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Ceebees
Nov 2, 2011

I'm intentionally being as verbose as possible in negotiations for my own amusement.

PhotoKirk posted:

Dammit, I just had a flashback to rec.games.mecha. There was a munchkin on there that house-ruled his own gauss rifle ammo: hollow spheres filled with wasps that had been genetically-modified to produce blowfish venom.

I really wish I was making that up.



":science:I have invented a weapon that can put spattered bugs on our enemies' windshields from upwards of two kilometers!:science:"

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Tempest_56
Mar 14, 2009

PhotoKirk posted:

Dammit, I just had a flashback to rec.games.mecha. There was a munchkin on there that house-ruled his own gauss rifle ammo: hollow spheres filled with wasps that had been genetically-modified to produce blowfish venom.

I really wish I was making that up.

...Oh god, HERO Chip. I still don't know which of them was worse - him or ATN.

Defiance Industries
Jul 22, 2010

A five-star manufacturer


PhotoKirk posted:

Dammit, I just had a flashback to rec.games.mecha. There was a munchkin on there that house-ruled his own gauss rifle ammo: hollow spheres filled with wasps that had been genetically-modified to produce blowfish venom.

I really wish I was making that up.

Herochip? He also invented "the Bop Drive," a ship propelled by pushing large weighted spheres into the back end of the ship repeatedly.

Synthbuttrange
May 6, 2007

So close, and yet so far. The bop drive sounds like Project Orion's retarded cousin.

Fraction Jackson
Oct 27, 2007

Able to harness the awesome power of fractions

Arquinsiel posted:

TBH the most effective weapon varies based on the bell curve. The harder it is to hit the less likely I am to kick, especially if I have a poor pilot contributing to the poor target number. In those cases a hatchet or punch is definitely the better option.

Also since most damage hits the torso locations punching can be a good way to get through armour fast.

This is all true, and I did cover the torso bit under punching somewhat. Usually though my first choice is always to set up for a kick and it's circumstances that will dictate otherwise. The only exception is if I have a TSM mech with two hands, in which case my first choice is usually to punch.

PhotoKirk
Jul 2, 2007

insert witty text here

Tempest_56 posted:

...Oh god, HERO Chip. I still don't know which of them was worse - him or ATN.

That's the guy. He refused to believe that his uberwasps would be squashed into goo by the g-forces generated when the round was fired.

Arglebargle III
Feb 21, 2006

Sounds like he's just playing Pro Thunderball and you guys are all bad sports.

W.T. Fits
Apr 21, 2010

Ready to Poyozo Dance all over your face.

PhotoKirk posted:

That's the guy. He refused to believe that his uberwasps would be squashed into goo by the g-forces generated when the round was fired.

Did he ever explain why he felt gauss rifle shots needed to release a swarm of uberwasps to begin with? I literally cannot think of any possible benefit to your gauss rifle ammo being filled with blowfish-wasps. :psyduck:

Tempest_56
Mar 14, 2009

W.T. Fits posted:

Did he ever explain why he felt gauss rifle shots needed to release a swarm of uberwasps to begin with? I literally cannot think of any possible benefit to your gauss rifle ammo being filled with blowfish-wasps. :psyduck:

We can do better than that! By the power of Google, I SUMMON USENET.

HERO Chip posted:

I designed a new kind of bioweapon to be simulated with the BattleTech &
MechWarrior games -- similar to the killer bees of the late 20th century, this
bioweapon is comprised of wasps that's aggressiveness has been genetically
increased. These wasps are designed to sting people by injecting sea krate
poison into the victims' bloodstreams. The poison kills instantly. The wasps
can be deployed in fighter bombs or in Gauss rifle shells. Once bomb/shell
explodes, the wasps escape and attack any unarmored (infantry armor will
protect the soldier) target (friend or foe) in a 120 meter radius. The number
of people that can die is equal to the damage the bomb/shell could normally
inflict times 60. For example, a Light Gauss Rifle filled with a wasp
bioweapon could kill 480 people (8*60=480).

