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Eris posted:Are you thinking of gemvara.com? I'm not sure, I can't remember more than being able to customize drat near everything about a ring  I like it but I'm looking at it and it's not enough options for me (I want to do something vintage/very elegant with a heart-shaped emerald)...
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Jan 27, 2012 09:56
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Is it https://www.jewelsforme.com
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Jan 27, 2012 13:50
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Bluenile.com lets you customize and I know someone who had a good experience.
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Jan 27, 2012 14:53
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Emasculatrix posted:Is there a place to rent or buy used David's Bridal bridesmaid dresses? So far I've looked at Craigslist and recycledbride. My friend, who I adore and would be willing to wear many things for, has just assigned me a horrifically expensive dress in a godawful color. Despite the fact that I am nonworking graduate student planning my own wedding, I really want to make this work for her. You can try searching for the model number on Google shopping. Unless it's an apple red dress, then buy it from me, because I'm never wearing that thing again.
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Jan 28, 2012 02:58
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Ben Davis posted:You can try searching for the model number on Google shopping. Unless it's an apple red dress, then buy it from me, because I'm never wearing that thing again. I wish! It's in "clover" green, a color I could have gone my whole life without wearing, much less spending $200 on.
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Jan 28, 2012 18:57
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I don't understand that concept. If I'm going to tell someone they have to wear a certain thing, then I should have to pay for it. You're already laying down thousands of dollars for a party, why not an extra grand to pay for your girls dresses. At least a broke dude can rent a tux and won't have to lay down $500+.
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Jan 28, 2012 21:52
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WeaselWeaz posted:Bluenile.com lets you customize and I know someone who had a good experience. Gonna second bluenile because all of my stuff came from there and it still looks brand new when I'm not too lazy to dunk it in some jewelry cleaner.
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Jan 28, 2012 22:49
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Psychobabble posted:I don't understand that concept. If I'm going to tell someone they have to wear a certain thing, then I should have to pay for it. You're already laying down thousands of dollars for a party, why not an extra grand to pay for your girls dresses. I have to agree with you on this one. If you're going to dictate what they wear it's just a common courtesy to pay for it. This doubly applies if it's a dress that can never be worn again. I've never understood brides that put a financial burden on their bridesmaids. WAFFLEHOUND posted:How much is "reasonably"? Somewhere right in the range of $300 for a custom wedding band in sterling, and the prices generally hover right around $500 for those with accent diamonds set in them. It's generally much cheaper to buy something off the rack, but then you don't get the uniqueness of a custom design.
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Jan 29, 2012 05:21
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Lingling posted:Is it https://www.jewelsforme.com Nope, and no heart-shaped emeralds there I've checked out other sites, too. It look futile...
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Jan 29, 2012 13:42
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There's like 2 pages of heart-shaped emerald jewelery  . I can understand if they don't fit in with the idea of vintage, though. 
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Jan 29, 2012 14:17
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JohnnyRnR posted:I have to agree with you on this one. If you're going to dictate what they wear it's just a common courtesy to pay for it. This doubly applies if it's a dress that can never be worn again. I've never understood brides that put a financial burden on their bridesmaids. I was initially going to pay for my bridemaids' dresses, but unfortunately there just isn't room in our budget for me to do that. As a trade-off I'm letting them pick out their own dresses. Luckily, they all love the shade of teal I've picked and it looks good on all three of them. I'm going through Alfred Angelo for all our dresses, and they have a huge selection of bridesmaid dresses for a reasonable price. I would feel awful making them pay hundreds of dollars for dresses they're not even going to be able to wear again. Pulled the trigger and ordered my own dress on Friday:  Love it. 
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Jan 29, 2012 16:08
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pastor of muppets posted:I was initially going to pay for my bridemaids' dresses, but unfortunately there just isn't room in our budget for me to do that. As a trade-off I'm letting them pick out their own dresses. Luckily, they all love the shade of teal I've picked and it looks good on all three of them. I'm going through Alfred Angelo for all our dresses, and they have a huge selection of bridesmaid dresses for a reasonable price. I would feel awful making them pay hundreds of dollars for dresses they're not even going to be able to wear again. I don't mean to sound rude but do you REALLY think they're going to wear the dresses again, even if they like the color? Where are they going to wear them? Do you think they'd feel comfortable telling you they don't like the color/cut/cost/whatever? Bridesmaid dresses usually look like bridesmaid dresses, so there's really only so many places one can wear them, even if you don't hate the dress. My bride keeps talking about how flattering her choice is, and it's like her and I are looking at entirely different dresses.
