|
Hooplah posted:(especially my own, I literally laughed out loud to myself at that first round with my bull)  Why do all my gladiator's die horrible and and painfully bloody deaths in the first round?
|
#
?
Sep 27, 2011 18:20
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 28, 2024 11:11 |
|
|
Krysmphoenix posted:
Because you have an unhealthy obsession with the stunty races.
|
|
#
?
Sep 27, 2011 18:43
|
|
|
BRONZE MATCH GOBLIN (G0/B0T) vs WEREWOLF (Broseidon, King of the Brocean) G0/B0T returns fully recalibrated and repaired to face off against the newly eliminated Broseidon, King of the Brocean. This is definitely the most defence-minded foe G0/B0T has come across, with a large set of Steel Mail, an Oaken Shield and a full compliment of lesser armor. The first bolt whistles across the stage, instantly slamming the Steel Mail Shirt and shattering with such force that a rib fractures through two layers of armor. Not a completely debilitating blow but it does seem to have slowed the beast just a little bit. This next shot is what counts, though. The werewolf will be upon his prey in mere moments and if this next shot is not solid then G0/B0T's destruction is imminent. Our lead translator has been intercepting G0/B0T's binary uplink to bring you this live update! code: PROJECTILE LOCKED ON TARGET TARGET HIT//EYE ........................ ........................ ................................................ TARGET EYE REMAINS INTACT DOES NOT COMPUTE DOES NOT COMPUTE Broseidon, King of the Brocean grins, slaps G0/B0T with the side of his blade and shoves him over. "Popped collar, bro!"  G0/B0T lies 'BRO'ken COMBAT LOG: http://pastebin.com/UPUjzyzG VladTheEater fucked around with this message at 19:05 on Sep 27, 2011 |
|
#
?
Sep 27, 2011 19:02
|
|
|
Mail shirts protecting the eye...from a crossbow bolt, something mail shirts don't really help with anyways...oh DF, you are so wonderfully made.
|
|
#
?
Sep 27, 2011 19:16
|
|
|
Khisanth Magus posted:Mail shirts protecting the eye...from a crossbow bolt, something mail shirts don't really help with anyways...oh DF, you are so wonderfully made. Yeah, this is one of those things. Clearly a change was made by Toady to allow mail to protect the neck, which is entirely reasonable. However, it was overlooked that this would make mail shirts protect the entire face as well. It makes close to zero sense. Vlad, are you planning on finishing up the last match soon? I'll get back to the regular matches as soon as you conclude yours.
|
|
#
?
Sep 27, 2011 19:44
|
|
|
Yeah, I'll get to work on the final match immediately!
|
|
#
?
Sep 27, 2011 20:15
|
|
|
Vox Nihili posted:Yeah, this is one of those things. Clearly a change was made by Toady to allow mail to protect the neck, which is entirely reasonable. However, it was overlooked that this would make mail shirts protect the entire face as well. It makes close to zero sense. The obvious solution is just to make equipment even more complicated by the addition of having to make gorgets for your dwarves. Given how Toady operates, I'm really surprised he didn't do that.
|
|
#
?
