Got a crazy forwarded political email from your family? Post them here.

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Chenghiz: Feb 14, 2007; WHITE WHALE
HOLY GRAIL

That looks like something from Total Annihilation or a similar scifi strategy game from the 90s.

# ? Jul 26, 2011 00:05

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# ? May 10, 2024 10:53

the: Jul 18, 2004; by Cowcaster

Chenghiz posted:

That looks like something from Total Annihilation or a similar scifi strategy game from the 90s.

I used to love those because they'd buy the 4 page fold out advertisements on the first page of my PC Gaming Monthly that would be this huge sprawling in game screenshot or something.

# ? Jul 26, 2011 00:28

ljw1004: Jan 18, 2005; rum

quote:

THIS IS QUANTUM LEAP ABOVE ANYTHING WE HAVE ON THE DRAWING BOARD

And so the "war of the drawing board" begins. Which country can draw the most extreme designs on its drawing boards?

# ? Jul 26, 2011 01:56

Revener: Aug 25, 2007; by angerbeet

ljw1004 posted:

And so the "war of the drawing board" begins. Which country can draw the most extreme designs on its drawing boards?

We've got to close the imagination gap, Mr. President!

# ? Jul 26, 2011 01:58

nm: Jan 28, 2008; "I saw Minos the Space Judge holding a golden sceptre and passing sentence upon the Martians. There he presided, and around him the noble Space Prosecutors sought the firm justice of space law."

ljw1004 posted:

And so the "war of the drawing board" begins. Which country can draw the most extreme designs on its drawing boards?

I'd say an army of bored 10 year olds in math class can compete well.

# ? Jul 26, 2011 02:40

angrytech: Jun 26, 2009

nm posted:

I'd say an army of bored 10 year olds in math class can compete well.

I literally already won this for the USA back in elementary school. I believe you'll find my strategic plans codenamed "Cannons on Motorcyles" published in all the tactical journals.

# ? Jul 26, 2011 02:45

Sarion: Dec 24, 2003

katlington posted:

These are all examples of "Big Government" doing things that should not be the governments job (provide/maintain infrastructure) aren't they? Seems like a strange thing for a reactionary email fwd to envy.

Not when you're crazy. You see, to them they are signs of accomplishment, that the Chinese are catching up or surpassing us. But when the US Government wants to do similar things, it's Liberals wastin' money!

If they were being rational they wouldn't be so easily scared by such nonsense in the first place.

More importantly...

quote:

P.S. SOME THOUGHT SHOULD BE GIVEN TO ADVISING YOUR GRANDCHILDREN TO LEARN TO SPEAK MANDARIN ( FORGET SPANISH ) MY " VERY, VERY BRIGHT " 15-YEAR OLD 3rd COUSIN HAS ALREADY BEEN ADVISED TO DO SO BY PEOPLE WHO KNOW ABOUT SUCH THINGS.

Who are these people that "know about such things", what exactly is it that they know, and how can I become one.

# ? Jul 26, 2011 03:13

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

I must have missed it, but where does this email say that the Fwd:Fwd:Fwd:er is a right-wing nutjob or believes any of these things you all are attributing to them?

# ? Jul 26, 2011 03:47

Foyes36: Oct 23, 2005; Food fight!

Sarion posted:

Who are these people that "know about such things", what exactly is it that they know, and how can I become one.

Yeah, this is about the most ridiculous part of the email. "VERY VERY BRIGHT 15 YEAR OLD MUST LEARN 普通話"!!!!

# ? Jul 26, 2011 04:08

tek79: Jun 16, 2008

Absurd Alhazred posted:

I must have missed it, but where does this email say that the Fwd:Fwd:Fwd:er is a right-wing nutjob or believes any of these things you all are attributing to them?

All-caps key left unironically on: Check
Xenophobia: Check
Overt fascination with weaponry: Check
Rambling tangents: Check
The fact that it's a Fwd:Fwd:Fwd: in the first place: Check

That's 5 for 5 on the "how do we know this originates from a right-wing nut-job" test.

Edit: Okay, maybe the person doing the actual forwarding may not be wing-nut, but I think experience tells us that pretty much anyone who sends this lame crap along typically fall to the right of center.

tek79 fucked around with this message at 05:49 on Jul 26, 2011

# ? Jul 26, 2011 05:44

Mister Bee: Apr 28, 2009; Hup hup, Mister Bee!

My favorite part about that email is that the first few lines are typed reasonably.

THEN THE CAPS ARBITRARILY START A PARAGRAPH IN.

