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May 9, 2024 22:25
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- Distant Chicken
- Aug 15, 2007
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Shimrra Jamaane posted:
What the hell does "20 missions" mean anyway?
He got all the way to level 20. Sadly he didn't quite have enough time to make it to the final boss MechaBinLaden before he got put on leave.
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Aug 4, 2011 00:23
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- modig
- Aug 20, 2002
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my dad posted:JESUS AND THE DEMOCRAT
(I don't care what party you like, this one's funny!!)
A Republican, in a wheelchair, entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The Republican looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus sitting over there?"
The waitress nodded "yes," so the Republican requested that she give Jesus a cup of coffee, on him.
The next patron to come in was a Libertarian, with a hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the waitress for a cup of hot tea. He also glanced across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus, over there?"
The waitress nodded, so the Libertarian asked her to give Jesus a cup of hot tea, "My treat."
The third patron to come into the restaurant was a Democrat on crutches. He hobbled over to a booth, sat down and hollered, "Hey there honey! How's about getting me a cold mug of Miller Light?"He too looked across the restaurant and asked, "Isn't that God's boy over there?"
The waitress nodded, so the Democrat directed her to give Jesus a cold beer. "On my bill," he said loudly.
As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Republican, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Republican felt the strength come back into his legs, got up, and danced a jig out the door.
Jesus passed by the Libertarian, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Libertarian felt his back straightening up and he raised his hands, praised the Lord, and did a series of back flips out the door.
Then, Jesus walked towards the Democrat, just smiling.
The Democrat jumped up and yelled,
"Don't touch me ... I'm collecting disability."
"(I don't care what party you like, this one's funny!!) " not so funny, and I think you do care which party I like.
modig fucked around with this message at 01:03 on Aug 5, 2011
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Aug 4, 2011 08:24
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- Dr Christmas
- Apr 24, 2010
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Berninating the one percent,
Berninating the Wall St.
Berninating all the people
In their high rise penthouses!
🔥😱🔥🔫👴🏻
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modig posted:
[quote="my dad"]JESUS AND THE DEMOCRAT
(I don't care what party you like, this one's funny!!)
A Republican, in a wheelchair, entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The Republican looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus sitting over there?"
The waitress nodded "yes," so the Republican requested that she give Jesus a cup of coffee, on him.
The next patron to come in was a Libertarian, with a hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the waitress for a cup of hot tea. He also glanced across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus, over there?"
The waitress nodded, so the Libertarian asked her to give Jesus a cup of hot tea, "My treat."
The third patron to come into the restaurant was a Democrat on crutches. He hobbled over to a booth, sat down and hollered, "Hey there honey! How's about getting me a cold mug of Miller Light?"He too looked across the restaurant and asked, "Isn't that God's boy over there?"
The waitress nodded, so the Democrat directed her to give Jesus a cold beer. "On my bill," he said loudly.
As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Republican, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Republican felt the strength come back into his legs, got up, and danced a jig out the door.
Jesus passed by the Libertarian, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Libertarian felt his back straightening up and he raised his hands, praised the Lord, and did a series of back flips out the door.
Then, Jesus walked towards the Democrat, just smiling.
The Democrat jumped up and yelled,
"Don't touch me ... I'm collecting disability."[\quote]
"(I don't care what party you like, this one's funny!!) " not so funny, and I think you do care which party I like.
A Tea Partier saw this and crucified him for being a Communist Nazi.
Seriously, every other parable is "Help the poor or go to Hell."
How in the loving gently caress do these assholes get away with "Jesus said that the poor must go without life-saving medicine so that the rich can pay less taxes than you?"
Dr Christmas fucked around with this message at 08:33 on Aug 4, 2011
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Aug 4, 2011 08:30
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- Triple A
- Jul 14, 2010
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Your sword, sahib.
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Dr Christmas posted:
A Tea Partier saw this and crucified him for being a Communist Nazi.
Seriously, every other parable is "Help the poor or go to Hell."
How in the loving gently caress do these assholes get away with "Jesus said that the poor must go without life-saving medicine so that the rich can pay less taxes than you?"
Doublethink suppress crimethink doubleplusgood.
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Aug 4, 2011 08:57
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- RagnarokAngel
- Oct 5, 2006
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Black Magic Extraordinaire
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pillsburysoldier posted:
Libertarian scoffed at people giving Jesus drinks he didn't earn.
I actually thought the same thing when I read this.
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Aug 4, 2011 13:29
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- PerniciousKnid
- Sep 13, 2006
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my dad posted:JESUS AND THE DEMOCRAT
(I don't care what party you like, this one's funny!!)
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Aug 4, 2011 13:54
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- babies havin rabies
- Feb 24, 2006
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Dr Christmas posted:
How in the loving gently caress do these assholes get away with "Jesus said that the poor must go without life-saving medicine so that the rich can pay less taxes than you?"
Because Christianity in America is a parody of itself and is far closer to Anglo Saxon paganism than any other religion (especially Christianity).
