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Working as an In-Home Healthcare Aide had plenty of WHAT THE CHRIST moments. I took care of a very nice, but very batty old lady who lived in a crumbling trailer out in the sticks. Biggest WTC of working for her was coming in one day and having her very calmly tell me that she had three possums living in her back closet. And they'd just had babies. And ooooo weren't they just so cute! Another gentleman who was very pleasant but very insane was living out his last years dying of AIDS in the back room of a friend's house. Biggest WTC there was him making me chicken salad all while telling me about how he was a famous chef and later a fashion designer. He used a Zima to make the salad dressing, and the chicken was so old I could smell it when he opened the fridge to get it out. Probably the biggest WTC patient I had overall was April. April was a very nice middle aged lady who lived in the ghetto part of town and was completely in charge of her faculties but who had diabetes and was enormously fat so she couldn't get around so well. Highlights include: - April was not born April, she was born Adam. I have no idea how transitioned she was, but she was living as a woman. That in itself wasn't weird, as I was in a very liberal town, but she used to tell all kinds of stories about running around with the town's various doctors, lawyers, and businessmen back in the day... and she really wasn't the type to lie. - April had a large safe full of money in her second bedroom. I don't know where she got it and I don't wanna know where she got it. Whenever I would take her to the grocery store she'd go back there, pull a couple hundreds off of a giant wad of bills, and off we'd go. - April used to "help people out" by going to the grocery store with them, having them buy her groceries on their food stamps, and then giving them money. Her fridge, freezer and chest freezer were packed to the gills with food. All she ever ate were Swanson's delivery meals. - Probably the weirdest thing about all of this was her obsession with cleaning product. She had six different toilet cleaner tabs/bars in each toilet. Febreeze (in every scent they made) was sprayed several times a day. And when we'd do her laundry, she had every single different kind and scent of fabric softener that was on the market and every single wash load got at least a tablespoon of each.
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Apr 23, 2011 17:06
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I was coming home on the bus from uni one day, sitting on the back seat of the bus and reading the newspaper. Because I was reading, I wasn't really paying attention to whoever else got on the bus etc. until we eventually came to some other stop down the line and some people got on. The first thing I heard when the bus doors opened was a girl calling out really loudly, so naturally I was a bit curious and looked up from my paper to see what that was all about. Getting on the bus first was a guy, and right after him was some girl. I thought she was calling out to him (she might have known him or something), but he sat down towards the very front of the bus and as she walked past, they didn't even acknowledge each other. As she walked up the aisle, she kept talking in a way that sounded like she was having a conversation, so I thought she was on the phone. I looked at her hands, and there was no phone. Ok, I thought, she must be wearing one of those bluetooth ear pieces then. She sat down on the seat right in front of me, occupying the whole seat by herself so that she was seated in a way where I could easily see both ears. No bluetooth unit. For most of this ~1.5 hour bus ride she was just talking to herself, but instead of the ramblings of a weird homeless person, her self-conversation sounded exactly like a normal conversation and once in a while she'd exclaim loudly at something passing by the window. Eventually I dozed off on the bus as I normally do, but when I woke up she was still talking to herself. I whipped out my paper again to keep reading since I'd fallen asleep, but because the back seat of the bus was elevated, I could see her take out and use her iPhone. The wallpaper was a picture of Chris Evans, the guy who plays Mace in Sunshine. I tried to read my paper, but the way we were seated meant I could see her unlock the phone and go to the photo album which was full of Chris Evans photos. I glanced to my right and saw the guy sitting next to me fixated by her phone browsing as well. She scrolled through the photos until she reached a photo of the actor shirtless, and then zoomed in all the way while talking to herself. By this point most of the people sitting around her were pretty fixated, and everyone watched her zoom in to the point where she could zoom in no more, and keep trying (you know how with iPhones, when you zoom in as much as you can and still try, it zooms a bit and then snaps back). Eventually her stop came, so she bounded off the bus and as soon as her feet hit the ground, she broke out into a massive pirouhette and cried out towards the sky, as if she was in a movie exclaiming how beautiful the day was. Then, as quickly as that had happened, she was suddenly walking away from the bus stop normally. There was a silent but collective WTC from all the people on the bus.
