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If words are wind, and winter is coming, is the next book's name code for Paragraphs of Ejaculation?
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Dec 13, 2011 16:01
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basx posted:If words are wind, and winter is coming, is the next book's name code for Paragraphs of Ejaculation? No, because Winds of Winter is never coming out. The next book will be to cover the necessary exposition between ADwD and WoW - specifically, detailed descriptions of the preparation (but not the eating!) of the feasts prepared at Winterfell before the sally, Mereen before the siege (perspectives from both sides), Griffin's Roost before the attack on Storm's End, and Pyke just because. Instead of the normal ending appendices detailing the characters affiliated with each faction, 'authentic' recipes will be given, but will not be usable thanks to archaic terms for both ingredients and methods of preparation.
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Dec 13, 2011 18:04
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mind the walrus posted:
Did Aegon or Connington ever say anything about Dany? Why didn't they try and team up? Whilst the Dany sections have become increasingly tiresome, I wasn't expecting her to launch an invasion in ADWD. That's some poo poo that he's (presumably) saving up for the big climax in the last book. For what it's worth Fatty has said he isn't introducing any new POV characters. But he needs to cull down the cast list some to reduce the downtime between each faction getting a decent amount of attention. Case in point, without checking any wikis or anything could you summarise the motivations and background of the Maester Sam meets in Oldtown who skedaddles off to Mereen at the end of AFFC? Could you even remember that dudes loving name? If he has any balls, he should make Jon be dead. Dead, not coming back, no magic deus ex machina. Worm food. Sure, it'd be a kind of a pain the balls to have no real resolution to a main character, but it'd shake things up, and the 'low-born lad who is forced into doing great deeds' is a tired fantasy trope.
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Dec 13, 2011 19:03
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BeigeJacket posted:Did Aegon or Connington ever say anything about Dany? Why didn't they try and team up? If I remember right Aegon grew balls in one of the chapters and, acting as literary mirror to the reader, said "gently caress Dany, lets go back to Westeros" and Connington was like sure why not. Edit: to elaborate, he gets news that Dany wants to stay in Mereen and Tyrion convinces him to just go back to Westeros without her so he doesn't look like a wuss when they finally do meet. Intel&Sebastian fucked around with this message at 19:19 on Dec 13, 2011 |
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Dec 13, 2011 19:15
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I would like to see Jon die, but then there are two problems--Sam because the "most likely" candidate to continue our direct POV of the Night's Watch which would feel cliche in its own "Samwise Gamgee" kind-of way and necessitates getting him on another loving boat and back to the Wall; or he introduces a new POV.
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Dec 13, 2011 19:43
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mind the walrus posted:I would like to see Jon die, but then there are two problems--Sam because the "most likely" candidate to continue our direct POV of the Night's Watch which would feel cliche in its own "Samwise Gamgee" kind-of way and necessitates getting him on another loving boat and back to the Wall; or he introduces a new POV. Melisandre had a POV chapter and she's on the wall, and Davos is on his way there too.
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Dec 13, 2011 19:44
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There's no way Jon stays dead anyway.
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Dec 13, 2011 20:00
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BeigeJacket posted:Did Aegon or Connington ever say anything about Dany? Why didn't they try and team up? I also hope that Jon is perma-dead but think it unlikely.
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Dec 13, 2011 20:21
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mind the walrus posted:I would like to see Jon die, but then there are two problems--Sam because the "most likely" candidate to continue our direct POV of the Night's Watch which would feel cliche in its own "Samwise Gamgee" kind-of way and necessitates getting him on another loving boat and back to the Wall; or he introduces a new POV. Oh god no more Sam. He is the most worthless character. All he does is whine and complain about everything in the world.
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Dec 13, 2011 20:23
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rockamiclikeavandal posted:Oh god no more Sam. He is the most worthless character. All he does is whine and complain about everything in the world. I like Sam and am prepared to fight you over this opinion.
