|
OH GOD MORE CHRIS STORIES!
|
#
?
Nov 3, 2011 19:59
|
|
|
|
| # ? Jun 4, 2024 10:56 |
|
|
Sir Prancelot posted:I have never been gladder to have phrased something so awkwardly in my life. Next time, use hyphens! (Please make there be a next time)
|
|
#
?
Nov 3, 2011 20:09
|
|
|
Apollodorus posted:Next time, use hyphens! Example: I have an infatuation-cum-obsession with the tales of the awkward, possibly cum-obsessed trials of a sperg in his hormone-fueled teen years. edit: poo poo that's a lot creepier-sounding than I intended. 
|
|
#
?
Nov 3, 2011 20:15
|
|
|
The story of Denise is fascinating and frightening. And man do I feel sorry for George. Poor bastard. I really hope there's an ending where he makes out all right.
|
|
#
?
Nov 3, 2011 21:12
|
|
|
Since I've got a half hour before I need to start preparations for dinner, I've decided to use that time to relate another tale of Chris. This one has slightly more anime and significantly less creepering on girls. Chris Becomes Splitz Dungeons and Dragons factors into these stories a lot more than anime. As much as Chris liked it, it didn't seem to be contributing that greatly to his madness. What truly brought out Chris's craziness was being given the opportunity to prove his coolness, preferably in the presence of people he either respected or longed to bone. Like many miserable dorks he had trouble differentiating between true prowess and pretend prowess, which led to him making up lengthy lists of skills he could never demonstrate and believing that the boast alone would impress people. In retrospect, introducing a kid like Chris to DnD was a mistake. Still, I wanted a little group of my own to play with and set to work crafting a campaign and luring my geekiest pals into my sordid world of dice and graph paper. Me, Chris, my brother Tom, and our mutual friend Hunter grouped up and decided that Hunter's remote family home would be the perfect place to wile away our Friday nights. We were shortly joined by Hunter's brother Marty. Character creation went reasonably well for every player but Chris. Somehow he could not wrap his delicate brain around the single god damned rule I'd bothered to make about character creation: Humans, Elves, or Dwarves only. That's it. Three races out of the Player's Handbook are all you get. Not hard. But Chris had to have a Drow. What's more, he had to have a Drow who was half-vampire (what) and wielded what was written on his character sheet as a "Massamune." As I had no official stats for this thing, none of this would loving stand.  : Chris, what's a Massamune? : It's like. You know a ka tanna? It's like that, except... Ten feet long!  : 'Kah-tah-nah' and no. It does 2 d12s of damage, and it'd reasonably be really expensive. Your level three character cannot afford it. I have no official stats for it. It's overpowered and overpriced. No. : I HAVE THE STATS FOR IT!  *holds up an inkjet printout of a message board post, banner ads intact* Here, see! It has stats! Marty gets his tanto thing, I should get this! : That 'tanto thing' came out of a book. I have the book. This is not a book. Also, no Drow. You can be a regular Elf with a regular sword. : BUT SPLITZ IS A DRRRROWWWW. :  All right. But none of this vampire bullshit. He's just a Drow, and he'll have to put up with being treated like one.And I remember this next phrase so, so clearly to this day that I can still hear it in his voice. : Drows are the friend of the family of your world. Gotcha. *speeds to Hunter's kitchen to do whatever the gently caress*I eventually talked him down to arming Splitz with dual rapiers, one of which he broke within fifteen minutes of starting the campaign by trying to pick a lock with it. Sir Prancelot fucked around with this message at 23:41 on Nov 3, 2011 |
|
#
?
Nov 3, 2011 21:22
|
|
Knight of the
|
Ice Phisherman posted:I think I'm showing my age here but this intensely reminds me of Humper Monkey's old stories where his son was raised by a crazy ex wife and dumped on him. He believed he was a super saiyan, had a fixation with incest and believed that his pregnant (before him) girlfriend/fiancee wasn't impregnated by him, but since he hosed her with super saiyan sperm it was his kid now so it was okay. Now I'm interested. Does it need archives, or is it in the Goldmine somewhere?
|
|
#
?
Nov 3, 2011 21:28
|
|
|
The Saddest Rhino posted:
Henriette is fantastic. This stories are awesome, Rhino. Sir Prancelot posted:
Oh my god.
|
|
#
?
Nov 3, 2011 21:31
|
|
: I read Sai Baba's teaching, and after he came to my dreams I knew he would be the one to lead my way of life. Then one day, he came to my dreams. He took my hand and we were at a golden altar. When I woke up I knew we were married.
|
This thread just keeps giving.
|
|
#
?
Nov 3, 2011 21:37
|
|
|
Just caught up with the thread. Holy poo poo.  I never thought I would be this grateful that the people I hung out with mildly crazy at worst.
|
|
#
?
Nov 3, 2011 21:59
|
|
|
Sir Prancelot posted:I eventually talked him down to arming Splitz with dual rapiers, one of which he broke within fifteen minutes of starting the campaign by trying to pick a lock with it. Is that an actual thing in D&D, or was he stupid at sticking his sword into places it didn't belong, and you broke it with DM powers to make him less stupid?
|
|
#
?