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Apr 24, 2011 05:04
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Chroisman posted:The most WTC part of this was the 1.5 hour bus ride. I know peeps who live 100k + from uni that spend less time than that on a bus. While that bird sounds crazy, 3 hours travel / day for uni sounds even crazier.
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Apr 24, 2011 08:08
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pseudomonkey posted:The most WTC part of this was the 1.5 hour bus ride. I know peeps who live 100k + from uni that spend less time than that on a bus. While that bird sounds crazy, 3 hours travel / day for uni sounds even crazier. It depends on where you live. Public transportation only became a reality in my town of 55,000 within the last decade. As a result none of the town is designed with a transit system in mind. It's very possible to spend an hour on a bus and only end up halfway across town.
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Apr 24, 2011 17:02
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I missed this WTC moment by mere minutes. For a few years I worked for the Missouri Dept of Corrections as a guard. Started as a utility officer, filling in wherever was needed, be it housing units, the Hole (ugh), Patrol Car (TOTALLY skate shift), etc, before taking a position in the Social Rehabilitation Unit. Fancy-speak for the psychotropically medicated inmates. Wobble-heads. The evening shift Sarge was an awesome guy, and we had tons of stupid fun. The most WTC thing involved the Ford Man, who, as the name would suggest, was a lover of all things Ford. He'd fly into a rage at the mention of any thing Chevy. Anyway, I'm walking across the yard to the unit to start my shift, and Sarge is leaning against the door to the bubble (control room) smoking a cigarette looking all kinds of  , which was odd, because nothing seemed to baffle him much. I asked what was up, and he had just had a conversation with Ford Man while lighting up: Hey Sarge, I ever tell you when I was in Potosi, I died for a while? Well, that doesn't sound like fun. What happened? I left my body, and floated up. I saw myself lying on the bed, and my preacher was there prayin' for me! Well, that's what probably brought ya back, huh? Yup! Know what else I seen, Sarge? Whuzzat Ford Man? I looked over and seen President JFK bent over, taking a 3 foot long black dildo up his rear end, while his brother Bobby was layin' underneath him, patting his balls and feedin' him gummy bears! ... Bye, Sarge! *goes inside*Minutes later I'm walking up, and the story is recounted to me. Holy poo poo, we had some crazies...
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Apr 25, 2011 15:18
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My WTC moment pales in comparison to these, but I'll share anyway. I used to ride the Orlando bus system a lot, mostly to and from class. I don't know what it is about Florida, but the entire state is generally an endless source of WTC. I had some WTC bus-related experiences. I catch a bus from UCF's little bus depot. It runs along University and then eventually heads downtown. One of the stops along the way is a grade-school. I believe it's a private school. It's afternoon, and some of the grade-school kids will probably be catching the bus. About halfway between UCF and the grade-school, a man who looks like he's probably homeless (has dreads and ragged clothing) gets on the bus. He's disheveled and potentially drunk. As he boards the bus, the bus driver looks at him sternly.  "There are going to be kids getting on the bus soon. If you start up with any of that Satan talk, I'm going to kick you off the bus, you hear?"  "Oh no, I won't do any of that, I'll be real quiet, I promise."And he sits down, and is well-behaved and quiet for most of the trip up University. We stop at the grade-school, where a bunch of little kids get on the bus. Suddenly, crazyguy is no longer nicely behaved and quiet. He jumps on top of one of the bus seats and starts flailing around, screaming:  "SATAN IS COMING! THE LORD OF DARKNESS IS COMING! SATAN IS COMING AND HE'S GOING TO PULL YOU DOWN INTO FIERY HELL! YOU'RE ALL GOING TO DIEEEEEEE!"The little kids, naturally, are terrified. The bus driver immediately slams on the brakes, grabs crazyguy, and bodily throws him off the bus. "AND DON'T YOU TRY TO GET ON MY BUS AGAIN!"Second WTC bus story: I have just completed finals. I have had maybe 6 hours of sleep over the span of the past 6 days, and I have some kind of weird flu to boot. Somewhere around the cemetery, a guy gets on the bus and sits down next to me. He has an unlit cigarette in his mouth. He starts talking to me, even though I am mostly unresponsive and fading in and out of consciousness, but he doesn't seem to mind as long as I don't interrupt his monologue. It occurs to me, in my flu-fugue, that he is saying some kind of weird poo poo, but I can't remember exactly what and I feel so ill that it leaves my head as soon as it registers. Stuff about people being out to get him and aliens and poo poo like that. I'm falling asleep/blacking out for minutes at a time, anyway. Toward the end of the bus ride, I'm a little bit more awake, because my stop is coming up, so I'm catching more of what he's saying, and he's still talking to me. "You know what I'm going to do when I get off this bus?"I am feeling pretty ill but he seems to be waiting for an actual response, for once.  "No. What?" "I'm gonna smoke a cigarette. Then I'm gonna jump off a rooftop into a dumpster, and kick in a car windshield, and pass out." "...I see." "So you look familiar, do you work at (fast food place)?"Yes, I do work at (fast food place), but I am sure as hell not telling this guy that. "No." "I swear I've seen you there" "I used to." "Do you know if they're hiring?"They're a fast food place, so they probably are, but I don't want to work with this guy, he's crazier than the one guy I was currently working with who literally worked in a circus for a while. "I don't think so." "So, where do you live?" "..." "Oh, this is my stop. Bye!"His stop was also my stop, but I did not want to get off on the same stop as him, especially since it was incredibly close to my home and it would be easy to see where I was going. I rode the bus for another few stops, and despite being sick, walked about a mile and a half to get home. Just so he wouldn't know where I live. I have some more WTC bus stories, but I think I hit the smiley-limit for this post, and I don't want to double post. Theoretically has a new favorite as of 23:48 on Apr 27, 2011 |
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Apr 27, 2011 23:43
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After college, I ended up working alongside my middle school Industrial Tech teacher. I had a computer-based modular lab and he had the traditional "wood shop" next door. My first year being in the middle school full-time instead of being split with the high school, I decided to do a project that required his shop during his prep period. My students had designed their projects in my room and were ready to turn their drawings into reality. When we opened the door between the modular computer lab and the shop, we were greeted him pissing in the sink at the front of the shop. Luckily, it was fairly dark since he had the lights out and the only light was from the hallway and from my door opening into the lab and only the first couple students behind me saw anything and were unsure exactly what they had seen. I'm 100% that what I saw was him from the back pissing, shaking and scurrying out of the room. One student did ask me if Mr. X was peeing in the sink and I tried to play it off like I wasn't sure. This would be the first of three times that I remember walking in on him pissing in the sink only that the next two times the lights were on and I shut the door quickly and retreated to my own room with an excuse to the studetns of why we had to wait to move to the shop.
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Apr 28, 2011 00:08
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In the middle of July a very stern looking man walks into the store. He says nothing to me while buying his things. He turns to walk out the door but before leaving he sternly asks, "how many days until Christmas?" "Uh...163?" He sternly goes out the door and drives away in the direction he came. 45 minutes later the very stern looking man comes back into the store and sternly says, "177 but you were close." He sternly goes out the door and drives away in the direction he came.
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May 4, 2011 00:24
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I was at a party in a friend's flat. One of the guys, Chris, was sitting at the window smoking. One second he was there, the next he was gone. We're all totally wrecked, so it takes a moment before everyone realises the fucker must have fallen out the window. It's an upstairs window, so there's total panic as we all rush over to look out, and he's gone! Vanished into thin air! It's like he's flown off into the night. Just then Chris walks in the front door and up the stairs, still smoking and with not a scratch on him, and sits down on the windowsill again without saying a word. He'd fallen out a first floor window onto concrete, calmly picked up his cigarette and walked right back into the house. Later that night, as I was about to leave I missed the first step on the hard, stone staircase and roll right down it, and land sitting upright at the bottom. For the second time that night my friends look down expecting to see a very broken body and instead see an incredibly lucky bastard. So, somewhere between what the Christ and thank Christ. Something was watching over us that night.
