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In a example of fatal hopefulness, I'm writing a Community spec. The plot wrote itself. Sadly, the jokes do not.
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Dec 5, 2011 14:46
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The_Doctor posted:In a example of fatal hopefulness, I'm writing a Community spec. The plot wrote itself. Sadly, the jokes do not. Oh, you could do worse. For instance, a Wonder Woman pilot script I occasionally pick at, more as a dare to myself than a legit portfolio addition.
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Dec 5, 2011 16:35
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Back to work on my Cop Rock spec.
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Dec 5, 2011 16:50
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I've got a meeting with a producer on Wednesday to talk about a film I've written, and was recommended to take along some two-pagers to give him and talk about once we're done with the main screenplay. Has anyone got any advice on what sort of things these need to include? I'm lucky enough to be working on a few projects I can use for this, but I'm unsure on what to put in them specifically. I've made sure to include the basic premise and style of the pieces, who they would be targeted at, and including very general outlines of the story, as well as what sort of questions would be asked and answered by the pieces. Does anyone with experience of this know if that's the sort of thing I should be going for?
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Dec 5, 2011 16:56
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Can someone get Sorkin to adapt this please, I want to see this on HBO by Fall of 2012, no exceptions. Don't worry, I claimed it for us. Griff M. posted:This is like a retarded teenager version of The Wire, and I loving love it.
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Dec 5, 2011 18:10
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Quick question, regarding a building with multiple rooms and characters moving about, would I be better off going with an individual scene heading quote:INT. HOUSE, BEDROOM - NIGHT or using sluglines? quote:INT. HOUSE - NIGHT It's just a style choice, right? Sluglines seem like they get the point across quicker without pulling the reader out of the story. Call Me Charlie fucked around with this message at 18:58 on Dec 11, 2011 |
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Dec 10, 2011 22:01
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Sporadic posted:It's just a style choice, right? Sluglines seem like they get the point across quicker without pulling the reading out of the story. Right, it's purely up to you. I prefer the former, personally. The 'continuous' makes the reading easier in my mind.
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Dec 11, 2011 08:39
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Rewatched "The Muppets" in theaters and goddamn do I feel much more confident about my writing. Like, if this is considered an 'B+' through'A-' film, there's hope for us yet.
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Dec 15, 2011 23:48
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Griff M. posted:Rewatched "The Muppets" in theaters and goddamn do I feel much more confident about my writing. Like, if this is considered an 'B+' through'A-' film, there's hope for us yet. That depends... are you as "charming" and "witty" as Jason Segel?
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Dec 16, 2011 19:14
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I am tired of writers saying "this gives me hope" when they aren't impressed, and "I am in awe" when they are. SCRIPTS ARE ONLY JUDGABLE AT THE SCREENPLAY LEVEL. Read the story of "Little Monsters" sometime. The studio had the original writers create their own -competing draft- while giving another team their first concept. We as writers need to avoid throwing other writers under the bus. What's on the page is a guidemap, not a geographic survey, of what gets sent to theaters.
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Dec 16, 2011 19:37
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There were some huge, fundamental flaws with the Muppets, and those flaws definitely didn't fall on the director.
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Dec 16, 2011 20:52
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Saw (most of) Harold and Kumar 3D last night. Arrived a bit late because some teens were holding up the ticket line. I want to say, it gave me a new perspective on inventiveness, in terms of setting up capers and events. But the B plot was basically abandoned and resolved in a visual joke.
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Dec 21, 2011 18:49
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Coming up with ideas is easy, coming up with simple ideas is more challenging. Gaaaaah.