HERO Chip posted:

1) How are you going to pack the wasps (or even wasp eggs) in w/o getting
the packers stung?


Apparently you don't watch Animal Planet, because if you did, you'd know how to
carefully place wasps inside.

2) When a bomb or GR shell hits, there's a lot of kinetic energy that's going
to be transferred to these bugs. There's going to be a lot of bug guts and no
live bugs after impact. If you pad it, there's going to be no way for the bugs
to get out easily, if the padding is thick enough to survive.


That's why the bomb/shell can shatter apart like a glass bottle. I'm also
considering using artillery weapons

3) Ditto with the heat. Bugs don't like heat. They get all crispy. They
don't like cold, either.

The heat generated when using these weapons isn't enough to make that much of a
difference. Cold weather, however, can.

4) Bug eggs are pretty fragile too, they burn nicely, and will go splat unless
you pad them so much that the bugs can't get out.


I never told you I put wasp eggs in the bomb/shell. Why did you bring that up?

5) That's a lot of pissed off bugs insidethese things. How are they going to
survive long enough to
actually be useful, even if they could
survive the impact?

They might be killed by an insecticide, I don't know. They'd survive the same
way they would in the real world.

6) What do you do if you miss? These bioweapons are aimed at hexes, rather
than targets.


The wasps's aggressiveness was genetically increased to not
miss any targets they see.

HERO Chip posted:

Well, the bombs could be safely & slowly parachuted in, or one of the 5 ton
FedCom Cargo Ferret VTOLs could autopilotly or laserguidedly ferry them in.
Then the Ferret could fly to a hex and shatter apart a few bombs BEFORE they
impact (it uses a proximity beacon). Then, the wasps could escape unharmed.
Wasps can travel great distances too. I left these Death Wasps for this
newsgroup for people who want new & different rules to attack barrackses or
civllian populations (enemy soldiers might choose to run from a battle to look
after the civillians under attack by Death Wasps).

HERO Chip posted:

Since the wasps are so lightweight, they could handel G-Forces alot better than
infantry (that's why smaller people can make better pilots -- their smaller
bone structure can handle the G forces better).
We'll treat the wasps just like infantry -- in that they get their own bay in
the Ferret Cargo VTOL bay. The VTOL could deploy the wasps and they could
attack.

HERO Chip posted:

<You know this whole thread is silly. But if it helps... if anybody developed
such a weapon... well, the wasps are NOT intelligent or discriminating. They
will just go after any target.


So what if they don't discriminate. The wasps' owners will wear their armor,
while the planet's people sleeps in their bed or their children play outside or
whatever. They were originally designed to: a) kill off anyone they can
(making their owners' job easier since there will be less personnel to fight).
b) populate an entire planet so more wasps could kill more personnel to make
the wasps' owners' job even more easier since there would be even less
personnel to fight. c) cause fear, paranoia, and disorder because people
(mainly civillians) would see the wasps and be scared to leave their homes,
cars, etc., -- this would cause less people to go to work, and less people
working equals less production.

HERO Chip posted:

I don't know about that. I suppose that the attacking force using the
wasps could genetically designing them to obey certain flahes of light, or use
wasp hormones (like a bug attracing machine) to get them to lay down and then
they get strapped in using an electromechanical machine made up of many straps.
They say music hath soothes the savage beast, perhaps light could do the same.
That could get rather ironic -- in that the attacking force uses a
colored light to make the wasps lay down to get strapped in, then they release
them, then the defending force activates the colored light/wasp hormones to
subdue the wasps -- all that attacking force's work for nothing.

Captain Foo
May 11, 2004

we vibin'
we slidin'
we breathin'
we dyin'

uh
:psyduck:

that is completely ludicrous!

cafel
Mar 29, 2010

This post is hurting the economy!

Tempest_56 posted:

A bunch of stupid poo poo.

