Got a crazy forwarded political email from your family? Post them here.

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Nucleic Acids: Apr 10, 2007

So, just how crazy are the forwards going to be now that bin Laden is dead?

# ? May 2, 2011 05:23

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# ? May 9, 2024 22:57

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

Nucleic Acids posted:

So, just how crazy are the forwards going to be now that bin Laden is dead?

Bin Laden isn't dead, the body is fake, that's not the real birth certificate! :tinfoil:

# ? May 2, 2011 06:16

RagnarokAngel: Oct 5, 2006; Black Magic Extraordinaire

# ? May 2, 2011 06:29

jojoinnit: Dec 13, 2010; Strength and speed, that's why you're a special agent.

"RagnarokAngel" posted:

I'm starting to get those "I don't want to live on this planet anymore" feelings.

# ? May 2, 2011 12:38

Sir Plus: Jan 16, 2008; Ain't easy looking this eggstraordinary.

Ugh:

"Nancy Reagan regarding John Hinckley's release:

We could all learn so much from this elegant and gracious lady.

You might recall that John Hinckley was a seriously deranged young man who shot President Reagan in the early 1980's.

Hinckley was absolutely obsessed with movie star Jodie Foster, and, in his twisted mind, loved Jodie to the point that to make himself well known to her, he attempted to assassinate President Reagan.

There is speculation Hinckley may soon be released as having been rehabilitated.

Consequently, you will appreciate the following letter from Nancy Reagan to John Hinckley:

********************************************************************

To: John Hinckley

From: Mrs. Nancy Reagan

My family and I wanted to drop you a short note to tell you how pleased we are with the great strides you are making in your recovery.

In our country's spirit of understanding and forgiveness, we want you to know that we bear no grudge against you for shooting President Reagan.

We are fully aware that mental stress and pain could have driven you to such an act of desperation.. We're confident that you will soon make a complete recovery and return to your family to join the world again as a healthy and productive man.

Best wishes,

Nancy Reagan & Family

P.S. While you have been incarcerated, Barack Obama has been banging Jodie Foster like a screen door in a tornado. You might want to look into that."

Oh that Nancy Reagan and her crazy analogies.

# ? May 2, 2011 16:24

Pornographic Memory: Dec 17, 2008

I actually thought that was pretty funny...

# ? May 2, 2011 16:31

jisforjosh: Jun 6, 2006; "It's J is for...you know what? Fuck it, jizz it is"

Pornographic Memory posted:

I actually thought that was pretty funny...

Unless you know...he's still crazy for Jodie Foster and thinks Obama is "banging her like a screen door in a tornado" then its more "heh heh assassinate the president get it"

# ? May 2, 2011 16:56

Plom Bar: Jun 5, 2004; hardest time i ever done

It's on par with the whole "Michael Jackson was my favourite musician, Farrah Fawcett was my favourite actress, and Obama is my favourite president! Hint hint, god!" thing that was going around in 09.

# ? May 2, 2011 17:33

TyroneGoldstein: Mar 30, 2005

jojoinnit posted:

Trump is a terrible businessman. He started off with millions from is father and lost it all several times. He managed to bankrupt a casino. In Vegas. He mostly projects his wealth illusion with reality TV money. Remember that most of his namesake buildings were constructed with money from investors who still had faith in him.

I really hate when people think he's a genuine American rags-to-riches, bootstraps type of guy. His father was a millionaire. He brags about the fact his kids are in the directory listing of the top 1% (because the money has to be in the family for three generations) while pretending it doesn't bother him that he's not.

As an aside..

Holy poo poo, I had no idea that Trump wasn't on the social register. For Manhattan (and really northeast elite) that's a big loving deal.

Then again, he doesn't really conduct himself like one of them so it figures. I think that's why in the past I always found him a likable New York type character.

# ? May 2, 2011 17:45

jojoinnit: Dec 13, 2010; Strength and speed, that's why you're a special agent.

"TyroneGoldstein" posted:

As an aside..

Holy poo poo, I had no idea that Trump wasn't on the social register. For Manhattan (and really northeast elite) that's a big loving deal.

Then again, he doesn't really conduct himself like one of them so it figures. I think that's why in the past I always found him a likable New York type character.

The Social Register. Thanks. It was bothering me that I couldn't remember what it's called. I think that exclusion is part of why Trump is so wild and brash. Despite coming from the same place, background and schools he's effectively been told by his peers that he's not properly one of them, as he's still considered new money, so he doesn't feel held to the same standards of conduct and does act incredibly trashy, while his kids who are the first generation of Trumps in the register act far more subdued.

Not that I'm implying everyone in the register is classy, mind you. Paris Hilton is also in there.

# ? May 2, 2011 19:30

Thenipwax: Jun 20, 2001; by Ozmaugh

FYI, his father was a billionaire, not just a millionaire.

# ? May 2, 2011 20:59

nm: Jan 28, 2008; "I saw Minos the Space Judge holding a golden sceptre and passing sentence upon the Martians. There he presided, and around him the noble Space Prosecutors sought the firm justice of space law."

Thenipwax posted:

FYI, his father was a billionaire, not just a millionaire.