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Dec 24, 2011 16:46
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Griff M. posted:Story Structure is legitimately my favorite thing in the entire world. It's baffling how many writers don't seem to understand it. It's so awesome. Have any recommended reading? e: VVVVV Hahaha. Wow. Some goof read Hero With a Thousand Faces and drew a chart in MS paint. Good for him. Thanks for trying to help, though, Griff. Hellwuzzat fucked around with this message at 20:01 on Dec 27, 2011 |
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Dec 27, 2011 17:49
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There are a couple of great short tutorials written by Dan Harmon, who is the creator of Community. Here is Part one Here is part 2 (this is actually part three but I left out part two because it's boring and not super relevant at this point) Here is part 3/4/whateverthefuck Hope that helps. Obviously this doesn't apply to EVERY movie, but this structure and "circle graph" saves my life on a daily basis and can be found in some form in basically any TV show and movie. Good luck! EDIT: People should bump this more often. I usually want to post in here, but I don't want to double-post, so I don't. We gotta stick together! Digi_Kraken fucked around with this message at 19:24 on Dec 27, 2011 |
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Dec 27, 2011 18:22
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That Dan Harmon piece is a great primer. It's nice to read something nice and short. And Dab Harmon backs it up on community, which is a great mix of odd ambitious ideas told in an entertaining way.
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Dec 27, 2011 20:58
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Griff M. posted:EDIT: People should bump this more often. I usually want to post in here, but I don't want to double-post, so I don't. We gotta stick together! Well, Griff, what are you working on? I just finished a short that I hope to shoot soon. The structure built itself the moment I came up with the idea, which never happens, I always struggle with the structure. Now come drafts 2-7. I realized recently when I am not trying so hard I tend to write a lot better. I tend to get too wrapped up in my head and it pulls me down. I need to learn to relax and play with my work more and not be so concerned that my films have to change the world of cinema as we know it.
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Dec 28, 2011 20:57
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I pitched my webshow to Frederator, so I'm waiting on them mostly. In the meantime I'm working on a short film, again for Frederator, and am attempting to write it. Leaving on a sabbatical to Boston tomorrow to crank out the script with the co-creator and artist, who's actually a goon. She's rad. Happy early New Years! woo! Good luck on the project York. 
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Dec 28, 2011 22:38
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Hey! Somewhat new to these forums and if anyone is around and still wanting some feedback I can give a look and try my best to send feedback as quick as possible. Credentials include working as a script reader for a couple of months; tis not as fun as it sounds. Also me and a friend are stuck in a wall trying to work on the latest draft of a pilot we have been hammering away at for 4 years, if anyone wants to take a look
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Jan 15, 2012 10:26
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Death By The Blues posted:Hey! Somewhat new to these forums and if anyone is around and still wanting some feedback I can give a look and try my best to send feedback as quick as possible. Four years? I'll read it if you want - send it to *removed, email received * (and please don't quote this part so I can remove it after you send it)
Call Me Charlie fucked around with this message at 02:55 on Jan 16, 2012 |
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Jan 15, 2012 19:31
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I should clarify; 4 years on and off. We wrote the first draft and made a quick cheap pilot in first year college. It was horrible and we tried to scrub all mention of it. Although its still floating around. We then went back touched it up and shot 80% of a second episode which was ultimately scrapped. It lay dormant. We then went back it, radically gave it a face lift and then toyed around with it, debating to re-shoot it and ultimately decided not too. Then we re-scrapped the original idea a third time but kept the core and central characters and gave it a third shot. We then submitted it to a literary Agent who loved everything about it but had no idea where it was going. So again we re-formated and changed that idea and gave the script a new face lift and did two versions of the newest one. So ultimately you got the latest draft. Although some of it needs to be tweaked (in particular the 3rd act). In the end we are just really stubborn and want to get it right. Hope you enjoy it though! Death By The Blues fucked around with this message at 02:59 on Jan 16, 2012 |
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Jan 16, 2012 02:30
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Death By The Blues posted:Hey! Somewhat new to these forums and if anyone is around and still wanting some feedback I can give a look and try my best to send feedback as quick as possible. Feel free to send it along to plantainmango@gmail.com.