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Jan 29, 2012 18:08
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Emasculatrix posted:I don't mean to sound rude but do you REALLY think they're going to wear the dresses again, even if they like the color? Where are they going to wear them? Do you think they'd feel comfortable telling you they don't like the color/cut/cost/whatever? Bridesmaid dresses usually look like bridesmaid dresses, so there's really only so many places one can wear them, even if you don't hate the dress. My bride keeps talking about how flattering her choice is, and it's like her and I are looking at entirely different dresses. You really do sound rude. This is pretty much how weddings generally work. You've been given an honor by being asked to be a bridesmaid, this is part of the job. There's two choices: Buy the dress and accept it's her day or decline by politely saying "I'm honored you asked me but I can't make the commitment needed." Assuming you've left her time to find another bridesmaid. You do have a choice here, other than being upset about buying a dress which may suck but that's just the way the cookie crumbles. And before you add the third choice of "Why can't I just say I don't like it?" just realize that almost every way you say that may hurt her feelings. It's her day, not yours. You aren't required to be a part of it, but if you agree you should remember that. I'm glad I'm a groom. I feel like there's way less pressure on my groomsmen and less I'm expecting from them, compared to bride and bridesmaids.
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Jan 29, 2012 18:21
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I'm sorry, I really didn't mean to be rude. This is just incredibly frustrating, and I really don't understand the logic behind it. I'm planning to tell her that I can't afford the dress and shoes, with plenty of time (to do what? Find someone to replace her oldest friend over a green dress?). It's just mindblowing to me that these sort of expectations are considered reasonable, or an honor. When she asked me to be a bridesmaid, I asked her to be considerate of the fact that I am barely scraping by on student loans, and then she drops this and a request for a Vegas bachelorette party.
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Jan 29, 2012 18:41
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Just because it's expected, doesn't mean you can't do it differently. We went with giving our brides maids a color swatch to match our theme and let them buy whatever dress they could find that was a close match. That way they could pick something they could afford, in a style that they could wear again if they wanted. We did the same with the groomsmen - no tux rental, just wear a dark grey suit, and we provided ties and boutineers to match the brides maids color.
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Jan 29, 2012 18:58
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Emasculatrix posted:I don't mean to sound rude but do you REALLY think they're going to wear the dresses again, even if they like the color? Where are they going to wear them? Do you think they'd feel comfortable telling you they don't like the color/cut/cost/whatever? Bridesmaid dresses usually look like bridesmaid dresses, so there's really only so many places one can wear them, even if you don't hate the dress. My bride keeps talking about how flattering her choice is, and it's like her and I are looking at entirely different dresses. I completely understand your frustrations, and I understand that my girls are only going to be so honest with me regarding my choices. I just want them to enjoy themselves and not let the little details of the ceremony itself regarding the cost/commitment/whatever lead to any resentment that would overshadow the whole reason I asked them to stand up with me in the first place. And the bottom line is, I really don't care that much about the matching shoes/hair/makeup; it's all just details. Just like I wouldn't expect my little sister/maid of honor to cover up her tattoos in order to be in my wedding, I'm not gonna lay down the ultimatum of "do this or get out" if there was some kind of issue of that sort. But that's just me. Conversely, one of my bridesmaids will be getting married herself next year, and even though she has had some of the exact same issues that you are having now (she set the dress she wore in her sister-in-law's wedding on fire after she wore it), she is totally of the mind of "these are my colors and this will be your dress, grin and bear it!" I will be in her wedding as well, and even though her tastes are different than mine, and maybe the shade of purple she picked out doesn't look great on my ginger rear end, I will indeed grin and bear it because she is my broski and I love her to death, in spite of not always seeing things eye-to-eye. Ceridwen posted:
Also, I'm know I'm late in the game, but I just want to say that I'm in a total state of  over your dress.