Sep 27, 2011 20:25
|
|
|
 FINALS MINOTAUR (Mad Cow) vs STRANGLER (Glen Starr) The final match, and it looks to be a good one. Both warriors have chosen similar strategies. Only token armor, some dodging know-how and plenty of weapons training. Glen Starr lands the first blow as they clash in the ring's interior but it is only a minor, bruising blow. They seem to be taking a moment to really size up the competition... perhaps it is just nerves but they both know how important this match is and don't want to waste it! A charge and collision occurs but the fighters only manage to bounce off one another and end up on the opposite sides from where they started.  You do the chargey-dodgey and you turn yourselves around Mad Cow charges once more and succeeds in knocking over his tiny opponent once more but is unable to follow up with any crushing blows of Platinum. He manages to take a quick bite at the strangler's arm but no significant damage is done before the creature stumbles back to its feet. A third charge and Glen Starr is knocked down once more! The two exchange strikes and counterstrikes, none connecting. Glen Starr scrambles to his feet once more but it is starting to seem as though the ape may be outclassed! A fourth charge misses but it seems that it was only a feint! Mad Cow immediately reverses and knocks Glen Starr over on the return charge! This time, the opportunity is not wasted. Slamming his horns into the stunned strangler, Mad Cow manages to break bones in both Glen Starr's arm and foot! A massive swing of the Platinum War Hammer is brought down squarely onto Glen Starr's belly, cracking all the way through and crushing the lower spine! Perhaps the impact was enough to knock Glen Starr back to his senses because in the same moment, the strangler lashes out furiously, slicing into Mad Cow's stomach and causing immediate sickness. Mad Cow vomits all over himself as Glen Starr scrambles away, dragging himself quickly with his three good arms.  It was a bad idea to drink all that lemonade before the match Undeterred, Mad Cow retches and stamps over to where the prone strangler lies, peering down menacingly at him as he readies a killing blow. Perhaps to taunt his foe, he leans in to snort at the ape. His cockiness has cost him, though, as Glen Starr flails outwards and bites down on Mad Cow's snout, latching on tightly until the minotaur tears him away to toss him back to the ground. Roaring with pain, the minotaur manages to splash vomit into his eyes, temporarily blinding himself. He swings wildly but connects with nothing, allowing some small time for the strangler to recover and lash out with his deadly iron scourge! A hit strikes through all the way to bone and Mad Cow collapses, still blinded and swinging frantically. As he continues to vomit, Glen Starr takes the advantage and the match, tearing open several arteries before embedding the scourge directly into Mad Cow's skull.  Guess we're having steaks at the wind-up party! COMBAT LOG: http://pastebin.com/E7HxUB7S The end result, I believe, is that scourges are a little overpowered right now. Even in the hands of a small fighter, they can cut deeply into armored targets. Worse, they are very easily able to sever tendons and nerves (unlike whips that generally only dealt bone-chipping damage). It's surprising that so few people have used them but I expect that to change unless they're nerfed or modified next tournament. I think gut hits are a little too debilitating but I'm not sure what could be done to fix that. Mad Cow had a solid advantage until a single bruising guts hit completely wrecked him. Ultimately, [weaponskill+dodge] may not be a creative build but it is most definitely effective. Congratulations, hail victory to AJ_Impy and his champion, Glen Starr! VladTheEater fucked around with this message at 21:15 on Sep 27, 2011 |
|
#
?
Sep 27, 2011 21:06
|
|
|
VladTheEater posted:The end result, I believe, is that scourges are a little overpowered right now. Even in the hands of a small fighter, they can cut deeply into armored targets. Worse, they are very easily able to sever tendons and nerves (unlike whips that generally only dealt bone-chipping damage). It's surprising that so few people have used them but I expect that to change unless they're nerfed or modified next tournament. Looking at that combat log, virtually every hit of that iron scourge on copper armor resulted in mere "bruising" and a failure to penetrate the armor.
|
|
#
?
Sep 27, 2011 21:23
|
|
|
VladTheEater posted:
Awesome. Thanks for running this, Vlad: a very entertaining side-tournament, especially GO/B0T's take on things. Interesting that the final was between those focused on not getting hit rather than optimising for hits not mattering. Also, I was wondering if anyone else noticed how effective the Scourge was given its stats. If my similar-build fighter in the main tournament had ever landed a hit before dying, it's interesting to speculate where he would have ended up with more points on him.
|
|
#
?
Sep 27, 2011 21:25
|
|
|
Vox Nihili posted:Looking at that combat log, virtually every hit of that iron scourge on copper armor resulted in mere "bruising" and a failure to penetrate the armor. The previous round, the iron scourge managed to slice right through Werewolf-sized Steel Mail, though! And in case anyone wants an easy way to reference the tournament and its brackets: http://challonge.com/vlad2, combat logs are posted for each round
|
|
#
?