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Jan 16, 2012 07:14
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Death By The Blues posted:I should clarify; 4 years on and off. That's what I figured (although I was secretly hoping for something like that guy from Dreams On Spec where he hit the keys every single day for two years, doing endless revisions to his script) My thoughts: - Amp up the absurd parts and tone down what are suppose to be the normal parts. The beginning starts with an absurd joke but you don't push it and it comes off as a one-trick pony. Any good alt-comedy is about keeping the viewer on their toes. When I read it, the first thing I thought of was the suit being ripped off but having it reveal urban clothes for the character to do a small Do The Right Thing type dance before ripping those clothes off to reveal an old school NBA, Larry Bird, short-shorts outfit for the dunks where he could be reciting chunks of dialogue with each dunk. Zach and Evan are suppose to be ruining Farideh's writing with this insane filming/interception of her script but that doesn't come across since the film is titled "Dunking Through History" and there is no dialog after the initial opening. It would be much funnier to have a pretentious arthouse sounding title and the various dunks being their misguided attempt to punch up her dialogue. - Dumb down the vocabulary used in the beginning. Reading it was like trying to walk through knee high mud. There is a way to parody pretentiousness without walking right to the line. You brought up Spaced in your email which is almost the perfect example. Think of the third episode with Vulva. quote:Vulva: Brian are you still painting? That sounds pretentious without actually having to name drop a bunch of obscure artists or use a handful of million dollar words. Spaced is actually really good at that type of thing. They have a ton of references but they are never obscure. The references are always skimmed straight from the top of pop culture. - Add character descriptions. I'm sure that you have a clear vision of who the characters are suppose to be but for somebody like me, who is coming in cold, I can only guess who they are suppose to be from their actions (which are shaky foundation wise, Farideh goes from being taken advantage of/made fun of by others in the first 10 pages to mastermind puppet master in the last 12) - Follow through on jokes. Farideh is ironing, Evan makes a comment about her ethnicity, Farideh calls him racist, it is revealed that she is ironing a persian rug and...nothing. It isn't brought up by the other characters and is promptly forgotten about. - Be careful about items magically appearing. The leather satchel is the biggest offender. It comes out of nowhere. - Hammerstein is a tool so it makes sense that he says douche chill things like "when you are being hit on by the hammer, odds are you are going to be nailed" and "you're about to be smacked down by the hammer". It doesn't make sense for the pretentious kid to sarcastically tell them that their movie is a slam dunk and the pilot to say sorry I had to steal Tessa away. Try to tone that type of thing down. - You have to do something with the Tessa/Evan subplot because it isn't engaging at all. It may actually be better to push most of that off onto its own episode. Think of the latest two part episode of It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia. In the first part, it is mentioned that Smitty always swoops up at the end of the party, grabs the drunkest girl and bangs her. In the second part, the Waitress comes out drunk, says she'll bang the first person who speaks to her, Charlie gets all excited thinking it is finally his chance...and Smitty swoops in and steals her away. That type of ending works because they have been building the "Charlie loves the Waitress" subplot for seasons. Call Me Charlie fucked around with this message at 23:37 on Jan 16, 2012 |
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Jan 16, 2012 23:00
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Thanks a lot for the feedback, I appreciate it. I completely agree with the Evan and Tessa subplot that's the one thing we want to change completely, it relies too heavily on one joke. Also we are thinking about adding a good back story to the satchel and simplifying the dialogue. It still needs a lot of work and I need to find this spec script.
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Jan 17, 2012 02:46
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Sporadic posted:That sounds pretentious without actually having to name drop a bunch of obscure artists or use a handful of million dollar words. Spaced is actually really good at that type of thing. They have a ton of references but they are never obscure. The references are always skimmed straight from the top of pop culture. I have been thinking about this a lot lately as I have been working on something that deals with the same pop culture issues. While agree with you, and you actually vocalized what I have been trying to for some time, I think if you keep the references thin or remove them completely you run the risk of sounding like a dad trying to look cool in front of his kids. Even your Spaced reference has its roots in real art theory. But your right, he doesn't mention specific obscure artists. I think the most important element in screenwriting is research. You really have to know what you're talking about when you write it. The worst scripts are the ones that have the generic "scientist" or "artist" without any real depth or appreciation for their career choices. I wasn't writing this to subvert what you were saying, just exploring the conversation as I have been dealing with this lately.