Is this some sort of baiting tactic to try to hook the not-yet-crazies?

# ? Jul 26, 2011 05:47

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

You lot are just engaging in ALLCAPS profiling.

Just imagine every ALLCAPS statement being yelled loudly. Yeah, it's a clear sign of crazy.

But I still don't think you should be profiling this nutjobiness to be crazy right-winged. It mostly seems awed by China, not really scared, per se. They will welcome their new masters.

# ? Jul 26, 2011 06:39

XyloJW: Jul 23, 2007

To be fair, in the anecdote I gave where two people were discussing China's aircraft carriers, I know both of the old men involved. One drives a truck covered in bumper stickers like "ILLEGALS GET OUT" and ACLU with a circle and a line through it. The other is part of a loving militia.

# ? Jul 26, 2011 12:32

Corb3t: Jun 7, 2003

XyloJW posted:

To be fair, in the anecdote I gave where two people were discussing China's aircraft carriers, I know both of the old men involved. One drives a truck covered in bumper stickers like "ILLEGALS GET OUT" and ACLU with a circle and a line through it. The other is part of a loving militia.

Can someone explain to me when and why the ACLU was vilified by the right?

# ? Jul 26, 2011 13:25

Sarion: Dec 24, 2003

Corbet posted:

Can someone explain to me when and why the ACLU was vilified by the right?

Not sure about the "when"; but the why is pretty simple. The ACLU's views on the importance of seperation of Church and State means that they hate Christianity. And their view that criminals should get proper trials means they love drug-dealing child molesters. They've defended NAMBLA on First-Amendment grounds, and opposed government funding of the Boy Scouts of America due to the groups views on homosexuality and atheism.

Basically they defend the parts of the Constitution conservatives don't like.

# ? Jul 26, 2011 13:32

XyloJW: Jul 23, 2007

Corbet posted:

Can someone explain to me when and why the ACLU was vilified by the right?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ACLU
1920.

Drug policy reform to reduce harm and promote sustainable health and well-being by bringing about a just, effective and humane system to regulate and control drugs
Opposes official prayers, religious ceremonies, and some kinds of "moments of silence"[47] in public schools or schools funded with public money.
Abolition of capital punishment.
Reproductive rights, including access to contraception and abortion.
Full civil rights for LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender) people, including government benefits for same-sex couples equal to those provided for heterosexual ones.
Affirmative action as a means of redressing past discrimination and achieving a racially diverse student body.
Immigrants' rights by "challenging unconstitutional laws and practices, countering the myths upon which many of these laws are based."

There are a number of things the ACLU does that everyone should approve of, like their protection of freedom of speech, privacy, and against unjust police practices. They're also protective of the 2nd Amendment. But honestly, I can definitely see why conservatives would be angry. It's a laundry list of things they hate.

# ? Jul 26, 2011 13:36

Grem: Mar 29, 2004; It's how her species communicates

It's funny because ACLU is probably the most hardcore "do things by the Constitution and Bill of Rights" agencies out there.

# ? Jul 26, 2011 15:41

Nucleic Acids: Apr 10, 2007

Grem posted:

It's funny because ACLU is probably the most hardcore "do things by the Constitution and Bill of Rights" agencies out there.

As the Right sees it, they're never willing to take up issues of religious descrimination against Christians, even though they've done so repeatedly throughout their history.

# ? Jul 26, 2011 15:47

XyloJW: Jul 23, 2007

Well, look at the list I posted. Most of that is absolutely anathema to the right. And people don't like nuance. When you believe abortion is murder, as some do, then the ACLU defending it makes them evil. And so an evil organization wouldn't defend the Second Amendment or Christian rights or anything else they prefer, so they simply choose to believe that they don't.

# ? Jul 26, 2011 16:29

XyloJW: Jul 23, 2007

Grem posted:

It's funny because ACLU is probably the most hardcore "do things by the Constitution and Bill of Rights" agencies out there.

What I didn't post was that the ACLU opposes campaign finance reform, because it considers campaign donations to be a form of free expression, ala the Supreme Court's interpretation.

# ? Jul 26, 2011 16:30

Zero_Grade: Mar 18, 2004; Darktider 🖤🌊

~Neck Angels~

Revdomezehis posted:

Here's a link to a picture of somewhat (April of this year I believe) current picture of the state of which countries own which Aircraft Carriers.

http://tinypic.com/r/20u5zps/7

I always forget that Thailand has one. It seems so...unexpected.

No match for the Chinese amphibious catamaran hovering hypercarrier launching naval stealth fighter bombers though of course.