Sep 27, 2011 21:27
|
|
|
VladTheEater posted:The previous round, the iron scourge managed to slice right through Werewolf-sized Steel Mail, though! That initial hit did so, yeah, but I think it broke the bone without penetration through sheer blunt force, so it doesn't damage the skin, fat, and muscle layers. Many of the strikes against steel resulted in no real damage. Ultimately, I think scourge strikes may have a bit too much momentum. Of course, the incredible, unmatched strength of stranglers boosts the momentum even further. I'll look at reducing the mass of scourges in the next tournament.
|
|
#
?
Sep 27, 2011 21:34
|
|
|
VladTheEater posted:The previous round, the iron scourge managed to slice right through Werewolf-sized Steel Mail, though! I wonder if that's due to mail being more flexible, thus letting more damage through as opposed to a solid plate? Would Toady have modelled that?
|
|
#
?
Sep 27, 2011 21:36
|
|
|
AJ_Impy posted:I wonder if that's due to mail being more flexible, thus letting more damage through as opposed to a solid plate? Would Toady have modelled that? This is certainly modeled to some degree, but the results aren't all entirely logical.
|
|
#
?
Sep 27, 2011 21:58
|
|
|
I feel I should mention the he had a breastplate too, though I'm not sure if he was struck in a area that was protecting by it though. Broseidon, King of the Brocean, returned to his father's dealership, Mount. BrOlympus (Located on 195 E. Winapeg Ave. Come to Mount BrOlympus for all your dealership needs, bro.) and was greeted with much fanfare and celebration, as, to quote his father, "We never expected the idiot to actually make it past the first round, especially not when he demanded that we make him armor with a collar. But hell, with all the publicity we got from this, I couldn't care less!" Unfortunately, Broseidon was found dead the following morning, and it was later discovered that he melted down his bronze medal and drank it, on a dare from one of his many bros, "Because it would be totally hardcore of him."
|
|
#
?
Sep 27, 2011 22:10
|
|
|
Vox Nihili posted:Yeah, this is one of those things. Clearly a change was made by Toady to allow mail to protect the neck, which is entirely reasonable. However, it was overlooked that this would make mail shirts protect the entire face as well. It makes close to zero sense. So Toady models eyelashes separately from eyes, but not necks? There's esoteric game design, and then there's mental illness.
|
|
#
?
Sep 27, 2011 22:14
|
|
|
Round One, Match Thirty-Nine Match Thirty-Nine, Panty Thief (Mr. Vile) vs. Unfortunate Slave (Zarah) Panty Thief the yeti is full-armored in heavy, iron mail. Not an inch of his body is vulnerable to lesser edged attacks, though he himself has no weapon. Unfortunate Slave, goblin, is equipped with an iron scourge, copper cap, copper mail, and a bronze breast plate. Given his opponent's equipment, the goblin's name seems especially apt. Is the goblin's scourge strong enough to make a difference?  Unfortunate Slave, unsurprisingly, is quite a bit swifter than his opponent. As the yeti approaches, the goblin is able to get off not one, but two strikes! But both deflect uselessly off of Panty Thief's sturdy armor. Now the yeti rushes at Unfortunate Slave, but the goblin is able to leap straight back to safety!  Unfortunate Slave strikes at Panty Thief's gauntleted hand, hoping that this might be a weak point. But the scourge barely even bruises the skin, and Unfortunate Slave's odds seem even longer. Panty Thief presses his attack, charging at the goblin repeatedly, but the nimble creature escapes again and again, even after being knocked off his feet. Eventually, Unfortunate Slave finds himself all the way back against the arena wall.  