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Jan 18, 2012 16:40
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Really sad that I've just now discovered this thread. It inspired me to go through and clean up a screenplay I wrote back in 2006 for my Advanced Screenwriting course during my undergrad, that eventually went on to win the university's yearly award for best screenplay blar blugh bleep. I entered it in one contest and it made it to the semi-finals but never did anything with it after that. After doing my clean up I was surprised because it just felt super clunky to me, and not very sharp at all compared to the type of stuff I produce now. I'm bad at loglines but if I had to give it one it'd be "When a burnt out horror novelist decides to eliminate his super-star competition he ends up discovering more than he bargained for"-- like I said I'm bad at loglines. A more fun logline would be "What if Stephen King was a serial killer and only Dean Koontz could stop him?" If anyone is interested in giving it a read I'd be happy to send it along.
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Jan 18, 2012 18:24
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Quick question. Is it possible to do a series of shots with dialog? I'm trying to condense dead spots in my current script. I was hoping to merge a series of shots (where the character removes all traces of her son from his room) with a phone call (where only the character would be heard/seen) York_M_Chan posted:I have been thinking about this a lot lately as I have been working on something that deals with the same pop culture issues. While agree with you, and you actually vocalized what I have been trying to for some time, I think if you keep the references thin or remove them completely you run the risk of sounding like a dad trying to look cool in front of his kids. I actually agree with you to a point. You should have a basic knowledge of whatever you are writing about so your script doesn't come off as silly, like 99% of scripts regarding technology, but the big issue is when something hinges on knowing a reference. The Social Network is a great example of this. It portrays coding in a deep enough fashion where it holds up to scrutiny but you can still be entertained by the end result without knowing anything about coding. Same with the lecture scene. (If I'm remembering it right) The big deal is that people are looking at Mark while the person on stage talks. After the lecture, it is revealed that the person on stage was Bill Gates. Everybody watching knows Bill Gates, one way or another, so everybody watching can realize what a big deal that scene is. The scene wouldn't have had the same power if they used a person like Woz. Soulwrangler posted:If anyone is interested in giving it a read I'd be happy to send it along. I'll give it a read if you want. email = removed (if you still want me to read it, post again and I'll give you my email address) Call Me Charlie fucked around with this message at 19:01 on Feb 3, 2012 |
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Jan 29, 2012 21:11
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If you want to, you can put in an action line that says "The following things take place just as Mom narrates them." MOM Taking out his garbage...getting rid of his old posters...and organizing his weed. What a goofball!"
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Jan 29, 2012 23:37
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I haven't posted in my own thread for a while now and it's great that it's becoming successful. Anyway, I have a question. I am deep in a treatment for the script that I am working on, 30 handwritten pages, mainly because of the fact that I like having a hard copy of my treatments, and I realize that it's really terrible so far, but I like the way that it's going. When I'm finished with it, I am going to start rewriting it right away, but making major changes to, keeping the same story line, but using different a different idea. However, the more I think about, the more I just want to restart the entire thing from square one and start all over again instead of reworking it. Is this a good idea or should I stick with it and then restart it. Also, if I change some major elements in the story, like how the course of the story runs, should I label it a first or second draft? I'm a little confused by this.
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Jan 29, 2012 23:51
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Golden Bee posted:If you want to, you can put in an action line that says Sorry, I must have screwed up while trying to describe it. The thing I'm trying to do is come up with a short, more straight to the point, way to describe my character doing things (like removing posters from the wall, clearing items off the top of a dresser off and placing them in a box) while, at the same time, having a unrelated conversation on the phone. The original script has a series of shots and the phone call later on. I figured it would be more interesting and realistic to merge the two together. Where she is talking on the phone as she empties the room. Thing is, I can't find anything formatting-wise regarding something like that. screenwritersblues posted:I haven't posted in my own thread for a while now and it's great that it's becoming successful. I'd suggest getting it on paper first before you go back to change things. Keeping forward momentum is key to completing something. Ignoring the little voice in your head that wants to go backwards or move onto a new idea/project. If it is a good idea, it will still be there after you finish. As I edit this script, I realize I made a big mistake regarding drafts. I have a first draft, cleaned up first draft and now I'm working on the second draft. I think major changes after a once over qualify it being labeled a different draft. Although, I think, if you are working for somebody, it is only a new draft when you turn it in. Call Me Charlie fucked around with this message at 01:09 on Jan 30, 2012 |
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Jan 30, 2012 01:00
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Finish it. Otherwise you'll get to the ending and not know what to do. Drafts inspire iteratively; you don't know what'll happen til you try to make it happen. Your first attempt at anything is a first draft. That keeps it easy. I go up edition #s for huge changes, or third minor revisions. So I might go 1.1, 1.2, 1.3, 2.1. (This is because of my file naming method; every place has its own standard.)