Sometimes I wish Jesus were real just to see the look on these people's faces during Judgement Day or after they get left behind or whatever the current apocalyptic legend du jour is.
PerniciousKnid posted:
Why is the Republican drinking coffee and the Democrat drinking beer?
Because the Republican had a job to go to afterwards whereas the Democrat just went home and zonked out on Oxycontin and his children were hungry so they joined gangs and also were black.
babies havin rabies fucked around with this message at 14:09 on Aug 4, 2011
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Aug 4, 2011 14:05
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- Z-Magic
- Feb 19, 2011
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They talk about the people and the proletariat, I talk about the suckers and the mugs - it's the same thing. They have their five-year plans, so have I.
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Dr Christmas posted:
How in the loving gently caress do these assholes get away with "Jesus said that the poor must go without life-saving medicine so that the rich can pay less taxes than you?"
quote:I Timothy makes it clear that no poor person has a legal claim on anyone else's money. If the church is not allowed to support a poor widow unless she is at least 60 years old, has been married only once, and has no relatives to support her, there is no way to make a New Testament case for the welfare state.
quote:For example, consider Leviticus 19:15. "Ye shall do no unrighteousness in judgment: thou shalt not respect the person of the poor, nor honour the person of the mighty: but in righteousness shalt thou judge thy neighbor." This verse provides God's people with two crucial principles, one economic and one judicial.
The economic principle affirms the legitimacy of inequality. The judicial principle affirms the local court system. These two principles-inequality and judicial locialism-are fundamental for the creation of a free society. Modern socialism and its supposed replacement, the much-heralded bureaucratic New World Order, are equally hostile to such a view of civil law.
quote:What about the income tax? Is it biblical? The principle that civil government should tax income was honored by Egypt under the Pharaoh (20% -- a tyranny: Gen. 47) and Israel's kings (10% -- a tyranny: I Sam. 8:14, 17). There is no other mention of the income tax in the Bible. Conclusion: tyrannical governments prefer to tax income...
Every higher level of civil government must tax only the next lower level. No tax should be paid directly by residents to any level of civil government above the city or county, whichever local voters have chosen as the originating tax jurisdiction under which they live. All higher levels must tax only the next lower level. The Federal government taxes the states; the states tax the counties; the counties tax cities or county residents.
A flat rate income tax at this level is not prohibited biblically, just so long as it does not reach the 10% level (I Sam. 8:14, 17). However, it is unlikely politically to remain biblically restrained. Voters will seek to tax higher-income residents at a higher rate: a denial of the rule of law (Ex. 12:49). A sales tax is much better for both personal privacy and judicial equity: an inherently flat tax. Everyone pays the same. A sales tax also does not tax capital and profits, which in turn spurs investment and economic growth.
All from http://www.garynorth.com/public/department57.cfm
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Aug 4, 2011 14:17
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- babies havin rabies
- Feb 24, 2006
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Execute that man in the streets because I guarantee you he ate shellfish.
Those who advocate Biblical law should be required to live under it. I vote setting up a reservation. The rest of us can go on living in civilization.
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Aug 4, 2011 14:25
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- Nathilus
- Apr 4, 2002
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I alone can see through the media bias.
I'm also stupid on a scale that can only be measured in Reddits.
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Oh look, another jackass uses Leviticus to try to reinforce his barbaric beliefs. I wonder if he sends his woman out of the house when she's on her period too.
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Aug 4, 2011 16:28
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- Sarion
- Dec 24, 2003
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Fortunately, the US Constitution doesn't care what sort of nonsense this guy thinks. Even if his views on the Bible were correct, the Constitution protects us as much from him as it does Sharia law.
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Aug 4, 2011 16:35
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- babies havin rabies
- Feb 24, 2006
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Nathilus posted:
Oh look, another jackass uses Leviticus to try to reinforce his barbaric beliefs. I wonder if he sends his woman out of the house when she's on her period too.
I wonder if he moves all his furniture out of his house and has a rabbi perform a ritual every time he has mildew, then if it comes back he tears his own house down.
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Aug 4, 2011 16:37
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- Sarion
- Dec 24, 2003
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Here's one that my wife got a long time ago. It may be a little tl;dr though.
The Camel... Interesting posted:
If you ever doubted that God exists,
Meet the Very Technical, Highly Engineered
Dromedary Camel.
When I'm hungry, I'll eat almost anything-
A leather bridle, a piece of rope, my master's tent,
Or a pair of shoes.
My mouth is so tough a thorny cactus doesn't bother it.
I love to chow down grass and other plants
That grow here on the Arabian desert
I'm a dromedary camel, the one-hump kind
That lives on hot deserts in the Middle East.
My hump, all eighty pounds of it,
Is filled with fat-my body fuel-not water as some people believe.
My Mighty Maker gave it to me because
He knew I wouldn't always be able to find food
As I travel across the hot sands.
When I don't find any chow, my body automatically
Takes fat from the hump, feeds my system,
And keeps me going strong.