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Dec 13, 2011 20:35
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I like Sam, too. It's nice to know even in a fantasy world there are useless fat guys whose fathers are ashamed of them.
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Dec 13, 2011 20:38
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Dude stuck Aemons' dead body in a wine cask. He owns. End of story.
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Dec 13, 2011 20:39
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Do people actually want Jon to die? I don't exactly like the character and I don't see where he can go with him, but I'd like those millions of chapters about the wall to have some pay off. In truth I'd feel pissed off if he is dead as we wouldn't have any interesting POV characters on the wall. Melisandre doesn't really count. I like Stannis but I find it hard to care about her, to the point where I'm hoping she's going to die.
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Dec 13, 2011 20:49
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NoneSuch posted:Do people actually want Jon to die? I don't exactly like the character and I don't see where he can go with him, but I'd like those millions of chapters about the wall to have some pay off. In truth I'd feel pissed off if he is dead as we wouldn't have any interesting POV characters on the wall. I do, I feel like one of the calling cards that made the series unique originally was the prospect of some character you came to know and love for a whole book or longer all of a sudden being offed and never heard from again. There's nothing I dislike about Jon in particular but he just seems like a very generic fantasy hero type. Yes that would be a positive development as well. I don't think he'll ever kill off Tyrion though, especially with as popular as he is now with the TV show. Ross fucked around with this message at 21:13 on Dec 13, 2011 |
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Dec 13, 2011 20:52
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I'd rather they killed Tyrion, since that hopefully would occur at the same time as Mereen being turned into a smoking crater.
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Dec 13, 2011 21:08
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rockamiclikeavandal posted:Oh god no more Sam. He is the most worthless character. All he does is whine and complain about everything in the world. Yeah his chapters are so loving boring to read. I get it, you're fat, now move the gently caress on.
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Dec 13, 2011 21:14
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Ross posted:I do, I feel like one of the calling cards that made the series unique originally was the prospect of some character you came to know and love for a whole book or longer all of a sudden being offed and never heard from again. There's nothing I dislike about Jon in particular but he just seems like a very generic fantasy hero type. Not going to happen, there's too much set up around Jon for him to actually die. In fact that one chapter where some dude is about to die and tries to warg into someone and steal their body is all setup for this. Jon will warg into someone/Ghost, or Mellisandre will zombify him, or some other thing. Meli wouldn't be a good POV for showing us basically everything going on at the Wall, and Davos has poo poo to do. But this is all moot because, as we all know, the book will never come out. And if it does, it will suck.
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Dec 13, 2011 21:39
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VaultAggie posted:Yeah his chapters are so loving boring to read. I get it, you're fat, now move the gently caress on. I admit that I dislike Sam's chapters for the same reason everyone does--it reminds them too much of themselves--but if he doesn't start making some serious strides in character once Maesters start to teach him poo poo and he finds he's actually a Tits McGee scholar or whateverthefuck I'll be very cross. Very cross indeed.
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Dec 13, 2011 22:00
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Isn't he still boning that inbred chick?
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Dec 13, 2011 22:11
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Aren't we all?
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Dec 13, 2011 22:14
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Can't wait for Sam's reverse Harry Potter adventures in the house of learned maesters! It can'y be any more boring than Aes Sedai training at the tower in WOT! Edit: Melisandre is smoking hot cut her some slack guys
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Dec 13, 2011 22:16
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I would love if Jon was actually dead as well because I'm so sick of him bringing people back. However, there is no way he is actually dead. It never even said specifically that he was, it only mentioned that he felt getting stabbed a couple times. I feel like the way it was written was much less inconspicuous then when Arya got hit in the back of the head with an axe.
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Dec 13, 2011 23:07
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It would almost reverse the terribleness of the last two volumes if Jon stays dead and his death is the catalyst of a series of events that ends with the wall coming down and the Others rampaging across Westeros. It would be an act of sheer balls on Martin's part for the Others to come sweeping down and completely crush Westerosi society and smash all of the scheming and plans to pieces. The last took books would still be in dire need of compression into a single volume and heavy editing, but the series as a whole could recover. Unfortunately, Martin's balls shrank into his vast gunt sometime after he finished the third volume.