Nov 3, 2011 22:04
|
|
|
For those that don't know, Drow are basically dark Elves. They live underground and are evil, and generally nobody trusts them. And yes they are black. Drow were made popular in a series of books and ever since everyone in any game vaguely related to D&D wants to play as Drizzt, the main character of that book. I've never read it but I can only assume that Drizzt is equal parts ultimate bad-rear end and brooding emo. If a storyline isn't going underground then there really isn't a ton of reason for a Drow to be involved, and even then they are probably going to appear as enemies. It probably took some shoehorning to explain why he would even encounter the other characters and why they wouldn't fight each other to the death. Then there's the whole half-vampire thing...
|
|
#
?
Nov 3, 2011 22:05
|
|
|
Ensign Expendable posted:Is that an actual thing in D&D, or was he stupid at sticking his sword into places it didn't belong, and you broke it with DM powers to make him less stupid? I can't get over how childish he sounds sticking his phallic objects into random holes and getting punished for it.
|
|
#
?
Nov 3, 2011 22:06
|
|
|
Playing a drow is one of the horrible dork warning signs that indicate it's time to consider jumping out the window and running, even if it's not always a bad thing. It's in the same vein as bringing up anime or cartoons, using memes in real life and talking about katanas.
|
|
#
?
Nov 3, 2011 22:12
|
|
|
Masamune is the name of Sephiroth's sword. Presumably this is why Chris thought that katanas are 10 feet long, since in the publicity pictures his sword is usually drawn that large. Back when I was ten, I discovered an AD&D 2e handbook on my brother's bookshelf and fell in love. Right around this time I was watching this anime, and I was nuts about this dark elf character in it, so naturally the very first character I ever created was a dark elf runaway princess. I never found a gaming group and abandoned table-top games until I went to college, so it took me a long time to realize that I had stumbled into the ranks of the hundreds (thousands?) of obnoxious players who were inspired by Drizzt Do'Urden to build idiot drow Mary Sue characters. These days the nostalgic part of me wants to play a drow character, one that isn't all ANNNGST  (complete with the two scimitars), but I'm terribly afraid that any DM I talk to will laugh me out of the room if I float the idea by him/her.
|
|
#
?
Nov 3, 2011 22:13
|
|
|
Viola the Mad posted:Masamune is the name of Sephiroth's sword. Presumably this is why Chris thought that katanas are 10 feet long, since in the publicity pictures his sword is usually drawn that large. Both DMs/friends I have would totally be cool with that. Last game I was in, we had a couple Drow none of which were really angsty or emo. More on-topic, I have a friend who named her son after Drizzt's father, Zakinefian(or something like that). I've yet to let her live down being such a dork.
|
|
#
?
Nov 3, 2011 22:18
|
|
|
Masamune is the name of a Japanese swordsmith from the 13th century. It's also used in every JRPG ever that involves swords (all of them). If you enjoy being a mainstream, unoriginal nerd, you name your sword Masamune.
|
|
#
?
Nov 3, 2011 22:19
|
|
|
Tasty and Delicious posted:Masamune is the name of a Japanese swordsmith from the 13th century. It's also used in every JRPG ever that involves swords (all of them). If you enjoy being a mainstream, unoriginal nerd, you name your sword Masamune. The way the name Masamune (and Muramasa, another Japanese swordsmith) are used in games, they are almost the Japanese equivalent to Excalibur. As in, no other sword is better. That said, Chris probably only knew about it from FFVII since he said it was a 10' katana.
|
|
#
?
Nov 3, 2011 22:22
|
|
|
Excalibur would be the second dumbest thing you could unironically name your sword.
|
|
#
?
Nov 3, 2011 22:25
|
|
|
Tasty and Delicious posted:Masamune is the name of a Japanese swordsmith from the 13th century. It's also used in every JRPG ever that involves swords (all of them). If you enjoy being a mainstream, unoriginal nerd, you name your sword Masamune. Adding to this, the swords the dude made were Muramasa swords in the sense that they were made by Muramasa. Muramasa wasn't a name for a sword, it was a brand of sword.
|
|
#
?
Nov 3, 2011 22:25
|
|
|
Sir Prancelot posted:His simmering hate cauldron didn't tip over until Lisa started playing Yugioh with her younger sister and getting poo poo for that. Now I want a simmering hate cauldron of my very own. 
|
|
#
?
Nov 3, 2011 22:31
|
|
|
Panzerschwein posted:I've never read it but I can only assume that Drizzt is equal parts ultimate bad-rear end and brooding emo. EDIT: Everyone else contributing has inspired me, I'm going to try and put some stories about my Digimon-Boyfriend. I'm afraid that they're going to end up more sad than funny, though.
|
|
#
?
Nov 3, 2011 23:04
|
|
|
Clockroach posted:I read it in high school, and if memory serves right, Drizzt was actually pretty cheerful and good-natured, all things considered. But things like this never stop crazed fans from interpreting characters however they want; see the Let's Play FF7 thread where people are suddenly remembering that Cloud was funny, Aeris was spunky and Tifa was demure. I only ever read the first Icewind Dale book, but I definitely remember Drizzt being a pretty cool character.
|
|
#
?
