Got a crazy forwarded political email from your family? Post them here.

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Debate & Discussion > Got a crazy forwarded political email from your family? Post them here.

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Corb3t: Jun 7, 2003

Bomb-Bunny posted:

If the American originals are anything like the Citizen's Electoral Council, their scion here in Australia, do not have a camera or camera phone out in front of them. I'm an amatuer photographer and I asked them if I could photograph their stand (specifically said just the stand) at Uni one time. The guy (slightly tubby redhead with an obvious tyroid problem) FLIPPED HIS LID, started ranting at me about 'doing something man!'. I informed him I voted, wrote letters to my MP and the paper, and contributed to local council debates. I may have said something about posting on the internet as I walked away.

Well now, I know what I'll be doing every time I have to drop something off at the post office.

# ? Jun 12, 2011 05:08

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# ? May 25, 2024 07:31

FlapYoJacks: Feb 12, 2009

I just got this:

quote:

atching Wild Pigs

A chemistry professor in a large college had some exchange students in the class. One day while the class was in the lab the Professor noticed one young man (exchange student) who kept rubbing his back, and stretching as if his back hurt.

The professor asked the young man what was the matter. The student told him he had a bullet lodged in his back. He had been shot while fighting communists in his native country who were trying to overthrow his country's government and install a new communist government.

In the midst of his story he looked at the professor and asked a strange question. He asked, 'Do you know how to catch wild pigs?'

The professor thought it was a joke and asked for the punchline. The young man said this was no joke. 'You catch wild pigs by finding a suitable place in the woods and putting corn on the ground. The pigs find it and begin to come everyday to eat the free corn. When they are used to coming every day, you put a fence down one side of the place where they are used to coming. When they get used to the fence, they begin to eat the corn again and you put up another side of the fence. They get used to that and start to eat again. You continue until you have all four sides of the fence up with a gate in The last side. The pigs, who are used to the free corn, start to come through the
gate to eat, you slam the gate on them and catch the whole herd.

Suddenly the wild pigs have lost their freedom. They run around and around inside the fence, but they are caught. Soon they go back to eating the free corn. They are so used to it that they have forgotten how to forage in the woods for themselves, so they accept their captivity.

The young man then told the professor that is exactly what he sees happening to America.The government keeps pushing us toward socialism and keeps spreading the free corn out in the form of programs such as supplemental income, tax credit for unearned income, tobacco subsidies, dairy subsidies, payments not to plant crops (CRP), welfare, medicine, drugs, etc.. While we continually lose our freedoms -- just a little at a time.

Could you see that all of this wonderful government 'HELP' is a problem confronting the future of democracy in America .

In this 'very important' coming election year, listen closely to what the candidates are promising you !!

I just replied with a very simple: The pigs are now much happier as they get free medicine and food that they can't get for themselves.

It's also a good thing that they have a welfare system to fall back on if the economy gets really bad so the pigs don't have to die on the street from preventable diseases and malnutrition. Nor do the pigs have to resort to killing each other in case something goes wrong thanks to that saftey net!

# ? Jun 12, 2011 18:40

PerniciousKnid: Sep 13, 2006

ratbert90 posted:

I just got this:

I just replied with a very simple: The pigs are now much happier as they get free medicine and food that they can't get for themselves.

It's also a good thing that they have a welfare system to fall back on if the economy gets really bad so the pigs don't have to die on the street from preventable diseases and malnutrition. Nor do the pigs have to resort to killing each other in case something goes wrong thanks to that saftey net!

Of course in a real democracy we've theoretically had majority agreement that we want to pay taxes for a social safety net, we haven't been "trapped" by some external Other. Unless you think democracy amounts to sacrificing your freedoms, which I suppose is true-ish, but I don't think that's what they've meant to say in this email.

# ? Jun 12, 2011 18:50

FlapYoJacks: Feb 12, 2009

PerniciousKnid posted:

Of course in a real democracy we've theoretically had majority agreement that we want to pay taxes for a social safety net, we haven't been "trapped" by some external Other. Unless you think democracy amounts to sacrificing your freedoms, which I suppose is true-ish, but I don't think that's what they've meant to say in this email.

I'm pretty sure that any form of government is sacrificing your freedoms, because the majority agreed that the ruling mob majority is too stupid to know what they need.

# ? Jun 12, 2011 18:54

TerminalSaint: Apr 21, 2007; Where must we go...

we who wander this Wasteland in search of our better selves?

There's even a name for it:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_contract

# ? Jun 12, 2011 20:03

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

PerniciousKnid posted:

Of course in a real democracy we've theoretically had majority agreement that we want to pay taxes for a social safety net, we haven't been "trapped" by some external Other. Unless you think democracy amounts to sacrificing your freedoms, which I suppose is true-ish, but I don't think that's what they've meant to say in this email.

