  Did the lady have an absolute need for the workers not to touch whatever she was buying for some reason? And always have an empty Planters jar with her?
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Apr 13, 2011 01:01
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I just read through this entire thread, beginning to end, and I can't decide whether it was terrible or awesome. The most baffling thing so far is the apparent willingness of people to rape those with mental handicaps. That's just so horrible I can't wrap my mind around it.
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Apr 13, 2011 01:30
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darkbob87 posted:My grandmother passes away and I find out my dad is my mothers second husband...needless to say it was an odd week. If it makes you feel any better, I didn't find out my dad had another wife before my mom until after he died! Content (nowhere near as good as all of these making GBS threads stories): My mother divorced my father when I was eight, and he was MIA for about ten years. We still hung out with my paternal grandparents during this time because they admitted he was a huge douchebag, and they're having dinner with her one night and joke about how they'll lose the family name (I'm one of two daughters, and my older sister is engaged) now. Cue my mom:  Well, tentawesome still has time to have a baby out of wedlock!Who says that to their grandparents when I'm still fifteen?
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Apr 13, 2011 01:46
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ZnCu posted:This was my first time seeing the interior of Phil's apartment, and when the door cracked open - not wide open, just cracked open - the smell made us recoil. A wave of brown air rolled out. Brown. Air. The air was brown. The air was visibly brown. Brown air. Have I made the point clear? Phil and Ms. Phil were living in noxious vapors, right over my head. I laughed way too much from this, what an excellent story. Must've sucked for you, though.
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Apr 13, 2011 02:02
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Oh I have two of this stories. Once when I was about 16 I was driving into the inner city by bus. I live in a very nice European city in a nice part of town so it wasn't some seedy bus trip or anything, just normal people going home from work or going to the pubs etc. it was a warm summer day which came to an slow end. A very nicely clothed man in a suit and with a briefcase, looking a lot like the G-Man from HL2, in the bus suddenly out of nowhere started a conversation with me, and also started asking very personal questions, like where I live, where I'm going to etc. This made me feel pretty uncomfortable really quick and I flat out told him that I don't want to talk to him and sure as hell don't want to share any personal information with a stranger, basically being as unfriendly as possible to scare him off. He acted surprised at this and asked me if I made bad experiences regarding talking to strangers, most of all he completely ignored me being literally a complete rear end in a top hat to him and completely didn't take the hint. He also seemed to be very intense, making sure to never break eye contact, or blink, for that matter. Then my bus stop came up and I left the bus (into a very crowded inner city area) while he remained in it. This alone was pretty WTF to me. Half an hour later,I see him standing on a tall pedestrian bridge with his suitcase, waving to me with a friendly smile like waving to an old friend, and then continuing on his marry way. The WTF thing about this is, the bus he remained on took off in a complete different direction and also wouldn't come by a stop for another 15 minutes or so, there was literally NO possible chance of him standing there, he'd basically have to have a cab or car ready at the very next station to drive up to that bridge in time to meet me there again. (Him having no idea where I'd go to the first place) My friend and me remained being very creeped out about this for the rest of the day, the guy having some kind of serial killer air about him. EDIT: Oh and another WTF thing I completely somehow almost completely left out of the story was that a friend was all the time with me, and he completely ignored him. He didn't even look at him. I like to think that I might have met some sort of time traveller/disguised alien/g-man but the truth is probably that he just wanted to torture me to death in his basement very bad. Whatever I guess! I wanted to write down the other one but then thought about it and I guess it pales pretty much compared to this. EDIT: \/\/\/ Pretty much. The best thing about was this utterly pleased and "right, of course" face expression that guy had when he saw me again. It was like one of us just passed some kind of important test. 
Police Automaton has a new favorite as of 02:34 on Apr 13, 2011 |
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Apr 13, 2011 02:11
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Police Automaton posted:Oh I have two of this stories. Somehow this post brought me the following mental image: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=13YlEPwOfmk
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Apr 13, 2011 02:21
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A few months back, a friend and I are driving south on the 5 freeway to my apartment in downtown San Diego. We come to where the 5 runs alongside downtown, and it's the middle of the night. We nearly hit an ELDERLY NAKED MAN JOGGING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE 5 FREEWAY AT 3AM after coming around a bend. It was truly a "What the Christ?" moment, as we didn't even turn to look back. I turned to look at my buddy and asked "Did I really just see that?". He responded "Yep.", and then we both giggled.