That's the most effort I've seen anyone invest in an idea that is objectively worse then existing methods in every way. We've had caustic chemicals and poison gas in shells and projectiles for centuries.

cafel fucked around with this message at 01:30 on Feb 24, 2012

Mary Annette
Jun 24, 2005

Defiance Industries posted:

Herochip? He also invented "the Bop Drive," a ship propelled by pushing large weighted spheres into the back end of the ship repeatedly.

Star Colonel Funkateer First Class Bethany Cochraine has intercepted top-secret plans for the prototype!

W.T. Fits
Apr 21, 2010

Ready to Poyozo Dance all over your face.
... my god. :psypop:

There is just no way for me to express how utterly horrified I am at the sheer stupidity of that guy's concept.

Artificer
Apr 8, 2010

You're going to try ponies and you're. Going. To. LOVE. ME!!
:psyboom:

Yeah, wow. That really is a terrible idea.

Synthbuttrange
May 6, 2007

How old was this guy supposed to be again? 5?

the JJ
Mar 31, 2011
Hang on, I wanna try this out...

"Apparently you don't watch Animal Planet." :smugbert:

I just, I can't...

Tempest_56
Mar 14, 2009

Keep in mind that that thread? That was the very first thing HERO Chip posted. This was his best idea of bringing something meaningful and contributing to the community.

Later posts included the Bop Drive (a space movement drive based on, in essence, punching the starship forward from inside of it), Rage Potions (ammo for ballistic weapons that fired steroid clouds at friendly units), the Hummingbird VTOL (a VTOL with an XXL engine and one of his most sensible ideas), the PistonBallStick (a mech pogo stick), the LightningBolt MineBomb (a mine that acts as a turret that shoots lightning bolts), Weather Bombs, Poison Ivy Bombs, Tornado Bombs, the use of asteroids as tele-operated missiles in Battlespace (using the Bop drive to move), boarding large interstellar vessels by having very small interstellar vessels jumping inside of them, Mole Tanks, inflatable LRM ammo, the Overheater (Battlespace-scale weapon that amounts to a giant magnifying glass to burn starships), sticky grenades and - my personal favorite - the Shocktgun, which uses electricity to, and I quote, "As with voltage, this weapon will knock a person down ninety degrees and unconsciously out of phase with reality."

Captain Foo
May 11, 2004

we vibin'
we slidin'
we breathin'
we dyin'

what in the loving gently caress :psypop:

Leperflesh
May 17, 2007

Well, come on. It's not like real-world physics, chemistry, or biology has any place in Battletech anyway. All he's doing is stretching the boundary of nonsensical pseudo-science warfare a little.

OK the wasps thing is dumb, but is it really that much dumber than putting legs on a tank?

Captain Foo
May 11, 2004

we vibin'
we slidin'
we breathin'
we dyin'

Leperflesh posted:

Well, come on. It's not like real-world physics, chemistry, or biology has any place in Battletech anyway. All he's doing is stretching the boundary of nonsensical pseudo-science warfare a little.

OK the wasps thing is dumb, but is it really that much dumber than putting legs on a tank?

Yes. Yes it is.

PhotoKirk
Jul 2, 2007

insert witty text here

Tempest_56 posted:

Keep in mind that that thread? That was the very first thing HERO Chip posted. This was his best idea of bringing something meaningful and contributing to the community.

Later posts included the Bop Drive (a space movement drive based on, in essence, punching the starship forward from inside of it), Rage Potions (ammo for ballistic weapons that fired steroid clouds at friendly units), the Hummingbird VTOL (a VTOL with an XXL engine and one of his most sensible ideas), the PistonBallStick (a mech pogo stick), the LightningBolt MineBomb (a mine that acts as a turret that shoots lightning bolts), Weather Bombs, Poison Ivy Bombs, Tornado Bombs, the use of asteroids as tele-operated missiles in Battlespace (using the Bop drive to move), boarding large interstellar vessels by having very small interstellar vessels jumping inside of them, Mole Tanks, inflatable LRM ammo, the Overheater (Battlespace-scale weapon that amounts to a giant magnifying glass to burn starships), sticky grenades and - my personal favorite - the Shocktgun, which uses electricity to, and I quote, "As with voltage, this weapon will knock a person down ninety degrees and unconsciously out of phase with reality."