It's more like the government set up the social safety net to avoid mass rioting and insurrection, because bare naked capitalism was unsustainable. But why should they bother learning history when they can just listen to agreeable just-so stories?

# ? Jun 12, 2011 20:21

Armyman25: Sep 6, 2005

ratbert90 posted:

I just got this:

I just replied with a very simple: The pigs are now much happier as they get free medicine and food that they can't get for themselves.

It's also a good thing that they have a welfare system to fall back on if the economy gets really bad so the pigs don't have to die on the street from preventable diseases and malnutrition. Nor do the pigs have to resort to killing each other in case something goes wrong thanks to that saftey net!

What freedoms does he suppose that the citizens of the US have lost?

# ? Jun 12, 2011 20:40

Dr Christmas: Apr 24, 2010; Berninating the one percent,
Berninating the Wall St.
Berninating all the people
In their high rise penthouses!
🔥😱🔥🔫👴🏻

ratbert90 posted:

I just got this:

I just replied with a very simple: The pigs are now much happier as they get free medicine and food that they can't get for themselves.

It's also a good thing that they have a welfare system to fall back on if the economy gets really bad so the pigs don't have to die on the street from preventable diseases and malnutrition. Nor do the pigs have to resort to killing each other in case something goes wrong thanks to that saftey net!

Why the hell does the story involve a chemistry professor?

# ? Jun 12, 2011 20:45

JD Brickmeister: Sep 4, 2008; by Y Kant Ozma Post

Dr Christmas posted:

Why the hell does the story involve a chemistry professor?

To set it in a sufficiently rational framework so that the underlying bias is not too obvious.

# ? Jun 12, 2011 20:48

Alastor_the_Stylish: Jul 25, 2006; WILL AMOUNT TO NOTHING IN LIFE.

And there's a dumb scientist professor! And he was fighting communism! And then the pig story that doesn't involve any of that! *Send*

# ? Jun 12, 2011 20:53

JerkyBunion: Jun 22, 2002

And that pig's name was Albert Einstein.

# ? Jun 12, 2011 21:18

JD Brickmeister: Sep 4, 2008; by Y Kant Ozma Post

Miss Fats posted:

And that pig's name was Albert Einstein.

And now you know...*chuckle*...the rest of the story.
-
#AD FOR YOU TO BUY GOLD#

# ? Jun 12, 2011 21:35

XyloJW: Jul 23, 2007

ratbert90 posted:

I just got this:

I just replied with a very simple: The pigs are now much happier as they get free medicine and food that they can't get for themselves.

It's also a good thing that they have a welfare system to fall back on if the economy gets really bad so the pigs don't have to die on the street from preventable diseases and malnutrition. Nor do the pigs have to resort to killing each other in case something goes wrong thanks to that saftey net!

Email reply all "What country was he fighting in?" Seriously, what Communist revolution was fought off recently?

I know very well this is a simple PR stunt by some no-name company, but the most effective way to shut these things up is to point out that they're lies and who is telling these lies.

# ? Jun 12, 2011 21:58

Foyes36: Oct 23, 2005; Food fight!

XyloJW posted:

Email reply all "What country was he fighting in?" Seriously, what Communist revolution was fought off recently?

I know very well this is a simple PR stunt by some no-name company, but the most effective way to shut these things up is to point out that they're lies and who is telling these lies.

I dunno, aren't there still Maoists in Nepal? I think they're part of the government now.

And FARC is technically a left-wing insurgency.

# ? Jun 12, 2011 22:09

Teriyaki Hairpiece: Dec 29, 2006; I'm nae the voice o' the darkened thistle, but th' darkened thistle cannae bear the sight o' our Bonnie Prince Bernie nae mair.

There's a gigantic commie rebellion in India, but nobody in this country talks about it.

# ? Jun 12, 2011 23:03

Bobby Digital: Sep 4, 2009

When does the bear eat the atheist pig?

# ? Jun 12, 2011 23:22

Walter: Jul 3, 2003; We think they're great. In a grand, mystical, neopolitical sense, these guys have a real message in their music. They don't, however, have neat names like me and Bono.

XyloJW posted:

Email reply all "What country was he fighting in?" Seriously, what Communist revolution was fought off recently?

I know very well this is a simple PR stunt by some no-name company, but the most effective way to shut these things up is to point out that they're lies and who is telling these lies.

I recall seeing an earlier version of this letter where the "professor" was replaced by a family at dinner with the anti-Communist revolutionary, who had been fighting in Cuba.