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Apr 13, 2011 02:59
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^^ Escaped nursing home patient?
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Apr 13, 2011 03:01
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Dalai Lamacide posted:^^ Most likely. We had nearly hit him coming around the bend on the 5. It happened so fast that I questioned if I had really seen that or not. Good thing we didn't hit the poor chap, or else we'd both be toast.
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Apr 13, 2011 03:04
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Thanks to JoeyVapes for starting this thread and everyone who has contributed. It has been appalling and hilarious. I have two stories: In early 2006, I had a temp job at the Santa Monica City Attorney's office. My main responsibility was organizing case files, but I only had access to the simple cases, like misdemeanors. Mostly homeless people who'd been arrested for urinating in public, that sort of thing. These files were kept inside plain manila folders. There were also red file folders, which contained felony domestic abuse cases. I was not allowed any access to these; they were kept in the office of the attorney whose sole responsibility was prosecuting those cases. I wasn't even allowed to enter her office, except for one day to deliver a message (she hadn't been answering her phone for some reason). What I saw in there stunned me: her office was stacked with those red folders. Every shelf was loaded, and there were stacks on the floor that rose waist-high. Each one of those red folders represented a domestic abuse case. Each one, a battered wife. A molested child. A broken home. That was a very sobering WTC moment for me. My second story I'll keep as short as possible. In January 2007, I took pity on an elderly homeless woman. Now, I will occasionally hand some change or a dollar to a homeless person, but most of the time I just avoid them. This woman, though, she was really pitiful. Imagine your grandmother if she'd been living on the streets for awhile. She was bent over a old walker, and her hands looked severely swollen and red with arthritis. Anyway, I encountered her as I was leaving a restaurant and let her talk me into driving her to a hotel. She told me her home was in Arizona, but she had come to LA for medical treatment, and had been staying with her son until he and his wife had kicked her out. She wanted me to drive her back home to Arizona that night. I told her no way. I drove her to a cheap hotel and paid the cheap night rate, and got her food from a nearby Del Taco. The whole time she was bemoaning her fate, kept telling me that she wished she was dead, she hoped she had a heart attack that night, she couldn't use her hands because they were so swollen and painful. By now I just wanted to get rid of her. As I left her in the hotel, she started crying and uttered the most mournful "thank you" I have ever heard. God knows what happened to her after that, because I never saw her again. Looking back, I realize I must have been crazy to have done that.
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Apr 13, 2011 03:16
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Clarington Grey posted:elderly homeless woman. Your avatar really makes the mental image more disturbing. I should ask my mum about her time working as a nurse, she's told me a few hosed up stories already. When she was fresh and had just started she was employed in a small local hospital where the staff were tasked with basically everything that needed to be done. This hospital had a palliative care ward for patients who were terminal, and deaths were inevitable. They also had an on-site morgue for processing and storing bodies. So she had been working there for a few weeks and one of the long term patients had died during the night. The other nurses called her over and decided she would need to learn the process of moving a body to the morgue. The first task is to clean the body before moving it to the gurney, and this involves rolling them over in order to get at their back. When people die, they tend to build up gasses that would normally be released, after a few hours they're not usually overly swollen but when you move a body the gasses will escape. Mum didn't know this at the time. One of the most common effects was that as gas passed the vocal cords the body would emit a low groaning noise. So she's been cleaning the body and she begins to roll it over to do the back, but as she does it the lady lets out a soft groan. Mum freaks out at this point thinking that she's come back to life and takes off up the corridor, leaving the building and running to an adjacent building (with live patients). Meanwhile the other nurses are just pissing themselves laughing thinking it was hilarious.
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Apr 13, 2011 04:45
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Mizufusion posted:"I want to suck on your tongue like a cock." My ex did that to me once. He wrapped his lips around my tongue and sucked so hard it felt like he was going to tear it off. 