# ? Jul 26, 2011 17:37

Walter: Jul 3, 2003; We think they're great. In a grand, mystical, neopolitical sense, these guys have a real message in their music. They don't, however, have neat names like me and Bono.

Nucleic Acids posted:

As the Right sees it, they're never willing to take up issues of religious descrimination against Christians, even though they've done so repeatedly throughout their history.

They filed an amicus brief supporting Rush Limbaugh, for gently caress's sake. Of course, I'm sure he's never gone out of his way to make this clear in his hypocritical screeds.

# ? Jul 26, 2011 17:57

Teriyaki Hairpiece: Dec 29, 2006; I'm nae the voice o' the darkened thistle, but th' darkened thistle cannae bear the sight o' our Bonnie Prince Bernie nae mair.

Zero_Grade posted:

I always forget that Thailand has one. It seems so...unexpected.

Thailand fought France and won.

# ? Jul 26, 2011 18:04

jojoinnit: Dec 13, 2010; Strength and speed, that's why you're a special agent.

cheerfullydrab posted:

Thailand fought France and won.

Well who hasn't :downsrim:

# ? Jul 26, 2011 18:18

Teriyaki Hairpiece: Dec 29, 2006; I'm nae the voice o' the darkened thistle, but th' darkened thistle cannae bear the sight o' our Bonnie Prince Bernie nae mair.

Also that carrier image needs to be updated. Just off the top of my head the Jeanne d Arc was decommissioned last year.

# ? Jul 26, 2011 18:31

Revener: Aug 25, 2007; by angerbeet

Edit

# ? Jul 26, 2011 21:29

cbirdsong: Sep 8, 2004; Commodore of the Apocalypso; Lipstick Apathy

I think I found a left wing-ish email, and it's just as annoyingly condescending as the right wing ones.

quote:

The Green Thing

In the line at the store, the cashier told an older woman that she should bring her own grocery bags because plastic bags weren't good for the environment.

The woman apologized to him and explained, "We didn't have the green thing back in my day."

The clerk responded, "That's our problem today. Your generation did not care enough to save our environment."

He was right -- our generation didn't have the green thing in its day.

Back then, we returned milk bottles, soda bottles and beer bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, so it could use the same bottles over and over. So they really were recycled.

But we didn't have the green thing back in our day.

We walked up stairs, because we didn't have an escalator in every store and office building. We walked to the grocery store and didn't climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time we had to go two blocks.

But she was right. We didn't have the green thing in our day.

Back then, we washed the baby's diapers because we didn't have the throw-away kind. We dried clothes on a line, not in an energy gobbling machine burning up 220 volts -- wind and solar power really did dry the clothes. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing.

But we didn't have the green thing back in our day.

Back then, we had one TV, or radio, in the house -- not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a handkerchief (remember them?), not a screen the size of the state of Montana .
In the kitchen, we blended and stirred by hand because we didn't have electric machines to do everything for us.
When we packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, we used a wadded up old newspaper to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap.
Back then, we didn't fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut the lawn. We used a push mower that ran on human power. We exercised by working so we didn't need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity.

But we didn't have the green thing back then.

We drank from a fountain when we were thirsty instead of using a cup or a plastic bottle every time we had a drink of water.
We refilled writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and we replaced the razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull.

But we didn't have the green thing back then.

Back then, people took the streetcar or a bus and kids rode their bikes to school or walked instead of turning their moms into a 24-hour taxi service.
We had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And we didn't need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 2,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest pizza joint.

But isn't it sad the current generation laments how wasteful we old folks were just because we didn't have the green thing back then?
Please forward this on to another selfish old person who needs a lesson in conservation from a smartass young person.

# ? Jul 26, 2011 22:08

Sarion: Dec 24, 2003

No that's pretty much making GBS threads on the modern environmental movement and saying things were so much better five decades ago. It seems like a sarcastic right wing email to me. Its basically meant to make environmentalists sound like whiney hypocrites.

Sarion fucked around with this message at 23:33 on Jul 26, 2011

# ? Jul 26, 2011 22:40

GodlessCommie: Apr 4, 2008; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

CDOR Gemini posted:

I think I found a left wing-ish email, and it's just as annoyingly condescending as the right wing ones.

Yeah old people were so green back then! All that asbestos and Freon sure was great! And gently caress driving a Prius, drive a loving boat of a car that gets gallons to the mile!

The baby boomer generation is the worst thing to happen to this country in a long time.

# ? Jul 26, 2011 22:40

Z-Magic: Feb 19, 2011; They talk about the people and the proletariat, I talk about the suckers and the mugs - it's the same thing. They have their five-year plans, so have I.