This is my emergency food supply.
If I can't find any plants to munch, my body uses up my hump.
When the hump gets smaller, it starts to tip to one side.
But when I get to a nice oasis and begin to eat again,
My hump soon builds back to normal.
I've been known to drink twenty-seven gallons of water in ten minutes.
My Master Designer made me in such a fantastic way that
In a matter of minutes all the water I've swallowed
Travels to the billions of microscopic cells that make up my flesh.
Naturally, the water I swallow first goes into my stomach.
There thirsty blood vessels absorb and carry it to every part of my body.
Scientists have tested my stomach and found it empty
Ten minutes after I've drunk twenty gallons.
In an eight hour day I can carry a four hundred pound load
A hundred miles across a hot, dry desert
And not stop once for a drink or something to eat.
In fact, I've been known to go eight days without a drink,
But then I look a wreck.
I lose 227 pounds, my ribs show through my skin,
And I look terribly skinny.
But I feel great!
I look thin because the billions of cells lose their water.
They're no longer fat. They're flat.
Normally my blood contains 94 percent water, just like yours.
But when I can't find any water to drink,
The heat of the sun gradually robs a little water out of my blood.
Scientists have found that my blood can lose up to
40 percent of its water, and I'm still healthy.
Doctor's say human blood has to stay very close to 94 percent water.
If you lose 5 percent of it, you can't see anymore; 10 percent, you can't
Hear and you go insane; 12 percent, your blood is as thick as molasses
And your heart can't pump the thick stuff. It stops, and you're dead.
But that's not true with me.
Why?
Scientists say my blood is different.
My red cells are elongated. Yours are round.
Maybe that's what makes the difference
This proves I'm designed for the desert,
Or the desert is designed for me.
Did you ever hear of a design without a Designer?
After I find a water hole,
I'll drink for about ten minutes
And my skinny body starts to change almost immediately.
In that short time my body fills out nicely, I don't look skinny anymore,
And I gain back the 227 pounds I lost.
Even though I lose a lot of water on the desert,
My body conserves it too.
Way in the beginning when my intelligent Engineer made me,
He gave me a specially designed nose that saves water.
When I exhale, I don't lose much.
My nose traps that warm, moist air from my lungs
And absorbs it in my nasal membranes.
Tiny blood vessels in those membranes take that back into my blood.
How's that for a recycling system? Pretty cool, isn't it.
It works because my nose is cool.
My cool nose changes that warm moisture in the air
From my lungs into water.
But how does my nose get cool?
I breath in hot dry desert air,
And it goes through my wet nasal passages.
This produces a cooling effect, and my nose stays as much as
18 degrees cooler than the rest of my body.
I love to travel the beautiful sand dunes.
It's really quite easy, because
My Creator gave me specially engineered sand shoes for feet.
My hooves are wide, and they get even wider when I step on them.
Each foot has two long, bony toes with tough, leathery skin
between my soles, are a little like webbed feet.
They won't let me sink into the soft, drifting sand.
This is good, because often my master wants me to carry him
one hundred miles across the desert in just one day.
(I troop about ten miles per hour.)
Sometimes a big windstorm comes out of nowhere,
bringing flying sand with it.
My Master Designer put special muscles in my nostrils
that close the openings, keeping sand out of my nose
but still allowing me enough air to breathe.
My eyelashes arch down over my eyes like screens,
keeping the sand and sun out but still letting me see clearly.
If a grain of sand slips through and gets in my eye,
the Creator took care of that too.
He gave me an inner eyelid that automatically
wipes the sand off my eyeball just like a windshield wiper.
Some people think I'm conceited because I always walk around
with my head held high and my nose in the air.
But that's just because of the way I'm made.
My eyebrows are so thick and bushy
I have to hold my head high to peek out from underneath them.
I'm glad I have them though.
They shade my eyes from the bright sun.
Desert people depend on me for many things.
Not only am I their best form of transportation,
but I'm also their grocery store.
Mrs. Camel gives very rich milk
that people make into butter and cheese.
I shed my thick fur coat once a year,
and that can be woven into cloth.
A few young camels are used for beef,
but I don't like to talk about that.
For a long time we camels have been called
the "ships of the desert" because of the way
we sway from side to side when we trot.
Some of our riders get seasick.
I sway from side to side because of the way my legs work.
Both legs on one side move forward at the same time,
elevating that side.
My "left, right left, right" motion makes my rider feel like
he is in a rocking chair going sideways.
When I was six months old,
special knee pads started to grow on my front legs.
The intelligent Creator knew I had to have them.
They help me lower my 1000 pounds to the ground.
If I didn't have them,
my knees would soon become sore and infected,
and I could never lie down.
I'd die of exhaustion.
By the way,
I don't get thick knee pads because I fall on my knees.
I fall on my knees because I already have these tough pads.
Someone very great thought of me and knew I needed them.
He designed them into my genes.
It's real difficult for me to understand
how some people say I evolved into what I now am.