I'd forgotten most of those. The guy was like the Wile E. Coyote of Battletech.

Tempest_56
Mar 14, 2009

Leperflesh posted:

Well, come on. It's not like real-world physics, chemistry, or biology has any place in Battletech anyway. All he's doing is stretching the boundary of nonsensical pseudo-science warfare a little.

OK the wasps thing is dumb, but is it really that much dumber than putting legs on a tank?

There was a hovertank that propelled itself forward by, inside the tank's body, setting up a cloth sail in front of a very large fan.

That ain't pseudo-science, that's goddamn retarded.

Runa
Feb 13, 2011

This guy sounds like a very creative and earnest troll and could well be declared Retroactively Hilarious.

BattleMaster
Aug 14, 2000

Tempest_56 posted:

There was a hovertank that propelled itself forward by, inside the tank's body, setting up a cloth sail in front of a very large fan.

That ain't pseudo-science, that's goddamn retarded.

Conservation of momentum, what's that?!

Der Waffle Mous
Nov 27, 2009

In the grim future, there is only commerce.
Is it wrong that I really want to know what inflatable LRM ammo is?

W.T. Fits
Apr 21, 2010

Ready to Poyozo Dance all over your face.
... :suicide:

Seriously, this guy's ideas make the poo poo in Far Country and The Main Event seem plausible by comparison.

Angry_Ed
Mar 30, 2010




Grimey Drawer

Der Waffle Mous posted:

Is it wrong that I really want to know what inflatable LRM ammo is?

Because I watch too much Gundam I'm imagining it's LRMs that when fired balloon out into inflatable decoys of various Battlemechs, perhaps with a sensor transponder on them as well to fake a signal.

Arquinsiel
Jun 1, 2006

"There is no such thing as society. There are individual men and women, and there are families. And no government can do anything except through people, and people must look to themselves first."

God Bless Margaret Thatcher
God Bless England
RIP My Iron Lady

Tempest_56 posted:

inflatable LRM ammo,
Sorry, what?

PhotoKirk
Jul 2, 2007

insert witty text here

Tempest_56 posted:

There was a hovertank that propelled itself forward by, inside the tank's body, setting up a cloth sail in front of a very large fan.

That ain't pseudo-science, that's goddamn retarded.

Wasn't that quote in Cray's sig? I remember someone using that as a tribute to stupidity.

Tempest_56
Mar 14, 2009

Der Waffle Mous posted:

Is it wrong that I really want to know what inflatable LRM ammo is?

HERO Chip posted:

An Inflato LRM is an LRM that inflates (technically, it has expandable metal
parts that expand instead of inflate) to the size of a Thunderbolt 5 missile.
Unless the player uses the rules for hot-loading LRMs, an Inflato
LRM won't inflate until it has flown over its minimum range. Once the missile
inflates to the size of a Thunderbolt 5 missile, that missile will register on
sensors and scanners as the respective
Thunderbolt missile. When firing Inflato LRMs, always subtract 2 from the
Missile Hits Table to reflect the fact that Inflato LRMs are not accurate. For
range, damage, weight, and all other situations, assume each Inflato LRM is a
standard LRM. Now that the Clans are aware of the Thunderbolt missile and
its ability to be fired indirectly, their surely to want to shoot it down, but
if they don't know which is a real Tb5 and which is a fake, they have to guess
which is real and which is fake giving the Inflato LRM a good reason to be
produced.
I've used the Inflato LRM as a decoy for real Thunderbolt 5 missiles in
double-blind rules in coordination with real Tb5s. I'm sure you'll agree that
shooting down a Tb5 is more important than a LRM given their respective
damages. When you get 20 Tb5s coming your way (some real, some Inflatoes) and
a salvo of SRMs or MRMs or LRMs fired from vehicles that generate no heat when
firing mssiles, you'd probably want to target the Tbolts first. The reason why
I chose the name "Inflato LRM" is for propaganda advertising for missile
companies.