Still, Panty Thief cannot lock down is opponent, even after managing to stun him after one particularly effective charge. Unfortunate Slave manages to lash the yeti in the chest, where only flexible mail protects the beast. The hit bruises as deeply as the beast's muscle, but is still effectively meaningless. The rolling melee continues back and forth across the ring, Unfortunate Slave too quick to be hurt, and Panty Thief too large and well-armored. Eventually, the goblin takes a punch to the leg, but he continues without concern. Then, Panty Thief grabs him by his breast plate- but the goblin is able to escape, sliding out of his own armor to avoid the grasp! At one point Unfortunate Slave goes down stunned after a particularly rough charge- probably about the fifth time he's suffered such an impact thus far. This time, though, Panty Thief bites down in frustration on the goblin's mailed chest. The yeti's large canines sink into the copper mail make firm purchase upon Unfortunate Slave's chest, which is no longer protected by a rigid breast plate! The yeti then thrashes the poor goblin about, ripping apart his innards with every shake. Every time Unfortunate Slave rallies, Panty Thief simply knocks him back to the ground and continues the savage mauling.  Finally, Panty Thief's teeth slip off of Unfortunate Slave's armor, and the goblin is free once more! But Panty Thief immediately smashes the goblin's hand with his own breast plate, crushing it completely! Unfortunate Slave succumbs to his wounds, and Panty Thief finishes him off by smashing the breast plate straight his skull! Who would have guessed that within Panty Thief's bizarre name there was a hint at the gladiator's secret fighting technique? The same may have held true for Unfortunate Slave, it seems.  Combat Log Vox Nihili fucked around with this message at 23:21 on Sep 27, 2011 |
|
#
?
Sep 27, 2011 23:12
|
|
|
Strom Cuzewon posted:So Toady models eyelashes separately from eyes, but not necks? There's esoteric game design, and then there's mental illness. They're modeled separately, but necks, facial features, ears, etc. are all considered "child parts" of the head. Thus, for armoring purposes, they all might as well be fingers on a hand and are treated in such a manner. Yeah.
|
|
#
?
Sep 27, 2011 23:14
|
|
|
Hmm. The threat of an iron scourge may have been overstated.
|
|
#
?
Sep 27, 2011 23:15
|
|
|
I think beating someone to death with their own discarded clothing may be among the most metal ways to kill a dude.
|
|
#
?
Sep 27, 2011 23:18
|
|
|
Agent Interrobang posted:I think beating someone to death with their own discarded clothing may be among the most metal ways to kill a dude. Only topped by beating someone to death with a severed limb.
|
|
#
?
Sep 27, 2011 23:46
|
|
|
Thanks for running that, Vlad. If anyone wants to try their hand against Tantrum Spiral, here are his stats. Wondering what might of been if he had not suffered a BAM! HEADSHOT? Wonder no more. Weapon skill(Hammer) 12 : 2340 Fighting 5: 225 Armor 1: 5 Striking 1: 10 Dodging 1: 20 Silver Warhammer: 300 Steel Mail Shirt: 450 Steel Helmet: 250 (Also that is one badass Yeti.)
|
|
|
#
?
Sep 27, 2011 23:49
|
|
|
I've just got to say that the guy who made a gladiator for the mini-tournament with nothing but Steel Boots, and Grandmaster Kicking made me laugh for the last 2 pages.
|
|
#
?
Sep 28, 2011 00:02
|
|
|
Agent Interrobang posted:I think beating someone to death with their own discarded clothing may be among the most metal ways to kill a dude. This is the best result I could possibly have hoped for. Finally, my strategy of making ridiculous gimmick fighters has paid off!
|
|
#
?