pastor of muppets fucked around with this message at 20:07 on Jan 29, 2012 |
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Jan 29, 2012 19:54
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pastor of muppets posted:Also, I'm know I'm late in the game, but I just want to say that I'm in a total state of Thanks! We avoided the whole bridesmaid dress issue by having my sister as the only bridesmaid and including her dress in the cost of the wedding. We also bought the best man his suit (which was quite entertaining as he's ~6'5"). Our reasoning was that my dad had agreed to pay for the wedding for us (which was extremely nice of him and he was also awesome about not trying to push us around at all during the planning) so we had the money to spend on those things and both my sister and the best man were students and we knew buying appropriate attire would have been a hardship for them. Most of my other siblings and a few of our friends also participated in the wedding in some way, but we did not require any particular outfits for them, just button up shirts and nice pants or dresses. We were definitely pretty unusual in this regard though. I think this is an area where "normal wedding etiquette" and "normal life etiquette" really conflict with each other. In normal life you would not expect your friends to buy and wear an elaborate outfit they would never wear again just because it was what you picked out. But for weddings that is the norm and if you are going to agree to be in a wedding where the bride/groom have not specifically told you they will be paying for your attire you need to be prepared for those costs, or tell them you just can't be in the wedding.
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Jan 29, 2012 21:39
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Even as a dude I was pretty jealous that one of my friends was in a wedding and got an absolutely amazing free black vera wang out of the deal.
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Jan 29, 2012 23:26
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WeaselWeaz posted:You've been given an honor by being asked to be a bridesmaid, this is part of the job. While you're right that any bridesmaid has the right to refuse; let's not forget that it's oftentimes hard to say no. Ultimately, it's rude to put your dearest friends to any expense or hassle. Asking someone to be in your wedding, and then handing them a bill for a dress is gauche. Many couples try to justify it with a cloak of honor or friendship, but sticking your friends with a bill for your own whims is simply being cheap. I doubt few bridesmaids have ever been thrilled to buy a yellow taffeta evening gown.
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Jan 30, 2012 00:16
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Emasculatrix posted:I'm planning to tell her that I can't afford the dress and shoes, with plenty of time (to do what? Find someone to replace her oldest friend over a green dress?). It's just mindblowing to me that these sort of expectations are considered reasonable, or an honor. When she asked me to be a bridesmaid, I asked her to be considerate of the fact that I am barely scraping by on student loans, and then she drops this and a request for a Vegas bachelorette party. She can change the dress, just require color, offer to chip in or buy it, or say she understands and will find someone else. The point is she will make that decision, not you, and you should let her decide than just saying "I can't afford to be part of your wedding." You were up front about your money issues but, ultimately, it's a wedding and things can get out of control easily. As for the bachelorette party, that's a sign that her expectations don't match what she can get. My understanding of bachelor parties (admittedly different) is that the friends going all chip in, not that the best man pays everything. My party will be in a different city from where I live and I drat sure don't expect everyone to pay my plane ticket, nor would that be fair. Also, just because you aren't a bridesmaid doesn't mean you can't be a part of her wedding in a different way. Again, that's the bride's call. JohnnyRnR posted:Asking someone to be in your wedding, and then handing them a bill for a dress is gauche. Many couples try to justify it with a cloak of honor or friendship, but sticking your friends with a bill for your own whims is simply being cheap. I understand this, and I agree to an extent. But, ultimately, are we talking about what's fair or reality? I think most would agree that it's generally accepted. That kind of tones down the rudeness aspect too, it's what's generally accepted. This is a philosophical argument though, Emasculatrix's situation is real and her friend expected her to buy the dress. It is what it is. Is it hard to say no? Sure. Then Emasculatrix can say yes if she isn't comfortable saying something to the bride, or she decides it's more important to just eat the cost and be a part of her friend's wedding. I don't think it's wrong to gently bring up the issues to her friend or ultimately decline, but it's not as simple as "This isn't fair, the bride should pay" either.
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Jan 30, 2012 00:55
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Wow, I've finally made it all the way through this thread! Just in time too, since we've finally set a date, after a couple years of engagement. Mr. Solus and I are looking towards late December of this year. I know it's still a way out, but I'm really concerned about photography for the day. I know some of what to look for in a wedding photographer from reading this thread, and I know what my personal preferences are, but I feel really lost still. Everything is so expensive! To be honest it wasn't even on our radar, but my FFIL is dead set on us having a pro do it, and I think in this case he may be right. I've started looking and I've found a couple places I like. What do you fellow wedding goons think of these places? http://www.kentuckystudio.com http://www.studioelouisville.com My only problem is the pricing is out of this world for me, though I love their portfolios. Do any of you have any recommendations for photographers in the central Kentucky/Louisville area? Any tips you could give me would be welcome! 
