Geeky Star Wars Loser Thread Episode VII: Attack of the bugnest orgies

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > The Book Barn > Geeky Star Wars Loser Thread Episode VII: Attack of the bugnest orgies

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qxx: Dec 2, 2005; Only the wrong survive.

Gutcruncher posted:

Actually the only reason he didnt die is because instead of just splatting against a flat surface, he fell onto a gradually sloped surface that slowed him down as he traveled down it.

Actually, he got sucked into a vent in the side of the chamber's wall :smug:

.The physics of it all should have led to an even more gruesome outcome than a sloped of flat surface but still; THE POWER OF MYTH

# ? Jun 3, 2011 20:34

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# ? May 16, 2024 16:10

MIDWIFE CRISIS: Nov 5, 2008; Ta gueule, laisse-moi finir.

qxx posted:

THE POWER OF MYTH

That the whole Original Trilogy is nothing but a retelling of the myth of Luke Skywalker, with thousands of little things added on by subsequent storytellers, is a pretty cool idea.

In the real version, the fall was probably more of a tumble, really.

# ? Jun 3, 2011 22:05

Azzmo: Jul 2, 2007; STUPID MINORITIES ALWAYS MAKING ME FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE TO BE A WHITE MALE

What's wrong with Luke's faaaaaace?

If anybody is looking for some easy but informative summer reading there's a fascinating glimpse into life in the dust bowl that you'd probably not otherwise hear about.

# ? Jun 3, 2011 22:29

Crowetron: Apr 29, 2009

Somehow, Anakin's burn scars were hereditary?

# ? Jun 3, 2011 22:33

Azzmo: Jul 2, 2007; STUPID MINORITIES ALWAYS MAKING ME FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE TO BE A WHITE MALE

Crowetron posted:

Somehow, Anakin's burn scars were hereditary?

You think this is FUNNY?

# ? Jun 3, 2011 22:38

RedTeam: Feb 5, 2011; SHAZAM!

Han isn't looking too amazing either, although he isn't a complete spaz at least.

# ? Jun 3, 2011 22:44

yronic heroism: Oct 31, 2008

Crowetron posted:

According to Wookiepedia, Troy Denning created the hairless rape bears for the Star Wars Roleplaying game in 89. So thanks, Troy.

Yeah, it's easy to forget that Denning's influence in Star Wars 1) goes back to the 80s and 2) is probably as loving weird as it is thanks to being spawned by the tabletop gaming culture.

# ? Jun 3, 2011 22:44

Jedi Knight Luigi: Jul 13, 2009

Azzmo posted:

What's wrong with Luke's faaaaaace?

If anybody is looking for some easy but informative summer reading there's a fascinating glimpse into life in the dust bowl that you'd probably not otherwise hear about.

Kinda looks like Ellen Degeneres in the second frame. Also, someone make the last frame of his face avatar sized and I will gladly make it my icon.

The Ewok book reminds me of the "Wisconsin Death Trip" book my grandparents have at their lake house in Wisconsin. This needs to be more fully parodied with inserted Ewoks.

# ? Jun 3, 2011 23:15

Crowetron: Apr 29, 2009

Azzmo posted:

You think this is FUNNY?

I've been trying to think of a funny reply to this, but holy poo poo I can't stop laughing

# ? Jun 3, 2011 23:17

MIDWIFE CRISIS: Nov 5, 2008; Ta gueule, laisse-moi finir.

Crowetron posted:

I've been trying to think of a funny reply to this, but holy poo poo I can't stop laughing

It's a pretty decent depiction of what a stroke looks like:

# ? Jun 3, 2011 23:40

Hazo: Dec 30, 2004; SCIENCE

# ? Jun 3, 2011 23:44

MIDWIFE CRISIS: Nov 5, 2008; Ta gueule, laisse-moi finir.

What's that from, though? I think I recognize the art style.

# ? Jun 3, 2011 23:45

Sax Offender: Sep 9, 2007; College Slice

Hazo posted:

When was Pete Townshend in Star Wars?

# ? Jun 4, 2011 00:01

NeonTurtle: Sep 24, 2007; ASK ME ABOUT SUPPORTING GENOCIDE

Crowetron posted:

According to Wookiepedia, Troy Denning created the hairless rape bears for the Star Wars Roleplaying game in 89. So thanks, Troy.