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Dec 13, 2011 23:13
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Melisandre: Pros: Smoking hot Cons: Will murder you for any reason in a variety of ways Makes shadow babies (grown men in reality) out of her pussy Can't read fire for poo poo It's boring and vague in her prophecies Gets more men killed than any british general in the Somme (by action and inaction) Will be the next book's Deus ex to get Jon back Doesn't make awesome burned zombie arms Doesn't burn nubile girls Doesn't survive 10 days at sea without food, water or shelter It's in fact not Maqorro
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Dec 13, 2011 23:18
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Melisandre is a sad married dudes ultimate fantasy: A smoking hot women that your wife is such a big fan of she lets the both of you run off so she can call you a hero and marvel at your giant flaming "sword".
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Dec 13, 2011 23:42
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WoW is out! Free to download!
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Dec 14, 2011 00:02
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The problem with Sam is that he never changes. Never gets better at anything. Just whines and whines and whines. You'd think that running around up north and battling ice zombies would change him a little. Nope! Just keeps on being a little bitch. Or a huge bitch I guess. No drive, no ambition. Just mopes around waiting for poo poo to happen to him. Complex characters who act like humans: Jamie Tyrion Theon Onion guy Cersei Ned Walking talking stereotypes: Dany Joffrey Sam Oh look, it's also a list of interesting and boring characters! Imagine that?
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Dec 14, 2011 00:28
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zocio posted:Melisandre: Sad part is is that this is probably an illusion. Giant gently caress-off rubies seem to be necessary for magic when the recipe doesn't call for burning somebody, and she's got one around her neck.
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Dec 14, 2011 00:41
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Intel&Sebastian posted:Melisandre is a sad married dudes ultimate fantasy: A smoking hot women that your wife is such a big fan of she lets the both of you run off so she can call you a hero and marvel at your giant flaming "sword". I don't blame Stannis for running off with Melisandre, once you get a taste of that magic shadow pussy you can never go back to your bitter Jordanesque wife, why deal with braid tugging when you can tap that exotic rear end all night with rhlloric intensity that then kills your gay usurping brother and saves the realm?
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Dec 14, 2011 00:51
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And she doesnt even have a mustache... OH poo poo. Dany is gonna fall for Stannis' wife!
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Dec 14, 2011 01:14
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rockamiclikeavandal posted:The problem with Sam is that he never changes. Never gets better at anything. Just whines and whines and whines. You'd think that running around up north and battling ice zombies would change him a little. Nope! Just keeps on being a little bitch. Or a huge bitch I guess. No drive, no ambition. Just mopes around waiting for poo poo to happen to him.  Not his fault hes craven
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Dec 14, 2011 01:28
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I think the great tragedy of GRRM's epic fantasy is that he has overstretched. The first three books are brilliant because while he does introduce new POVs as he goes along, the characters he used are all to be found in the first book. The only notable exception I can think of is Davos. When we get a POV from someone like Jaime, it's a real treat because we are finally privy to such an important character's perspective. When I read AFFC, this all went out of the window. We get a raft of new POV characters that we have not spent thousands of previous words caring about. It really goes against everything A Song of Ice and Fire had established, the reason why it was such good reading. I'm sure it's been used many times before, but aSoIaF was the first time I'd read the device of several POV characters. The switching between the various perspectives is inspired at times. It doesn't simply go around in a set loop. The best example I can think of is the juxtaposition in the Battle of the Blackwater, where you have a Tyrion chapter, then Sansa, and then bang! back to Tyrion in the middle of a shitstorm. I think for this reason Clash is my favourite of the books, because the timing is so good. Compare this to AFFC and ADWD. They just meander around. They could pretty much be in any order, because the scope is too large for any POV characters to even be on the same continent half the time. It's like reading a completely different author, one who writes pretty turgid, uninspired fantasy. When I finished Storm of Swords, I genuinely thought the story was over, as it's the only book to finish with an epilogue. To be honest, the saga could finish there. All the characters have been sent their seperate ways, with their future ahead of them. What I was expecting from the future books (when I heard they were on the way), was more of the same, running with the life-changing events that GRRM left the most important characters on the brink of. Instead, AFFC in particular is just a raft of new characters that I simply do not care about and see their narratives as taking up valuable real estate for the established protagonists. I realise I'm starting to repeat myself so in conclusion: GRRM's reach should not extend his grasp, because to be honest he doesn't seem like someone in the best of shape and overextending himself could cause serious injury or bad writing.