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Jan 30, 2012 06:56
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I know of a lovely photographer in the Lexington area, but I don't know if that is too far for you. Here's her website: http://www.amyamosphotography.com/index2.php?v=v1
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Jan 30, 2012 07:02
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Fire In The Disco posted:I know of a lovely photographer in the Lexington area, but I don't know if that is too far for you. Here's her website: We are actually in Lexington, so that's perfect. Her portfolio looks amazing, I will definitely have to contact her. Thank you FitD! I'm so excited to finally start planning!
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Jan 30, 2012 07:12
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Lingling posted:
Ah, I see. Yeah I was looking in their engagement ring emerald section and being all because I would like some of those but with a different shape stone For example, this is kind of what I'm envisioning. But with a heart shape. Maybe vintage isn't the right word. I'm a noob.
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Jan 30, 2012 13:27
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Does anybody know of a good photographer in the Boston/Worcester, MA area that isn't overly expensive. Most of the ones we've looked at have been $2000+ and we'd ideally like to be well below that.
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Jan 30, 2012 13:53
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revengeanceful posted:Does anybody know of a good photographer in the Boston/Worcester, MA area that isn't overly expensive. Most of the ones we've looked at have been $2000+ and we'd ideally like to be well below that. Oh oh, get in contact with Darry http://darrymadden.wordpress.com/ . We're using her. She's super nice and is charging us $1500 for 6 hours of coverage. I sent you a PM with further info.
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Jan 30, 2012 14:48
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Emasculatrix posted:I don't mean to sound rude but do you REALLY think they're going to wear the dresses again, even if they like the color? Where are they going to wear them? Do you think they'd feel comfortable telling you they don't like the color/cut/cost/whatever? Bridesmaid dresses usually look like bridesmaid dresses, so there's really only so many places one can wear them, even if you don't hate the dress. My bride keeps talking about how flattering her choice is, and it's like her and I are looking at entirely different dresses. Oh man, I love dresses. Nice dinners, New Years parties, really any more formal holiday party....just another excuse to have a dress just in case. I think picking my own dress as a bridesmaid would be great because then I could pick one I would want to wear again. We aren't doing bridesmaids/groomsmen. My fiancee's friends are all working out of town and I just don't really want to.
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Jan 30, 2012 20:35
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Well, I called the bride and explained my financial situation and how I wasn't sure how to pay for her dress. I asked if I could buy a used dress in a different style, but the same color. And she said she'd have to think very hard, because it was very important to her that we all match. She told me to think about if I'd be able to handle all the expenses and get back to her about if I want to be in her wedding party. Then she suggested I put everything (shoes, dress, bridal shower expenses, trip to vegas, makeup, hotel room, etc) on my charge card. I guess the ball's back in my court, but that conversation definitely cleared up a bit for me.
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Jan 30, 2012 20:40
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Wow. "Put it on your credit card" is a pretty harsh reply. I'm guessing she doesn't deal with financial matters much? Sucks that you're being put into that position, but I'm skeptical of someone who would ask their friend to bankrupt themselves so that they could coordinate a wedding.
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Jan 30, 2012 20:49
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Emasculatrix posted:Well, I called the bride and explained my financial situation and how I wasn't sure how to pay for her dress. I asked if I could buy a used dress in a different style, but the same color. And she said she'd have to think very hard, because it was very important to her that we all match. She told me to think about if I'd be able to handle all the expenses and get back to her about if I want to be in her wedding party. Then she suggested I put everything (shoes, dress, bridal shower expenses, trip to vegas, makeup, hotel room, etc) on my charge card. ...so, "go into debt for me or don't be in my bridal party"? Sorry, but as someone who sees credit cards as money, not as free money, that's what that sounds like.
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Jan 30, 2012 20:50
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Macintyre posted:Wow. "Put it on your credit card" is a pretty harsh reply. I'm guessing she doesn't deal with financial matters much? It was even more ballsy. She said, "I completely understand because I was just in a wedding when I was unemployed, and what I did was put everything on my credit card. So there's that idea."