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Jan 30, 2012 01:00
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This is what I came up with. It seems like it would be correct. My book says that the dialog should be placed before the corresponding shot but it also seems to be focused on VO, not an actual phone call taking place within the series of shots. (It takes place in the middle of the scene. I established the phone, posters on the wall and the dresser with trinkets on top earlier) 
Call Me Charlie fucked around with this message at 20:56 on Jan 30, 2012 |
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Jan 30, 2012 20:53
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Hey guys. Need some help. (Warning: this is politics related) I'm submitting a screenplay to a producer that I met through one of my old film professors. It's basically about how batshit crazy/retarded the Republican party has become since Bush Jr. to the end of Obama's first term. I'm fairly happy with it, but the problem I think is that it may come off as extremely partisan, and I'm not gonna lie, it IS. Sure, I do make fun of democrats and Obama, but mainly for being spineless and ineffective and almost as corrupt, i.e. attack them from the left. I was wondering if I should keep it as is, or be more subtle. Like using metaphors for the parties without actually naming them by name or something. Any good ways to approach this?
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Jan 31, 2012 15:32
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Is it funny, or is it pedantic? Can you post some of your more egregious jokes? It's impossible to tell from your abstract if you wrote something Daily Show quality, or an industry formatted reddit post.
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Jan 31, 2012 19:03
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Mr Interweb posted:
At that point, I hardly think it matters trying to hide who they are, to be honest. The president.. uh, Jeff.. Shrub, faces off against his opponent.. Kon Jerry. You see? When it's so blatant what you're talking about, it's not really worth trying to metaphor it.
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Jan 31, 2012 23:09
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Mr Interweb posted:Hey guys. Need some help. I think the thing you should be asking yourself is; Will this still be relevant a year from now? How about two? Five? Ten? Will people who don't follow politics find it entertaining? By using real names, you date yourself and your script right out of the gate. Call Me Charlie fucked around with this message at 03:34 on Feb 1, 2012 |
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Feb 1, 2012 03:05
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I have from now until late June to conceive, prepare, and write my first feature screenplay to get credit for this class. Let's do this.
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Feb 1, 2012 14:44
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Golden Bee posted:Is it funny, or is it pedantic? Can you post some of your more egregious jokes? It's impossible to tell from your abstract if you wrote something Daily Show quality, or an industry formatted reddit post. Sure, here's one scene. quote:CUT TO: Female Anchorwoman It's just a rough idea, I realize I'm missing a lot of detail with the shots and whatnot. quote:I think the thing you should be asking yourself is; Will this still be relevant a year from now? How about two? Five? Ten? Will people who don't follow politics find it entertaining? Yeah, I thought of that too. I don't really want to limit this to one time/place in history.
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Feb 1, 2012 15:39
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Mr Interweb posted:Yeah, I thought of that too. I don't really want to limit this to one time/place in history. Whats your pitch for this movie? Does it follow a central character as they face obstacles and overcome them? Is it a mockumentary? I just...don't even know what you're going for here.
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Feb 1, 2012 18:07
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Griff M. posted:I have from now until late June to conceive, prepare, and write my first feature screenplay to get credit for this class. I was hired the write one in five days and this was the end result:  For for film written in five days it's... still terrible.
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Feb 1, 2012 18:16
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