These things are all recycled.

# ? Jun 12, 2011 23:56

XyloJW: Jul 23, 2007

Pfirti86 posted:

I dunno, aren't there still Maoists in Nepal? I think they're part of the government now.

And FARC is technically a left-wing insurgency.

cheerfullydrab posted:

There's a gigantic commie rebellion in India, but nobody in this country talks about it.

I actually wasn't aware of those. My point stands, however, that this email was written purposefully without any details, because it never happened. I know you guys know that, but pointing out that it never happened is a good counter to this poo poo.

# ? Jun 13, 2011 02:06

Dr Christmas: Apr 24, 2010; Berninating the one percent,
Berninating the Wall St.
Berninating all the people
In their high rise penthouses!
🔥😱🔥🔫👴🏻

The other problem is that the guy says he was shot fighting against a violent communist revolution, but then talks about how he witnessed his country start to slowly turn to communism by deciding to help its poor.

# ? Jun 13, 2011 02:13

XyloJW: Jul 23, 2007

I was going to type up a fake email like that just now, only the story was going to be the child of two people who died on 9/11, and how he forgives Osama Bin Laden and ingenuously wonders why US foreign policy had to drive Bin Laden to these desperate ends. And a reminder to think of this poor boy in this crucial election season.

But then I got repulsed by what I was doing and stopped.

# ? Jun 13, 2011 02:23

Kosmonaut: Mar 9, 2009

That's not even how you catch a wild pig.

http://www.texasboars.com/trapping/traps.html

But whatever, imaginary forriner shares my paranoid fantasy, checkmate libruls

# ? Jun 13, 2011 02:40

Sock on a Fish: Jul 17, 2004; What if that thing I said?

Yeah, that seems like a great way to waste a lot of corn when you could just set an actual trap and be done with it.

As far as I know wild boar don't forage in groups, either. All my knowledge of this topic comes from reality television, though.

# ? Jun 13, 2011 18:25

JD Brickmeister: Sep 4, 2008; by Y Kant Ozma Post

Sock on a Fish posted:

Yeah, that seems like a great way to waste a lot of corn when you could just set an actual trap and be done with it.

As far as I know wild boar don't forage in groups, either. All my knowledge of this topic comes from reality television, though.

What, you mean bullshit idealistic stories pushing someone's agenda don't actually correspond to reality? gently caress!

Because I remember how in a different country they train the pigs to raise their own corn, and set up a governing body of other pigs to regulate land ownership, and then the surplus corn is sold to human beings to earn money to make sure that the pigs don't get turned into bacon. Except for the pigs that refuse to conform and establish universities where they teach young pigs all about socialism - the pigs that do that occasionally sacrifice a young pig to assuage the humans' need for yummy pig flesh, and make sure that the humans don't interfere in the pig utopia - the "pigtopia" if you will.

# ? Jun 13, 2011 19:33

TGLT: Aug 14, 2009

four legs good, two legs better. four legs good, two legs better.

Much like the person who wrote that bullshit earlier I don't understand what that book was actually about! gently caress socialism!

JD Brickmeister posted:

What, you mean bullshit idealistic stories pushing someone's agenda don't actually correspond to reality? gently caress!

Seriously thought, a metaphor shouldn't require that much loving explanation. Either it's a good metaphor and you just have to say "NOW LOOK AT <X>" if you really need to, or it's a poo poo metaphor and you should rethink it.

TGLT fucked around with this message at 19:56 on Jun 13, 2011

# ? Jun 13, 2011 19:50

Kosmonaut: Mar 9, 2009

Socialism is sort of like catching wild pigs. First, you need a simple cage with a door latch connected to a trip wire. Then, you nationalize the factory that makes those cages and pay the employees a living wage.

# ? Jun 14, 2011 02:46

BEHOLD: MY CAPE: Jan 11, 2004

If you have ever observed a wild pig you know that if you trapped one in a fence it would go loving apeshit and probably hurt or kill itself

# ? Jun 14, 2011 03:55

Elder Postsman: Aug 30, 2000; i used hot bot to search for "teens"

quote:

Are you a Union member? If so, are they the communist giving you this propaganda?

Do you know the who, what, when, where, why, and how, of Fidel Castro?

Hitler rose to power using and blaming the jews for the destruction of the German economy. Castro built his army of murderers by blaming the rich bankers and capitalist for destroying Cuba and taking advantage of the Cuban people. Hummmmm?

Oh wait, that's not a crazy email from my family, it was sent from a MN State Representative to one of his constituents.

# ? Jun 14, 2011 04:08

Foyes36: Oct 23, 2005; Food fight!

dur posted:

Oh wait, that's not a crazy email from my family, it was sent from a MN State Representative to one of his constituents.