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Jan 30, 2012 20:51
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Emasculatrix posted:It was even more ballsy. She said, "I completely understand because I was just in a wedding when I was unemployed, and what I did was put everything on my credit card. So there's that idea." Yeah that's even worse. I'm a guy, and I can tell you with any of my close friends...responses like that would not fly well at all; there would be harsh words coming back. There's really no easy way to go about this; but I'd advocate looking out for your own interests first in this case, since she is clearly doing the same thing for herself.
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Jan 30, 2012 20:54
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Wooow, that's pretty assy.
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Jan 30, 2012 20:55
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Emasculatrix posted:Well, I called the bride and explained my financial situation and how I wasn't sure how to pay for her dress. I asked if I could buy a used dress in a different style, but the same color. And she said she'd have to think very hard, because it was very important to her that we all match. She told me to think about if I'd be able to handle all the expenses and get back to her about if I want to be in her wedding party. Then she suggested I put everything (shoes, dress, bridal shower expenses, trip to vegas, makeup, hotel room, etc) on my charge card. Just she chose to make those decisions, doesn't mean you have to.
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Jan 30, 2012 20:57
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I think I'm going to keep an eye out for a used dress over the next few months, and if I can't find it by April (her wedding is in September), I'll bow out. If I can find one, I have no problem skipping the bachelorette party trip or telling the other bridesmaids that I can only put in a bit for her bridal shower. The tricky thing is that she's in my wedding party as well, but I'm not asking anyone to buy dresses or throw me parties. And we've been friends for 20+ years.
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Jan 30, 2012 21:01
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Emasculatrix posted:It was even more ballsy. She said, "I completely understand because I was just in a wedding when I was unemployed, and what I did was put everything on my credit card. So there's that idea." Wow. You know, before, I thought you were just being overly sensitive and bitchy because if she's your "really good friend" then instead of telling strangers on the internet about your problem, you could just be working it out with her. And SURELY she would be understanding. But. Nope. She sounds financially irresponsible and super "me me me." Bowing out of the bridal party would be perfectly understandable.
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Jan 30, 2012 21:05
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ExtrudeAlongCurve posted:Wow. Well, I'm her oldest friend, but we're not BFFs or anything. We live pretty far apart and get together for coffee a few times a year to catch up. And, of course, we genuinely care about each other and each other's families. The reason I complained to the internet instead of talking to her is because she's kind of a bridezilla and I didn't want to freak her out unnecessarily, especially when I hadn't figured out what I was going to do. When I called her, I was expecting that she'd offer to help me out with the dress, or give me alternative dresses. And maybe this is strong language, but what I got from our conversation was a very friendly-worded hint that I need to buy my way into her wedding. She kept saying not to worry, but instead of meaning, "don't worry, we'll find a way to keep you in the party," it was, "don't worry too much if you can't afford to be in the wedding, because I'm so understanding of your financial state." Emasculatrix fucked around with this message at 21:22 on Jan 30, 2012 |
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Jan 30, 2012 21:15
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Emasculatrix posted:And maybe this is strong language, but what I got from our conversation was a very friendly-worded hint that I need to buy my way into her wedding. That's exactly what I took from what you posted as well.
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Jan 30, 2012 21:18
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Screw it, then. You will already be making space in your budget to go to the wedding, I assume. You can show your support and love for her without shelling out hundreds more dollars. If I were you I would let her know sooner, though, so she can pick another bridesmaid if she wants. You wouldn't want her to be left with an uneven number of bridesmaids and groomsmen, would you?  THE WEDDING WOULD BE RUINED.
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Jan 30, 2012 22:10
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Emasculatrix posted:Well, I'm her oldest friend, but we're not BFFs or anything. We live pretty far apart and get together for coffee a few times a year to catch up. And, of course, we genuinely care about each other and each other's families. The reason I complained to the internet instead of talking to her is because she's kind of a bridezilla and I didn't want to freak her out unnecessarily, especially when I hadn't figured out what I was going to do. When I called her, I was expecting that she'd offer to help me out with the dress, or give me alternative dresses. Did you ask her to be part of your bridal party first? It sounds like she believes she is doing this for your benefit, not that it's important to her. Saying you should just put it on your credit card is pretty selfish. It sounds like you aren't in a position to do what she expects, so seriously considered ducking out. Don't put off the decision until April though. If you aren't comfortable with the cost you should give her as much time as possible to find another bridesmaid, which also provides more time for the new bridesmaid to take care of things.
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Jan 30, 2012 22:32
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