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May 4, 2011 23:32
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My cat was recently sick and we had to keep him indoors for a couple of months while he got better. I got up one morning only to walk into the kitchen and find my cat making GBS threads on the stove top of our oven. After cleaning this up (and disinfecting everything in the entire kitchen) I went back into the kitchen about 15mins later only to discover he had also pissed in the fruit bowl. I wish I could understand why he did this, he had a clean littler box and had never done anything like this before. Needless to say he's never done this since but seriously what an rear end in a top hat thing to do.
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May 5, 2011 00:25
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Juice Fusion posted:I wish I could understand why he did this, he had a clean littler box and had never done anything like this before. Needless to say he's never done this since but seriously what an rear end in a top hat thing to do. We had a cat that routinely pissed in the stove burners and the toaster. Stove burners were easy enough to notice beforehand and clean up, but the toaster... yeah. Nothing like the smell of burning cat pee, followed by soggy yellow toast.
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May 5, 2011 00:44
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The other day I was riding to work on the bus and a big man was swearing loudly while talking with his friend. The driver told him to mind his language. Big man barks at the driver, not yells, woofs like a dog. I tell this to the teacher I work with, and she goes 'Maybe he's more animal than man. Remember that former student from the other day? I used to think she was an animal, going on and on growling in class and what not-' I had pegged the kid as a furry the second she started drawing this larping horse thing, so I agree and then the teacher starts going on about cat people, and reptilloids, and how she's a cat person from space who evolved from super old advanced life forms and her spirit animal is a puma. A third grader who was tapped into the astral planes had told her this, along with something about souls trapped in magic crystals. She was deadly serious. I politely nodded.  Animal people everywhere, man.
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May 5, 2011 01:30
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One Eyed Daruma posted:We had a cat that routinely pissed in the stove burners and the toaster. Welp, there goes the rest of my appetite. Wonder if my niece will ask questions if I give her the toast I was about to have. One of our cats has a tendency to piss in the sink. We change the litter every other day, so... there's literally no reason for her to do so, except pure contempt. She does it while we're having a discussion in the kitchen, too. While watching us. As if it's our fault, somehow.
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May 5, 2011 01:55
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Juice Fusion posted:I wish I could understand why he did this, he had a clean littler box and had never done anything like this before. Needless to say he's never done this since but seriously what an rear end in a top hat thing to do. Cats will, in fact, piss or poo poo in unusual places as a form of protest, or just to be assholes. (Love their evil little furry souls.)
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May 5, 2011 10:39
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One day last week I was sitting on a bus going to the other side of town, when I noticed unusual movement inside a car I saw from the window. As the bus drove closer to the car, I saw that, sure enough, the driver had a parrot, a loving blue-and-yellow macaw on her shoulder and the movement I'd seen was the parrot spreading its wings to keep balance as the car came to a sudden stop. Oh, and this is in Finland, so there aren't that many parrots around in the first place.