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Apr 13, 2011 05:51
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This thread is such a big WTC that I don't know if I should laugh or cry.  Anyhow, on to my story. Last year I worked for an agency that provides home care for people who aren't capable to run an entire household by themselves. I have seen some pretty hosed up poo poo, but luckily most of the people I visited were elderly and/or handicapped who just needed help getting groceries or getting their kitchens/bathrooms thoroughly cleaned. One day though, during my week off nonetheless, I get a call from the agency begging me to visit a client today. Her regular aid called in sick today, but she still needs groceries etc. Oh and I should be warned, the client has very bad eyesight and has a bit of a temper sometimes. No problem. So I grab my purse, jump on my bike and hurry to the client. I was greeted by a VERY obese lady who wasn't just nearsighted, she was missing her left eye and instead had a gaping hole that just wouldn't stop oozing pus.  She was blind on the other eye as well, recently had a masectomy (she was wearing a HUGE moo-moo and I could see the fresh scar), missed a whole lot of teeth, had some toes amputated and was covered in sores. Suddenly a cat starts yowling. Not just a 'Get me foods ASAP'-yowl, but a 'Please God put a gun to my head and just end it HERE'-yowl. I look down the hall and spot the saddest cat I have ever seen, dragging itself along by it's front paws while tracking a trail of piss and poo poo all over over the carpet.   : Oh that's just Tommy! Nevermind Tommy! He always does that! Tommy! Come to mommy! Ooohhh he just has the softest balls ever! Let mommy cup your balls! Tommy! : Ok ma'am, Tommy seems like an awesome cat. No I'm not going to pet him, if you don't mind, I....I'm allergic.At this point I'm like, gently caress this. poo poo can't get any worse. So I step in, but can't see poo poo because all the curtains are drawn and the house is pitch black. So I ask her if it's ok if I open the curtains. ( : Well, I don't really mind, considering the fact that I'm blind) So I open them and holy gently caress every square inch of her apartment is caked in what seemed like a mix of cat poo poo, puke and piss. Her carpet had been blue at some point, but was now more of a brownish-yellow color. You could exactly see where she walked, because there was a black trail leading from the couch, to the bathroom and from there to the bed. Everything in her kitchen was covered in mould. Everything. I didn't know sugar could go bad, but at one point she put a spoon in there that she also used for catfood and omg. There was mouldy food all over the kitchen floor, because she kept dropping stuff and couldn't clean up. Flies everywhere. The litterbox hadn't been emptied for weeks, if ever.I opened the bathroom door. It looked like she decided to practice a modern dance routine while taking a violent and bloody poo poo. There was poop EVERYWHERE. There was old blood on the seat and there were bloody handprints on the door, like she had to brace herself while pooping. This is too much. So I sit her down and inform her about the mess she's living in. Really? It's that bad? Why I never really trusted Cindy (the reg. aid) anyways. Well. You can use some carpet cleaner if you really think it's THAT bad. Ma'am, you don't understand. You can't live here. And your cat is dying! Sure I can. And I told you, Tommy has been doing this for ages! TOMMY! YES WHO IS A GOOD BOY! *fondles his balls* Well, I'm calling the agency, because Cindy has clearly been neglecting you. Can I get you something to drink in the meantime? Oh no, that's ok, I have a bottle right here.And she pulls a big bottle of Glenfiddich whiskey out from under her couch and starts drinking like she's 18 and it's not 10.00 in the morning. Do you mind if I smoke as well? ...Well, no, I'll light one up as we- GREAT! She opens a drawer and out comes the biggest joint I have EVER seen. Weed is legal over here and I don't mind a smoke myself but holy gently caress I have sucked dicks smaller than that thing. I really had to get out at this point, so I grabbed the grocery list and the money she laid out.The list: Four bottles of Glenfiddich 18 Shitload of catfood Grapes The owner of the local liquor store had the bottles already packed and ready, because drat, turns out she drinks eight of those bottles each week. I called the agency when I got back and had a major meltdown. They promised to send a cleaning crew and added an extra four hours to the clients home care. She asked me to stay and I spend the rest of my time getting high on secondhand smoke, witnessing the molestation of her cat and listening to her stories about her travels around the world and the orgies she had in India. I'm going to cuddle my boyfriend now.
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Apr 13, 2011 06:06
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Wandering Knitter posted:My ex did that to me once. That is not the right way to suck a cock.