I'm very technical, highly engineered dromedary camel.
Things like me don't just happen.
They're planned on a drawing board
by Someone very brilliant,
Someone very logical.
Oh yes, please continue to explain to me how you lack decent critical reasoning skills 
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Aug 4, 2011 16:49
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- ThePeteEffect
- Jun 12, 2007
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I'm just crackers about cheese!
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Fun Shoe
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Pfirti86 posted:
Thanks God, real smart of you to connect the tube I use to breath with the tube I use to eat!
Because it's relevant, and because Neil deGrasse Tyson owns: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4238NN8HMgQ
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Aug 4, 2011 17:30
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- Zwabu
- Aug 7, 2006
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The fact that this guy is funny, a physicist, and looks kind of like Sinbad is pretty awesome.
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Aug 4, 2011 17:50
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- Italian Stalin
- Jul 4, 2003
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You-a gonna get-a purged!
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Atasi posted:
Didn't some goon write a great story about a guy in just such a libertarian dystopia who couldn't even make it to the end of the street.
Do you mean this? Edited for punctuation and capitalization.
quote:
I sat in my living room sipping my cup of chicory and looking out my window and pondering my choices. Overhead flocks of hang gliders soared through the soot, taking advantage of the unregulated skies to make their morning commute. I shifted, somewhat uncomfortable. I needed to make a decision soon, before my neighbor rumbled out of his driveway in his Abrams tank and the vibrations from the tearing of pavement made the decision for me.
I read through the billboards on the sidewalk again. Joe’s sewage: faster than anyone! poo poo-b-gon [as I read the name I silently thanked z0r for the death of the nanny state and the freedom to curse in public]: no clogs! There were five others that I passed over, but I knew, that morning, I was a poo poo-b-gon man. I trotted outside and grabbed the sewage hose that sat dribbling on my lawn. Where was the nearest linkup station? I jogged down the street, briefly warming my face on the fire from my neighbor's house, before I tripped on a stray corpse and fell face first onto the sidewalk. As I pushed myself up and wiped the blood [not mine ] from my hands, I saw the linkup station. After paying my thirty dollar day-fee [a small price to pay for freedom] and jogging the mile back to my house, I was soon happily doing my business. Like a free man
I jammed my foot on the gas and grinned as my engine roared. It was free of catalytic converters and other emasculating controls, and at last, was the robust and mighty machine I had always known it could be. I flipped my sunglasses open and jammed them over my eyes and the cloud of black smoke behind me was witness to the power of my works. The rumble of gravel beneath me was like glorious harmony to the howl of the engine. For nearly fifteen seconds I was grinning like a maniac as the car jolted and crunched down the crumbling street. Of course , I had to slow and toss my tiny cube of gold into the toll box, and wait for my neighbor to wave me past, but soon I was back to full speed, living life as free as the birds used to do before we shot them all.
I downshifted into third as I caught side of an unfamiliar barricade ahead. Smoke rose in a plume behind the stacked wood and bodies. As I came to a stop a man with a cigar gritted in his teeth and a shirt soaked red and cracked sunglasses waved me to roll down my window.
"What seems to be the problem?"
“New repairs on this stretch. Going to need double tolls till we’ve got it fixed."
I grimaced as I searched around my glove box for an extra cube. At this rate id never make the public hanging...
I run into the center of bear-baiting ring. My stomach churns as I face the beast. Howls and cries from the crowd wash over me like hypodermic needles at the beach. I feint left but as I push off the blood-soaked earth my foot explodes through the my shoddily-constructed shoe. With a silent curse for whatever nameless ten-year-old sewed it I kick it off and dash to the right. Thank z0r I always ccw, I think to myself as I air-somersault past the bear. The crowd of mercenaries roar at the sight of my acrobatics.
If I can win the crowd then perhaps the king of this stretch of road will let me go...good thing I have an ace up my sleeve.
Make that two, I think as I pull out my twin desert eagles, locked and loaded with the finest hollow-tip bullets that our local toy/gun store carry. The recoil from both firing at once knock me back against the blood-drenched wall of the arena but I keep firing at the bear.
As it finally staggers back and crashes to the ground I air somersault forward again and kneel, crossing my arms in front of my chest and holding my guns against my shoulders and feeling the cheers of the crowd wash over me. I have won my freedom. I let only the briefest pity for the less skillful travelers wash over me, but content myself with the thought of penning a scathing letter against these mercenaries tonight. Then I grin. Score one for the market, motherfucker.
shoeless and gasping I run down the road toward the city, dodging shards of glass and the bones of long dead children. I had paid the last toll with my car itself. Once the consortium has purchased enough of sick and dying bodies from the local hospital to grind into cement, we'll have our new roads [or so the ads promise], but it's too late for my car.
I hear a faint stirring in the underbrush that stretches out toward the asphalt. With all the nimbleness of an unregulated manufacturer responding to demand, I do a three-quarters cartwheel while simultaneously firing ten shots from my dual DEs. I chuckle at the crashing and groaning from the brush in the silence after my deafening barrage. One step closer to that new road.