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May 5, 2011 14:00
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Back when I was a lowly EMT in Baltimore Maryland, We received a call to a house in downtown Baltimore off of Lafayette Street near Bon Secours Hospital (For those who don't know, low residential, section 8, kind of a crummy area). Me and my partner get to the door, the husband greets us and shows us to the citizen in need. The husband had trouble opening the door... had to like ram some trash out of the way. As I stepped in, it was probably one of the most cluttered, dirty, disgusting houses I've seen. I had to kick stuff aside so I can make a pathway to the patient. It being Baltimore, we had to go up on the third floor in a rowhouse, it was sweltering hot, the pungent odor of piss and poo poo was evident in the air. Getting to the patient, she was having some breathing difficulty, so slapping on oxygen seemed to help, pretty easy. My partner runs off to get a stair chair to extricate her from the bed, out down the stairs of the house and into the ambulance. Now, like I said... house is a mess and the bedroom is no different. This lady was laying on a queen sized bed, hanging on the edge while the bed was full of ruffled up blankets, clothes, pizza boxes, trash, etc. As I'm doing my EMT thing, from the corner of my eye, that pile of trash erupts, exposing a 6-8 year old boy in just dirty underwear springing from the trash pile. My patient proceeded to hit the child, yelling at him. "You go play outside, (kid's name)!" And the kid scurried off. I had no idea this kid was there. Any EMT or Paramedic will tell you, you see some really disgusting stuff in other people's homes, and this is no different. But seeing the kid suddenly jump out of a pile of clothes, blankets, old food, a trashbag or two, etc. was baffling, certainly  for me.
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May 5, 2011 14:29
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I recently woke up gagging from a nightmare that involved eating luke-warm, raw oysters. Pretty mild, all things considered.
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May 5, 2011 15:44
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Edward_Lapine posted:Back when I was a lowly EMT in Baltimore Maryland, We received a call to a house in downtown Baltimore off of Lafayette Street near Bon Secours Hospital (For those who don't know, low residential, section 8, kind of a crummy area). Me and my partner get to the door, the husband greets us and shows us to the citizen in need. The husband had trouble opening the door... had to like ram some trash out of the way. As I stepped in, it was probably one of the most cluttered, dirty, disgusting houses I've seen. I had to kick stuff aside so I can make a pathway to the patient. It being Baltimore, we had to go up on the third floor in a rowhouse, it was sweltering hot, the pungent odor of piss and poo poo was evident in the air. Getting to the patient, she was having some breathing difficulty, so slapping on oxygen seemed to help, pretty easy. My partner runs off to get a stair chair to extricate her from the bed, out down the stairs of the house and into the ambulance. I used to do childminding for extra cash when I was much younger. I only did it for friends of the family, so only people I already knew. One couple were an engineer and a nurse, always really neat and tidy in appearance, and their kids were well scrubbed and really nice. Their house was loving filthy, with literal piles of garbage in corners, rotting food in the kitchen, pizza boxes piled up in the kids' bedrooms, and general filth and disarray everywhere. I once spotted a rat in the loungeroom and went to chase it, and the kids freaked out and told me not to hurt it... it was their "pet", you see. Yeah, big rat problem in the house and the parents convinced the kids that they were pet rats. They eventually got cats to keep the rats down, but never even provided them with litter boxes. So the house filled up with cat poo poo and piss too, as well as rat poo poo and rotting rat pieces that the cats left around. They moved out of the shithole and within 6 weeks their new place was just as bad. Absolutely hosed. My mum refuses to speak to the parents these days, since she saw the house. She's still in contact with the kids though, and says they've grown up suprisingly normal and much cleaner than the parents. One's a teacher and one's going to be a nurse. I never thought about calling the authorities at the time, but now I really wish I had.
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May 5, 2011 16:49
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Groke posted:Cats will, in fact, piss or poo poo in unusual places as a form of protest, or just to be assholes. (Love their evil little furry souls.) Or if they're sick. Worth a trip to the vet to be sure. (but they're often being assholes)
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May 5, 2011 17:24
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About half a year ago I accidentally discovered that my dad likes dickgirl porn. He thought it would be totally okay trying to burn some porn onto a DVD one day. NOT okay because mom and I were still home. Our printer is located in the same room as dad's desktop, and I went down there to turn it on, as I had something to print. I brushed against dad's mouse as I made my way to the printer, thus disabling his screensaver. Turns out the disk-burning program he uses shows a preview of what is being copied as it's doing so. I am greeted by an orgy of dickgirls loving each other. I shake my head and print out my document, but I will never forget that day. (Dad was out buying groceries at this time, I believe.)