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Apr 13, 2011 06:28
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I guess I'll share my  moment with y'all. E: PI posters may want to just skip this one. So back in December 2009, it's finals week and I am hard at work studying for one of my finals. During a study break, I log onto facebook and see that my friends' posts from back home are littered with posts like "I hope XXX dies, he's a monster!" and "XXX is the biggest piece of poo poo in the world", etc. Now, I am  , for you see XXX is my uncle. Moreover, very few of my friends have ever met XXX (at least through me) as my aunt and he had pretty much severed 95% of contact with the rest of my family excluding my grandmother a number of years back (basically they didn't like poo poo my one cousin had done and despite my parents' agreement with their position, everyone was blacklisted). Backstory: The last I had seen XXX was when I was back home visiting over the summer. My aunt showed up at my house unexpectedly and I came downstairs as I was supposed to go to the shore with friends (and thought said friends had arrived). My aunt was on the porch crying and naturally, I had to inquire. Well, apparently my uncle had developed mental illness. I immediately called my friends and informed them I couldn't go to the shore as I had family business to attend to. My aunt elaborates on the story--he was getting mildly physical with her like grabbing her arm and not letting go; he would throw out any food in the house (other than nuts) insisting it was spoiled rotten, etc. After a brief discussion of his treatment to date, we decide that despite his outpatient treatment, he needs inpatient care. We make some phone calls and it seems the only way this is even possible is if he goes to the hospital in an ambulance. Given the situation, the paramedics also want the police there. The police and EMTs show up, ask the usual questions about history of violent behavior. We explain that while he's a big guy (former bodybuilding champion), he's the most nonviolent person we know (I distinctly remember telling the EMT he wouldn't hurt a fly). They cart him off to the hospital for evaluation. Well of course now the insurance company says they will not pay for inpatient treatment until he completes his outpatient care. The hospital holds him overnight, modifies his meds, and releases him. I return to school and as far as I know everything is hunky-dory. Back to the story at hand: I without thinking do a quick google search on his name (figure if he's suddenly so reviled, google will tell me why). First link is to my hometown newspaper with just enough information to make my stomach turn: there's a picture of my uncle and the headline XXX kills pet dog after domestic disturbance with wife. I quickly read the article and immediately phone my parents (as the article mentioned after the domestic disturbance my aunt had fled to her sister's house). Here is what I was told: my aunt showed up at my parents house bruised to poo poo (believe me the pictures are just awful and seeing her a week later, the yellow marks of old bruises were all over). She explains to them that he had snapped. He began striking her physically in the face and body. At some point she broke free and tried to escape. She had tried to gather her two dogs, but because her dogs were poorly trained, they scattered when he opened the car door. She had to drive through the garage door as he kept closing it. My parents want to call the cops (well, my mom does, my dad wants to go beat the gently caress out of him), but my aunt keeps refusing (he, honest to god, never hit her before this) because of the mental illness. Fearing a call to the police (or even a threat) will cause her to flee, my parents are basically stuck between a rock and a hard place. My mom tends to her injuries while my dad gathers my grandfather's old 10 gauge in case my uncle shows up. Then they receive the call. He calls up and tells my mom he "went too far". She asks him what he meant (pretending my aunt was not there and she was oblivious to the truth). He explains that after she left, he began striking their dog (which was a rescue) and continued doing so long after it stopped drawing breath. At this point, my mom could care two shits about my aunt's wishes and calls the police. They arrive, arrest him, and cart him off to jail. That night, my mom had to go over and clean up the mess of the dead dog (my aunt wanted to go, but my parents decided this would only make things worse for her not to mention the fact that she could barely stand due to the pain from her beating). I always knew my mom had been through some poo poo, but I can't imagine the amount of fortitude it takes to clean up over a gallon of dog blood splattered across a room. I'm a 30 year old guy and I don't even think I could stomach it without  . But my mom somehow did it (and my respect for her is only increased by this). Coming home a week later for Christmas break, this was a gigantic mindfuck. It was by far the most depressing Christmas in my family's history. Even better because his brother is a politician in a neighboring state, the brother bails him out (while my parents are out of town for the night). I immediately rush home from a holiday party and spend the night sleeping in a chair by the door with a Louisville Slugger not willing to take any chances. Eventually, I return to school and kept frequent updates with my parents (as she continued to live with my parents). Because my aunt has no work ethic, my mom is effectively trapped into handling all aspects of this (both criminal and