Making millions out of billions. The American dream.

# ? May 2, 2011 21:26

Zeitgueist: Aug 8, 2003; by Ralp

So the whole Bin Laden thing has alerted me to the fact that one of my high school friends is a truther.

I haven't argued that dumb crap in a long time, so I'm not as prepared to shut him down quickly. Is there any catch-all site like talk-origins for that stuff?

# ? May 3, 2011 01:39

Haschel Cedricson: Jan 4, 2006; Brinkmanship

Zeitgueist posted:

So the whole Bin Laden thing has alerted me to the fact that one of my high school friends is a truther.

I haven't argued that dumb crap in a long time, so I'm not as prepared to shut him down quickly. Is there any catch-all site like talk-origins for that stuff?

It's not exactly the most credible of sources, but I send a link to http://www.cracked.com/article_15740_was-911-inside-job.html to everybody who mentions Loose Change to me and it tends to shut them up.

# ? May 3, 2011 01:58

crime fighting hog: Jun 29, 2006; I only pray, Heaven knows when to lift you out

Oh god:

Did I respond correctly?

# ? May 3, 2011 02:57

Dameius: Apr 3, 2006

crime fighting hog posted:

Oh god:

Did I respond correctly?

There is no right way to respond to that. Tribalism has long since taken a firm hold on him.

# ? May 3, 2011 03:03

crime fighting hog: Jun 29, 2006; I only pray, Heaven knows when to lift you out

Dameius posted:

There is no right way to respond to that. Tribalism has long since taken a firm hold on him.

It's a cousin I've only met once :smith:

# ? May 3, 2011 03:06

Dameius: Apr 3, 2006

crime fighting hog posted:

It's a cousin I've only met once

Sorry for your lost.
There are entire wings of my family that like that and when politics come up there is no discussion, just sermons about how liberals and Obama are destroying the country. Anything I say is just because I'm too young to know better and just you wait until have to pay taxes too.

# ? May 3, 2011 03:13

Sock on a Fish: Jul 17, 2004; What if that thing I said?

crime fighting hog posted:

Oh god:

Did I respond correctly?

What the heck is up with your kerning?

# ? May 3, 2011 04:06

crime fighting hog: Jun 29, 2006; I only pray, Heaven knows when to lift you out

Sock on a Fish posted:

What the heck is up with your kerning?

No idea why it did that when I took the screenshot, it's fine otherwise.

# ? May 3, 2011 04:11

Aeka 2.0: Nov 16, 2000; Have you seen my apex seals? I seem to have lost them.; Dinosaur Gum

oops wrong thread

# ? May 3, 2011 05:31

Kubrick: Jul 20, 2004

quote:

Since we are not going to get gasoline back to $1.50 per gallon and coffee to $2.00 per pound maybe this would be a solution we could live with.

DIVORCE AGREEMENT

* * * * * * * * * *
Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists, and Obama supporters, et. al.:

We have stuck together since the late 1950s for the sake of the kids, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has clearly run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right for us all, so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

Here is a model separation agreement:

1. Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by land mass, each taking a similar portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy. Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides had such distinct and disparate tastes.
2. We don't like redistributive taxes, so you can keep them.
3. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU.
4. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA, and the military.
5. We'll take the nasty, smelly oil industry and you can go with wind, solar, and bio-diesel.
6. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore, and Rosie O'Donnell. You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them.
7. We'll keep capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, WalMart, and Wall Street.
8. You can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food stamps, homeless homeboys, hippies, druggies, and illegal aliens.
9. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks.
10. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood .
11. You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us.
12. You can have the peace-niks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.
13. We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values.
14. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, political correctness, and Shirley McLain. You can also have the U.N., but we will no longer be paying the bill.
15. We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks, and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.
16. You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors.
17. We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right.
18. We'll keep "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" and "The National Anthem."
19. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute "Imagine", "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing", "Kum Ba Ya," or "We Are the World".
20. We'll practice trickle down economics and you can continue to give trickle up poverty your best shot.
21. Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag.
22. Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like-minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you answer which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.
Sincerely,

John J. Wall
Law Student and an American

P.S.: Also, please take Ted Turner, Sean Penn, Martin Sheen, Barbra Steisand, and Jane Fonda with you.

P.S.S.: And you won't have to "Press 1 for English" when you call our country.

Honestly guys, I think we should take this.

# ? May 3, 2011 09:10

Dr Christmas: Apr 24, 2010; Berninating the one percent,
Berninating the Wall St.
Berninating all the people
In their high rise penthouses!
🔥😱🔥🔫👴🏻

Kubrick posted:

Honestly guys, I think we should take this.

"Keep Hollywood and every influential liberal celebrity and one of the greatest pop songs of all time, we get Rush Limbaugh's 'Half-Hour News Hour' :smug:

"

That's laughable, but the talking about our Marxist policies causing "trickle-up poverty" when even the most biased studies cannot deny that the rich are only getting richer is so infuriating.