CDOR Gemini posted:

I think I found a left wing-ish email, and it's just as annoyingly condescending as the right wing ones.

And that's why the environment is in such good shape today.

# ? Jul 26, 2011 23:36

Dameius: Apr 3, 2006

I find it funny that they talk about walking to the store back then instead of jumping into the car to go two blocks when they are the people that do that today. Never change boomers and the Silent generation. :allears:

# ? Jul 27, 2011 00:02

Sarion: Dec 24, 2003

Even though that one is definitely a right-wing email designed to push seniors into hating those goddamn environmentalists, here are some liberal ones I could find. They are both old, and I had to look pretty hard to find them:

quote:

The possibility of mandatory drafting for boys and girls (age 18-26) starting June 15, 2005, is something, I believe, everyone should know .
This literally affects EVERYONE since we all have or know children that will have to go if this bill passes. If there are children in your family, READ this.
There is pending legislation in the House and Senate (twin bills: S 89 and HR 163) which will time the program's initiation so the draft can begin at early as Spring 2005 -- just after the 2004 presidential election. The administration is quietly trying to get these bills passed now, while the public's attention is on the elections, so our action on this is needed immediately.
. . . Please send this on to all the parents and teachers you know, and all the aunts and uncles, grandparents, godparents . . . . And let your children know -- it's their future, and they can be a powerful voice for change!
. . . $28 million has been added to the 2004 selective service system (sss) budget to prepare for a military draft that could start as early as June 15, 2005. . . . The pentagon has quietly begun a public campaign to fill all 10,350 draft board positions and 11,070 appeals board slots nationwide. . . .
Dodging the draft will be more difficult than those from the Vietnam era. College and Canada will not be options. In December 2001, Canada and the U.S. signed a "smart border declaration," which could be used to keep would-be draft dodgers in. Signed by Canada's minister of foreign affairs, John Manley, and U.S. Homeland Security director, Tom Ridge, the declaration involves a 30-point plan which implements, among other things, a "pre-clearance agreement" of people entering and departing each country. Reforms aimed at making the draft more equitable along gender and class lines also eliminates higher education as a shelter. Underclassmen would only be able to postpone service until the end of their current semester. Seniors would have until the end of the academic year.

And...

Sarah Palin Banned Books List

# ? Jul 27, 2011 00:53

AFewBricksShy: Jun 19, 2003; of a full load.

CDOR Gemini posted:

I think I found a left wing-ish email, and it's just as annoyingly condescending as the right wing ones.

My mom, (57) sent me that. While she is relatively environmentally conscious, I replied all the things in that email were due to her parents, and that it was her generation that started all of the bad stuff mentioned in the email.

To her credit, she sent me a two word reply: Good point.

# ? Jul 27, 2011 14:21

RagnarokAngel: Oct 5, 2006; Black Magic Extraordinaire

The closest thing to a left wing conspiracy that has decent ground I've ever seen is the loose change and zeitgeist stuff. But loose change is favored by crazies and ignorant people on both sides, just different parties are involved (Left = Bush did it, Right = shadow government did it).

Zeitgeist has only really been adopted by stoners in my experience though so that probably doesnt count either.

# ? Jul 27, 2011 18:25

Alastor_the_Stylish: Jul 25, 2006; WILL AMOUNT TO NOTHING IN LIFE.

CDOR Gemini posted:

I think I found a left wing-ish email, and it's just as annoyingly condescending as the right wing ones.

And we refilled our pens! You know, the ones made of elephant bones!

And we only had one TV! The kind that uses five times more power than the new ones and looks really lovely!

And we dried our clothes outside (for three months a year when they would actually dry outside)!

# ? Jul 27, 2011 19:19

JerkyBunion: Jun 22, 2002

A kid I knew from college apparently wants to be a blogger now.

quote:

So...Where's the Change I Was Promised?
Trick question. I didn't vote in the 2008 presidential election because I wasn't eighteen.

However, had I been able to, I would have voted a straight Republican ticket. I've been a staunch anti-Democrat since my young days and this past week has been more kindle to my considerable, fiscally conservative ire.

I'll preface this by noting that I am not a harsh Republican by any means. I vote Republican out of a lack of options...I certainly don't want the Democrats to win, and the only way to help that is by backing the opposite candidate. I'll hear none of that third-party shouting, because that's not even realistic.

Obama, in his last contrived, dramatic address to the American voters, continued his presentation of a smoke-and-mirrors defense to further a vague, convoluted idea of "justice" to the quickly-shrinking minority of people who approve of his performance.