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May 5, 2011 18:49
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A few years ago, sometime around midday I was heading to the restroom at the office, I notice a supervisor from my department is a few steps behind me and the obligatory hi/hello/what's up smalltalk commences. Not bad I say, good to hear he shoots back, the conversation is over as far as I am concerned, I barely know this guy. I hold the door open for a moment as I walk through and notice he's got a spherical bulge in one of his front pockets, it looks like he might have a baseball stuffed in there, maybe an apple. I've got to handle some even numbered business so I beeline for a stall and close the door behind me. After I get the paper rear end gasket placed and sit down I hear "what do you think of [some television series]" from the direction of the urinals, I'm not sure who the question is directed at so I remain silent. Had someone else come in? Was he talking on his cellphone? The question repeats and I realize we're alone and he's talking to me. I'm not sure what to make of this, of all the times to strike up a pop culture conversation... I say "it's ok, I guess" and he continues talking for a few minutes, my only contribution being the occasional poot or splooch. I hear a flush and then he asks "do you want to play catch?". Before I can say anything I see a tennis ball flying over the partition, it hits the wall behind me and bounces around a bit before rolling out of the stall. I want to tell this guy to gently caress off but I just say "no thanks, maybe later" right as the ball comes in over the partition again. The ball lightly bounces a few times and comes to rest in a spacing between the floor tiles at my feet, its bright yellow surface flecked with unknown bathroom floor detritus and crowned by a single abnormally lengthy curly brown pube. I say nothing, kick the ball back out and the supervisor says he'll catch me later as he exits the bathroom, pube ball in (unwashed) hand. I used the bathroom on the other side of the building for awhile after that.
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May 5, 2011 21:55
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http://stimie.net/ I think these all qualify. Not my site, I just found it and wanted to share.
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May 5, 2011 23:36
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Chantilly Say posted:http://stimie.net/ That site is a goldmine.
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May 6, 2011 00:21
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While on spring break in Daytona, my friends and I hit the town. First, we went to a strip club. We left at 1am and then proceeded to a biker bar called "Froggys" where we drank and danced with some of the locals. Honestly, biker bars are the most amazing places on earth, but thats besides the point. At 2:30am, the bar closed so we all went to the iHOP. Sure enough, some of the strippers were there from the club we were at previously as well as some of the bikers from the bar. It was a grand time. I decided to strike up a conversation with one of the strippers. Being female myself, I was curious about what it was like. She told me she hated stripping and she looked forward to nothing but going home at the end of the day. I then made the comment “Yeah, I can’t imagine have some pervert fondle my boobs all night” Out of nowhere, this random guy pops out from UNDER a booth in the corner of the iHOP. He starts yelling at me “WHAT THE gently caress ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, I AM ONE OF THOSE PERVERTS THAT TOUCH BOOBS. YOU WANNA FIGHT ME BITCH? DON'T JUDGE ME CAUSE I LIKE THE TITTIES!!!! ARGGGAASGGAAAHHH” I was so loving confused at who this guy was and where he came from. He started to throw a punch a me but I ran the gently caress away as fast as possible. Thankfully one of the bikers at the iHOP defended my honor. He picked this guy up, threw him over a few tables, then they both left. The restaurant was trashed…the iHOP staff was so startled about the man that they gave everyone a free breakfast. Panda Monium has a new favorite as of 00:52 on May 6, 2011 |
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May 6, 2011 00:49
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Noctone posted:That site is a goldmine. Where the gently caress is that store located ? I've got a methadone clinic, an adult video store, a halfway house, 6 pawnshops and 5 hotels with daily, weekly and monthly rates within a block of the office and even in the alley out back poo poo doesn't get that weird. Except for the guy who set himself on fire. In the adult video store. Somehow. http://www.metatube.com/en/videos/56406/Horrifying-Video-Of-Man-On-Fire-In-Porno-Shop/ That man is the living embodiment of "walk it off".