divorce) as well as playing daily psychiatrist as my aunt frequently flopped between "that son of a bitch" and "but he wasn't like this". My mom effectively has to take care of a child as my aunt is not the type to do anything for herself (never was even before this). Plus, my aunt can't seem to resist harping on my parents' religion, political views, etc. But my mom has the patience of the saint and put up with all of this stoically (I would joke my dad that he had a license to do anything as there's no way my mom could put up with all the bullshit of a divorce again after this debacle). I come home for summer break and my aunt is still living there (despite a restraining order, she didn't want to go back to their house and frankly, I don't blame her). It's still the alternating "he's a bastard/he's a saint" bullshit. My parents though are the type where they would never refuse to help a family member put up with all of her bullshit. I return back to school after a few weeks. As August approaches, my parents have a trip to Europe they had booked back in November before this poo poo went down. They're debating cancelling the trip (and forfeiting their hefty deposit), but my aunt insists she will be fine in their absence. My parents go on their trip and return to this: He had completed his treatment and was given pre-trial intervention (first time offender probation). Even better, my aunt (goes on vacation out-of-town with him without telling anyone prior :facepalm:. They're back together now (and apparently the shock treatment worked as he appears sane for all intents and purposes) and she has moved back into their marital home with him. Did she ever thank my parents for any of this (or loaning her a sizable amount of money to hire a good divorce lawyer)? No. I still haven't seen him (they cancelled coming over for Christmas, huge shocker) since. But here's the real moment: my aunt was offended as my one cousin was understandably apprehensive about allowing her 1 year old son to be near him when she wasn't there (because my 90 year old grandmother obviously would be able to stop him if he snapped again).
Nickelodeon Household has a new favorite as of 06:58 on Apr 13, 2011 |
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Apr 13, 2011 06:56
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Back when I was 15 or so one of my friends had his crazy grandmother living in the house with him and his family. She wasn't anything especially WTC, just an old lady that couldn't really look after herself. We found one day that the house she used to live in, and still owned, had been abandoned and was only a few blocks from us. To a bunch of teens always looking for a safe place to smoke up this was perfect. We ventured around there and made it as comfy as it needed to be. Dragged around the old furniture until we had a nice little smoking den. We also used the place to jam in, amps running off car batteries. One of the rooms, an old living room had a small mountain in it of very very old porn. Talking 40's and 50's stuff. Novellas mostly about bondage and female domination. Some extreme stuff involving torture and sensory deprivation. Someimes to the woman, but usually it was the man who was copping....well whatever that books kink was. It was fun to look through while stoned and we didn't think much of it past that. Eventually there were too many of us going there, the music was too loud and the cops had had to attend too many times so my friends father decided to put it on the market. There was a shed in the yard that had to go before the auction could be approved. It was illegally built or some poo poo, I don't know. To us, what mattered was that we could say goodbye to the smokehouse in a way dear to 15 year old hearts; by mightily destroying something. So we get to work on the shed. Someone had organised a crane to lift the roof section off, I guess it was salvageable and worth something. Our job was to take down the walls and get the floor up. Many fun hours and a couple of thesaurus' worth of swearing later the walls had been pulverized. So we all grabbed one end of what was left of the floor and hoisted it up and over. Here is the WTC moment. Almost every square cm underneath that floor was covered with small animal skeletons. Cats, possums, puppies, rats, what looked like piglets from the teeth and other unidentifiable things. Dozens and dozens of them. Some were very brittle, some were quite strong. They all had small holes through the skull. Too small a hole for a bullet (I think and there were never any stories about guns) and too many holes in too many skulls for even stoned kids to mistake. My friends grandfather (who we learned later was very abusive to my friends dad when he was a boy) had obtained and murdered all these animals over the years by manually driving something through their skulls. It was the only explanation that coupled with the now suddenly significant porn stash. Couple years later and I was fascinated with serial killers like a lot of teenage males. Learning about their obsessive torture of small animals and abuse of porn coupled with these memories was a whole other WTC trip. Sleekly has a new favorite as of 07:52 on Apr 13, 2011 |
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Apr 13, 2011 07:40
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Wandering Knitter posted:My ex did that to me once.  I just got a mouthful of someone else's saliva, because I was on my back when he decided he was going to rape my tongue like this. I also contemplated that it was a pretty terrible blow job, because he just bobbed up and down on my tongue for a bit.