PhotoKirk posted:

Wasn't that quote in Cray's sig? I remember someone using that as a tribute to stupidity.

It was somebody's, though I don't remember who's. In all fairness, I may be mis-remembering - the sail-hovertank may have been an ATN creation.

Carbolic
Apr 19, 2007

This song is about how America chews the working man up and spits him in the dirt to die

Tempest_56 posted:

...Oh god, HERO Chip. I still don't know which of them was worse - him or ATN.

Nadin.

Also, since I wanted to post it when people were posting Charge of the Light Brigade parodies earlier -- you were beaten by about 15 years:

Camille Klein on rec.games.mecha posted:

CHARGE OF THE RUBBERMAID BRIGADE

Half a hex half a hex
Half a hex onward
All on the planet of Lee
Rode the twelve urbies:
'Forward the Rubbermaid Brigade
Charge for the MADs' he said
All on the planet of Lee
Rode the twelve urbies

'Forward the Rubbermaid Brigade!'
Was there a man dismay'd?
Not tho' the mechjock knew
Some Greenjacket had blunder'd:
Theirs not to make reply,
Theirs not to take Fireflies,
Theirs but to do and die,
All on the planet of Lee
Rode the twelve Urbies.

PPCs to the right of them,
AC/20s to the left of them,
LRMs in front of them,
Volley'd and thunder'd;
Storm'd at with AC and LL,
Boldly they rode and slow,
All on the planet of Lee,
All at movement of 2 and 3
Rode the twelve Urbies.

Flash'd all their LLs bare,
Trash'd as they turn'd in air,
Lasering the infantry there,
Charging the AFFS while
All the Sphere wonder'd:
Plunged in the Sniper rounds
Right thro' the SRMs they strode;
Hovertank and Infantry
Reel'd from the kicks and pokes,
Shatter'd and critted.
Then they rode back, but not
Not the twelve Urbies.

PPCs to the right of them,
AC/20s to the left of them,
LRMs in front of them,
Volley'd and thunder'd;
Storm'd at with AC and LL,
While arms and torso fell,
They that had fought not so well
All at a movement of 2 and 3,
All that was left on the planet of Lee
Left of the twelve urbies.

When can their notoriety fade?
O the silly charge they made!
All the Sphere wonder'd.
Honour the Charge they made!
Honour the Rubbermaid Brigade,
Twelve Stackpol'd urbies!

Apologies to Alfred, Lord Tennyson.

(Yes, Camille was batshit crazy too, but in a different way.)

The Casualty
Sep 29, 2006
Security Clearance: Pop Secret


Whiny baby

Tempest_56 posted:

the Shocktgun, which uses electricity to, and I quote, "As with voltage, this weapon will knock a person down ninety degrees and unconsciously out of phase with reality."

As an electrician I find this much funnier than it has any right to be.

Zaodai
May 23, 2009

Death before dishonor?
Your terms are accepted.


The Casualty posted:

As an electrician I find this much funnier than it has any right to be.

That's probably because all your contact with electricity knocked you out of phase with our reality and into one where it is funnier. :pseudo:

cwDeici
Oct 29, 2011

by Ozmaugh
Sounds like the munchkin was rather derivative of games/media he was exposed to (rage potion anyone? :D).

Tempest_56
Mar 14, 2009

The Casualty posted:

As an electrician I find this much funnier than it has any right to be.

Could you do me a favor and translate it, then? Because after twelve years I still don't know what the gently caress that means. I laugh, but only from the sheer ridiculousness of it.

e: vvv I give Camile credit, at least - she was dedicated. Being a Liao loyalist in the 3050 era? Tough road.

Tempest_56 fucked around with this message at 06:57 on Feb 24, 2012

Arquinsiel
Jun 1, 2006

"There is no such thing as society. There are individual men and women, and there are families. And no government can do anything except through people, and people must look to themselves first."

God Bless Margaret Thatcher
God Bless England
RIP My Iron Lady
Is it just me or is there literally no reason to use those inflatables at all? If they were Thunderbolt 20-mimics it'd make sense, but 5? OH NOES A STANDARD LRM CLUSTER!