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May 6, 2011 04:40
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I don't go to work often but last time I was there I passed by the customer bathroom (regular no-stall but you lock the door) to see an older man finish pissing. Door propped wide open. He the wiped the piss off the seat and flushed (he did not put the seat up).
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May 6, 2011 06:33
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Groke posted:Cats will, in fact, piss or poo poo in unusual places as a form of protest, or just to be assholes. (Love their evil little furry souls.) To be fair he was sick, and we had been told to keep inside by the vet until he was better. I think he was just protesting about not being able to go out into the wild and poo near nature or something.
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May 6, 2011 12:38
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My friend's little sister used to be quite active on Habbo Hotel during her teens. One day she got a message from some random guy asking her for cybersex. Her reply was, quite rightly, "No, i'm 14". To which the guy replied "but 14 year olds can have sex too"  She told her mum who told her to report it. She did, and never heard from him again.
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May 6, 2011 12:48
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I was on a train going into NYC when this old lady walked into the bathroom. She was in there for like half the ride, and people were getting concerned. Someone knocked on the door to see if she was OK, and she said she was. A few minutes later she walks out shutting the door behind her. I had to go to the bathroom, so I open the door to the bathroom and there is poo poo everywhere. On the floor, walls, the god drat ceiling. I have never been so disgusted in my life. What that old lady was up to, I'll never know.
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May 6, 2011 16:15
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This is from about a year and a half ago. I get on the bus at UGA at the library and ride back to my place on the East Side. A few of us boarded at the library, including one of the workers. I've seen him several times on the bus before. I sit down. Straight across the aisle from me is a woman. Probably about 35. She has two large bags. She looks up and takes note of him two rows of seats ahead. "Hay!" (this being the redneck pronounciation of 'Hey') "Hay! Are you the guy that works at Church's?" "No, no I'm not." "You sure you don't work at Church's?" "No ma'am, I work for UGA." He turns so his shirt with the sewed-on name badge is visible to her. "You look like the guy who works at Church's."At this point, I'm not sure if he decides just to humor her a bit. "I work at Church's on weekends." "Are you getting off there?" "Yes. That happens to be my stop."Her voice carries big-time. The whole bus has figured out her agenda. She doesn't know where to get off. "Yeah, [something unclear]. Some body (spelling is as she pronounced it) tol' me it was on the 25 and I had to figure out the schedule. Will you tell me when to pull the lever?"There isn't a lever. Rather a long plastic-coated cord that runs down each side of the bus. "I'll pull it." "You gon' pull the lever?" "Yes." "You'll pull the lever?" "Yes."The stop in question is the third one after the library. We get to the second stop after the library, which is in front of a small restaurant and a body shop. This is no more than three minutes after leaving the college. "You're going to pull the lever?" "This is a body shop. It's the next stop."He pulls the cord. Though it makes an audible ding and a voice says "stop requested," she yanks it hard. "I've already pulled it, ma'am."Dairy Queen passes on the right with Church's on the left. This stop is technically in front of (a now empty) store and you have to walk a short distance. "I thought we was stoppin' at Church's." "Yeah. We just went by Church's. It's back there."Both get off the bus. Everybody looks at each other. I'm still not quite sure what I witnessed. I couldn't smell anything on her, though I assume she was drunk at 3 in the afternoon.
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May 6, 2011 21:01
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mllaneza posted:Where the gently caress is that store located ? I've got a methadone clinic, an adult video store, a halfway house, 6 pawnshops and 5 hotels with daily, weekly and monthly rates within a block of the office and even in the alley out back poo poo doesn't get that weird. I'm guessing it's largely made up, but it's still entertaining.
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May 6, 2011 21:12
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batomys posted:A few years ago, sometime around midday I was heading to the restroom at the office, I notice a supervisor from my department is a few steps behind me and the obligatory hi/hello/what's up smalltalk commences. Not bad I say, good to hear he shoots back, the conversation is over as far as I am concerned, I barely know this guy. I hold the door open for a moment as I walk through and notice he's got a spherical bulge in one of his front pockets, it looks like he might have a baseball stuffed in there, maybe an apple. I've got to handle some even numbered business so I beeline for a stall and close the door behind me. After I get the paper rear end gasket placed and sit down I hear "what do you think of [some television series]" from the direction of the urinals, I'm not sure who the question is directed at so I remain silent. Had someone else come in? Was he talking on his cellphone? That has got to be some kind of harassment.