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Apr 13, 2011 08:35
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Wandering Knitter posted:My ex did that to me once. My wife loves it when I suck on her tongue. I didn't even know it was a thing until she asked me to do it. Different strokes, eh?
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Apr 13, 2011 16:41
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The Bible posted:That is not the right way to suck a cock. I think he's still in denial about being gay, so he doesn't have to worry about that Mizufusion posted:I.. um.. do you need a hug? Is...is this common? My ex declared that he 'invented a new style of kissing' and sucked on my tongue so hard it hurt to talk. I'm shocked it didn't do permenate damage.
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Apr 13, 2011 17:06
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JibbaJabberwocky posted:
My guess is Searcy. I work in mental health in Alabama, things are very different than back in the day. The state wants nothing to do with it. It's mostly privatized with government incentives.
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Apr 13, 2011 17:51
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Wandering Knitter posted:Is...is this common? I dated a girl for awhile that did this. She was pretty good at it and it was drat hot to me at least. I never tried to do it back, though.
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Apr 13, 2011 18:22
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spregalia posted:Even better because his brother is a politician in a neighboring state, the brother bails him out (while my parents are out of town for the night). This was the moment of that story for me.
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Apr 13, 2011 20:18
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50 Foot Ant posted:My What the Christ! moment: Watching John Bomber ride and then gently caress a Bigfoot. John Bomber is my hero.
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Apr 13, 2011 23:46
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Stockholm posted:The hell? Please tell me you reported that poor cat to the humane society.
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Apr 14, 2011 05:30
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Wandering Knitter posted:
That reminds me, my ex loved David the Gnome when she was growing up, so we would occasionally exchange gnome kisses (rubbing our noses together). One day I was like "yeah, that's just how they do it for family t.v., lemme sho you what a -real- gnome kiss is". Then I started rapidly humping her leg, like Baxter from KitH:Brain Candy. That act became our commonly accepted definition of "gnome kiss".
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Apr 14, 2011 06:19
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The most WTC thing i ever saw was...WTC Never Forget 
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Apr 14, 2011 07:30
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One time I crawled out of bed some time around five or six in the morning and walked out to the kitchen to get a quick bite to tide me over. I walked down the main hall and the living room to find my stepdad, laying on the couch, pants down and jacking off. I just turned around, went to my room, and went back to bed. I really didn't need that snack that much.
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Apr 14, 2011 07:42
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The tongue-sucking thing seems to be quite a common theme amongst women I've dated over the years (both giving and receiving). I never saw it as particularly weird, but sucking it hard enough to hurt is a bit WTC.
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Apr 14, 2011 07:57
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WTC time! Around the age of 7 or so I was still living in Bronx, NY. It was pretty scary at the time due to Always hearing rumors of gunfights and gang violence but my kindergarten was right around the corner and I never saw any of that grisly stuff. One day the whole family meets up for a get-together and the plan was to walk around the shops at Fordham road and then head to the park to talk about current events. Twenty seconds after leaving the building we see some guy on a motorcycle barreling down the street. The guy must have been smug about his bike as he tried to show off doing a wheelie and promptly fell back and fell victim to what was the most traumatizing event I've seen in my life. I swear the event happened in slow motion as I saw his helmet fly off his head when it made contact with the pavement. his head made a heavy thump as it smacked into the pavement two more times before his body lost momentum. Everybody stood staring at this poor guy and all I thought was "gotta call 911" as he laid there with his face full of blood with more blood spilling from his cheeks, head, mouth, and even his ears  I sprinted with all my might in hopes of trying to call the paramedics in hopes of saving his life when I was snapped back into reality by my family yelling at me from the other side of the block that everything was going to be okay and that the ambulance was on it's way. We all stood there and watched the person get put into the ambulance and taken away, After that the whole family chuckled and chortled at me saying it was cute about what I was trying to do  E: Another WTC moment cause I love you guys so dearly. A few years ago I lived in a place that used to have a small roach problem. It was usually never a problem as it was mostly contained but once in a while there would be some fucker srawling on the kitchen walls. One day one of these pieces of poo poo decides it wants to CRAWL INTO MY loving EAR! I spent day 1 trying to fish the human being out with Q-tips which made it angry. It started trying to do something but apparently it's legs were scraping at my ear drum which gave me the worst of pains that I can't even describe. Day two started in the morning with me trying to drown it in the shower by having water flow into my ear. apparently the bastard grew gills and survived the whole ordeal while still playing with my drum which led me to FINALLY go to a clinic. At the clinic I had to endure nurses fill up some rubber thing and forcibly SHOOT THE WATER INTO MY EAR to try flushing it out with force. Que 20 minutes of high pressure water being shot directly at my ear drum. Long story short of that the bastard STILL LIVED ON SCRAPING AWAY! The nurses called it quits and told us they called an ear specialist to deal with the problem that same day. 30 minutes later of suffering we arrive at where the ear specialist worked at, signed in, and patiently waited [except me JESUS gently caress MY EAR HURTED.] 2 minutes later I'm sitting in the exam chair with some doctor looking into my ear to check the situation. One minute later he takes some small scissor/tweaser combo, snips the thing in half and professionally removes both pieces with no extra pain and suffering. I spent the rest of the day sleeping like a baby. THE END Dizz has a new favorite as of 09:09 on Apr 14, 2011 |
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Apr 14, 2011 08:52
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Dizz posted:scary poo poo about roaches I pray to god my gf never reads this post, as she has been warning me for ages that those little bastards crawl into peoples ears. I have refused to believe her... until now.