I take off running again. By three p.m. I’m at the office. As I approach the elevators there's a deafening crash and smoke comes from behind the elevator doors. I note the name of the manufacturer and use my bleeding feet to write a message of warning on the floor of the hall. I ignore the moans and take the stairs to my office.
My manager scuttles toward me as I enter. "Eight hours late? You’re fired. And you can be sure no other company will hire your scummy rear end in the future."
My left eye twitches as I calmly respond. "You forgot one thing."
“ What's that?"
“ There's only one monopoly we don't tolerate. A monopoly of force." I back flip as I pull out my DEs and start firing. The screams of the dying fill the air like mercury. This is one market that just got regulated.
Before I leave the office, I loot the bodies of my dead coworkers, murdered by my hand, like an IRS employee mailing a 1040. I leave the office a tomb; a blood offering to the hungry god I worship now. Stepping back into the stairwell is like stepping through a looking glass. I am wearing shoes ripped from the dead feet of my former boss. Call it an audit.
With a ninja's grace I leap from stair to stair as I exit the building. Light bulbs flicker and dim; the local smallpox epidemic is two weeks old and they've almost run out of bodies to burn for power. They’re talking about charging customers one child per year as fuel. Some people were upset about it but at least the government isn't behind it.
My shoulders are heaving as I crash through doors into the lobby. A pack of wolves lurk around the receptionist's desk. Night is almost here. They begin to howl as I jog outside into the gathering darkness.
I check my watch—6 o’clock. I had meant to run a few errands before going home. Just one, actually. I run down the street until I see a dimly-lit Verizon store. The salesman doesn't even blink an eye when I enter, dripping blood and gore, desert eagles jammed in my waist. Then I pull out my guns and point them in his face.
He blinks.
"I paid 5 bucks more last month, you know?" I growl between gritted teeth
"so?" he says
I put the guns back in my waist. The salesman exhales in relief.
then I kneel and draw my katana. With one smooth motion I behead the clerk.
"I wish to file a complaint," I say, as gouts of arterial blood spray paint the ceiling.
At last I’m home. I recline back in my baby skin chair and swirl some orange juice in a mug. As I bring the mug up to my limits I feel a sudden pain in my lip. I fish around in the juice and pull out a shard of glass. Rolling my eyes I toss it on the pile in the corner.
My pet tiger pads into the room. Not for the first time I offer a silent thanks that no gang of criminals can tell me not to keep it. Then I see the blood dripping from its jaws.
I curse as I ease out of my chair and walk into the next room, following the blood. The corpse of my neighbor's son is still warm on the floor of the kitchen. I turn on the alarm system and set up the house defenses just in time for the doorbell to ring.
I look out my front window; my neighbor is carrying a shotgun and has a crazed look on his face. I call out:
"What do you want?"
“I want that damned tiger."
“ No."
“GIVE ME THE TIGER."
“Come and get him."
My neighbor shudders as he considers his options: 1) wait to ambush me later, 2) attack now, 3) write a scathing letter and mail it to all our neighbors. He cocks his shotgun and fires it at the door.
My defense system activates. With fury and power that would warm the heart of a Backwater soldier it reduces my neighbor to ash. As the whir of the chain guns slows I walk back to my baby skin chair. It feels soft. It feels warm. It feels like freedom.
Alarms wake me from my slumber. Not my house; the neighborhood coop alarms are ringing. I listen to the sound. Next to me my slave girl stirs. I casually backhand her across the mouth to keep her quiet. Three horns followed by a low ringing—possible outsider invasion.
I check to see that her chains are secure then lower myself out of bed. A low whistle summons my tiger. I press a button next to my bed; a slave child scurries in. I order him to bring me my katana.
Wrapped in my robe and with my sword strapped across my back I slip outside into the ringing night. The noises are coming from the south. I see a neighbor across the street slap his wife in the face as she begs him not to leave and I thank z0r no slave has tempted me.
The light from torches flicker in the distance at the watch point. There are already several neighbors gathered in a circle. I can hear a low muttering but I cannot see what they have surrounded.
I reach the outside of the circle with my tiger at my side. It carelessly bites one of the men in the circle on the leg. He falls to ground and I take his place and see...
it is worse than I had feared...a face as dark and soulless as the night sky looks up at me. Tears stream down his face. I shudder at the thought of more of them...out in the darkness...I lope away from the circle and call my tiger to my side. Tonight...we hunt
I see the fear in their eyes as I approach the campfire. I wear a chain of tiny ears around my neck and my face is spattered with blood. I grip the head of my enemy in my right hand.
Ashen-faced, my neighbor asks me of the forces in the darkness.
"It's a group seeking medicine for sick children," I reply. "It was." I suppress a giggle. I toss the little head into the middle of the circle.
"Are you ok?" one asks.
The others mumble, afraid to look me in the eyes.
I look him in the eyes. He twitches. I say
"sanity is like a rule. A regulation. I am free."