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May 6, 2011 21:23
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mllaneza posted:Where the gently caress is that store located ? Judging by a few bits I picked up in a post, this store is located near Medford, Oregon. Probably closer to Jacksonville, to be specific. e: this post: http://stimie.net/04/the-things-little-old-women-say/
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May 6, 2011 22:15
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batomys posted:Restroom catch Dalai Lamacide posted:That has got to be some kind of harassment. wren posted:Old guy pissing with the seat down
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May 6, 2011 23:33
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Jesus, this thread has a great OP. I was gonna tell some stories about my hotel days, but the best I had was a constant stream of Indian businessmen bugging me to get prostitutes for them. Or the time I saw a gangbanger shoot another one in the parking lot. But poo poo. Wow, greased up improvised dildo and everything. Wow.
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May 7, 2011 00:02
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Jack MacAskill posted:Maybe I read this wrong (perhaps after the word 'bulge') but I cannot entertain the possibility he was not masturbating into the urinal. As is shown at the climax of the story, the bulge was a tennis ball rather than any sort of turgid member.
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May 7, 2011 00:16
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The damage was done, 'bulge' set a tone. I would go so far as to suggest he kept the tennis ball in his pants with sexually provocative intent. Who the gently caress keeps (pubey) tennis balls in their pocket? This man is clearly an aggressor of some sort.
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May 7, 2011 00:51
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Spaticus posted:I was on a train going into NYC when this old lady walked into the bathroom. She was in there for like half the ride, and people were getting concerned. Someone knocked on the door to see if she was OK, and she said she was. I'd like to imagine there was a series of hilarious Mr Bean-esque incidents which became increasingly bizarre and frenetic the longer she was in there, the end result being poo poo smeared all over the entire toilet booth. Like, she sneezed at the wrong time and her glasses flew off just as her pacemaker battery went dead as she's unhooking her colostomy bag etc etc etc so she's wiping the poo poo off the toilet seat with a receipt from her purse (because she just used up all the toilet paper killing the spider that was hiding in the condom dispenser) when she trips on all the condoms on the floor and she lands on her colostomy bag like a whoopie cushion and it sprays all up the wall etc etc etc and just as she finally gets all the poo poo off her hands she drops her purse again and the paper dispenser flies open again and it tosses all the poo poo up onto the ceiling etc etc etc someone knocks on the door and the game is up so she runs off to a different carriage and the credits roll.
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May 7, 2011 03:45
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I have, fortunately, had a mostly sane, rational life with few intrusions of total insanity. But one time, about two years ago, I was on a bus with my sister going home from the community college we were both attending at the time. We were talking about LOST, which I was attempting to convince her to watch for the umpteenth time. So, we got off the bus at the transit center, still talking. Now, keep in mind, this transit center has a 5-story parking garage. Well, we were in the middle of a conversation, and I got distracted by something, probably a bird or person or nothing in particular at all, as I tend to do. When there's a hideous noise, sounding like raw meat being slapped hard against the ground. And it was, of a sort. A guy jumped to his death from the top of the parking garage, not more than 30 feet from where my sister and I were standing. The worst part was, my sister saw him fall. She said later that it was surreal, and for a half a second she believed he was flying. Then he fell, smack dab against the ground. There was blood all over the pavement, and after the shock wore off, my sister was in tears, her being an extremely empathetic person. I checked the newspapers the next day, and online, but I found no mention of it. To this day, I still don't know who that guy was, or why he jumped. 
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May 7, 2011 08:11
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| # ? Jun 8, 2024 14:00 |
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dinozombiesgoRARR posted:You keep fighting the good fight.
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May 7, 2011 08:31
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