Obama repeated the phrase "a balanced approach" seven times in a speech that was just under 15 minutes long. It didn't present any new ideas or context to listeners-it just repeated the mysticisms that got him elected in the first place.

Harry Reid and John Boehner have now put two similar budget presentations onto the table for consideration. Both include no new taxes on the wealthy (something Obama is all for) and the raising of the debt ceiling by increasing spending cuts. They also include no major dilution of government programs, so they are seen as an acceptable compromise by both parties.

Obama's refusal to acknowledge either of these proposals in a very important speech has effectively taken him out of his leadership role in this issue. He now plays some awkwardthird-party observer, instructing parties who aren't listening with ideas that they have dismissed.

Why have they dismissed these ideas? Because they are faulty.

Obama's quotation of Reagan was taken out of context. He painted a great Republican leader and a great president as a support for his nigh-socialistic plans. A sector of Americans "isn't doing [its] part." What sector, and why?

The sector to which he is referring is the top 10% of tax payers, of course. People who move and shape industry and the economy, who innovate and produce new technologies and products and who control the state of the country through their incredible control over the economy. This is a menacing-sounding situation, but, in reality, it is how every world works, and how it should work. The highest-earning sections of American society rightfully take their place due to ability. The top 10% are the top 10% because we, as American consumers, have allowed them to be.

The people who make the most money in this country are those who provide the best service to the most people. Whether that's Bill Gates and Microsoft, hedge fund managers, or Katy Perry, American consumers justify their lives' works by paying for them, over and over again.

A new tax on the wealthy is nothing more than a tax on ability and productivity. It's, in a way, a punishment for success. There is no other way to slate this idea--the fact is, if you think the wealthy deserve to be taxed more on the basis of wealth, then you are saying their wealth is the fair game of the American taxpayer who raised them to the spotlight in the first place. A tax on productivity is like spanking a child who makes exceptional grades. Standards are provided in the ideals of society and those who meet or exceed them are "taken down to a more reasonable level. They take more, so they should contribute more."

Obama continues to preach this absurd ideology because it appeals to a disturbingly large portion of Americans who have an odd sense of "justice." I won't classify or stereotype this section of voters--they are rich and poor alike. The former are filled with self-loathing and self-pity. "I should give more to society. I'm so lucky to have gotten all of this." The latter are filled with jealousy and more self-pity. "This is a situation I was born in to. I deserve the spoils of productivity as much as the producers."

As much as this may sound insane to some people, it sounds just as reasonable to others. People who earn more should give more. And if they don't give more, society has a right, even a duty, to take it from them. Their profit and success is the property of the American people, and the American people (through their elected representatives) decide every so often exactly how much of their wealth belongs to them come that April.

Self-pity is the ugliest emotion in the universe. It takes the most incredible facet of humanity--the individual mind and will-and turns it on itself. Humans are not meant to hate or pity themselves, nor are they entitled to.

That takes an oddly philosophical turn at the end, but it's still topical. I am stuck in an odd world between humor and politics/philosophy on this blog. Eventually they may separate, but for now I'll consider this all a study in me.

# ? Jul 28, 2011 17:09

Sarion: Dec 24, 2003

Holy poo poo, I don't even know how to respond to most of this. Everything is so wrong, not to mention the later parts about taxes being a punishment. They're a duty, and the rich pay more not just because they have more, but because they have benefited more from what America has to offer than the poor.

There is one line though that really stands out:

Crazy Blogger Kid posted:

This is a menacing-sounding situation, but, in reality, it is how every world works, and how it should work.

What does he know that we don't? :tinfoil:

# ? Jul 28, 2011 18:52

ThePeteEffect: Jun 12, 2007; I'm just crackers about cheese!; Fun Shoe

Sarion posted:

What does he know that we don't?

If he couldn't vote in 2008 due to age, he's 20 at the oldest. "Oh, enlighten us with the true way the world works, you barely-post-pubescent oracle!"

# ? Jul 28, 2011 19:10

Plom Bar: Jun 5, 2004; hardest time i ever done

Guaran-loving-tee that kid's never worked an honest day in his life.

# ? Jul 28, 2011 19:17

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# ? May 10, 2024 10:53

Push El Burrito: May 9, 2006; Soiled Meat

I was promised change from the Republicans that I would have voted for and now that he's doing the same things they did I want to know why he isn't changing!

# ? Jul 28, 2011 19:19

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Debate & Discussion > Got a crazy forwarded political email from your family? Post them here.

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