E: I skimmed over "Healchcare is a luxury, not a right." People dieing of preventable conditions in the richest country on Earth isn't tough or callous or an unpleasent but necessary consequence of the free market, it's a loving obscenity. Everyone who talks about "Judeo-Christian values" and then says "Healthcare is a luxury, not a right" needs to be told explicitly and constantly that they are taking a giant, steaming poo poo at the foot of the cross.

Dr Christmas fucked around with this message at 09:35 on May 3, 2011

# ? May 3, 2011 09:16

Plom Bar: Jun 5, 2004; hardest time i ever done

"Kubrick" posted:

Honestly guys, I think we should take this.

I see nothing - at all - wrong with this.

# ? May 3, 2011 10:16

ljw1004: Jan 18, 2005; rum

quote:

13. We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values.
17. We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right.

# ? May 3, 2011 10:29

Perestroika: Apr 8, 2010

Plom Bar posted:

I see nothing - at all - wrong with this.

Seriously. I remember a variant of this one going around a few years ago where there were at least a few points that would have been unequivocally bad for "liberal" America. But by now this would unironically make for a better place to live, provided that the republican America doesn't invade it after they inevitably crash and burn.

# ? May 3, 2011 10:53

Assepoester: Jul 18, 2004; Can't post for 10 years!; Melman v2

Nucleic Acids posted:

So, just how crazy are the forwards going to be now that bin Laden is dead?

http://www.infowars.com/red-alert-government-had-osama-bin-laden-frozen-for-years/

# ? May 3, 2011 11:58

MrNemo: Aug 26, 2010; "I just love beeting off"

They've taken the crazies with guns and the military. In the crazy hypothetical world where this actually happened 15 years in being a global pariah and facing crippling debt from the ongoing wars in Iran and Pakistan along with widespread social inequality and rampant poverty I can only imagine the huge rush of jingoistic madness that would culminate in invading neighbouring Peacemerica for constantly undermining their great nation with propaganda and saboteurs :tinfoil:

It would of course be done in the name of liberating the people of that once great sister nation that was deliberately stolen by socialists and nazis.

# ? May 3, 2011 12:02

Parity Bit: Apr 1, 2010

crime fighting hog posted:

Oh god:

Did I respond correctly?

I see your :psyduck:

and I raise you :psyboom:

The past couple of days have made sorting/culling my Facebook friends a lot easier.

# ? May 3, 2011 14:42

XyloJW: Jul 23, 2007

crime fighting hog posted:

Oh god:

Did I respond correctly?

A friend responded to that repost with "Obama did not pull the trigger the same way that Osama did not fly the planes on 9/11."

# ? May 3, 2011 15:08

Mooseontheloose: May 13, 2003

XyloJW posted:

A friend responded to that repost with "Obama did not pull the trigger the same way that Osama did not fly the planes on 9/11."

How much of a poo poo storm did that cause?

Also, with the divorce for America, how do people expect to pay for an army with no taxes?

# ? May 3, 2011 15:18

Bates: Jun 15, 2006

Mooseontheloose posted:

Also, with the divorce for America, how do people expect to pay for an army with no taxes?

If we privatize the military future invasions will be more efficient and profitable.

# ? May 3, 2011 15:22

Dr Snofeld: Apr 30, 2009

Kubrick posted:

Honestly guys, I think we should take this.

I don't even live in the US, but can I come to this magical post-divorce country?

# ? May 3, 2011 15:23

crime fighting hog: Jun 29, 2006; I only pray, Heaven knows when to lift you out

Anosmoman posted:

If we privatize the military future invasions will be more efficient and profitable.

Isn't this what happens in Metal Gear Solid 4?

# ? May 3, 2011 15:43

Nucleic Acids: Apr 10, 2007

crime fighting hog posted:

Isn't this what happens in Metal Gear Solid 4?

That, or some table-top RPG from a few years back.

# ? May 3, 2011 16:00

crime fighting hog: Jun 29, 2006; I only pray, Heaven knows when to lift you out

Nucleic Acids posted:

That, or some table-top RPG from a few years back.

Shadowrun is corporate feudalism turned up to 11. With cyber punk elves.

# ? May 3, 2011 16:10

Grem: Mar 29, 2004; It's how her species communicates

XyloJW posted:

A friend responded to that repost with "Obama did not pull the trigger the same way that Osama did not fly the planes on 9/11."

My response was "Yup, and Abraham Lincoln never turned a single key on a black man's shackles, so gently caress that guy, too"

# ? May 3, 2011 16:50

red19fire: May 26, 2010

ljw1004 posted:

HEY! That's the guy curing the sick for free! I want him arrested!

# ? May 3, 2011 17:01

tek79: Jun 16, 2008

Grem posted:

My response was "Yup, and Abraham Lincoln never turned a single key on a black man's shackles, so gently caress that guy, too"

Reagan and the Cold War/Soviet Union for that matter too.

# ? May 3, 2011 17:32

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# ? May 9, 2024 22:57

Dr. Arbitrary: Mar 15, 2006; Bleak Gremlin

tek79 posted:

Reagan and the Cold War/Soviet Union for that matter too.

Counterpoint:

Although this would sorta be like Obama pissing off the side of a boat over the location where Bin Laden was buried, in 2013.

# ? May 3, 2011 17:39

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