Carbolic posted:

Nadin.

Also, since I wanted to post it when people were posting Charge of the Light Brigade parodies earlier -- you were beaten by about 15 years:


(Yes, Camille was batshit crazy too, but in a different way.)
So batshit that she works for the company now IIRC.

Great Beer
Jul 5, 2004

Inflato LRMS, new from Quickscell! Because if you wanted the best, youd pay more!

Hob_Gadling
Jul 6, 2007

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Grimey Drawer

Leperflesh posted:

Well, come on. It's not like real-world physics, chemistry, or biology has any place in Battletech anyway. All he's doing is stretching the boundary of nonsensical pseudo-science warfare a little.

OK the wasps thing is dumb, but is it really that much dumber than putting legs on a tank?

When Space Knights of the 80's duke it out, style goes before substance. That's why you can have mecha katanas and orbital bombardments in the same game. But I really can't see any way you can incorporate wasps anywhere without spoiling the mood.

Or can you?

There drew he forth the bulbous Beehive,
And o’er him, drawing it, the winter moon,
Brightening the skirts of a long cloud, ran forth
And sparkled keen with frost against the wasps:
For all the nest twinkled with diamond sparks,
Myriads of topaz-lights, and jacinth-work
Of subtlest bugdom.


(apologies to Lord Tennyson)

The Casualty
Sep 29, 2006
Security Clearance: Pop Secret


Whiny baby

Tempest_56 posted:

Could you do me a favor and translate it, then? Because after twelve years I still don't know what the gently caress that means. I laugh, but only from the sheer ridiculousness of it.

e: vvv I give Camile credit, at least - she was dedicated. Being a Liao loyalist in the 3050 era? Tough road.

This is going to be awesome since my computer is broke. Hmm, how to do this without mspaint...
Edit: here have a pic I made on a buddy's comp!


Ok, picture a sine wave of alternating current electricity. If you extrapolate the waveform into a circle (think back to trigonometry), then you have 0 volts = 0°, peak voltage = 90°, the second instance of 0V = 180°, and negative Vp = 270°.

Electrical phases are waves of equal amplitude traveling down the same line at slightly different intervals. If two waves are 90° out of phase, it's as if one is a sine wave and the other is a cosine wave right behind it, their energies blending together. Using 2 or 3 phase AC power ensures a smoother supply of power than a single phase, because you spend more time at peak voltage, which is critical for all sorts of commercial/ industrial needs.

So in other words, his death beam will knock you 90° out of phase, which would be problematic, if you were a sentient member of the electromagnetic spectrum.

The Casualty fucked around with this message at 08:24 on Feb 24, 2012

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Nektu
Jul 4, 2007

FUKKEN FUUUUUUCK
Cybernetic Crumb

PhotoKirk posted:

Dammit, I just had a flashback to rec.games.mecha. There was a munchkin on there that house-ruled his own gauss rifle ammo: hollow spheres filled with wasps that had been genetically-modified to produce blowfish venom.

I really wish I was making that up.

Didn't anyone inform him that the wasps would be squashed when a shot is fired?


Edit: beaten so many times. I should have known...

HERO chip posted:

I've used the Inflato LRM as a decoy for real Thunderbolt 5 missiles in
double-blind rules in coordination with real Tb5s. I'm sure you'll agree that
shooting down a Tb5 is more important than a LRM given their respective
damages. When you get 20 Tb5s coming your way (some real, some Inflatoes) and
a salvo of SRMs or MRMs or LRMs fired from vehicles that generate no heat when
firing mssiles, you'd probably want to target the Tbolts first. The reason why
I chose the name "Inflato LRM" is for propaganda advertising for missile
companies.

So, he actually used them in a game? He probably really was a 7 year old who played with his 5 year old brother.

Oh the bullshit bigger brothers feed their younger siblings :shobon:

Nektu fucked around with this message at 08:49 on Feb 24, 2012

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