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Dec 14, 2011 01:30
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Boogoose posted:privy Heh
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Dec 14, 2011 01:45
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At least Sam is mobile, unlike that swollen fatass Doran Martell, who just marinates in his gout juices all day while ogling little kids frolicking in a pool. Also, Melisandre hooked up with the wrong Baratheon brother. If she had hooked up with Robert instead of Stannis they would have had a whole shadow baby army and wouldn't need any dragons.
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Dec 14, 2011 02:21
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Huh huh, you said privy.
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Dec 14, 2011 02:23
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bigmcgaffney posted:why deal with braid tugging when you can tap that exotic rear end all night with rhlloric intensity that then kills your gay usurping brother and saves the realm? To be fair if vendettas could be achieved remotely via sex with a hot redhead, I'm pretty sure I'd do nothing else too. Boogoose really does make a good point about privies, but honestly AFfC or ADwD wouldn't be so bad if one or both of two things were true: 1. They were released much sooner than they were. If AFfC came out 2-3 years after ASoS, followed 2-3 years later by ADwD, long-term fans would be a hell of a lot kinder to them. The ultimate satisfaction derived from those two books were not worth 11 years of waiting. 2. The two were combined into one giant "gently caress off" novel with most of the dead weight trimmed out. This way all the major POVs are seen, every major plot moves along somewhat, and it actually works as the book on which the epic pivots. Suddenly you have a "trilogy" of implied sequels afterwards and while the giant AFfc/ADwD hybrid may be boring at times and "nothing happens" at least all that poo poo is contained to one book.
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Dec 14, 2011 04:01
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In conclusion people would be happier if the book(s) didn't suck and they came out in a timely fashion. What a surprise.
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Dec 14, 2011 04:06
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Boogoose posted:Instead, AFFC in particular is just a raft of new characters that I simply do not care about and see their narratives as taking up valuable real estate for the established protagonists. I realise I'm starting to repeat myself so in conclusion: This is a good point and I think that there's a good comparison to the Malazan series. Midnight Tides is a book that almost everyone has trouble starting because of all of the characters it introduces and the fact that the setting is so different. Erikson actually utilized these characters, though, while it seems that Gurm is just writing in characters to kill them off.
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Dec 14, 2011 04:24
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NovemberMike posted:This is a good point and I think that there's a good comparison to the Malazan series. Midnight Tides is a book that almost everyone has trouble starting because of all of the characters it introduces and the fact that the setting is so different. Erikson actually utilized these characters, though, while it seems that Gurm is just writing in characters to kill them off. True, except that Midnight Tides ends up rocking. The book thats begins the sucking is actually the book in the same setting in the first one (Toll The Hounds blows). Unless you thought the first one was a shitheap, then that one begins the sucking.
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Dec 14, 2011 06:15
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House of Chains does the same thing. You have no loving clue who Karsa Orlong is for a large part of the book. Maybe two thirds through do you realize he's Toblakai from Deadhouse Gates and the entire book is just to further expound upon how awesome Conan the Barbarian is. Incidentally, Midnight Tides and House of Chains are my favourite Malazans. Memories of Ice is also pretty awesome because Gruntle.
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Dec 14, 2011 07:06
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