Edit: They apparently also appear in one of Allston's Wraith Squadron books. Which is weird, because I don't remember anyone making GBS threads themselves in terror in Solo Command.

It was in Solo Command. If I recall correctly, Zsinj's plan was named Chubar, after a character in one of Face's holovids that was one of those... things. Now that I think about it, I think Face was even the Voice Actor for it.

There were also a few in Zsinj's menagerie o' chemically enhanced aliens. That's right, Zsinj saw one of those things and thought to himself "You know what? Let's pump that sucker full of steroids and see what happens."

NeonTurtle fucked around with this message at 06:25 on Jun 4, 2011

# ? Jun 4, 2011 06:10

Rev. Bleech_: Oct 19, 2004; ~OKAY, WE'LL DRINK TO OUR LEGS!~

Crowetron posted:

The best EU moment of all time was when he got stuck in the window of Jaxxon's house

# ? Jun 4, 2011 06:13

Big Mean Jerk: Jan 27, 2009; Well, of course I know him.
He's me.

Admiral Goodenough posted:

What's that from, though? I think I recognize the art style.

IIRC, it's the Dark Horse Infinities version of A New Hope. Luke fucks up and the Death Star blows up the rebel base.

# ? Jun 4, 2011 06:31

Geddy Krueger: Apr 24, 2008

NeonTurtle posted:

It was in Solo Command. If I recall correctly, Zsinj's plan was named Chubar, after a character in one of Face's holovids that was one of those... things. Now that I think about it, I think Face was even the Voice Actor for it.

There were also a few in Zsinj's menagerie o' chemically enhanced aliens. That's right, Zsinj saw one of those things and thought to himself "You know what? Let's pump that sucker full of steroids and see what happens."

It's worse than that (Hobbie :allears:

). Hey chemically enhanced them to give them genius-level intellect :gonk:

# ? Jun 4, 2011 09:23

Slantedfloors: Apr 29, 2008; Wait, What?

Geddy Krueger posted:

It's worse than that (Hobbie ). Hey chemically enhanced them to give them genius-level intellect .

Only Piggie was a genius. All the other lab animals only got to human-level.

# ? Jun 4, 2011 09:48

MIDWIFE CRISIS: Nov 5, 2008; Ta gueule, laisse-moi finir.

Between reading that and The Island of Dr. Moreau, anthropomorphic animals will always give me nightmares :gonk:

# ? Jun 4, 2011 09:53

Harvey Mantaco: Mar 6, 2007; Someone please help me find my keys =(

Admiral Goodenough posted:

Between reading that and The Island of Dr. Moreau, anthropomorphic animals will always give me nightmares

Things I loved as a child ruined by anthrosexualism:

Sonic
Biker mice from mars
Ninja turtles
Street sharks
Were wolves
Star wars

They have taken everything from me.

# ? Jun 4, 2011 12:24

vseslav.botkin: Feb 18, 2007; Professor

Rev. Bleech_ posted:

The best EU moment of all time was when he got stuck in the window of Jaxxon's house

http://www.jameshance.com/wookiee-the-chew.html

I will never cease to be amazed by how easily Star Wars goes from inspiring something stupid, then amazing, then disgusting, then charming.

# ? Jun 4, 2011 12:39

NeonTurtle: Sep 24, 2007; ASK ME ABOUT SUPPORTING GENOCIDE

Geddy Krueger posted:

It's worse than that (Hobbie ). Hey chemically enhanced them to give them genius-level intellect .

Remember that Zsnij also had specimens that were not only smarter, but also far more aggressive. So, a roid-raging, super smart rape bear. Zsinj easily takes the cake as the ultimate Star Wars Villain. Not only is the plan sadistic, but it's also frighteningly intelligent.

# ? Jun 4, 2011 21:31

mend1cant: Jul 16, 2009; Jesse was the best Gud damn gun i ever had.

Regarding the fact clones have a short lifespan, Isnt the quest on Star Wars Galaxies to recieve the clone trooper armor given to you by an ex-clone commando who is now a security guard?