Can you post specifically who it was?

# ? Jun 14, 2011 04:14

Elder Postsman: Aug 30, 2000; i used hot bot to search for "teens"

Tom Hackbarth.

# ? Jun 14, 2011 04:15

Nathilus: Apr 4, 2002; I alone can see through the media bias.

I'm also stupid on a scale that can only be measured in Reddits.

BEHOLD: MY CAPE posted:

If you have ever observed a wild pig you know that if you trapped one in a fence it would go loving apeshit and probably hurt or kill itself

Additionally, wild pigs are mean loving bastards and will murder you if given a chance. I still clearly remember the first time I saw a javelina (also known as a peccary) in person. What an angry animal.

# ? Jun 14, 2011 04:22

Strudel Man: May 19, 2003; ROME DID NOT HAVE ROBOTS, FUCKWIT

Nathilus posted:

Additionally, wild pigs are mean loving bastards and will murder you if given a chance.

They really are just like people.

# ? Jun 14, 2011 04:35

jojoinnit: Dec 13, 2010; Strength and speed, that's why you're a special agent.

Strudel Man posted:

They really are just like people.

The most delicious people.

# ? Jun 14, 2011 05:05

Nathilus: Apr 4, 2002; I alone can see through the media bias.

I'm also stupid on a scale that can only be measured in Reddits.

Yeah except javelinas can't climb trees, an important difference to know if you piss one off out in the wild and don't have a gun handy.

# ? Jun 14, 2011 05:07

tek79: Jun 16, 2008

Welfare queens! :argh:

grandpa posted:

Living the great life???.Found in a parking lot of a grocery store, Menominee, Michigan "How's that hope-y, change-y stuff working out for ya'?"

Snopes says true, but the person responsible is facing 5 years in prison and a $10,000 fine for trying to resell for a profit. His preliminary hearing is tomorrow.

My favorite part here though is the last line "How's that hope-y, change-y stuff working out for ya?", implying this has something to do with Obama.

# ? Jun 14, 2011 21:23

XyloJW: Jul 23, 2007

tek79 posted:

Welfare queens!

Snopes says true, but the person responsible is facing 5 years in prison and a $10,000 fine for trying to resell for a profit. His preliminary hearing is tomorrow.

My favorite part here though is the last line "How's that hope-y, change-y stuff working out for ya?", implying this has something to do with Obama.

My mom posted this on Facebook recently. My mom's very liberal. And she's been on Food Stamps for the last two years. And somehow, the welfare queen rhetoric STILL is present in her views. It's like some racial-memory at this point, where we're all born having it in our heads that welfare queens are all around us.

# ? Jun 14, 2011 21:27

the: Jul 18, 2004; by Cowcaster

I don't get what's going on with that receipt

# ? Jun 14, 2011 21:27

XyloJW: Jul 23, 2007

6 lobsters, 2 giant steaks, and 5 25-packs of mountain dew. The person in question was buying it with Food Stamps, so they could then re-sell it for actual money.

# ? Jun 14, 2011 21:33

csammis: Aug 26, 2003; Mental Institution

the posted:

I don't get what's going on with that receipt

They're trying to point out $141 of lobster and porterhouse steak paid for with food stamps like it happens every single day, despite the fact that this guy is getting prosecuted for abusing the system.

# ? Jun 14, 2011 21:33

tek79: Jun 16, 2008

the posted:

I don't get what's going on with that receipt

It's a bunch of lobster tails and a couple of Porterhouse steaks, paid for with food stamps. It ties into the whole "food stamp recipients can't buy anything nice for themselves" argument, as well as abuse of the system arguments. In this case it turned out that the receipt is legit and he was trying to resell what he bought with food stamps for a profit. The guy got caught and is facing 5 years.

# ? Jun 14, 2011 21:33

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# ? May 25, 2024 07:31

Sock on a Fish: Jul 17, 2004; What if that thing I said?

tek79 posted:

It's a bunch of lobster tails and a couple of Porterhouse steaks, paid for with food stamps. It ties into the whole "food stamp recipients can't buy anything nice for themselves" argument, as well as abuse of the system arguments. In this case it turned out that the receipt is legit and he was trying to resell what he bought with food stamps for a profit. The guy got caught and is facing 5 years.

Even if he wasn't engaging in fraud, if someone did blow their monthly food allowance on luxuries, they'd be suffering the consequences for the rest of the month. Why would a conservative have a problem with that? Shouldn't they just be smugly looking down on the dumb grasshopper that forgot to store food for the winter or whatever?

# ? Jun 14, 2011 21:58

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