I left my katana in my right hand, then bring it to his neck.
"Will you question me, or will you do as I say?"
It is not a question.
"A man chooses" I say.
They kneel before me. Alarms wail in the distance. I see the earth soaked in a tide of blood. I finger the necklace of ears like a rosary.
"We are strong," I say. "Together we are free".
They murmur in assent. One man remains quiet. I remove his head, then hand it to one of my followers.
"We are free. Put it on a stake, to warn those who would oppose us."
I order the rest of the men to secure the neighborhood gold. We will keep it at my house; I will disperse it as necessary. The gold is mine...the precious...
...
I sit on a throne of skulls inside my new house. Palace. I run my fingers through the head of the slave who kneels at my side. In my other hand I grip the femur of a dead enemy. A slave used a rock to hone the end of the bone to sharp points. The walls and floor are red, spattered with blood and smeared with dirt; the ceiling is black with soot. My tiger stalks outside.
When the snows come we move to the caves in the hills for warmth. I will spread my seed.
A beast stirs. I breath in the fetid air, thick with blood and death. Law is dead. I am the law. The market is dead. I am the market. I scratch at my fur loincloth and crush a louse. Government is dead. I am the government. God is dead. I am a god.
Somewhere in the distance I hear the howl of the alarms and the chatter of guns.
And this is heaven.
But you remember one thing: if you screw up just this much, you'll be flying a cargo plane full of rubber dog poo poo out of Hong Kong!
Epilogue
the cave is dark but warm. The women huddle under furs and blankets for warmth during the day. I lead the hunting parties out in search of game but any creature larger than a chipmunk has long since been slaughtered. We hunt squirrels and rodents with our AK-47s; sometimes a scrap of meat is still left after the hail of bullets.
One of the women is heavy with my child. I alone may mate with them. The heads of the men who objected rot on stakes outside the cave mouth.
One evening after we have returned from our mighty hunt with two squirrel carcasses and a dead robin someone almost tripped on, we spy a man in the distance staggering toward the cave. We watch as he winds his way through the badlands. Black snow falls, mixed with ash. His powder blue shirt is badly torn and bloody and there is no spark in his eyes.
He begs us for shelter. I explain that our food supplies are low but that there is room in our cave if he will hunt and accept my rule. He nods, exhausted, and starts to shuffle past me to the fire.
Then I catch sight of the patch on his sleeve. A stylized white eagle on a field of blue. The mark of the oppressors. I grab his collar and growl in his face "you're one of them"
"What? What are you talking about"
"One of them. The patch. The eagle."
“ P-p-please...I just...delivered mail"
I grip his throat in my hand and lift him and shout "A CRIMINAL!!!!!"
My tribe huddles around me.
"HE WORKED...FOR THE GOVERNMENT!!!"
I see the rage in their eyes. Hooting, they jump up and down, calling for blood. I lower the man to the ground and they mutter with disappointment. I beckon for a slave to bring me my club: all sharpened bone and shattered glass. I put my mouth next to the man's ear and I grasp the club and hold it in front of his eyes. "If you want a vision of the future," I say. "Imagine my war club, smashing a human face, forever."
Then I swing it against his head, and it crunches, and he falls to the ground. "We eat meat tonight" I say with a smile. The cheers are deafening.
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Aug 4, 2011 20:45
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- XyloJW
- Jul 23, 2007
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This isn't so much political, but it's interesting nonetheless.
quote:AMBER ALERT!!! Edmonton,Kentucky.USA. Little girl, 3 yrs. old picked up by a man driving a gray car, license plate: Quebec 72B 381. Canada. put this as your status. It could save her. The Kidnapping is recent so do it, 3 seconds will not kill you!!
PLEASE REPOST THIS!
1 hour ago
My sister-in-law posted this. The specificity and use of "this is recent!" and "1 hour ago" as part of the message set off alarms in my head, so I pulled up Snopes and instantly found that it's a hoax. It was originally a girl in 2006 who got caught in a rip current and was never found. Her family refused to believe she was dead and sent out emails with her picture telling people to look for her. In July 2009, a hoax went around, using the above details, and the picture of the little girl. In June, it spread further via text with most of the details trimmed down and abbreviated.
It's August 2011, 2 years after the hoax started, and 5 years after the little girl went missing. And the message still says "This is recent!" It's kind of eerie, in a way. I wonder if a hundred years from now, this message will still be around in some form, spread on the wings of urgency for a child long since lost.
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Aug 5, 2011 02:41
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- Foyes36
- Oct 23, 2005
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Food fight!
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Haha, he nails it perfectly. Neil deGrasse Tyson is a great advocate for science to the public, and I enjoy all of his lectures immensely. He and I also share a pretty similar graduate school experience (switching schools), so I empathize with him a lot.