Nov 3, 2011 23:06
|
|
|
The Chris stories make me sad. Please tell me he got better.
|
|
#
?
Nov 3, 2011 23:07
|
|
|
Ensign Expendable posted:Is that an actual thing in D&D, or was he stupid at sticking his sword into places it didn't belong, and you broke it with DM powers to make him less stupid? DakianDelomast posted:The Chris stories make me sad. Please tell me he got better.
|
|
#
?
Nov 3, 2011 23:21
|
|
|
RyuujinBlueZ posted:Both DMs/friends I have would totally be cool with that. Last game I was in, we had a couple Drow none of which were really angsty or emo. ...They're going to register him as "Zack" at school, right? Right? 
|
|
#
?
Nov 3, 2011 23:35
|
|
|
King of Solomon posted:...They're going to register him as "Zack" at school, right? Right? He's pretty much always referred to as Zak, so I imagine. I'm actually surprised that my crazy anime obsessed friend, who has multiple internet boyfriends in Japan even, didn't name her daughter anything that nerdy. Then again, a part of me still suspects she went with Julia after the character from Cowboy Bebop, so...
|
|
#
?
Nov 3, 2011 23:51
|
|
|
I feel really bad for the kids who got named after anime characters. Also for Gwyneth Paltrow's kid.
|
|
#
?
Nov 4, 2011 00:32
|
|
|
RyuujinBlueZ posted:Both DMs/friends I have would totally be cool with that. Last game I was in, we had a couple Drow none of which were really angsty or emo. That is a horrible thing to do to a child.
|
|
#
?
Nov 4, 2011 00:37
|
|
|
Viola the Mad posted:That is a horrible thing to do to a child. I defend nothing. I've been trying to think of some more stories of crazy friends I've had, but even my crazy-obsessed friend is a pretty functional woman outside of watching lots of anime.
|
|
#
?
Nov 4, 2011 00:43
|
|
|
Monolith. posted:I feel really bad for the kids who got named after anime characters. Also for Gwyneth Paltrow's kid. Personally I'd rather be named Apple than Tifa or Yuna or Aeris. There was a chick I used to work with who named her kids Lestat and Claudia. Of course I worked in a veritable hotbed of insane animu/gamer/vampire nerds so I don't guess it's that surprising. I'm sure there's a ton of stories I could tell about the people who worked in that place but most of them are just sad.
|
|
#
?
Nov 4, 2011 00:56
|
|
|
tifosibella posted:Personally I'd rather be named Apple than Tifa or Yuna or Aeris. Or Audio Science.
|
|
#
?
Nov 4, 2011 01:01
|
|
|
Well, Claudia's a reasonable enough name. Lestat, though...
|
|
#
?
Nov 4, 2011 01:01
|
|
|
Mors Rattus posted:Well, Claudia's a reasonable enough name. Lestat, though... Yeah but when you name your first child Lestat and then your second child after the pedophile bait from that book...well... Let's just say I'd have been fine with it if I never learned her son's name and why she went with Claudia. Also I forgot to mention the woman who named her first-born Thrall.
|
|
#
?
Nov 4, 2011 01:03
|
|
|
Viola the Mad posted:That is a horrible thing to do to a child. At least they won't have to worry about namespace collisions if they go into science and start publishing.
|
|
#
?
Nov 4, 2011 01:05
|
|
|
tifosibella posted:Also I forgot to mention the woman who named her first-born Thrall. I've always wondered why the character never abandons his (unusually literal) slave-name.
|
|
#
?
Nov 4, 2011 01:06
|
|
|
I once knew a guy whose birth name was Lestat, but he went by Raven.
|
|
#
?
Nov 4, 2011 01:15
|
|
|
I remember seeing a lady on deviantart name her baby after Tails from the sonic games. 
|
|
#
?
Nov 4, 2011 01:29
|
|
|
Dabbo posted:I remember seeing a lady on deviantart name her baby after Tails from the sonic games. Did she at least use Miles, or did she actually name him Tails?
|
|
#
?
Nov 4, 2011 01:34
|
|
|
Dabbo posted:I remember seeing a lady on deviantart name her baby after Tails from the sonic games. I really goddamn hope she only ended up calling him Miles. It's still a dorky name but gently caress, it's better than Tails.
|
|
#
?
Nov 4, 2011 01:34
|
|
|
|
| # ? Jun 4, 2024 10:56 |
|
|
I once met a girl named Leela. When I asked, she admitted that she had been named for a TV character, but quickly pointed out that it was also a Hindi name. Presumably she was less than pleased with her parents' decision I'm still not certain if she was named for Doctor Who Leela, or Futurama Leela, but I'm guessing it's the former. I did think at the time that it was a pretty cool name. It sounded pretty, and from what little I know of either Leela they're both pretty kickass. Still, I wouldn't name my daughter Leela, although I guess I might be convinced to go for Martha or Donna--normal names that would allow the kid to separate herself from her parents' geekery if she chose.
|
|
#
?
Nov 4, 2011 01:41
|
|