Sep 28, 2011 00:35
|
|
|
Round One, Match Forty Match Forty, MLK (Red Dragon) vs. Ekvagir (PureRok) MLK the minotaur enters the arena with nothing more than an iron hammer and the brute force required to wield it with devastating efficiency. Ekvagir the werewolf favors a more nuanced approach. He carries an iron two-handed sword in one hand and an oak shield in the other, and wears hardened leather over iron mail armor. The armor isn't likely to come in much use here- let's see if the werewolf can carry the fight on skill, instead!  The match begins. The swift werewolf takes the first swing, but MLK hops out of the weapon's arc just in time!  Ekvagir closes to strike again, but MLK puts to rest any further offense with a bull-rush. The werewolf parries the weapon, but catches the minotaur's shoulder in the chest. Ekvagir slams into the arena floor, dazed. Somehow, he has the werewithal to block MLK's rapidly onrushing hammer with his shield, then thrusts his sword wildly outward, missing. He isn't fortunate enough to intercept the next two strikes, though, which smash a bone in his arm and bruise his paw in rapid succession.  Ekvagir is hurt, but by no means overwhelmed by the pain. He gets back to his feet, ready for the next charge- but fails to even parry the incoming blow, which obliterates his shin. The charge is effective as well, leaving the wounded Ekvagir nearly defenseless upon the arena's cold tiles. Now MLK begins kicking Ekvagir into submission. Each strike fractures another of the werewolf's narrow bones, and just as Ekvagir begins to rise, a final blow leaves him unconscious. A casual hammerstrike through the skull finishes the job. MLK triumphs!  Combat Log To those who noticed the pun: I'm sorry.
|
|
#
?
Sep 28, 2011 00:46
|
|
|
If you meant the bull-rush one, then yes, you probably should be.
|
|
#
?
Sep 28, 2011 00:59
|
|
|
Locomotive breath posted:If you meant the bull-rush one, then yes, you probably should be. Nah, that one's longstanding staple.
|
|
#
?
Sep 28, 2011 01:21
|
|
|
VladTheEater posted:Congratulations, hail victory to AJ_Impy and his champion, Glen Starr! drat, I thought that my kobold facing a strangler was a good thing, but now... just drat. 
|
|
#
?
Sep 28, 2011 01:34
|
|
|
Oh god the werewithal. You monster.
|
|
#
?
Sep 28, 2011 01:39
|
|
|
With Ekvagir's loss, SynthOrange falls to 0-9 in first round betting. 
|
|
#
?
Sep 28, 2011 03:32
|
|
|
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK
|
|
#
?
Sep 28, 2011 03:48
|
|
|
Hey, SynthOrange, if I give you 500 dwarfbucks, will you bet on my opponent next round? Please?
|
|
#
?
Sep 28, 2011 03:49
|
|
|
Astus posted:Hey, SynthOrange, if I give you 500 dwarfbucks, will you bet on my opponent next round? Please? No, but you can do what I did for Pozzo, which is "Set aside a small amount of money that I will always bet according to how he wants." It surprisingly worked.
|
|
#
?
Sep 28, 2011 03:57
|
|
|
Jazzimus Prime posted:With Ekvagir's loss, SynthOrange falls to 0-9 in first round betting. How many matches does SynthOrange have left? Could you set up another pool on whether or not SynthOrange is bankrupt going into round 2?
|
|
#
?
Sep 28, 2011 05:43
|
|
|
Two more fights. Gary "Hanzo" Busey vs Macho Man Randy Savage Biome George vs Ook. Ook? OOOOOOKK!
|
|
#
?
Sep 28, 2011 05:46
|
|
|
Who'd you bet on? I've got money on Ook, want to know if I can buy that new pair of shoes or not...
|
|
#
?
Sep 28, 2011 17:53
|
|
|
Jazzimus Prime posted:With Ekvagir's loss, SynthOrange falls to 0-9 in first round betting. Here's hoping my plan to bet against him will start to pay off. Screwed up this round.
|
|
#
?