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Aug 5, 2011 03:30
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- Sarion
- Dec 24, 2003
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My wife got another one from the same woman that sent the Camel one:
quote:
LET ME SEE IF I GOT THIS RIGHT
IF YOU CROSS THE NORTH KOREAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU GET 12 YEARS HARD LABOR
IF YOU CROSS THE IRANIAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU ARE DETAINED INDEFINITELY.
IF YOU CROSS THE AFGHAN BORDER ILLEGALLY, YOU GET SHOT.
IF YOU CROSS THE SAUDI ARABIAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE JAILED.
IF YOU CROSS THE CHINESE BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU MAY NEVER BE HEARD FROM AGAIN.
IF YOU CROSS THE VENEZUELAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE BRANDED A SPY AND YOUR FATE WILL BE SEALED.
IF YOU CROSS THE CUBAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE THROWN INTO POLITICAL PRISON TO ROT.
BUT,
IF YOU CROSS THE U.S. BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU GET
1 - A JOB,
2 - A DRIVERS LICENSE,
3 - SOCIAL SECURITY CARD,
4 - WELFARE,
5 - FOOD STAMPS,
6 - CREDIT CARDS,
7 - SUBSIDIZED RENT OR A LOAN TO BUY A HOUSE,
8 - FREE EDUCATION,
9 - FREE HEALTH CARE,
10 - A LOBBYIST IN WASHINGTON
11 - BILLIONS OF DOLLARS WORTH OF PUBLIC DOCUMENTS PRINTED IN YOUR LANGUAGE
12 - AND THE RIGHT TO CARRY YOUR COUNTRY'S FLAG WHILE YOU PROTEST THAT YOU DON'T GET ENOUGH RESPECT
I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE I HAD A FIRM GRASP ON THE SITUATION.
I like that they first compared us to all the countries that we don't want to be like, and how we're not like them. And then implied there are no consequences for coming to the US illegally, despite the fact that we deport nearly 350-400K illegal aliens every year.
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Aug 5, 2011 16:35
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- babies havin rabies
- Feb 24, 2006
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Grem posted:
This poo poo is getting on my nerves on Facebook:
I looked up the numbers. These are current as of this year (had to update the retired POTUS $).
Salary of the US President .................$400,000
Salary of retired US Presidents ...........$199,700
Salary of House/Senate .....................$174,000
Salary of Speaker of the House ..........$223,500
......Salary of Majority/Minority Leaders .....$193,400
Average Salary of Soldier DEPLOYED IN IRAQ and Afghanistan:$38,000
I think we found where the cuts should start! If you agree RE-POST
Somebody gave me this argument in real life. I had to convey to them that the President and the members of the legislature manage the largest corporate body in the country, and do it for what most CEOs of medium sized corporations would consider a laughable salary. The CEO of Wal-Mart makes $23 million a year and 'manages' 1.9 million employees, the federal government has about 2 million employees.
babies havin rabies fucked around with this message at 16:48 on Aug 5, 2011
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Aug 5, 2011 16:44
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- JerkyBunion
- Jun 22, 2002
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Sarion posted:
My wife got another one from the same woman that sent the Camel one:
I like that they first compared us to all the countries that we don't want to be like, and how we're not like them. And then implied there are no consequences for coming to the US illegally, despite the fact that we deport nearly 350-400K illegal aliens every year.
This has been posted many times and the usual response is something like, "Yes, I too think our country should strive to be more like all these ruthless despotic hellholes."
But you can also point out that illegal immigration is down by quite a bit if I remember correctly. That's right, the US Economy sucks so bad that people in abject poverty think, "Not worth it." Looks like the Republicans finally figured out how to stop the Mexicans.
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Aug 5, 2011 16:53
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- Sarion
- Dec 24, 2003
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Grem posted:
This poo poo is getting on my nerves on Facebook:
I looked up the numbers. These are current as of this year (had to update the retired POTUS $).
Salary of the US President .................$400,000
Salary of retired US Presidents ...........$199,700
Salary of House/Senate .....................$174,000
Salary of Speaker of the House ..........$223,500
......Salary of Majority/Minority Leaders .....$193,400
Average Salary of Soldier DEPLOYED IN IRAQ and Afghanistan:$38,000
I think we found where the cuts should start! If you agree RE-POST
Not only would cutting Congressional and Presidential pay not be a meaningful reduction in spending, it has several other problems:
1) Cutting the President's pay is actually Unconstitutional - Article II, Section 1, Clause 7: "The President shall, at stated Times, receive for his Services, a Compensation, which shall neither be increased nor diminished during the Period for which he shall have been elected, and he shall not receive within that Period any other Emolument from the United States, or any of them."
2) Cutting Congress's pay is also difficult due to the Constitution - Amendment 27: "No law, varying the compensation for the services of the Senators and Representatives, shall take effect, until an election of Representatives shall have intervened."
Basically Congress can only cut the pay of subsequent Presidents/Congressmen. They can't cut their own pay.
3) Reducing or eliminating benefits to our elected representatives is a bad idea. The whole idea is that our government is selected from the people. Granted many of those people are already from the wealthy class. But if you reduced or eliminated Congressional pay, the only people that could afford to be in Congress would people who are so wealthy they don't need pay or benefits.