# ? Jun 5, 2011 01:01

SeanBeansShako: Nov 20, 2009; Now the Drums beat up again,
For all true Soldier Gentlemen.

mend1cant posted:

Regarding the fact clones have a short lifespan, Isnt the quest on Star Wars Galaxies to recieve the clone trooper armor given to you by an ex-clone commando who is now a security guard?

As I vaguely recall, yeah. But SWG didn't give a gently caress about canon at all.

# ? Jun 5, 2011 02:03

muscles like this!: Jan 17, 2005

Big Mean Jerk posted:

IIRC, it's the Dark Horse Infinities version of A New Hope. Luke fucks up and the Death Star blows up the rebel base.

It is from Infinities but it wasn't Luke's fault that they screwed up. The comic makes it seem like it was just a faulty torpedo.

# ? Jun 5, 2011 02:07

yronic heroism: Oct 31, 2008

mend1cant posted:

Regarding the fact clones have a short lifespan, Isnt the quest on Star Wars Galaxies to recieve the clone trooper armor given to you by an ex-clone commando who is now a security guard?

Kamino clones age double, so they'd only be 60-70 in clone years circa the original trilogy.

# ? Jun 5, 2011 11:46

Nessus: Dec 22, 2003; After a Speaker vote, you may be entitled to a valuable coupon or voucher!

omgLerkHat! posted:

Additionally, an ordinary knife has a lot of uses that a lightsaber would not be able to replicate in a million years. A partial list:

1.Can be used to prepare food, including gutting and cleaning an animal in a survival situation

They seemed quite able to handle a tauntaun. Granted you wouldn't want to use one for fine cutting, you could probably separate a large animal into primal cuts pretty readily though.

# ? Jun 5, 2011 12:36

BonHair: Apr 28, 2007

But remember how wounds are cauterized by lightsabers. Who'd want pre-fried meat?

# ? Jun 5, 2011 12:42

Suenteus Po: Sep 15, 2007; SOH-Dan

BonHair posted:

But remember how wounds are cauterized by lightsabers. Who'd want pre-fried meat?

Hungry people? That sounds like a huge timesaver.

# ? Jun 5, 2011 12:43

BonHair: Apr 28, 2007

We have already established that it would be useless for fine cutting, so you'd end up with big lumps of meat which are browned on all sides but raw inside. Which would actually be kinda cool for stews and stuff...

# ? Jun 5, 2011 12:48

yronic heroism: Oct 31, 2008

Why couldn't you use the tip for fine cutting?

# ? Jun 6, 2011 11:54

Razorwired: Dec 7, 2008; It's about to start!

Because if the blade of the lightsaber is roughly 2 or 3 inches in diameter it's 2 or 3 inches at the tip. The things look like they slightly taper off but it'd still be like trying to do fine cutting with a superheated tent stake at the end.

# ? Jun 6, 2011 12:20

RedTeam: Feb 5, 2011; SHAZAM!

I thought lighsabers had different settings for things like that.

EDIT: I suppose it would still burn and generally mess up everything around it or something.

# ? Jun 6, 2011 13:30

MIDWIFE CRISIS: Nov 5, 2008; Ta gueule, laisse-moi finir.

To be fair, it's meant for slicing and hacking limbs rather than say, carrots.

# ? Jun 6, 2011 15:58

its all nice on rice: Nov 12, 2006; Sweet, Salty Goodness.; Buglord

Star Wars Culinary Appreciation Station: Set your Lightsaber to the "Filet" setting.

# ? Jun 6, 2011 16:09

Grendels Dad: Mar 5, 2011; Popular culture has passed you by.

A Jedi could probably Force Shape(tm) the blade to any form he wished. That's why they are Jedi weapons, only Jedi can get them to cut and toast bread.

# ? Jun 6, 2011 16:52

Flavor Bear: Jan 13, 2008; Bear Love is Best Love

A Jedi wouldn't use anything to prepare food, except the Force.
He would sit cross-legged in a circle of ingredients, close his eyes so all the space carrots and Tatooine tomatoes and Coruscant cucumbers and regular onions would float up,then he'd grimace real hard and the vegetables would all split into bite-sized pieces, then line up single file and stream into his salad bowl.

# ? Jun 7, 2011 00:04