Sep 28, 2011 20:22
|
|
|
Round One, Match Forty-One Match Forty-One, Junai (TurninTrix) vs. OmegaWalrus (TheOmegaWalrus) Junai, a werewolf, wears a copper mail shirt and wields a bronze great axe. She appears extremely formidable. OmegaWalrus the serpent man bears a platinum dagger and a leather cap. Given that an edged platinum weapon is unlikely to penetrate even copper mail, OmegaWalrus is going to have his work cut out for him!  The match begins. OmegaWalrus is just faster than his opponent, but his opening blow is easily parried. Junai blitzes the serpent man, hacking right into the chest with his great axe. OmegaWalrus slams backwards into the ground, bleeding profusely.  Junai hacks at her wounded opponent, but OmegaWalrus somehow parries the attack with his second-rate dagger. Junai decides to use her fangs instead, and chomps down on the serpent man's arm, ripping right through into muscle! OmegaWalrus struggles to his feet, despite the vicious werebeast's hold on his arm. Big mistake- OmegaWalrus can't attempt even dodge the next take-down with the grip his opponent has on him! And just like that, Junai cleaves off the serpent man's hand and brings him back to the ground with bruising efficiency.  A few more swings of her axe later, Junai has reduced OmegaWalrus to a collection of bloody gashes and stumps. The serpent man bleeds out shortly, and Junai advances!  Combat Log
|
|
#
?
Sep 29, 2011 19:46
|
|
|
A platinum dagger?  That's gotta be the worst power per dorfbuck ratio available to purchase as a weapon, except maybe the adamantine bashing weapons
|
|
#
?
Sep 29, 2011 20:06
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 28, 2024 11:11 |
|
|
Round One, Match Forty-Two Match Forty-Two, Hungry Mungry (Brick Moses) vs. Cobalt (megane) Hungry Mungry is a traditional strangler. He lives the way his ancestors did, by sharp claw and powerful jaw, uninterested in nonsense like armor or weapons. Normally, this would be a death sentence in the arena. But today, Hungry Mungry is matched up against a kobold, Cobalt, his ideal opponent and, truth be told, his natural prey! She is equipped solely with an iron battleaxe, which she can just barely wield with both hands. By ratio of mass, this fight is roughly equivalent to a tigerman fighting a dwarf. Can Cobalt pull this one off?  The match is underway! Cobalt comes out fast, fearlessly approaching her opponent and hefting her axe with all her might! But the opening swing cuts through thin air as Hungry Mungry skips backwards out of range! Cobalt continues forward to attack again, but Hungry Mungry charges her, knocking the kobold to the ground and ripping into her torso with his fearsome teeth!  Before Cobalt can take a single action to respond, the hungry strangler latches onto her foot with his heavily-toothed maw! He shakes her around like a rag doll, severing vital tendons and nerves. Cobalt is unlikely to stand again at this point. In sheer panic, she tries to crawl away from her assailant, but Hungry easily tracks her down and clamps down on her leg once more, shredding flesh with ease. The kobold would be crippled by the pain, but the bites go so deep as to sever sensory nerves, leaving Cobalt able to struggle on. She rolls away from the next bite, buying herself just a moment of respite. She readies her axe and swings, cutting into Hungry's leg! But her lack of leverage and weakened condition mean her stroke fails to penetrate deeply enough to inflict serious harm.  Hungry rips into Cobalt's left hand next, finding firm purchase and leaving the kobold with only a single hand to swing her unwieldy weapon. Hungry flings the kobold to and fro by her wrist, blood oozing from her many puncture wounds. But Cobalt isn't quite done- she swings her axe with whatever force she can muster, targeting the previous wound inflicted on Hungry. This time the axe cuts into the muscle of the strangler's leg, but still fails to slow the vicious beast.  Hungry Mungry continues to savage Cobalt's arm, and the wounds take effect. Cobalt begins to tire, and appears very pale from loss of blood. She swings her axe again, but this time misses completely. A moment later, she finally frees her horrifically mangled hand and scrambles away from Hungry. The strangler pursues, launching himself at her head with such force that she is knocked completely unconscious! Cobalt bleeds out a moment later, and Hungry Mungry advances.  Combat Log Cobalt's build was sound, but Hungry Mungry was put together in such a way as to completely savage tiny opponents and be essentially ineffectual against anything else. Them's the breaks.
|
|
#
?
Sep 29, 2011 20:40
|
|