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Apr 14, 2011 09:24
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Wolfman23x posted:I pray to god my gf never reads this post, as she has been warning me for ages that those little bastards crawl into peoples ears. I have refused to believe her... until now. It was the only time I had something like that happen. Not even I believed what the gently caress happened back then. I guess this is a lesson I learned to not slack off on buying repellants
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Apr 14, 2011 09:37
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Dizz posted:Goddratit, I'm sleeping with earplugs from now on. Just one more phobia for the pile, thanks so much
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Apr 14, 2011 09:50
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Jesus gently caress meng. Can we get back to stories of making GBS threads please? gently caress this ear insect rape. Anyway I have one that happened to me mate J-Dog. He was working as a janitor at our local Wal*Mart and went to clean the bathroom. Upon entering the bathroom, he discovered that someone had turned it into an abattoir of poo poo. Every surface in one of the stalls was covered in poo poo. It appeared that someone had filled a plastic bag with as much poo poo as humanly possible, sealed it shut and then slammed the stall door on it. The shitbag had apparently exploded and enveloped every available surface in the stall with its brown chocolatey goodness. He walked off the job that day.
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Apr 14, 2011 09:58
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Wolfman23x posted:I pray to god my gf never reads this post, as she has been warning me for ages that those little bastards crawl into peoples ears. I have refused to believe her... until now. I've never seen a roach in my life, but I still sleep with the covers up over my ear at least because I've heard of this happening and I don't even want to leave it up to chance.
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Apr 14, 2011 10:38
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Trainmonk posted:I've never seen a roach in my life, but I still sleep with the covers up over my ear at least because I've heard of this happening and I don't even want to leave it up to chance. Insects can crawl beneath blankets. Sorry.
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Apr 14, 2011 11:27
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AlphaDog posted:The tongue-sucking thing seems to be quite a common theme amongst women I've dated over the years (both giving and receiving). I never saw it as particularly weird, but sucking it hard enough to hurt is a bit WTC. I didn't think it was particularly weird either, until that night. Not my thing, but not that weird.. but my experience with it has ensured that I will never find it the least bit appealing now. Having a weepy man try to go down on your tongue like a pornstar, leaving you with a mouthful of cold saliva and shame is not on my list of turn-ons.
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Apr 14, 2011 11:30
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Naelyan posted:Insects can crawl beneath blankets. If you have a bodily orifice, it can climb in there. It's said that a human being eats nearly a dozen spiders a month, but that's a myth. You eat that much in a single night. That's right, every night your mouth is filled with spiders, and those spiders lay eggs in your bowels as you digest them, ready to hatch into trillions of hungry, venomous little spiderlings, all of whom are immune to your digestive juices from their time inside their eggs. That minor discomfort you thought came from eating too much? The slight heartburn you assume is acid reflux? The little cramp you believed to be gas? Spiders. Trillions of them. Eating your intestines, bit by tiny, venom-soaked bit. Sweet dreams.
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Apr 14, 2011 11:38
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Dizz posted:E: Another WTC moment cause I love you guys so dearly.
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Apr 14, 2011 11:56
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