4) I thought soldiers got extra pay when they were in combat, but that's not really the point. They probably deserve more than we pay them as it is, but cuts to Defense spending does not necessarily mean cuts to soldier pay. There are lots of other areas in the Defense budget that are wasteful and have no impact on soldier's pay.
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Aug 5, 2011 16:54
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- JerkyBunion
- Jun 22, 2002
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Grem posted:
This poo poo is getting on my nerves on Facebook:
I looked up the numbers. These are current as of this year (had to update the retired POTUS $).
Salary of the US President .................$400,000
Salary of retired US Presidents ...........$199,700
Salary of House/Senate .....................$174,000
Salary of Speaker of the House ..........$223,500
......Salary of Majority/Minority Leaders .....$193,400
Average Salary of Soldier DEPLOYED IN IRAQ and Afghanistan:$38,000
I think we found where the cuts should start! If you agree RE-POST
If the numbers are correct (and I suspect they're not), this idea will reduce the deficit by 0.006%. Problem solved guys!
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Aug 5, 2011 16:59
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- Sarion
- Dec 24, 2003
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JerkyBunion posted:
If the numbers are correct (and I suspect they're not), this idea will reduce the deficit by 0.006%. Problem solved guys!
Actually they're pretty much on target. Except for the Presidential pension pay, I can't find a firm number on it, but $190-200k sounds about right.
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Aug 5, 2011 17:49
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- The Macaroni
- Dec 20, 2002
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...it does nothing.
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Sarion posted:
3) Reducing or eliminating benefits to our elected representatives is a bad idea. The whole idea is that our government is selected from the people. Granted many of those people are already from the wealthy class. But if you reduced or eliminated Congressional pay, the only people that could afford to be in Congress would people who are so wealthy they don't need pay or benefits.
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Aug 5, 2011 17:55
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- Lord Sandwich
- Nov 5, 2008
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by Y Kant Ozma Post
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Grem posted:
This poo poo is getting on my nerves on Facebook:
I looked up the numbers. These are current as of this year (had to update the retired POTUS $).
Salary of the US President .................$400,000
Salary of retired US Presidents ...........$199,700
Salary of House/Senate .....................$174,000
Salary of Speaker of the House ..........$223,500
......Salary of Majority/Minority Leaders .....$193,400
Average Salary of Soldier DEPLOYED IN IRAQ and Afghanistan:$38,000
I think we found where the cuts should start! If you agree RE-POST
I've seen that a ton, too. My favorite reply: "Yes, it's clear where the cuts should start - remove all off the soldiers from Iraq and Afghanistan."
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Aug 5, 2011 18:10
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- Walter
- Jul 3, 2003
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We think they're great. In a grand, mystical, neopolitical sense, these guys have a real message in their music. They don't, however, have neat names like me and Bono.
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Grem posted:
This poo poo is getting on my nerves on Facebook:
I looked up the numbers. These are current as of this year (had to update the retired POTUS $).
Salary of the US President .................$400,000
Salary of retired US Presidents ...........$199,700
Salary of House/Senate .....................$174,000
Salary of Speaker of the House ..........$223,500
......Salary of Majority/Minority Leaders .....$193,400
Average Salary of Soldier DEPLOYED IN IRAQ and Afghanistan:$38,000
I think we found where the cuts should start! If you agree RE-POST
$400K x 1 = $400K
$200K x 3 = $600K
$174K x 430 = $74.8 million
$223.5K x 1 = $223.5K
$193.4K x 4 = $774K
Total: $76.82 million
Total salaries above as percentage of 2012 US budget ($2.267 trillion): %0.0034
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Aug 5, 2011 18:34
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- Ticallion Stallion
- Jul 29, 2008
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The Audacity Of Dope
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quote:
If the US Government was a family, they would be making $58,000 a year, they spend $75,000 a year & they are $327,000 in credit card debt.
What's the most easily understandable way to explain that the government budget does not work the exact same way as a household budget?
Also presumably the household in this situation is trying to maintain the same standard of living by only lowering its budget and refusing to look for a higher paying job.
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Aug 5, 2011 18:35
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- JerkyBunion
- Jun 22, 2002
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Walter posted:
$400K x 1 = $400K
$200K x 3 = $600K
$174K x 430 = $74.8 million
$223.5K x 1 = $223.5K
$193.4K x 4 = $774K
Total: $76.82 million
Total salaries above as percentage of 2012 US budget ($2.267 trillion): %0.0034
You're missing some people here.
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Aug 5, 2011 18:42
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 9, 2024 22:25
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- Orange Devil
- Oct 1, 2010
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Wullie's reign cannae smother the flames o' equality!
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Lamuella posted:
on Facebook today:
Ah yes, I well remember the great American famine.
Also, a/c is not a basic human need or on the level of any of those other things.
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Aug 5, 2011 20:07
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Aug 4, 2011 00:19
